A/N: This is set after Breaking Dawn, No Nessie though. Bella is a vampire.
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Esme's POV
Looking up from my decorating book, I found my husband with his arms around me.
"What are you planning on decorating now?" Carlisle chuckled. "I was thinking about doing the lounge room differently. I want to move the lounge on the north wall." Carlisle laughed again, "I can help you with that my love." He unwrapped his arms from me and took my hand, helping me get up. With one push, he pushed the lounge so it was now on the north wall. And then something changed, his eyes stared at the floor, for where the lounge had just been. I moved so I was standing next to him, and that's when I saw it. A pair of bear fur hand cuffs and a row of condoms, Blood flavoured condoms.
"EMMETT, ROSALIE GET DOWN HERE NOW!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, how many times had I told them too not do sexual things in places other then their bedroom. Emmett came running down the stairs with Rosalie in tow. "What's with all the yelling Esme?" Rosalie said, she had obviously no idea what was goin on, maybe it was all Emmetts idea. I shuddered at that thought, I didn't what to know my what my son got up to in his private time. Carlisle picked up the items and held them up.
Rosalie suddenly slapped Emmett, "You promised that you would put them away!" "I thought I did!….. Oh wait that was the day when I played Xbox with Jasper…" Rosalie just stared at him. "Okay I don't care who was supposed to put them away, you all know the rules, no sex in any part of this house except your bedrooms." I said with a sigh. The last time something had happened like this I banned them from the house, they just ended up destroying half the forest instead. Carlisle spoke next, we had discussed about what we should do if this situation repeated it self, a sex education lesson. "Now you remember what the punishment is for ignoring our rules on a subject like this, you all have to watch a sexual education video. Good luck telling everyone."
"Oh man!" Emmett groaned, and ran outside with Rosalie. I turned to my husband, "I think tonight will be interesting, I'll go get everything set up." I kissed him goodbye and ran to his study.
Edwards POV
I had just heard Esmes thoughts, Great another sex talk. We are all adults but still Esme and Carlisle insist on having this talk. Bella and I were more responsible when it came this mater than Emmett and Rosalie, but we still had to endure it.
I walked back to our cottage, to find Bella reading Weathering Heights again, she must have read it so many times that she has the words memorised. I grabbed her by the waste and held her in my arms. "I missed you" she said against my neck. "I missed you too love." I gave her a quick kiss, I could hear Esme was ready for the talk. I sighed, "Esme and Carlisle want us to all watch a sexual education tape." She rolled her eyes, "Emmett and Rose again?" I laughed, "Yes, unless you have some bear fur hand cuffs I don't know about?" She laughed as well, "Defiantly not. Okay lets get going."
I took her hand and we ran to the house. Once in the lounge room we found a projector and 8 chairs. Bella and I took our seats, we were shortly met with everyone else. Stupid Emmett and his sexual games, Alice thought. Emmetts so dead, Jasper thought. I sighed, sometimes I wish I could block there thoughts out, I didn't want to know what they would be thinking when watching this tape. The video started, on screen there was a picture of a human male, Emmett suddenly laughed. We all turned to look at him for an exclamation. I could hear what he thought was so funny, I just closed my eyes and turned away. This was going to be a long night."What's so funny Emmett?" Esme asked. Emmett laughed again, "Look at the size of his dic-" "EMMETT!" This time it was Carlisle who spoke. "What, im just sayin its so small, compared to mine anyway." Please god let this end… "And look at the size of that chicks ti-" "EMMETT!" everyone yelled this time. Their was no god, this must be hell. Or at least it seemed that way.
"Emmett Cullen, you sit quietly and watch this tape!" Esme yelled. Emmett sighed, "whatever you say mom."
The tape ended, it had been on for 1 hour, but it seemed more like a decade. Emmett laughed constantly all the way through.
Carlisle stood up with Esme next to him. "Now do any of you have any questions?" Oh dear god! Could this get any worse!
Emmett started to bounce up and down with his hand up in the air. I groaned, I knew what he was going to ask, this day truly couldn't get any worse. "Yes Emmett?" Carlisle asked, intrigued to know his question. He would soon wish he hadn't done this.
Emmett stood up, I buried my face into my hands. "Okay I wanted to know if you have ever used toys?" Carlisles thoughts said what his expression would look like, sheer horror. "I will not answer that!" He said loudly, still shocked by the question. "Fine can I ask another one?" Emmett asked, hopeful. His next question was just as bad. "Of course, as long as it has nothing to do with toys." Esme said sounding embarrassed. "Do you ever use dress ups?" "EMMETT!" everyone yelled. I lifted my head to see everyone's reactions, Alice and Jasper looked irritated. Bella looked uncomfortable, Emmett looked happy with himself. Rosalie murmured "Idiot" and Esme and Carlisle looked disgusted. "No questions about stuff like that!" Carlisle said, still looking horrified. "Can I ask just one more?" Emmett pleaded. No no no TELL HIM NO! Please don't let him ask the question, its 10x worse than the others.
"Okay, what's your favourite position?" Everyone just stared at him and walked away. "Hey! that's not fair your promised to answer it!' Emmett called after us.
Bella and I walked home in silence, what a crazy family we had. 'I don't think I can walk back into that house without having flash backs of the horror we just had." Bella laughed. "Tell me about it, you would be horrified at what they were all thinking."
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Okay I hoped you liked it!!!! Thanks for reading, please review! xoxoxox