Well ladies and gents, I'd have to say that my whole year just turned a little sucky on me…for those who used to know me as NNCS, I have some bad news. For reasons that I'm not willing to share (but trust me, it was not of my free will) I had to delete most of my fics on my old page…including Life's Worth. For those who know just how much time and how long that fic was, you'll understand why I find this year to be worse than the last…But all is ok…for I have decided to rise up out of these ashes with a newly rebooted version of Life's Worth (under this new name of course). It is longer, more descript, and better than the original (at least in my opinion). For those who are new and for old fans, I hope you enjoy this as much as I'm enjoying the re-writing of it!
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Oct 10-13, half of the 14th
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The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Excerpt from Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
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Years later, when he would finally think back to it, Naruto would say that that one single day had been the beginning of the end of his old way of life. He might even go so far as to say it was one of the greatest days of his young life. Right next to the day he discovered the wonder known as foreign take out food of course.
At the time though, he would have told anyone who dared to ask him about the whole matter that it had to have been a moderately, if not fairly, horrible day.
It was the day after his thirteenth birthday, and he was dealing with things the only way he knew how to. He had never meant it to happen, truly he hadn't. It had been an accident, a slip-up, a mistake. He hadn't meant to cut himself that deeply, in all honesty he hadn't. He had simply applied a little too much pressure on the kunai knife he had been using to slice his arms with, that was all.
Not a big deal. Not a big deal at all.
It wasn't like he wanted to end his life or anything so drastic, that thought hadn't crossed his mind in a very long time. But, that's how everyone would think of him now, he was sure of it. Poor little Naruto: the suicidal, self-mutilating teenager. It wasn't a very big deal, this cutting thing. But he was sure that everyone else would make it one.
As was stated before, he knew he wasn't suicidal. He'd been sure of that rather sad fact for several long years. He had learned of a new way to cope with things. Instead of just having the idea planted into his mind that if things got too out of hand for him he could always just kill himself, he now had a solution that wasn't so…permanent.
No, he hadn't had a thought like that since he was about eight when he had discovered this new, he would now silently describe to himself, friend.
The heat that raced down his back and neck, that wonderfully cool shiver that came with every slice along his flesh calmed him. It made him forget that there were people who hated his presence, his very existence. Even if it was for only a short time, the scars were most certainly worth it.
Yes, scars.
The boy whom everyone thought was to always be unscathed these very normal human markings (only because of the options that he could not choose from when they were given to him) had scars.
Not that anyone had ever seen them, he made sure of that.
Naruto remembered the day when he made what he had, at the time, called one of his biggest blunders of all. Right next to trying the dye the late Hokage's remaining hair neon pink and green while he was napping.
What he had been doing was plain and simple. He was having a really, really bad day and was dealing with it the only way he had ever really known.
It had started on the upper arms, which were fairly, if not incredibly, easy to hide. Even without using the jutsu he had invented years ago just for hiding the products of his odd ability (or rather his inability) to cope with strong emotions.
All of this was fine and dandy, and would have stayed fine and dandy had the cuts not moved from upper arm to his fore arm.
The cuts had started off small, nothing to be taken seriously at all. One might even go so far as to say they were just simply paper cuts that would heal in a day or two tops. Then the paper cuts turned into nicks, nicks then turned into cuts, then cuts turned into small slashes, and then the small slashes proceeded to become small gashes. And then somewhere along the way there was a moment when the small gashes decided "we're done for right now thank you. Go try the large gashes for a bit please" and promptly developed into a very serious wound.
And that's when things decided it be a good moment in time to turn against him. He could tell immediately that he had cut himself too deeply. Blood had poured from his self-inflicted wound, far too much far to fast. His other wounds seemed insignificant and minuet compared to the one he had just created. The red liquid cascaded down his arm to pool in his palm in a sickening fashion. And for the first time in his life, Naruto had been truly afraid of what he considered to be his only way of coping.
The kunai had fallen to the floor with a dulled thump and the blood that had pooled in his palm fell to the floor and had splashed onto his orange jacket like water as he struggled to get it off of his body.
"Shit." He had hissed through his clenched teeth. His heart beat sped as the bleeding refused to stop. He had tried to phase the rivets of blood flowing from his arm with his stand-out orange jacket, changing the coat's color from bright orange to bloody crimson red literally in a matter of seconds.
He remembered having backed up against the wall, slumping to the ground. His blood had flowed silently from his abused arm onto the concrete floor. The liquid seeped through his once orange now crimson jacket, creating a small, deep red puddle around himself.
Naruto could still distinctly remember how weak he had felt, as if something had sucked all the energy out of his body. It vaguely reminded him of the feeling of being absolutely spent, like the after effects of an orgasm. He knowing exactly what the after effects of an orgasm felt like is an entirely different story that will be saved for another day.
Even years after, he could still remember how the wet, coppery smell of his cooling blood had filled his nose as it had poured quicker and quicker out of him with every heart beat. He could still remember how his heart had hammered in his ears, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else except for his newly made head ache.
He could remember thinking that this would be it, the end of him. And oddly enough, he found no real fear in the thought. Sure, he had wanted to make something of himself, to prove he could. But then again, if Death came for him, he had thought, it wouldn't be so bad either.
Through all the pounding in his head, Naruto had heard a knock on his door. A voice had called his name. He had turned his head to face the door from where he was sitting on the floor in his kitchen. All he had been able to do to respond was grunt as loudly as he could.
He still could never remember when his throat had started to feel so dry though.
Naruto had heard his front door creak open nosily, damn hinges, and the person had stepped in. He could still faintly remember them stopping as soon as they had seen him sitting on the kitchen floor, a puddle of his own life giving red liquid surrounding him.
Even with the darkness of unconsciousness clouding his eyes, he could still make out whom the person's face had belonged to. To this day he could still remember as those dark eyes had tried so very hard to stay indifferent to the situation at hand.
"...Sasuke?" He had managed to cough out before he had let himself fall into the welcoming arms of sleep.
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In his mind, he had slept for only a moment. A blissful moment that held no nightmares, no pain, no fear, not a thing, all that was there was the smell of cinnamon sugar cookies. For some reason he could not recall at that exact second in time, the scent made him want to cry in regret.
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It's a simple thing really
Just to get me through the day
And yet everyone will worry
Don't tell me otherwise, it's what they do best
But it's not what I want, these razor-free walls
I'm not crazy, so why do you have me stay here
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As his mind drifted its way back to reality, Naruto noticed two things. One, he had the distinct feelings of being in a place not to his liking, and two, he couldn't move his arms.
Slowly opening his eyes, he was met with a stark white ceiling and an array of rather annoyingly bright lights. Waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust, Naruto had one thing on his mind.
'Where the in the name of all things holy am I?'
From what he could tell in the rather immobile situation he found himself in, he'd been taken out of his blood-soaked clothes and had been put in a pair of washed-out blue short sleeve pajamas. Shortly after making his brilliant deduction, his stomach growled in an attempt to say 'feed me now!'.
Looking on either side of himself, he could see the restraints that were holding him to the bed. Wondering for a moment, Naruto tried to move his legs.
No luck.
Slowly but surly, something drastic came to Naruto's mind.
Someone knew. Despite all his cautions and close calls, all it had taken for all that to mean nothing was for him to screw up just this once. Just once, and someone had found him out. Someone now knew just how fucked up he was. And of all people to see him that weak and in that mental state, why did it have to be Sasuke?
Why did it have to be U-fucking-chiha Sasuke!?
Trying very hard to not start having a small mental break down, Naruto focused very deeply on his breathing, hoping to find some sort of calming point in doing it.
Inhale...
Exhale…
Inhale…
Exhale…
A doctor had come in some time after, watching Naruto for a moment as the boy seemed to be doing some sort of meditation practice, his deep breaths a tad bit shaky.
The doctor broke the heavy breathing laden silence with a simple greeting.
"Hello Uzumaki-san, how are you today?"
The heavy breathing quieted at those words.
The doctor was young, no older then twenty-nine, with short-messy black hair. Scraggly hairs on his face seemed to be attempting a beard at the end of his chin. Warm chocolate eyes were placed behind a pair of glasses, two earrings piercing the upper lobe of his left ear. He was known around the hospital for his sarcastic humor, this same trait making him strangely very compatible with teenagers and young adults.
As the doctor busied himself with writing something on his clipboard he had brought in with him, a question was asked.
"Why am I strapped down?"
The doctor turned to him and looked him in the eyes for a moment. All he saw was a quiet want to help, to heal, to mend his sores in some way shape or form. Those chocolate depths, Naruto noticed, held no resentment, fear, or hatred as they turned on him.
"You're on a suicide watch." The doctor answered.
"…really?" was the only slightly intelligent thing to come out of his mouth.
"Yep, you most certainly are. Why don't we get you un-strapped for a little bit and see how that arm of your's is doing?"
As buckles were loosened and straps undone, Naruto asked another question.
"What's your name?"
"Ataki Satoshi." Satoshi answered as he slowly unwrapped the gauze from Naruto's damaged forearm.
Naruto couldn't meet the doctor's eyes as the cut that had been surgically sewn shut was examined. Having exposed his tarnished flesh to no other eyes but his own, Naruto felt a new and sudden wave of shame and self-loathing surge through him. The feeling tinted his cheeks a bright red color in embarrassment. It was bad enough to have one wound exposed, but to have all cuts and scars old and new exposed as well just added to more weight to his embarrassment.
"It's healing nicely. You're pretty lucky it didn't get infected." was the only thing Satoshi said before the arm was re-wrapped in new gauze and given back to its owner.
A while later a nurse whom looked to be in her fifties wheeled in a tray of food, if you could even try and call it real food. The brownish-golden broth of the soup sloshed in its small plastic bowel. Little bits of what appeared to be meat and vegetables swimming their way to the surface because of the quick movement of the cart before sinking back to the bottom of the broth-like water.
The little sandwich that came with the soup had just about as much sex appeal as the soup had…meaning which, they were both about as sexy as a hairy man in a sailor costume two sizes too small. The only things on the tray that looked at all appealing at all were the tall glass of water and little paper cup that no doubt held a set of pills in it for him to take.
As the doctor was busy writing yet more notes onto his clipboard, the nurse busied herself with placing the tray of food onto a small, half table on wheels thing that sat in front of Naruto. All the while sneering harshly at the blond. Naruto ignored her, looking down at his hands and picked at his fingernails.
And as she left, Naruto finally looked up at the food she had haphazardly placed in front of him.
As he stared at it, he silently hoped that it would somehow turn into a nice bowel of rice or dumplings or at least something else, something more pleasant to look at in the least. When all hoping of any kind failed, he sighed to himself and couldn't help but feel sympathy for those who had to eat this kind of food more than for a few days in a row. He took a deep breath and quietly ate the food as quickly as possible.
"I'm surprised you didn't choke on that, the way you inhaled it." Dr. Satoshi said with a hint of awe in his voice as he watched Naruto manage to swallow his last bit of what he found to be a slightly stale tuna sandwich.
"I'd prefer to risk choking than to actually see what it tastes like." Was Naruto's only comment; which was received by a knowing laugh from the doctor.
"What are these?" Naruto asked once he had finished his meal, indicating to the two small pills in the paper cup.
"Sleeping pills, you happened to have lost a lot of blood. Even with your…"naval friend", the doctor quoted with his hands, "your body still needs to rest to be able to make up for all of the blood you managed to loose. I'd like you to take them before I strap you back in." the doctor answered.
Naruto grumbled, but complied as he popped the pills into his mouth. He let them sit on his tongue for a moment before washing them down with a big gulp of water from the tall glass. The doctor walked back to the bed as Naruto settled back in, listening carefully to the clinking of metal and the faint scratching of leather against it.
There was a moment of silence before,
"What's going to happen to me?" Naruto asked, sounding fairly drowsy already.
"I don't know yet. Right now, we just need to make sure your body is healed before we start trying to mend your mind." Dr. Satoshi answered honestly, continuing with the straps.
Naruto had nothing to say to that.
The room seemed to spin several ways before Naruto passed out once again.
The next two days passed in this manner. This manner meaning that Naruto was unbuckled to eat, drink and go to the bathroom, but strapped onto the bed any other time. By the end of the suicide watch, he vowed that he would forever and ever appreciate the ability to be able to move his body freely.
His dreams on those days were he lay strapped to a bed were very peculiar, to say in the least anyways.
One dream he could remember had been about one of his first true discussions with Kyuubi that had happened only a few months ago in reality. And it happened to actually be one of the only conversations they'd veer had that did not involve the Fox giving him chakra as rent. It had been about why his self-inflicted injuries never seemed to heal as quickly as those that he hadn't given to himself.
"It's because you're the one who made them, you put them there. I'm not about ready to ruin your fun little one." The huge fox in his dream had said, just as the original conversation had gone.
The fox's voice, whenever Naruto had heard it, always seemed very gruff and a bit sultry, but ancient and thick with an accent that Naruto had never heard before. That was, until he met Kyuubi of course. To many, the words would have seemed mean and extremely spiteful, full of hatred even. But to Naruto's trained ear, he could tell it was Kyuubi's way of saying "I'm sorry I can't help you anymore than letting you have this shitty habit. I can do nothing else for you."
It made him feel slightly warm and fuzzy when he thought about it, knowing that Kyuubi cared. Given, it was in an odd, sadistic, all around interesting and slightly twisted way.
The next dream he could remember had been of that day. The single most day he would gladly forget as long as he lived. When he had woken up, he found he had unconsciously been biting his lip, keeping a scream tucked away into his throat. Eyes full of sharp pain as he kept tears from pricking the corners of his eyes, silently trying to prove to an invisible someone how strong he was. That night and all of the next morning, all he could taste in his mouth was the coppery bitterness of blood and salt from the tears that had eventually fallen. The doctor would walk in the next morning to see him staring intently at the ceiling, eyes half lidded in what looked like exhaustion.
And the last dream he had had that was remembered had been of when he was eight, on the day he had first intentionally hurt himself. To his surprise, he could still see his small arms in his dream, covered in little bloody cuts.
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He left the hospital in a terrible mood, occupied by a young brown-haired woman in her mid-twenties who was dressed in a simple shirt and blue jeans.
He scratched, with much aggression I might add, at his bandaged arm, covered by the thin material of the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing. He and the woman said nothing as they walked to his apartment, a fact he was quiet happy with.
He reached into the pocket of the sweat pants the hospital had provided him with, pulled out his key, unlocked the door, and slammed it open. One would have to be blind, deaf, and have the inability to feel vibrations to not know that the boy was pissed. Pissed beyond all belief and reason possible. Just making him go to a shrink everyday would be better then what they had done.
The hospital had done something that he really couldn't forgive; they were sending him to a nut house. And to add salt to the festering wound, the name of the establishment happened to be Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center. Who in their right mind would give a building a name like that unless they wanted every single person who passed it to say "Yep, that's where all the town freaks live. It's kind of like they have their own commune in there or something."
The apartment was how he had left it, including a dark stain that was chipping away on the cement floor. Naruto bustled about. Grabbing a duffle bag he had from underneath his bed, he set it open upon the bed, and began rummaging through his closet for the things he needed to bring. Out of the corners of his eyes he watched the woman look around his apartment, even going up to the few pictures he had hung on the wall with a nail and hammer to get a better look at them.
One was a picture of his team that Kakashi had taken with a timer camera, so he could be in it as well. The other was of Iruka sitting at Naruto's favorite ramen stand, waving and smiling at the camera. Naruto had taken that picture himself. The last picture was of all of his friends, him included, smiling at the camera. He couldn't remember why the picture had been taken or why they had all been at the same place at the same time. But it was still nice to see such a happy moment captured.
As his chaperon's mind was obviously somewhere else, he took the opportunity to shove his extremely old CD case and CD player into the duffle bag.
The chaperon studied the tiny kitchen with its small table and lone chair, the other pulled to the side, a thick layer of dust settled on it. She looked at all the plants Naruto owned, from the ones he had bought, to the ones he had found, to the ones he had grown himself. For some odd reason, she felt a sudden wave of loneliness sweep through the apartment, as if the emotion had simply permeated the walls and decided to randomly attack her. She shook slightly, realizing that this poor boy had to live here. She had gotten chills from just visiting.
What would happen, she wondered, to someone who had to live here?
She glanced at Naruto's back, recalled where they were headed to and let her thoughts fall silent.
Deciding he had enough underwear and other necessities, Naruto zipped up the bag and made his way to the door.
"Who's going to take care of these plants?" the woman finally spoke.
A pause.
"I don't know. I wasn't planning on telling anyone I know about where I have to go. I guess they'll end up dying all alone." Naruto answered sadly.
Yet another pause, this one filled with thought.
"I could take care of them for you." She said.
Naruto thought about it for a moment before answering.
"Alright."
As he finished locking the door, he handed the key to the woman and they continued on their way.
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Even if it was still fairly early in October, the wind outside the apartment was extremely crisp and cool. Naruto breathed in deeply.
He both loved and hated the fall.
Everyone usually saw it as a season of mourning, for those lost when the Kyuubi had attacked. This always brought the several large handfuls of villagers that held dislike towards him out into their full glory. The season brought that "most of the year" dislike up to almost completely open hatred.
Yes, it was a fact that there were only a few handfuls of people in the village who actually held him responsible for what had happened when he had been nothing but a newborn. Most would think this a good thing, and in all truth, it is. Except for the fact that these few handfuls had enough zeal in their cause of 'Make the demon child suffer' to fill up a fairly large swimming hole.
Let's put it this way, as simply as it can be possibly put. What would have taken a huge number of people with minimum to no zeal would only take a handful of these people if their said zeal and minds were set to it. It'd be fine if their zeal and minds weren't set making a young boys life hell. But that wasn't the case at all, much to Naruto's disadvantage.
Fall was also the season his birthday was in.
Most, if not all, people look forward to their birthdays. Not he, his birthday usually meant a good hard day of staying clear of those handfuls of people with more zeal than needed. It also meant that he might or might not have a broken into apartment to come home to.
But he did love the way it smelled during fall. Like a cave, moist and dry at the same time. It was like the earth, the way it smelled right after a rain shower. Clean with a hint of must mingled together with the feeling of heavy clouds in the sky.
The wind was never to warm nor too cold and it always seemed to smell like a clean river mixed with the smell of fresh apples. And yet, his most favorite thing of all was when the wind happened to be strong enough to whip up the leaves and all around you suddenly was made up of harmless flames. And even better yet, if you were in a dense enough part of the forest, and if the sun was in the right place, and you decided to look up, the sky could look like it were on fire.
But no one knew he knew these things about the fall and that was alright with him.
Both he and the woman walked through the streets of Konoha. As the mid-October air blew about, people glanced questioningly at Naruto and the woman. Or more like a few glared at Naruto, while most glanced at both. Most simply glanced and went back to what they were doing before. Few were curious as to why someone was willingly walking with that good-for-nothing-monster. Though, it might have had something to do with the fact that Naruto was wearing something different for once.
The hospital had given him a simple pair of baggy sweat pants, along with a long-sleeved shirt (for obvious reasons) both of which happened to be a dark gray.
He thought it funny though, that people seemed to notice him more with such dark clothes on, as opposed to the other brightly colored clothes he actually owned. As they turned the corner, Naruto realized he had no idea where he was. After all his life of running up and down these streets, trying to get in and out of trouble, he couldn't believe that there was a part of the village that he hadn't yet seen.
They continued to walk on in silence for ten minutes or so, until the woman halted in front of a huge four-story building. It seemed ancient in its own way, giving off an aura of having been through far too much far too quickly. He saw that it wasn't exactly tall, but extremely wide and long.
Physically, the only thing that could be considered wrong with it was the paint chipping and peeling off its outer walls. There was a sign hanging above the entrance that read Happy Hills Rehabilitation Center, the sky blue paint on it was falling away as well.
Naruto stopped right before the entrance to the building, a huge amount of fear suddenly enveloping him. It took the woman a second to realize he had stopped at all.
He stared up at the building, eyes wider than normal. Now it was bearing down on him. He was going to be locked up. The key was going to be ripped from his grasp. He knew as soon as he walked in, there was no possible way to stop whatever was to happen in there.
And the single thought of begin with no control at all, having no control yet again, it scared Naruto to death.
"You okay?" the woman said, holding out her hand as a sign of comfort, completely unaware of just how scared the poor boy was.
Naruto sighed and closed his eyes, trying to force the lump that seemed to have formed in his throat back down to his gut, his fear following suit.
"No." he said truthfully as he pushed past the woman's hand and into the building.
The blast of warm air that hit him as he entered was rather nice, it put feeling back into his cold cheeks.
The room had a high ceiling, and honey mustard painted walls. Fans that were in their off season hung from the ceiling, dust collecting onto them silently. The walls had copies of what looked like considerably famous art hanging on them in different spots.
Rows of chairs filled the floor, some of them occupied with people. A long stretch of desks could be seen just past the chairs and to the right of these chairs (Naruto's right) was a door that held what looked like a large staircase.
The woman led the way past the rows of chairs, and almost past the desks, before they were stopped.
"Do you need some help?" a squat little woman said from the desk closest to them.
"No, I'm just bringing this one up to the third floor, first section."
The woman stared at Naruto for a moment before nodding her head in consent. As they started up the stairs once again, the silence that came was by all means greeted.
They finally stopped climbing the huge spiral staircase when they reached the third level, entering its main office through the door. The room itself was small, beige colored walls and a large, fake plant-tree sitting in a far corner. In another corner of the room sat a rather small, wooden desk, a young woman its sole occupant.
She too looked fairly young, nineteen at the oldest with her hair pulled back into a loose bun, a dark blue shirt covering her torso and dark blue jeans covering her lower half.
She was giggling madly over a small book with a purple cover, a bright red disclaimer on the back reading By NO Means is This Meant for Children! 18 years or Older!
"Kiriva-san? Kiriva-san, I have another one of Dr. Satoshi's patients. I was told he's to go to section one." The woman said to the girl behind the desk.
The giggling stopped and a head popped out from behind the book.
"Good luck." The woman whispered into his ear as she snuck back down the stairs.
And with in two seconds of her words, he realized he really was going to need some good luck.
"Yes, ma'am!" she yelled at the now vacant spot where the woman had stood not but a few moments ago. "Follow me Uzumaki-san!" she said in a sing-songy voice.
On second thought, a lot of good luck might have been called for at that point.
Not surprisingly, whenever she spoke, Naruto was certain that she had the inner monologue of a small child. Picking up a folder from the desk in the corner, she led him down a long hallway, until they reached the first door of said hallway and entered it.
"We're going right here right now, we're going right here right now, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, and we're going right here right now!" (As sung to, roughly, the tune of The Farmer in Dell) Kiriva sang as she led him down the halls of the room they had entered.
As she led him down several other hallways he spotted what looked like several empty classrooms, two bathrooms, a very large dorm room, a recreational room, and a sort of lounge room. He also noticed all the windows they passed seemed fairly thin, and had no bars covering them as he had feared.
One thing that struck him as odd though was that all of those rooms, excluding a few of the rooms that looked like classrooms, had no doors of any kind. This included the two bathrooms and 'bedroom' (of sorts) he'd seen, which gave him a nice set of chills running down his back. No door to keep people out, to keep them from seeing him at his worst, it wasn't something Naruto was accustomed to.
"Here we are sir!" she said enthusiastically as she led him to another very large dorm room.
The right side of the room was comfortably filled with beds and small side table dresser. The wall was painted a rather disgusting green color that was peeling off the walls in the corners, cobwebs collecting an insurmountable amount of dust.
The beds were lined up in four rows, each row with six beds. A tiny bit of math later left Naruto with the number twenty-four as the rooms max occupant number.
The few shirts, shoes, and dust bunnies on the floor gave made it feel like any other old school dorm. Had it not belonged to this particular building, no one could guess it was meant for mentally screwed up people in a rehabilitation center.
"Here ya go, sir", she said pulling out two pieces of paper from her small folder and handed each one to him, "this is an over view of the rules here and this one's your schedule, I hope everything goes ok for you and I hope you do good!" She said, bounding out of the room like a hyperactive rabbit.
Naruto could do nothing but stare at her as she departed; her source of intense energy a great puzzle for Naruto. As the shock of such an extremely hyper person being up in his face trickled out of him, he felt extremely drained, and depressed to boot.
He let himself sink into the bed he was assigned, holding his head in his hands. He felt his bag and paper slid out of his hand, far too exhausted to care.
When was the last time he'd felt this cornered? Of course, he didn't mean physically cornered. Trying not to think on it too deeply just yet, Naruto came to a simple conclusion. He was on the verge of everyone he knew finding out one of his greater secrets. He would be more than likely forced to talk about things he'd prefer to keep locked up. And what was worse, through all of this extra stress he would inevitably have to deal with, he wouldn't be able to even look at something that was sharp enough to hurt himself with. No one was going to let him do so now. They'd made him go cold turkey, as they called it. Surprisingly enough, it was that single thought that scared him the greatest.
All in all, his simple, undeniable conclusion was this: he was, in all the ways you could possibly look at the situation from a 'mental wellness' standpoint, fucked. He was up to his neck in his own stinking shit.
Sighing heavily, Naruto rubbed the light bags that had begun to form under his eyes, hoping against all of reality that the last few days could somehow just be an awful dream.
And while he was already vying for reality to break its self, all he really wanted was for the floor to come alive and swallow him up. But as always, reality was a bitch who played by no one else rules but her own and took no favors or bribes
His head shot up as the sound of feet came pounding into the room. A woman appeared in the doorway, looking around quiet frantically.
"Excuse me, have you seen…?" the woman, she looked like a visitor of some type, her visitor badge hanging from her shirt, in the doorway said.
"I know you." She started again, her eyes taking on a harsh glare.
Naruto opened his mouth to retort in some way, but she stopped him as she continued.
"You're that monster, Kyuubi. You're the murderer from thirteen years ago, the one the Fourth sealed into that poor child. How despicably, why come to a house of the sick at mind? Do you have no mercy, you monster?" She spat, turning her nose up into the air as she finished her speech.
"May whatever god exist damn you to hell." She finished, waltz out of the room, and odd gleam in her eyes.
Naruto continued to smile at her as she left, the muscles of his mouth laxing as soon as she was out of sight.
If he had allowed himself to call after her, if he had the guts to call her on her own damn stupidity…
If. If. If. If. If. If.
Naruto couldn't help but feel that his inner monologues had increasingly built up a lot of 'What if's' in them. He didn't like it that he was questioning so much of what he did or what he'd already done. It didn't help any when he was trying to sleep.
Naruto sighed shakily, wondering how to force the lump back down his throat.
The idea of bar less windows crept into his head.
-----
For whatever reason, Naruto would probably blame it on some higher power later; he had a mad craving for a tiny lick of revenge. Oh he knew he'd get in deep shit for what he planed to pull when all was said an done, but the idea had not left him be since it had been conceived in his mind all but twenty minutes prior.
He finally caught up to the woman, several hallways down from the dorm room. She was exactly where he needed her to be for this tid bit of 'fun' to happen properly.
Thank god for bar less windows.
"Hey, fat cow!" he called to her.
She swung around, opening her mouth to probably spill another string of insults.
"I hope you go to hell bitch!" he yelled over her impending wave of anger, bolting right towards the window, and crashing through it.
With his arms over his face, he dropped three stories and rolled gracefully onto the ground, getting to his feet.
Smiling to himself as he heard the woman's yells from three stories up, and as the jagged glass cut into his flesh, he ran.
He was glad to be out of that dame corner, even if it would only be for a little while.
A little while was better then no while at all.
------
Tsunade sighed; she was so exhausted at this point she wasn't sure if her elbows were resting on the top of her desk or on the ground below it.
"Hokage-sama, there's been an urgent report from the rehab Center."
Who'd have thought the urgent report would have been that Naruto had escaped somehow Busted through a window and dropped three stories to the ground they said and none of the staff had been able to locate him, despite their large numbers.
Holding her head in her hands, Tsunade tried to get a grip on herself.
"Send Hatake Kakashi to find him."
"Yes ma'am." The man had said, leaving the room.
It was dark now, and it had been dusk when the report had been given to her.
She suddenly became aware of just how heavy her own damn head could be. She couldn't find the energy to care anyways. Tears welled up in her already puffy, blood shot eyes as she looked to the darkening night. Staring at the inky blackness for only a moment longer, she let her head slump back into her waiting hands.
She didn't want anyone who happened to walk in to see she was crying.