Everything Wrong with the Train Wreck Called "Twilight"

A/N: I'm in a really bad mood so I'm going to take it out on one of the worst books written which became some of the worst movies ever made.

Edward is a pedophile.

Bella is both a masochist into necrophilia, while narrowly avoiding bestiality.

All four books could be turned into a fifteen page short story and no one would miss anything.

Fangirls. Have you met them?

Over-merchandising. Perfume? Bed sheets? Makeup? Candy hearts? Band-aids? Seriously?

Read it if you must, but don't you dare call it quality literature. "Mindless garbage" it a bit more suited.

Just because the books are large and use a lot of adjectives does NOT mean they are any decent.

Never again can the words "twilight", "vampire", "werewolf", or "sparkle" be used in the same way again.

"What's your cat's name?" "Bella." "Like Twilight?" "For fuck's sake, no!"

It lead to a slew of other crappy books. Have you looked at the teen section of a bookstore recently? They should rename it the "Vampire/Werewolf-Romance-with-a-Mary-Sue" section.

Apparently, a relationship based on how one smells and the other looks can last for all eternity. Good luck with that.

Not to mention the fact that once she became a vampire, Bella lost her smell. So, basically, Edward has no real attraction to Bella.

Mary-Sue has a new name. It's Bella.

What the f**k is wrong with Bella's parents?

When forty year old mothers are fantasizing over a seventeen year old fictional character, you know there is something seriously wrong.

Twilight is the bubonic plague of the rainforest. It's also notorious among brain cells.

If you took out all the descriptions of Edward, all the books would be novellas.

If you took out all the descriptions of Bella, the books wouldn't really change any.

Show, don't tell. Apparently Meyer failed English 1 in high school.

Plot complexity. These books are lacking it.

The plot is well hidden. See if you can find it.

If the books didn't make you give up on humanity, the movies (and Kristen Stewart), will.

It got rejected by 14 publishing companies before it got excepted. There is a reason for this- 14 publishing companies were in their right minds.

If all the females in the human race are waiting for their "Edward", our species will soon be facing extinction.

I can only compliment Meyer for one thing: she can sure write a lot without saying a damn thing.

Jacob's so poor he doesn't own a damn shirt.

"Vampire" now brings to mind "Twilight". Bram Stoker is rolling in his grave.

This book advocates teen marriage and teen pregnancy. Yay.

Jacob and Renesmee. Pedophilia again. Plus bestiality. Joy.

What kind of a name is Renesmee?

Just ask any person named "Edward", "Bella", "Jacob", "Cullen", "Swan" or "Black". At least those who haven't changed their names yet.

The fact that some Twilight fans think Edward is real.

The fact that this list will probably get at least one violent review because the fans are so cult-ish.

If Edward got any more possessive he would keep Bella in a box in his closet (which, by the way, he has yet to come out of)

The fact that this is the 35th thing I have written in this list.