My fanfic name is dog3n.

My fanfic likes are my favourite fandoms well written in genres like adventure and humour, and truly out-standing fanfic authors (see favourites for more details).

My fanfic dislikes are (unless very well written) Harry/Ginny and Naruto/Sakura pairings as well as most parody and tragedy fics, and when fics disappear off the face of the net (why, why did you do it --?).

My fanfic interests are fantasy and science fiction fandoms like Harry Potter, Naruto, Star Trek, Stargate, ASoIaF/GoT, etc. (see favourites for more details).

My fanfic goal is to watch my favourite authors like a hawk and pounce on any new stories they publish.

My fanfic dream is to hack into the Matrix and live in a reality where every one of my favourite fanfics are finished, and my favourite authors have developed every one of their ideas.

I leave you with quotes that made me laugh:

'Sasuke calmed down and stared at his eyes in the mirror. "Ok, you've managed to help me activate my Sharingan; I won't kill you for making me think you just murdered Sakura and were about to do the same to the rest of us."

"What?" Naruto asked, confused.

"Try and see it from the point of view who doesn't know what you were doing dobe!" Sasuke growled.

The Kakashi clone knelt down and bowed his head like he was awaiting the killing stroke.

"I get what you mean now." A clone placed its hand on the Kakashi clone's shoulder and a moment later they could all hear Kakashi muttering, "It's all my fault, I failed and got them killed just like my original team."

"Kakashi sensei..." Sakura trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Maybe saying it was time to rejoin his team was a bit much," Naruto replied.' ("Glaring Problems" by dogbertcarroll)

'"He will actually kill people for money?"

"He will. He does." Luna said confidently. "I haven't confirmed it with him, but I believe that is why he's here, to deal with Mr. Who."

"Mr. Who?" the very confused Scion of the Longbottom family asked.

"Well, I hardly know him well enough to call him 'You Know'."' (Harry Potter and the Sun Source by Clell65619)

'"Mother?"

Harry turned his attention to the door where Draco was standing with his mouth hanging open. Sparing a glance to Narcissa he found that she had passed out in his arms.

"Hello Draco." Harry said to the staring boy.

"Potter? What are you...?"

"Don't worry Draco, you won't have to call me 'Father' right away. We'll work into it."' (Harry Potter and the Sun Source by Clell65619)

28/07/11

'"Names have power," Arthur explained. "Take the Malfoys, they named their son Draco because they were hoping that he'd gain power and wealth like a dragon. I named you Ronald after a red headed muggle god of food. He has temples everywhere, you know them because of the holy symbol, a giant golden upside down 'W' and by the food they serve to all at reasonable prices."' (Odd Ideas by Rorschach's Blot)

'"What's up sweet cheeks," Naruto asked as he slapped the woman on the butt. "How much for a few minutes of fun?"

Anko froze when she felt a hand on one of her ass and reflexively drove her elbow back to get the bastard in the gut. Turning in confusion when she hit nothing, she was surprised to find a young boy looking up at her with innocent eyes.

"Who put you up to that kid?" Anko said with a sweet smile. "If you tell me, I'll give you a lolly pop."

"What flavor?" Naruto asked suspiciously. This wasn't what he expected, but the old man had said that no plan survives first contact with the enemy and what the hell, he had always been good at improvisation.

"Uh . . . cherry."

"Ok," Naruto agreed brightly. "Him, the one with the stupid mask reading the orange book."

"Here you go you little scamp," Anko said as she gave Naruto the candy. "KAKASHI."

"Mmmmm, cherry." Naruto smiled in contentment as he watched the woman try to kill the weird man. "This is even better then the original plan, I can watch much better if I'm not the one being hit."

"Not in the face, not in the face." Kakashi managed to get out between girlish screams. "Aaak, back to the face, back to the face."' (What If? by Rorschach's Blot)

29/08/11

"Now River, stay behind the others. If there is fighting drop to the floor or run away. It's okay to leave them to die." (Serenity -Firefly the movie)

22/03/12

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you."

Black and White:

A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored. " (Midnighter 13 fanfiction.net)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

19/02/15

Over the last few days, I had largely come to the conclusion that I was really Gladius in Robert's body, not Robert with Gladius' memories. [...] I felt Robert's joys and pains, the loss of his Lyanna, the fury at the Targaryans, but it was a distant, cool sensation. The way Paramount had screwed up the Enterprise series, on the other hand, was still a sharp, painful memory.

(A Game of Kings and SIs by Gladius)

11/04/15

"Hasboro's controversial kid's TV show, 'My Little Chryssalid: Fight for Earth' premiers. It is intended as a tie in for Hasboro's new genetically engineered Chryssalid pets. It quickly gains a large fanbase, and becomes the most popular children's show in Terran space. Genetically engineered Chryssalid pet sales skyrocket. The Genetically Engineered Chryssalids are bioengineered to be perfectly docile in the presence of an Alliance race, and have been engineered to look 'Cooler and Combat Ready!' by Hasboro scientists. The controversy surrounding the pets increases, as the Chryssalids are found to be actually combat ready, with 'Long Range Poison Spines' and 'Super Acid Spit' being just a few of the combat augments given to the pets. The human military buys them in bulk, to be used in conjunction with military dogs in K9 units." (When Civilizations Meet by Generatedname)

28/05/15

'Evans pointed his pan. Thor went down. No shouts. No fanfare. No sparkly magical rainbows or ominous gust of wind. Pointed pan. Unconscious Asgardian meathead.

James Evans sat up on the screen in utter silence, in that room and in SHIELD mobile mission quarter. Pointed fan. Unconscious Asgardian. Like an extreme version of elementary calculus. One made-in-China frying pan equalled one unconscious Asgardian thunder god.

"Just what is going on with the Chinese R&D department?" One of his assistant whined. "I thought Americans were the best. We invented Robocop!" While another mumbled. "I give up. Even the Chinese cookwares know kung-fu..."' (Mirror, Mirror by Sythe)

'He'd come to note that impressive words like brave, valiant, and long-remembered were all too often accompanied by lost, martyred, and dismembered.' (Jaune Arc: Hero of Vytal by Kartofel von Kouch)

10/06/15

"The Headmaster summoned Death to kill Voldemort?!"

"…it's a bit overkill, actually."

(On a Pale Horse by Hylliian)

02/01/16

'Tora's eyes were wide open, so large that they resembled golf-balls and seemed to fill half of its face. If it had any eyebrows, then I was sure they would been raised up to it's hairline in surprise. Every few seconds the cat would release a heartbreaking and baffled sounding meow, as if it was confused and had no idea what had happened.

Seriously, if there ever was a 'what the fuck just happened' face, then that was it. It has been wearing that expression since the incident, and as far as I can tell it hasn't even blinked once the entire time since.'

(A World Full of Monsters by Fahad09)

14/06/18

'In any case, in Wang Ye’s eyes, when Wang Fei kicked the fake mountain, that was called being valiant; Wang Fei liking to nap and sleep, that was being relaxed; Wang Fei liking to listen to the gossip in Jing, that was called passing the time; Wang Fei liking to eat good food, that was called experiencing life. If other women did this, it was being crude, lazy, meddling, and greedy.' (Eight Treasure Trousseau by #)

'“My attempts to use the backdoor we have set up to enter the system have so far been unsuccessful.”

Stark smirks, eyes darkening. “J, our time as Backdoor Bandits is over. We’re now the Front-door Frenzies! Knock knock, motherfuckers.”' (Hazy Shade of Winter by lant1a4ever)

17/08/18

'Feng Jin Yuan did not think he was being overly concerned. In his manor, none of his concubines nor daughters were easy to handle. Chen Qing was a child who only knew how to study. If he somehow wandered into the way of one of them, perhaps, when the time came, he would not even know how he died.' (Shen Yi Di Nu by #)

16/09/18

"Excepting Humans, is qualifying phrase used to indicate that a statement is only true in the absence of Humans, or that Humans themselves are an exception to the statement. The phrase was first coined by High Technocrat Pohn Vorahk in 3640 SGC, and quickly embedded itself within the Galactic Standard Language. Excepting Humans is often shortened to a specific symbol, such as , for brevity. All species of the Galactic Fellowship adopted some variation of Excepting Humans into their communication by 3642 SGC and it continues to see usage in current media.(...) [T]he Unmatched Soldiery of the United Trji suffered extreme casualties in their skirmishes with the United Federation of Nations Stellar Navy. (...) Famously, a minor clause included in the terms of the peace treaty required the armed forces of the Trji to be renamed to the Unmatched Soldiery of the United Trji." (Excepting Humans by Kooma9)

01/06/19

"Give us a king to lead us! And the LORD said, the king who will reign over you will take your sons and make them serve, he will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks, he will take the best of your fields, he will take your grain and your wine, and you yourselves will become his slaves. But the people refused to listen to the LORD. 'No!' they said. 'We want a king over us, to go out before us and fight our battles.'" (Samuel 8/ A New Idea by Genuine55)

01/12/19

"The first appearance of the Enemy occurred in Texas during an ill-conceived and poorly timed invasion on Thanksgiving. (...) A few years passed and on each anniversary of the invasion, millions of people would happily pulverize hairy, multi-eyed monster piñatas before settling down to a nice turkey dinner." (Ultimate Overkill by zaribimbo)

4/3/19

"Most people, not Jedi, just regular people, make no distinction between themselves and their bodies. In a very real sense, there is no difference. It's not hardware and software, Yoda. It's software that can iteratively rebuild its hardware on the fly.

Everyone deserves clean water. Everyone deserves enough food. Everyone deserves shelter, and clothing, and medical care, and to spend their lives doing work they enjoy with people they enjoy. It doesn't matter if we're talking about a princess of Alderaan or the poorest baby born to a slave on Tatooine, all of these things are and remain true. And I dare you to say that just because we 'aren't this crude matter,' because one day we'll all be at one with the Force, it is okay to deny any one of those things to anyone now.

Slavery is the denial of everything. It is not allowed, full stop." (Fundamental Force Carriers by tanarill)

"We will drag his enemies into the light whether he wills it or not. If our enemies are big and obvious, like Sidious and Dooku, we drag them into the light. And if our enemies are less obvious, like laws that aren't quite just, or shady deals behind locked doors, we drag them into the light. And if our enemies are small and pervasive and hidden, like political graft and social injustice, we drag them into the light." (Fundamental Force Carriers by tanarill)

3/28/20

"Fifty thousand yuan, ah. The business of their small restaurant was good and earned about 100,000 a year. This was already very good as other people in a county like theirs. But their younger brother, who was still in college, sent her 50,000 yuan without saying a word. What did he do, ah? He sold his kidney, ah.

Their younger brother’s kidney should be well preserved to give birth to their family’s grandson. It was not for sale, ah." (I Am A Big Villain by 打字机N号)