The Whole World

There were many times when people – especially those who had known him for long, older knights and proud nobles – would ask Arthur why he allowed his manservant to speak back to him like that and why the boy seemed to act far above his station without anyone saying anything about it. They felt it was disrespectful, and Arthur could honestly understand where they we're coming from – he certainly had felt it for a while – but he couldn't bring himself to explain it to them.

How could he possibly put into words how Merlin made him feel? It was as if all this life he had been playing a part, the proud and dutiful prince, the heir to the throne, the fierce fighter, the unchallenged champion and the perfect son. By the time he had first met the boy, he had started to forget he was something else beyond all those things, a person of his own, not completely defined by other people's expectations of him. Merlin had brought it all back, and allowed him to be himself, somehow sharing the burden with him, even as he became king.

Arthur knew he could tell Merlin anything, and that even his deepest fears would be accepted by the other man, that he wouldn't think less of him. He knew he could count on his honest advice and steady support for whatever he decided to do. There were few words, even between those bound by the firm companionship of the knights, to explain how vital their friendship had become.

He could still remember when he first met Merlin, and his pathetic attempts to stand up to him. It had been something completely unexpected (after all, who would speak that way to the heir of Camelot?) and, at the same time, it felt perfectly natural. There was something about Merlin that felt different from anything he had ever tasted before – Arthur could almost call it fate.

In some ways, it felt like they both were the same person, bound by something greater than them, destined to each other. He wasn't a man to believe that the future was set in stone, but it sure seemed to be the case with Merlin. He was never completely out of his minds and thoughts, even as he dealt with the knights, or the council, or whatever might be needed of him. It was as if some part of him was in touch with Merlin all the time, an extra sense developed with the sole purpose to keep them together.

He kept Merlin as a manservant, but he was much more than that. Perhaps he should have recognized it many years ago, perhaps he should have raised his station according to Merlin's true value, but he couldn't stand the idea of not being as close as they were. There was something in their shared routine that kept Arthur grounded, and he didn't wish for anyone else to step in the space that Merlin had earned by his side, so he just allowed the incongruence of Merlin's true importance and his theoretical rank to grow.

Sometimes if felt as if Merlin had gave Arthur his own heart back, allowed him to become his own person, to have his own feelings and views and opinions. It was as if after they met, he had woken up from the torpor that held him after his childhood faded. Maybe it was inevitable that as Merlin gave Arthur back his heart he would become its owner as well, making him the first and foremost person in it, the one the cared above everything else.

It was something that couldn't be described – only felt. He couldn't possibly say to them that nothing could compare to the simple joy of talking to Merlin, teasing him and being teased. He couldn't put into words the fact that when Arthur looked inside his manservants eyes, he felt completely whole. He couldn't explain how Merlin's smile was able to light up the whole sky or how his steady presence by his side was the true meaning of home in his life.

Sometimes, he wondered if this was just friendship, if those feelings were what he was supposed to have around other people, but if his body turned into fire when Merlin's skin brushed against it, no one needed to know. Certainly, that was something they would understand, but it would also make everything he felt cheaper, as if it was the only truth in their weird relationship, and it wasn't like that. It was so much more than lust or trust, it was true, honest, pure love that bound them together.

And if it was love, it was the greatest mystery of all, beyond all truths and beliefs, and just couldn't be reasoned as if it were military tactics or algebra. It was far, far greater than that, greater than anything he could have ever dreamed to feel, becoming Arthur's whole world.

So Arthur said nothing, and smiled.