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Quotes From Evadne's "Once Upon A Freaking Time"

"Lucius," said Voldemort.

"Yes, My Lord?"

"You look like a pimp."- From Death Eaters Dig Costume Parties

"I want to make the Muggle spontaneously combust."

"You can't make it spontaneously combust."

"What? Why can't I set it on fire?"

"You can set it on fire, but you can't make it spontaneously combust."

"That makes no sense, Snape. Is that written on the exam? I knew we shouldn't have let Crabbe on the committee."

"No," said Snape impatiently, "it's just that you can't make anything spontaneously combust. That negates the spontaneity of it."

"That's ridiculous," said Lucius. "I'm making him burst into flames out of nowhere. That's pretty darn spontaneous."

"As in 'sudden,' yes. But it's an action perpetrated by you. It's guided; it doesn't actually come out of nowhere."

At this point, their bickering had attracted the attention of Voldemort, which is never pleasant. Stomping over, Voldemort snapped, "Knock it off, both of you. No one else is going to be able to concentrate if you keep this up." Snape noticed for the first time that several other pairs of test-takers were watching them. Bellatrix's glare was especially venomous.

"But Snape won't let me set a Muggle on fire!" cried Lucius.

"I don't care! Now, apologize, both of you. And shut up!"

"I'm sorry," muttered Lucius, rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry you don't understand how spontaneous combustion works," replied Snape.- From Lucius Malfoy Both Takes and Gives a Test

"Er," said a familiar voice, "I was kind of hoping we could talk."

"Ah, Tom," said Dumbledore, "how can I help you?"

Lord Voldemort, for it was he, cleared his throat. "I noticed that you've been in the news recently."

"Most unfortunately," agreed Dumbledore.

"Look, I don't want this to be awkward. I'd never known myself until now that you were…you know. I've noticed that you have…a type. Like, the good-looking bad boys. I don't want to assume anything about our interactions in the past, but it would certainly make me feel better to know-"

"No, I have never been interested in you. My taste in men was terrible, Tom," said Dumbledore. "But not that terrible."- From Lord Voldemort Cannot Just Let It Go

The scene is still on pause, Diary, but it won't be for long. The next few bits get pretty fast and furious. There will be swearing. There will be blood. And there will be a crazy-horny-old-lady trying to kill me.- From Phoenix Fanatic's Diary of a Lovesick Mutant