I really, really really really REALLY love ninja turtles, not romantically, just in a oh-my-goodness-they-are-so-awesome-I-really-wish-I-could-meet-them-and-tell-them-how-awesome-I-think-they-are-and-be-their-bestest-friend-ever-and-I-would-do-almost-anything-to-meet-them kind of way... That sounded really weird didn't it? Shoot.

On a completely unrelated topic, if anybody is looking for story ideas, I've always wondered what would happen if there was a Captain Planet and Percy Jackson crossover. You know, Gaia?... Hmmmm...

Funny Things:

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Never do anything that you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.

The road to success is always under construction.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ... "Hold my purse."

Can't stand me? Then sit down.

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable, but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say that hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.

I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me," HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it that every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, then I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the frag out of them.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

You know what?! Earth sucks, I’m going home.

The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.

You say I suffer from insanity?! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Actually quite the opposite! I rather enjoy my insanity!

I didn't lose my mind, the people inside my head stole it and they won't give it back! :(

I'm a chocolate-loving chocolate lover that loves chocolate.

Does anybody have a recipe for "I don't know" or "I don't care"? It's what my family requested for supper and I can't seem to find my recipes.

I do NOT have a short attention sp-OHMYGOSH A SQUIRREL!

For all the optimists who say, "You can do whatever you put your mind to" - I want to see you staple Jello to a tree.

Life is not always perfect. Things don't always go your way, people are not always nice, and blue crayons do not taste like blueberries.

Silence is Golden.. but Duct-Tape comes in a variety of colors and patterns, and it's much more effective. ;p

How does paper beat rock? Stand in front of me so I can throw a rock at you and you can try to protect yourself with a fraggin' piece of paper!

Someone left a note on a piece of cake in the fridge that said, "Do not eat!". I ate the cake and left a note saying, "Yuck, who the heck eats paper?".

They say expect the unexpected, but then that makes the unexpected expected. But if we are still expecting the unexpected shouldn't we be expecting the expected???

Why do banks attach pens to the counters? Do they honestly believe we go in there thinking "Give me all your mo... Wait.. quick grab the pens! Grab the pens!!"?

The cops just came by my house and said that my dog was chasing a kid on a bike. I told them that was a fraggin' lie, my dog can't ride a bike.

Imperfection makes us all perfect in our own unique way.

Don't try to make me someone I'm not; if you want copies get a printer.

Thank you for calling House of Insanity. Head nut speaking.

Have you ever felt like, even though you know you are where you are supposed to be, you still don't belong?

Some people think I have a screw loose. Well bad news for them, I lost the screwdriver.

Aw, good spider. Nice spider. Come here spider. Let me pet you...WITH MY SHOE! Good spider. Dead spider. :)

I was going to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me- no one likes a quitter.