Nice to "meet" you,

I am a teenage girl aspiring to give meaning and a purpose to her life; to be dynamic, to have a more rounded, exposed personality, to have a broader range of interests and hobbies, to excel at something (especially something I am passionate about), to discover her passions, to understand the world better- especially the subtle beauties and simplicities.

I am interested in: archery, playing music, listening to music, learning about different places and their cultures, travelling, photography, languages, spending time with my friends, watching my baby cousins (everything they do is...you feel a sense of awe and peace), peaceful walks where there is nothing but the breeze in your hair, your feet against the pavement, your heartbeat and the scenery around you, stargazing, football (soccer), badminton, tennis, sailing, canoeing, boogie boarding...

My bucketlist: to become someone who when I look back on I am proud of, to have moments that I will remember forever "Life is not made up by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away", to see the solar wind, to travel all around Europe, to be fluent in 4 languages (English, French, German, Spanish, Italian, Finnish, Norwegian, Catalan, Czech...), to be really good at something I enjoy doing, to volunteer overseas, to bring a smile on the face of a child I never met before, to paint with my toes...

Up until now, my life really had no substenence. If one was to remove what I excelled academically at, you would not have an interesting, neccessarily talented person. I had become an average robot: wake up, eat (occasionally a full meal), go to school, return and do homework, sleep. I existed in a stasis. I moved from one country to another, and in a span of four years have yet to develop any roots- anything that ties me to people or places. I have known that this state of existence has existed for a while but have failed to rectify the situation.

I am ready to feel alive again, to be passionate about something, to be proud of the fruits of my time and practice. I know this will take time and if it does not happen now, it will not happen. To do so, I need to regain equal footing once more. I have to control my schedule, control my activities, lest my lack of control directs my attentions elsewhere- resulting in failing in achieving my goals-crossing the finish line-simply because I wasn't at the starting line. I know I am capable to complete my school commitments quickly without distraction. However, I currently lack the focus or the self-control to turn away from temptation, from distraction. I look back now on the past sixteen years and view it as a waste-comprised of wasted time and missed opportunities.

This is in a large part due to my introduction to this website and its various communities. I am thankful in some ways to this website as it has allowed me to manage solitude and fight away the gusts of loneliness. But in living inside my mind, has prevented me from truly living past my imagination. There has been no movement from imagination, dreams, to reality. FanFiction has kept me in a bubble far past the bubble's neccessary deadline. What was meant to be a temporary balm to loneliness has turned into a more permanent thing, a drug or obsession if you may. If I were to have distanced myself from this website before, then who knows what would have happened. Maybe, all that I imagine in my head to be (the ideal me) would not be confined to my dreams only. However, no one knows what could have happened.

I entered this website community for an escape and it has provided it extensively, almost too much. It has allowed me to see the possible complexities of characters and to never judge others, as there is an extensive deal you do not know about their lives, their struggles, and the many different spinoffs from a particular moment have only highlighted that. I was twelve when my friend brought me to the computer lab to sit with her and read her latest obsession, a FanFiction about Harry Potter characters reading the Harry Potter books. I was hooked. Now, the opportunity costs are high to immerse myself in a tunnelminded obsession (everything revolves around FanFiction lifestyle). I have lost the time to develop interests and skills, to know people, to gain exposure to the world and its many facets. I have lost the experience that comes with these endeavors.

And as such, I need to enter mental rehab. I need to seperate myself from FanFiction to regain what I have lost and become something. I need to let my soul really have the chance to develop. I need to find out what I want in life, through trial and error. I need to make this effort to discover what I love to do. It is on my shoulders to build myself from scratch once more, to provide myself with an empty slate. Once I am caught up academically, I will have the time to develop the rest of me.

Therefore, I am putting my stories to the side for now. I am doing the one thing I promised myself I would never do. But it needs to be done. I have tried to be many things for different people and have failed at each, letting both of us down. I am lacking an identity and I intend to develop it starting from scratch( Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself. I intend to live). Once I have developed a sense of self that I am proud of, then I will return. It has been a love of mine; and you know what they say about love- if you truly love it, let it go. If it comes back, then it is truly meant to be. I am letting FanFiction go. My journey is to be continued, and so will my involvement here (eventually). The stories are a work in progress, know that I have a skeleton of both stories but not the skills and, currently, the drive, to piece it together artfully and fluidly.

I thank all the readers and the reviewers for being so patient and supportive. Through your support, I have gained confidence in my creativity. I hope you will be here when I return :).

I wish all of you the best in your individual pursuits of happiness,

Arrivederci,

meadow-music