Name: James Otway

Age: 14

Sex: male

Status: Single

Likes: Reading, Writing, Drawing, Sleeping, Running, Fishing, Fighting and watching clouds.

Legends (some of the greatest stories ever published on this site):Never Cut Twice by shadowmaster62 , Lost Soul by LD 1449 , But he's just a ramen chef! by Viperflamer, Lessons by kendrawriter.

Favourite Quotes:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Well, let me ask you this: shut up."

"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems."

"Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?"

"I'll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping

Quote from the Boss: I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a fool

I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

Funny Stuff

ARE YOU THE ONE?
Beautiful, 26 year old oriental lady seeks caring gentlemen with no ties, 30-45. Must be solvent and have own car. And a really expensive house. Ownership of impressive yacht preferred. Potentially fatal cardiac disorder a distinct advantage. Box 8745.

RIDE MY LIGHTSABER
Luke Skywalker, 57, seeks Princess Leia for galactic domination. Knowledge of Star Wars films a must, strange danish-pastry hairstyle optional. Must look good in skimpy slave-girl costume (supplied). Box 6345.

DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
Help! I'm a stunning, fair-haired 24 year old maiden who has been tied to a train track with a ridiculous amount of rope. I'm looking for a dapper, old-fashioned gentleman to untie me then give the cloaked man with a stovepipe hat and twirled moustauche a punch on the nose. Please respond quickly as time is short. Box 4758.

AVERAGE MALE
London-based man, 32, own car, would like to meet pretty, disenchanted female to ignore while the football's on and slap around occasionally. Must enjoy cooking. Box 3123.

TOSSER SEEKS IDIOT
Box 4371.

YOUNG AT HEART
I'm a mature, cuddly, worldly lady looking for a caring gentleman for companionship and maybe more. Although my last stroke left my right side paralysed, I'm still all woman! (except for the metal plates). If you aren't easily put off by flabby elbow skin, bedsores and the smell of stale vomit then please get in touch. If you can correctly insert a catheter, then please mention it in your letter. Box 1865.

WAITING FOR YOU
38 year old male, chartered surveyor, would like to meet fresh-faced lady, 24, with brown hair, blue eyes, small ears, large nostrils, size 5 feet, long fingernails and slight Manchester accent (Salford acceptable). Must enjoy long walks in apple orchards with not less than 35 trees, the second half of The Shawshank Redemption, collecting Star Trek videos (NOT Deep Space 9!), Chris de Burgh, chocolate milkshakes if not too thick, being tickled on the left elbow, being referred to as Fiona, and wearing my ex-wife's clothes. Box 2145.