Author's Notes: This is my first week of trying a new update schedule, and it's a good start since I have two stories to update this week (three if you include yesterday's). I'm not sure if this chapter is funny enough, but I thought it worked from a progression standpoint. Well, that and I wanted an excuse to finally have an Autobot show up. LOL! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope you will also review :)

Chapter 8

Now You Don't

Rumble and Frenzy heard that Soundwave had managed to find Stanley safe and sound. After learning about the Insecticons stealing their pet human the duo was naturally worried about those overgrown cockroaches taking a bite out of their little guy's flesh. Those Insecticons simply had no class at all.

When the cassette twins made it back in their room they saw that the doggie door had been nailed shut and that Stanley was sitting under a wire waste basket with a rock weighing it down so he couldn't tip it over and escape. He had his arms crossed and was pouting like a child in time out.

"Geez, what happened to you, flesh bag?" Frenzy asked as he appraised Stanley's new prison.

"Soundwave had to pick me up from Taco Bell," Stanley grumbled, "It's a long story."

"But you were kidnapped," Rumble pointed out, "Why are you in trouble?"

"I threw up all over Soundwave on the way home," Stanley explained, "Taco Bell and high altitude do not mix."

The twins of course started laughing at Stanley's situation, but the skinny human didn't think it was so funny. That was probably his last chance to get fast food ever and it involved killer bugs and puking all over Soundwave. Not exactly the best send-off for his life as a free man. He was just glad Soundwave didn't decide to turn him into Flat Stanley for upchucking all over Soundwave's visor during the flight.

"So I guess that means we can't play with you right now?" Rumble asked, and Stanley glared at him, "Eh, too bad. We was gonna stick you in a rowboat and skid you across the water to see how far we could throw you."

"Glad I'm missing that," Stanley replied honestly, "You could throw Ravage though."

"He hates water," Frenzy told him, but then with a sly smirk said, "Let's do it!"

"Heh heh, good idea, partner in crime," Rumble chuckled with a devilish grin of his own.

The twins ran off together, leaving Stanley alone under the trash basket to think about what he did. What a stupid concept. Stanley knew what he did. He threw up all over a deadly Decepticon warrior and got away with it with nothing but a time out. When Stanley thought about it that way, he suddenly realized how much power he held in the Decepticon ranks. Soundwave wouldn't hurt him, and no one else was allowed to hurt him because he belonged to Soundwave. When he got out he wondered if he should pull some pranks to slow down the Decepticons' whole taking-over-the-world agenda.

Stanley sat around for about 20 minutes thinking about all sorts of different stunts he could pull. He thought about dumping some of their energon down the drains of the wash racks, but the doggie door was shut tight. Besides, he didn't want them to starve. He just wanted them to stop attacking humans. When he thought about it that way, he realized pranks wouldn't actually achieve that goal.

He tried to think of how to get the Decepticons to leave humans alone. He didn't really feel comfortable talking to Soundwave. Despite living there for who-knows-how-long Stanley didn't really have conversations with Soundwave. He would occasionally talk to Rumble, Frenzy, or Ratbat, but that was it. He was a pet. He was property. He wasn't actually Soundwave's friend.

Stanley realized then that if he wanted his word to be taken seriously around here that he would need to try to form a connection with Soundwave. He needed to stop acting like a lazy house cat and start acting like a peer.

Stanley's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard someone knock against the nightstand by Soundwave's berth and heard a soft quiet "Ow!". Stanley looked to see who it was, but he didn't see anyone there. That was weird. Maybe it was one of the bird cassettes and he just couldn't see them from his vantage point.

That thought was dispelled when Stanley saw the computer turn on by itself, and then saw the keyboard typing under its own power. It was a ghost! Stanley was trapped in the room and it was being haunted by a ghost! He was so frozen with fear that he couldn't even scream, yet oddly enough he wondered if the ghost was searching for anything dirty on that computer.

"Come on, it has to be here somewhere..." The disembodied voice muttered.

Stanley was definitely freaked out now. There was a robotic sounding ghost in Soundwave's room, and Stanley was trapped with no way out. Part of him wanted to believe it was just the cassettes playing a joke on him, another part thought he was going to die, and a tiny part of him wondered if robots even had ghosts. Maybe it was like Bender on Futurama and he had been downloaded into the room or something like that.

"I can't believe it," The alleged ghost spat in contempt, "These firewalls are certainly well encrypted. Hm...perhaps I can find some physical files detailing Megatron's latest schemes..."

Why would a ghost want that information? Did it need evidence of wrongdoing before haunting Megatron or something? Despite his terror Stanley was starting to feel curious about this strange turn of events. He couldn't stand it anymore. He had to say something before the apparition started officially haunting them.

"Why do you need data files, spirit?" Stanley asked from his spot under the waste basket.

There was a gasp, and for once it wasn't from Stanley. At first no one answered, and Stanley wondered if he had frightened the phantom away, but then...

"A human prisoner?" The ghost asked in shock, "Don't worry, I'll get you to safety."

Suddenly the air in front of Soundwave's desk wavered, and where there had been nothing now stood a tall Cybertronian, dark blue with white accents and blue optics. Stanley saw the red Autobot sigil on the intruder and realized that this was no ghost at all, but rather an Autobot spy.

The waste bin was lifted away from Stanley and the robot ever so carefully picked Stanley up and placed him gently on his servo. Stanley was used to being carried around in a fist like an ice cream cone, so this felt different. It was a good kind of different though.

"Why have the Decepticons captured you, sir?" The Autobot asked him, using a tone of respect Stanley wasn't used to hearing from either Decepticons or other humans, "What do you have that Megatron wants?"

"Uh...nothing," Stanley replied uncertainly while scratching his head, "Soundwave kind of likes it when I help him clean. I guess I'm here because Rumble and Frenzy thought it would be funny. From their perspective it probably is."

"Have they harmed you?" The Autobot asked in alarm.

"Soundwave put me in time out for throwing up on his visor," Stanley replied matter-of-factly, "For the most part I've been okay though. The food stinks though. Seriously dude, don't eat the nutrition bricks. They taste like chalk mixed with tiny bits of metal and concrete. I wouldn't be surprised if they were."

"Well it's all over now," The Autobot assured him, "I'm going to take you home."

"But I am home," Stanley contested, "I live here."

"No, I mean your real home," The Autobot replied.

"Um, yeah, this is it," Stanley blandly argued, "I live here. I'm Soundwave's pet."

If the Autobot's optics could've bugged out they probably would have. He looked down at the tiny man in his hand with a mixture of horror and skepticism.

"Soundwave keeps you as a pet?" The Autobot asked in disgust, "He forces you to serve as his entertainment like some sort of trained cyberhound? That is no way for a sentient being to live!"

"Yeah, but it's like those animals say on The Flintstones: It's a living," Stanley replied cheekily, "Seriously, you don't have to worry about me. In fact, you should probably stick me back under the basket. Soundwave will get mad if I leave without thinking about what I did. Real talk though, isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard of? Thinking about what I did? I mean, I know what I did. I'm not four years old."

"You really want to stay here with the Decepticons?" The Autobot asked incredulously as he sat down on Soundwave's berth.

"Why not?" Stanley shrugged, "I don't have anywhere else to go, and it's not as bad as you'd think. I like the cassettes, except maybe the birds. Buzzsaw and Laserbeak can be real jerks sometimes. I dunno. I mean, I'd like to think I could have more in life than this, but then again I also like not worrying about things like rent, appearances, living paycheck to paycheck, and all that. I guess what I'm trying to say is, my options are be a pet or be a bum. At least this way no humans can see my humiliation."

"But that makes you a traitor to your planet!" The Autobot declared heatedly, "Do you know what the Decepticons would do if we Autobots weren't here to stop them?"

"Steal energy like they're already doing?" Stanley snarked, but then wilted under the Autobot's intense gaze, "Sorry."

"Soundwave is dangerous," The Autobot warned him, "He is efficient and ruthless. If he ever feels you are a threat he will not hesitate to terminate you."

"Then the solution is obvious," Stanley replied, "Just never be a threat."

The Autobot sighed and shook his helm hopelessly. He had never met a human like this before. Sure, there were humans that worked with Megatron. There was the evil Dr. Arkeville, there was Shawn Berger, and there was that crime syndicate in Saudi Arabia. All of these humans had one thing in common; they all wanted power. The humans thought Megatron could give them power over a new world or even their old one. This human however, he was different. He was lazy, docile, and apparently suffering from a form of attachment to his captor. He didn't quite know what to make of it.

"So, you were looking for Soundwave's files?" Stanley asked, forcing the Autobot out of his own thoughts, "He keeps them behind that wall. You just remove the panel from the inseams in the wall."

"You're helping me?" The Autobot asked suspiciously, "But you said you were loyal to Soundwave. Why would you aid an Autobot?"

"Because I don't want the earth to blow up," Stanley reasoned, "I'm Soundwave's pet, but I still care about the planet. It's not like I want the human race destroyed or enslaved. I just like sleeping late and having my meals delivered to me...even if those meals taste like petrified tree bark."

"I do not understand you at all," The Autobot sighed, "By the way, what is your name? I need to know for my report."

"Stanley, and yours?"

"Mirage."

"Cool," Stanley commented approvingly, "Just like that chick on The Incredibles."

Mirage grumbled under his breath but didn't comment further on the human's words. He had no idea if there were other humans that felt like Stanley, but he hoped not. It would make the Autobots' jobs harder if the Decepticons started turning a huge swath of the population into domesticated pussycats.

Without wasting anymore time, Mirage went to pull the wall away where the physical files for Megatron's plans were stored. He tried to pry it away, but he was having difficulty. Mirage then gathered up all his strength and heaved with all his might! He finally pulled the wall's metal casing away, but all he saw was a series of wires and support beams.

"That was the wrong wall," Stanley remarked casually, and Mirage turned to glare at him, "It's the one to the right of where you pulled before."

Mirage bit back a groan and went to pull the other wall away. It gave quite easily, and Mirage saw that Stanley was right about the data pads being hidden within the makeshift safe. Knowing time was of the essence, Mirage quickly started shoving the data pads into his subspace. Stanley, who was sitting on the berth, just watched the scene with mild bemusement.

This went on for a few precious minutes, but then Mirage picked up the energy signature of Soundwave. He was heading for his quarters! Mirage had to act now!

Mirage put both walls back where he found them and scrambled for an exit, but found none. His only hope was that turning invisible would save him from Soundwave's scans, so that's what he did.

"Uh, hey? Mirage?" Stanley whispered, sensing the urgency, "You forgot to put me back in my time out trash can."

Mirage hated forcing the human back into such a degrading state, but he knew if he didn't want Soundwave to get suspicious he would have to leave the room exactly as he found it. He quickly grabbed Stanley and placed him on the floor. He then put the waste basket back over him and the rock back over the waste basket. Just as he finished this, Soundwave came in. Mirage could only hope his camouflage ability would be enough to save him.

Stanley played it cool while Soundwave searched his computer files, not even sure if Mirage was still in the room or not. He hoped the Autobot escaped. He knew the Autobots were the good guys, and he didn't want to see anyone get hurt because he held the mech up by talking to him. Soundwave typed on his computer for a few minutes, and then glanced down at Stanley.

"Autobot intruder has invaded the Nemesis," Soundwave explained while staring at the computer screen, "Search in progress. Stanley, report."

"Uh...I haven't seen anything," Stanley lied, "Maybe you could try the throne room. It sounds like a good place to, haha, dump some intel."

Stanley snickered at his own immature joke, and Soundwave didn't waste any processing power trying to understand the human. When Soundwave was satisfied that his files had not been penetrated, he left to report back to Megatron. Right after Soundwave's door closed, the walls fell back down exposing the fritzing wires and empty safe. Stanley chuckled nervously to himself, knowing that would require one heck of an explanation later. Maybe he'd take this time to think about what he did...