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Immortal

Chapter 18: Fighting Evil By Moonshine

WHAM!

The doors to The Club flew open, and upon seeing golden blond hair, everyone wearing a back suit, red tie, and sunglasses, dove for cover. A few moments passed as the music continued to pound, and the Red Axes gave the figure another look. Relief washed over them in waves when they noticed the figure who'd thrown the door open was lacking two very large details to be the infamous Yang Xiao Long. Rather, it was the blond boy she'd brought in the last time, accompanied by another young man with black hair, in Mistralian style clothing.

Still, even if they weren't the Yellow Devil herself, they were still friends of hers, and so every one of the hardened criminals gave the two young men a very wide berth. If the two noticed, they gave no sign, instead making their way to the bar. The blond looked rather irritated upon closer inspection; even more reason to avoid him. The Club already got trashed by one angry blond, they did not want a repeat performance. The two approached Junior who was behind the bar as usual. The towering, bearded man viewed the two with open suspicion, brow furrowing. "The hell do you two-"

Junior never got to finish his sentence. "BOOZE ME!" One Jaune Arc snapped, cutting off Junior.

Junior looked for a moment, as though he wanted to argue, but thought better of it. He gave a growl, and a muttering of something involving 'kids these days,' and, 'lack of manners.' Then, he spoke loud enough to be heard over the music. "What do you want?"

"Give me a-" this time, it was Jaune's turn to be interrupted, this time by his less than willing drinking companion, Lie Ren.

"Weren't you forbidden from drinking by Ozpin?"

Jaune froze in mid speech, his mouth open and face contorting into a variety of expressions, before finally settling with 'annoyed.' "One," Jaune started with a displeased tone, "I didn't bring you along to remind me of the rules. Two, what the hell is Ozpin going to do if I do drink? Kick me out of Beacon?" He froze, and an almost childish hopefulness washed over his face. "Do you think he'll kick me out?"

"No." Ren flatly responded.

Jaune's expression turned downcast for a moment, before he shook his head and once more settled for an annoyed look. "Three, bad things only seem to happen when I drink Rum, so the answer is easy; I'll drink something else."

"I don't think that's how that works." Ren replied.

He was ignored, as Jaune turned his attention back to Junior. "Martini. Shaken, not stirred."

Junior scoffed. "Someone's been watching too many scroll vids." He turned on his heel and once again muttered something barely audible above the din of the dance floor. Something about bruising the gin? His attention was once more drawn to Ren when the stoic boy spoke once more.

"Weren't we supposed to be shooting a cooking show?"

Jaune grumbled, looking even more disgruntled than he'd looked on first entering the club. "Yeah," he growled, "at least until half of Beacon decided to crash it. Look, I'm not filming anything again until either I have a few pints in me, or you can guarantee me that we'll remain uninterrupted while shooting. So?" Jaune stared expectantly at Ren, who opened his mouth, paused and slowly closed it. "That's what I thought. Now stop trying to harsh my buzz before I've even gotten a buzz to begin with."

"I still think this is a bad idea," Ren murmured.

"Duly noted and filed under the circular file," Jaune retorted, turning his gaze back to Junior as the towering man dexterously mixed ingredients together with the air of a consummate professional. The blond boy sighed. This was chaos. What was the point of him being in Beacon? Why was his mother so damned insistent upon making him a Huntsman? Sure, he could fight, but it wasn't something he wanted to do. It seemed with each passing day, his dreams of becoming a famous chef were growing more distant. He envied Junior; owning his own bar and doing what (he assumed) he loved.

Junior finished the drink, pouring it into a martini glass. He wordlessly passed it to Jaune, who picked it up and sipped on it, trying not to make a face at the bitter taste of gin. The bar owner and bartender turned to Ren, still frowning. "And you?"

"Water." Ren stated plainly.

Jaune matched Junior's frown. "You are the worst drinking partner ever."

"Seeing how I never agreed to go drinking in the first place, and you just sort of dragged me here, it shouldn't be a surprise. Besides, one of us should be sober so we can find our way back to Beacon."

"Pfeh." Jaune waved dismissively at Ren, taking another drink. He paused, and glanced down at himself. "I feel underdressed for this drink. Who ever heard of someone drinking a martini in a hoodie and armor?"

"Who ever heard of someone ordering a martini in such a busy and energetic nightclub?" Ren answered back, as Junior placed his water before him. Ren took his own drink, and added, "I'd expect that if this was a lounge, not a loud, brightly lit dance club."

Jaune shrugged. "I guess." He took another drink, and his lips drew into a thin line, an expression that didn't escape Ren.

"If you don't like it, why did you order it?"

"It's an acquired taste, alright? And I'm trying to acquire it!" Jaune shot back, glowering at Ren as he tipped the martini glass and downed the rest of it. After giving a few coughs, Jaune turned his attention back to behind the bar, and called out to Junior who was now further away. "Oi! Can I get a refill?!"

Ren sighed, took another drink of water, and wondered how drunk Jaune would compare to Nora in the chaos department. Surely he couldn't be anywhere as bad, right?

The night wore on, and Jaune continued to drink. He'd surprisingly stuck to gin, despite disliking the taste of it, ordering martini after martini. All the while, bending Ren's ear with conversation. First it began with him complaining about their fellow classmates. Then it devolved into him ranting about Ozpin, then finally into him ranting about his family, or more specifically, his mother.

"...And only the Brothers know why she felt it necessary to attack me with a melon baller! What kind of Huntsman has a melon baller for a weapon?! Or a bandit, for that matter! Do you know how painful death by melon baller is?!"

"Can't say that I do," Ren mused, tone betraying the boredom he was experiencing. His gaze wandered to the digital clock on the wall, noting that it has been a couple of hours since they'd arrived. Come to think of it, he wasn't particularly keen on letting Nora remain unsupervised for much longer. With each passing hour she was, there was a 50/50 shot they'd return to a smoking crater where Beacon once stood.

"Well, it sucks!" Jaune finished, knocking back another drink. Ren was no expert on alcohol, but surely a refined drink like a martini wasn't meant to be slugged back like that, was it? "I should have run away from home. Yeah. I should have just cut and run. Start a new life, under a new name, like...I dunno, Felipe?"

Ren frowned. "You don't really strike me as a 'Felipe.'"

"Not even if I wore a fake mustache?" Jaune pressed, searching Ren's expression for an answer. The stoic boy remained silent. "No? Bah, whatever. Either way, I should have left earlier. No Beacon, no being a Huntsman, and definitely no death by melon baller!" He paused and swayed slightly in his seat. "Hang on," he muttered, "I gotta go drain the lizard." With that, he hopped off the bar stool, and wobbled slightly as though he were about to fall onto his face. At the last moment, he righted himself and stumbled his way toward the bathroom, somehow managing to avoid the numerous dancers as he cut through the dance floor.

Ren glanced at the clock once more. As soon as Jaune got back, he'd have to drag him out and back to Beacon. Even if he didn't want to be a Huntsman, he was still the leader of their team, and Ren didn't feel like having Goodwitch lecture them because Jaune stayed behind nursing a hangover. Plus, there was the Nora issue. He didn't want to find out Nora had somehow started a cult or something in his absence. So, he waited...

...and waited…

...and waited…

...and waited…

Eventually his attention came back to the clock, and with expertly concealed annoyance, found that Jaune had been gone for half an hour now. Heaving a sigh, Ren got to his feet and made his way through the crowd of dancers toward the restrooms. Hopefully Jaune hadn't passed out in one of the urinals. If he was, he was going to have to remain a good ten feet behind Ren until the two got back to Beacon, and Jaune to a shower. He opened the door to the men's room, and glanced around. No sign of Jaune at the urinals. That was good, at least. Ren stepped in and checked the stalls. Most of them were empty, save for one with what looked to be someone kneeling over it. Their shoes weren't boots though, so that ruled out Jaune as well. Where was he? There was only one door out!

Then, he noticed it. Up a ways on the back wall was a window. A design flaw if Ren ever saw one. It was just asking for someone to climb out of it if they ever wanted to ditch...on...their...bill…

Ren wasn't someone who got angry easily. In fact, years of dealing with Nora had instilled in him a strength of emotion comparable to a Shaolin Monk. However, even he had his limits, and realizing that Jaune had ditched and left him with the bill, reached that limit. With a look of naked indignation, (which would have been a murderous glare from anyone else,) Ren took a running start, leaped and caught the windowsill. He hoisted himself up and through the open window, dropping onto the other side. It lead out into an alley, and after a cursory glance to make sure no staff were waiting on the other side, turned to make his way out of the alley. He was going to drag Jaune back and make him pay his own damn bill, or Brothers help him, he was going to give Nora a full pot of coffee and sic her on Jaune…

[Vale - Bullhead Landing Zone]

[One hour later]

Things were getting out of hand. Ren had made his way back to the landing site, only to find no one resembling Jaune's description had been seen by either pilots or civilians. This could only mean that a drunken Jaune was stumbling around somewhere in Vale. Ren groaned. Finding Jaune now would be like finding a needle in a haystack. Had he really decided to up and run away like he'd been talking about? Ren shook his head. It was unlikely. After how many martinis Jaune had knocked back, he would have been to inebriated to actually get very far.

Even so, Ren would be unable to find Jaune on his own. He needed backup. He pulled out his scroll and quickly brought up a contact. After a few rings, the other side picked up. "Heya, Renny!" Nora cheerfully answered.

"Hey Nora. Beacon still standing?" He asked, nonchalantly.

"Duh! Why do you have to ask?"

"No reason. I need a favor. Can you get Pyrrha, and team RWBY down here?"

"Why?"

"Jaune and I got separated and he's currently lost somewhere in Vale, and drunk."

Nora gasped. "No! Not Jauney! I'll be down there faster than a sloth!"

Ren fought the urge to laugh. "I'd hope so. I'll meet you all at the Landing Zone." He hung up and made his way to a bench to sit and wait.

Nora, Pyrrha, and a team RWBY in various shades of annoyed, arrived in a surprisingly quick fashion. "Heya, Renny!" Nora shouted loud enough to be heard across the tarmac, causing Pyrrha and RWBY to wince. They approached Ren, who got to his feet.

"Thanks for coming out her on such short notice, and I apologize on Nora's behalf for whatever it was she did to get you all here."

"So what's the big deal," huffed Blake, the ever present buzzing that followed her acting as a punctuation mark. "Nora didn't tell us why we had to hurry here, just that 'it was urgent.'"

"Indeed!" Weiss added, crossing her arms with a glare. "I was just about to have a nice long bath before Nora burst into the room to drag us all over here!"

"And I was about to begin my daily ritual to bless Beacon," added Pyrrha with far more somberness than the statement should have allowed.

Ren nodded sagely. "I understand, and apologize for having summoned you all so abruptly. We have a problem. Jaune dragged me out tonight to go drinking with him. However, after imbibing more than the recommended amount of spirits, he went to use the restroom, and took the opportunity to escape out the window, and I lost track of him. He's currently wandering around Vale, drunk, and I need your help to find him. Who knows what kind of trouble he'll get into…" Ren noticed Ruby perk up, concern on her face. Yang also jolted to attention, although her look seemed more uneasy. Pyrrha, Weiss, and Blake looked rather indifferent, until Ren added, "...or who he might end up in bed with."

That got their attention, with Pyrrha standing ramrod straight, and turning to Blake. "Blake," Pyrrha spoke in a commanding tone, "I need you to take to the rooftops and see if you can spot him from above. Weiss, if you have any connections via family, now's the time to use them."

"Already on it," Weiss replied, scroll opened as her fingers flew over the holographic screen.

"Yang, Ruby, you two hit the streets, look for bakeries, fine restaurants, or cooking supply stores that are open at this time! Ren, Nora, you run a search near where you and Jaune were drinking, and I'll start asking civilians if they've seen him!"

"Right!" Nora, Ruby, Yang, and Blake all answered in acknowledgment. With that, everyone split up. As Ren watched everyone disappear into Vale, he almost felt a little sorry for Jaune. If Pyrrha, Blake, or Weiss found him, he'd be in for a world of hurt, regardless if he actually slept with anyone while drunk or not. Then again, he did drag Ren out of Beacon, talk him into boredom, then try to leave Ren with the tab…

Hmph. Serves him right, I suppose.

"C'mon Ren! What are you standing around for? We've gotta find Jauney!"

Ren nodded. "Right."

[Vale - Artisanal District]

[45 minutes later]

"This is getting nowhere," Yang grumbled.

She and Ruby had hit up every store they could think of that Jaune might have held an interest in, and so far found nothing. Vale was a massive city, and despite their best efforts, they'd seen neither hide nor hair of Jaune. Nor had anyone else for that matter. Yang stopped and slumped into a park bench with a sigh. "At least this time he isn't doing his Yellowbeard cosplay."

Yang heard Ruby slump into the bench behind her. "Yang! We've been over this! That was Yellowbeard! Not Jaune!"

"I-" Yang started. "Oh, never mind. This place is so huge; how the hell are we going to find Jaune at this rate?"

"Maybe Blake or Weiss has had more luck than us?" Ruby mused.

"I hope so."

The two sisters fell quiet for a minute, resting from their exhaustive search. Then, Ruby perked up, tilting her head and frowning. "Yang, do you hear that?"

Yang blinked. "Hear what?"

"Glass breaking."

"I didn't hear anything?"

"Well, Crescent Rose did! She said it came from that direction!"

"Ruby, I'm not running off somewhere just because you think your weapon- Ruby?" Yang sat upright and looked around, only to see her sister running off. Yang groaned, and got to her feet. "Ugh. The things I do for family…" With that, she rushed off to catch up with her sister.

She found Ruby crouched behind a trash can, glancing out to a nearby storefront. It was another bakery. "What, did you find Jaune?"

Ruby glanced at her, then reached up and pulled Yang down. "Shhhh! Look! It's Torchwick!"

Yang blinked and glanced around the other side of the trashcan. The window to the storefront had been broken, and sure enough, inside the store stood the form of one Roman Torchwick, cane in hand, and surrounded by Red Axe thugs. "Wait, why are we hiding? We should go in there and kick his ass!" Yang made to stand again, but Ruby yanked her back down again.

"No!"

"What? Why?"

Ruby pointed to the store's sign. "This is a bakery!"

Yang blinked. "Your point?"

"What's Roman doing holding up a bakery? We need to find out his nefarious plot! This could be bigger than either of us! This could be bigger than Vale!"

Yang frowned. On one hand, she hated waiting around. On the other, her sister had already been right once. The two fell silent, and tried to listen in.

Inside the store, Roman twirled his cane, and took a drag of his massive doobie with his other hand. Mistralian Blue, his favorite. "Sir?" one of Junior's Rent-A-Thugs hesitantly asked. "What...what do you want us to do?" he glanced back at the shopkeeper, who was currently tied up.

"What we came here for, duh," Roman answered, rolling his eyes. "Now go grab the dough!"

"Er...r-right." Hesitantly, and with open confusion, two of the thugs made their way to the cash register.

"No, no, no, no!" Roman snapped. "What are you doing?!"

"I-" the thug blinked. "You said to grab the dough?"

"Yeah," Roman explained slowly, as though to a child. "And where in a bakery is dough kept? In the kitchen." More confused glances were exchanged between the thugs. One stepped up to Roman and leaned in, whispering something. Then, Roman laughed. "What? No! If she wanted Lien, she would have, like, said to get Lien! She specifically said they, 'needed more dough,' so that's what we're grabbing! Now, hop to it!" The thugs all shrugged. They weren't paid to think. With that, they all made their way to the back to the kitchen.

Outside, Ruby stood. "I think we heard enough! Obviously, Roman's employer is planning on trying to steal all the dough from Vale to keep anyone from having cookie! Not on my watch!" Ruby proclaimed. "Come on Yang, let's-"

Ruby was cut off by a voice shouting out. "Halt, evildoersh!" It was a male voice, and from the sound of it, they were cartoonishly drunk. Ruby looked around to see where the voice was coming from, and Roman himself stepped out onto the street, frowning.

KLUNK!

The hollow sound of a glass bottle colliding with Roman's skull echoed through the street, and he winced. "Like, ow! What the hell?!" He looked down to see an empty bottle lying on the ground. It was a rather cheap brand of gin under the name Rose-Gold Gin. It even had the logo of a full rose and thorny stem.

"In the name of *hic* moonshine, I'll punish you!" the voice crowed. Yang looked wildly around, then heard Ruby gasp.

"Yang! Up there!"

Yang's eyes followed her sister's outstretched finger to a rooftop across the street, only to see someone standing there, illuminated by a full, silvery moon. It was Jaune. Thankfully, he wasn't dressed in a pirate's outfit. However, this time instead of his usual armor, hoodie, and jeans combo, he was sporting a sloppily worn tuxedo, cape, and white domino mask. The tie, instead of being worn around his neck, was instead tied around his head.

"Never fear, young maidens! For I am *hic* Tuxedo Flask!"

Death Count: 2,045

A/N: Yeah, I know, the "in the name of the moon," quote is Sailor Moon's, but he's uber plastered, and I wanted to make the "moon - moonshine" joke. Blah, blah, update, and no, the death count isn't wrong; Jaune died off screen during his drunken stupor before he got his hands on his Tuxedo. I'll let you imagine how/why/when.