yo its cjkyuubi

i'm a guy btw

read these! their funny as fuck

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --Elbert Hubbard

"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them."

Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop: 1. Get boxes of condoms and put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking. 2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and announce in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens. 4. Put some M&M's on lay-away. 5. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 7. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.' 8. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

Last night I was looking at the stars and then I wondered, where the hell is my ceiling?

You laugh because I’m different, I laugh because you’re all the same.

Money and looks aren’t everything... but it’s all I got!

Everyone’s entitled to be stupid, but you’re abusing the privilege.

Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down?

What a shame – looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks!

You’d be pretty good looking if it wasn’t for your face.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities - but we don't agree with that.

They say that a right kind of person will come along - I think a truck hit mine.

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.

If you don't like the way I drive - stay off the sidewalk.

Well there’s your lesson for today children, and don’t forget to look both ways before crossing the street. Oh yeah, and hold hands. It gives the cars more targets.

If at first you don’t succeed, fuck it all and smoke some weed.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

I have very simple tastes. I am only satisfied with the very best.

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget, The more you forget, the less you know So. Why learn.

"Anger is only one letter short of danger."

"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.”

"If you love someone put their name in a circle not a heart, a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever."

"I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me good night."

"A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever..."

"It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it."

"Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile."

"One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions."

"Only little boys who call themselves men say I love you, and don't mean it."

"Just 'cause you can make me come doesn't make you fucking Jesus." Tori Amos

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something." Plato

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark." Dick Gregory

"If you have a job with no aggravations, you don't have a job." Malcolm Forbes

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." Napolean

"Do not needlessly endanger your lives... until I give you the signal." president Dwight D. Eisenhower.

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." Alfred Hitchcock

"It is perfectly American to be wrong." Newt Gingrich

"There they are-- See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil." Bob Dole, on a gathering of ex-presidents Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Richard Nixon

"Go away." Barcelona travel agency

"Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it." Benjamin Franklin.

"Always obey your superiors. If you have any." Mark Twain

"Life is a shitsandwich. But if you've got enough bread, you can't taste the shit." Jonathan Winters

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than ugly." Oscar Wilde

"It is fatal to look hungry. It makes people want to kick you." George Orwell

"I always advice people never to give advice." P.G. Wodehouse

"I Came. I Saw. I Conquered." Julius Ceasar

"Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them."--Sticker

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

"They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes."--Leia Organa of Alderaan, Senator

"Cynicism is not realistic and tough. It's unrealistic and kind of cowardly because it means you don't have to try."--Peggy Noonan

"In the absence of a decent time machine, fiction remains the most sturdy vehicle for visiting other eras."--Tom Nolan

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."--Robin Williams

"Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep."

"Money is not everything There's MasterCard & Visa."

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain." Carol Leifer(Found this off of Sea Chelle's Profile, just to let you know! _)

"Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity." Remy De Gourmant(Ditto from the first quote above this one)

"If there is a supreme being, he's crazy." Marlene Dietrich

"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk!"

"Not everyone can be heroes, some people have to be those sitting on the sidewalks clapping as they go by." - not sure who said this

"A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A to a student who answered: I don't know and I don't care." Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990

I may be fat but you're ugly - I can loose weight!

My child beat up your honor student!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

He who laughs last thinks slowest

I love cats... they taste just like chicken.

No radio--already stolen.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Give me ambiguity... or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse

There are three kinds of people: those who can count... and those who can't.

i suuport publik edekashun

Make it idiot-proof and some- one will make a better idiot.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

So many lawyers, so few bullets.

"You are annoying me. For what reason? You exist."

"You can't spell 'slaughter' with out the word laugh. And if you add an 's' at the beginning of 'laughter', you get 'slaughter'. Slaughter. Slaughter."

You're right, there is no reason to prove you exist, because very soon... you won't- Scar (FMA)

I KILL THEREFORE I AM!- Barry the Chopper (FMA)

A meaningless effort. One who knows nothing can understand nothing

A good compromise leaves everyone pissed off- ?

If you give a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and let them work for a thousand years, you'll get Shakespeare. If you give one monkey a pen, give him five minutes, and then shoot him, the reflexes of his hand twitching while dying will give you the average yaoi story on Fanfiction.net- Evilshroom

i want to be young and wild, then I want to be middle-aged and rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.

Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh.

I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are missing.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every-time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Compassion costs extra.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

Life is like robbing a bank; so worth the while!

You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there- (A good one!!)

Let's see. My first impression: I hate you - Kakashi (Naruto)

Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon-

Don't look at me with that tone of voice!-

Silence is golden, duck-tape is sliver-

Too troublesome - Shikamaru (Naruto)

It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet-

A good friend would come and bail you out of jail. A true friend would be sitting there beside you saying, "Man that was fun! Let's do it again!"

Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to commit to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation??

Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door...

He shouldn't let his mind wander, it's too little to go out on its own

He had a good idea once, but it died of loneliness

"Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable" -Unknown

-"Fiction is a lie and good fiction is the truth inside the lie" -Unknown

Genius by Birth
Lazy by Choice

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

You've gotta die in creative ways.

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a
truck. Then the truck backed up and ran them over again.

If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.

To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy

When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN LIKE HELL!

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

You can't fall off the floor, but you can always pick yourself back up.

Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break.

Push something hard enough and it will fall.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. (I Live by
this one XD)

There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes!

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
wouldn't have been notified.

Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia,
but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?

Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum

Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first
given opportunity (It's true I tell you!)

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view

"The Past is History. The Future is a Mystery. But today is a gift. That's why we call it the Present."

"I don't fear dying, because my death is someone else's responsibility."

“Light and Dark are two sides of the same coin. One cannot live without the other.” - Midna

“He bothers me. Shall I kill him?” - Hoshigaki Kisame

If you have ever felt the undenilable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate backstabbers, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the poor Trix Rabbit some Trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can spout a random Naruto character quote on demand, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, watching-waiting-wishing, 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed, iluvdavidwright45, dianeandnumairareahotcouple,windsoftiti, Ilovethelittletacos...Ilovethemgood, i-have-issues-deal-with-it, Kiba Obsessed Demonic Angel, Digital98, Anime-Kunoichi,Chinbaldo,Naruto Ninja44,May and Dawn are the best, rst64tlc,NeonZangetsu,CJkyuubi

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai ChOpstIcKsXOXO, RadicalEd57, Fierygirl0, tsukiko3000,Neonzangetsu.CJkyuubi

If you're addicted to anime,copy & paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes copy this on your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it copy this on your profile

If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head against a desk for no reason copy this on your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation copy this on your profile

If you hate those mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing copy this on your profile

If you have ever crashed into a wall while sugar high copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination put this on your profile

If you, with no warning, laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy this on your profile

If you have ever thrown something at a TV screen when you saw a character you despised, copy and paste this on your profile

If your profile is long, copy this onto it to make it even longer

If you have ever copy and pasted something copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever dreamed about being an Anime Character, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever had an arguent with yourself and LOST, copy and paste this on you profile

If you have insanely annoying siblings copy and paste this on your profile

If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile ( Sometimes i do some times i don't...)

If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile

:Your

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmeme, AkatsukiReverie,EmoLollipop, Deidara-Kun-Fangirl, KillerLiger3000, moonlit fang, chibi kyuu-chan, Ragnorokrising, MangaFreak15,SasoxDeilover,tachi-chihime

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

One and Only Wish
Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like California or Florida more?

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

Are you done?

If so, scroll down

(don't cheat--)

THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you

love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are

down.

3. If your initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to

blossom.

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you

fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but

the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life

changing experience for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your

soulmate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time

but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do

anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

NEVER QUESTION MY LOGIC!! (seriously...don't)

i like this poem :D

No Fear

Shining, soft, black, gentle wings,

Lying broken on the ground.

The black bird's lasting death cry sings

Of the final peace it's found.

Piercing, lonely, sad, black eyes,

Can no longer see the sky.

It's blazing spirit starts to rise

As it finds a new way to fly.

Death, for some, is not a fear,

But a release, a freedom at last.

Me, I've hardly shed a tear

For loved ones who have passed.

I don't fear death, I never will,

It's just a part of life.

Like the bird, I've had my fill

Of a world full of strife.

Shinning, soft, black, gentle wings,

Lying broken on the ground.

The black bird's lasting death cry sings

Of the final peace it's found

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus’ arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion , re-post this

ooooo

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

FRIENDS: Will watch my pets when I go away
BEST FRIENDS: Won't let me go away

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down
BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me
BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me

FRIENDS: Ask me for my number
BEST FRIENDS: Ask me for her number

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops
BEST FRIENDS: are probably the reason they're after me in the first place

FRIENDS: Let me make an idiot of myself in public
BEST FRIENDS: are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We messed up!"

OR, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN NEXT WEEK!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Boy drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this stuff

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I found this on someone else's profile, and found it interesting and true. STEREOTYPES ARE WRONG! (but damn funny sometimes...)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I
'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I
'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE... So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I Must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (wtf?!)
I'm ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue
I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover.
I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob.
I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality.
I love TO LEARN so I MUST be boring.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be a racist.
I'm a GUY with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a hippie/druggie.
I'm good with COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a nerd/geek.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST love sports.
I'm NOT RELIGIOUS so I MUST be treated like crap until I pray to your god.
I am a GIRL, so boys MUST be better than me at sports.
I am a PUSHOVER, so I MUST have controlling friends
I am a GIRL, so I MUST only be good at work
I am not EMO, so I MUST be uncool.
I am WHITE and I like to DANCE, so I MUST be lame
I don't act DEPRESSED, so I MUST be weird.
I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight.
I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST go to church every Sunday.
I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST not do anything on Halloween.
I am POOR, so I MUST not have good hygiene. I am a HOUSEWIFE, so I MUST have no self respect.
I consider myself 'NORMAL', so I MUST be boring.

found that on girls profile btw, so don't think some of those things apply to me XD

Stupid Racist People...

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

Zen For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
11. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't havefilm.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn't repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You're diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it's still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35.The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don't have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47.The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48.The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52.The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough chlorine!)
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. On second thought, I'll shoot him, then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 1:17 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, naked mole rat, or whatever sickeningly-cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say, "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?" I will reply, "This," and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say, "Oh well," and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However, before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment Room.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror, "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be, "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the twelve Stones of Power on the sacred altar, then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of, "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other, except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives, at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access

I'm sorry"

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

I'd be this boyfriend:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her

When she stares at your mouth, kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet, ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you, give her your attention

When she pulls away, pull her back

When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying, just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared, protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up

When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does

When she misses you, she's hurting inside

When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away

When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers

When she reposts this bulletin, she wants you to read it

When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go

When she says she's ok, don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 years later she'll remember you

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

Let her know she's important.

Kiss her in the pouring rain.

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking, babe?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will:
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

Guys post as: "I'd be this boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do"

Mummy..Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Sparkling Angel, I believe

- You were my savior, in my time of need, Blinded by my faith, I couldn't hear

- All the whispers, the warnings so clear, I see the angels, I'll lead them to your door

- There's no escape now, No mercy, No more, No remorse cause I still remember

Miro sobre los muertos: “I look upon the dead.”