They deduce. All of them. Of course they do. That's what they do. So they're staring at each other and it's silent and they're deducing.

"Is that a…a rat?" BBC!Sherlock asks.

"This is New York City, they have those everywhere here," CBS!Sherlock says.

"I beg your pardon!" Basil shouts. "I am a mouse!"

"Perfect," WB!Holmes mutters excitedly. "I need a mouse to test my latest elixir. Mice are much better to use than rats."

"You will not!" Basil shouts. "Put me down this instant!"

"Put him down, you idiot," BBC!Sherlock says. "He's one of us."

WB!Holmes drops the little mouse onto the coffee table, then kneels and stares at the animal. "He's one of us?"

BBC!Sherlock rolls his eyes.

"I thought you'd be taller," CBS!Sherlock says to BBC!Sherlock after staring at the man for over five minutes. "Though your coat is quite large, I suppose to do look tall."

"Your female companion only gives you the illusion of height, isn't that right?" BBC!Sherlock asks him.

CBS!Sherlock doesn't ask how BBC!Sherlock knows he's got a female companion, of course he knows. "She is a reasonable height for her ethnicity, and she does wear high heels."

BBC!Sherlock nods.

WB!Holmes stops examining the mouse long enough to glance at CBS!Sherlock. "What are you wearing, sir? What is…" he stands and examines CBS!Sherlock's t-shirt and jeans. "What is this?"

BBC!Sherlock pulls his long coat off slender shoulders and drops it to the back of his chair. He grins and unbuttons his suit jacket, then sits in the chair. "Yes, I was quite wondering the same. Your choice of dress is appalling."

"I like to be comfortable," CBS!Sherlock defends himself.

"Even the mouse is dressed more fine than you, sir," WB!Holmes says.

BBC!Sherlock chuckles.

Basil nods proudly and crosses his arms.

"You should allow your female companion to choose your clothing," WB!Holmes says.

CBS!Sherlock presses his hands to his hips. "I will not do such a thing!"

They go on for ten more minutes criticizing CBS!Sherlock's clothing, and finally he gets fed up and calls Joan.

"Watson!" he shouts into the phone. "Come back this instant!"

In a pub with the other Watsons, she rolls her eyes. "Why?"

CBS!Sherlock continues shouting. "They are criticizing my clothing, Watson."

"It wouldn't kill you to dress a bit better," Joan says.

WB!Holmes grows curious with that tiny thing CBS!Sherlock is shouting at. He gets way into CBS!Sherlock's personal space to examine it.

CBS!Sherlock continues, "It's nobody's business but my own how I dress. This is how people dress! I live in New York City. I—" he looks down at WB!Holmes. "Sorry, what on earth are you doing?"

"What is that tiny thing you are shouting at?" WB!Holmes looks astonished.

From his chair, BBC!Sherlock rolls his eyes.

"It's a…it's a phone."

"What does it…do?"

"It allows me to speak to anyone in the world."

WB!Holmes's eyes grow wide with amazement.

Joan sighs. "He's amazed by the phone?"

"Yes," CBS!Sherlock says, trying to back away from WB!Holmes, but WB!Holmes follows. "He won't leave me alone."

Joan chuckles at that.

"Watson, could you…give the phone to other Watson."

Joan eyes BBC!John and WB!Watson. "Which—"

"The one with the mustache."

Joan hands the phone to WB!Watson and watches him with amused eyes as he looks at the little device, then hesitantly holds it up to his ear.

"Hello?" WB!Watson asks.

"WATSON!" WB!Holmes shouts at the phone.

WB!Watson pulls the phone away from his ear. "What on earth—"

Joan and BBC!John laugh.

"WATSON!?" they all hear coming from the phone.

Basil covers his ears. BBC!Sherlock shouts, "Oh for god's sake, you don't need to shout at it!"

WB!Holmes looks confused, then says, "Watson? Are you there?"

"Yes, Holmes, I'm here."

"Watson, come back. I'd quite like to return home now."

WB!Watson grins. "In time, Holmes. We've all spotted a kind woman named Mary and we are trying to decide who gets to talk to her first."

Dr. Dawson spins on the table. "It'll be me, boys…and ma'am…" he slurs and continues spinning.

"Holmes," WB!Watson says to the phone, "I do believe this rat is drunk."

"No more for you, big guy," BBC!John takes the tiny glass away from Dr. Dawson.

"Oh, you boys…and ma'am…are no fun!" Dr. Dawson slumps on the table.

"Holmes? Holmes are you there?"

Meanwhile, CBS!Sherlock has decided he wants his phone back, while WB!Holmes has decided he isn't finished with it. They begin by slapping and shoving each other, and finally CBS!Sherlock has tackled the other to the ground and they are wresting on the ground.

"You do not want to fight me, sir! I am quite skilled at this!" WB!Sherlock shouts.

"As am I!" CBS!Sherlock shouts.

BBC!Sherlock sighs and rolls his eyes, then takes his mobile out to phone his John.

The table of Watsons have put their phone on speaker so they can all hear CBS!Sherlock and WB!Holmes fighting. When BBC!John's phone rings, he answers while laughing.

"Hello?"

"John. Let's go. These imbeciles are fighting."

"I know, we can hear them."

"Hearing must be worse than watching. They're hardly even moving."

The Sherlocks on the floor squirm around until one hits the coffee table. BBC!Sherlock quickly picks Basil up and the two men shove the table onto its side.

"Thank you, kind sir," Basil says.

BBC!Sherlock holds Basil and continues begging John to leave. "Please, John. I'm losing brain cells with these men."

"Sorry, Sherlock. I've met this nice, young lady and—"

"In your dreams, John," Joan says.

BBC!John ignores her. "We'll all go back in a while, you'll be fine."

"I won't be fine, John!" BBC!Sherlock hears the click of John's phone. "John? John!?"

"Ha!" Basil exclaims. "My dear Dawson will be back any moment with our noble steed, Toby."

Second later, Toby the dog clumsily stumbles into the room and happily wags his tail. Basil groans and covers his face, shaking his head in disbelief in his palm.

A slightly slower, more round dog that seemed to be dead in the corner hops into life when he sees Toby. He trudges over to Toby and sniffs him, then barks. Toby barks back and gets into a fighting position, then they sniff at each other and eventually give up and go to the food.

"Can't you two take after the dogs?" BBC!Sherlock asks.

Back at the pub, the Watsons and Dr. Dawson make pleasant small talk until they finally decide it's time to leave.

"Should we go back to our boys?" BBC!John asks, taking the last sip of his beer.

"I suppose we should. They all sounded quite fed up with each other," WB!Watson replies.

They all look at each other to cover the bill.

"Don't look at me!" Dr. Dawson slurs. "I am a mouse!"

Joan holds her hands up in protest. "You would be surprised at how little I am paid for what I do."

BBC!John looks at WB!Watson. "Didn't you say you have your own practice, Doctor?"

WB!Watson looks at each of them and rolls his eyes. "Fine, fine," he says, reaching into his coat for his bills. He takes out his large bills, the ones from 1895, and begins to place them on the table.

"Oh, forget it," Joan mutters, taking her wallet out and digging for her money.

"You know," BBC!John says, sitting up and leaning across the table to Joan, "I could find a way to repay you—"

"Can it, John," Joan demands, standing from the table and leading the men and mouse down the street.

Back at CBS!Sherlock's apartment, the Watsons and Dr. Dawson reunite with their Sherlocks.

"My dear Dawson, I knew you would return," Basil says, letting Dr. Dawson pull him into a messy hug.

"Ah, John, you're back. Finally," BBC!Sherlock says, slipping his phone into his pocket and standing. He and his John don't greet, they just stand and chat about their afternoon.

"Watson! I don't understand this place, Watson!" WB!Holmes frantically shouts.

WB!Watson examines Holmes. "Are you drunk, Holmes?"

"Of course not, Watson!"

"Joan!" CBS!Sherlock sighs out a relieved breath. "That one bit me, Joan. And that taller one is mean!"

"Yes, we heard stories," Joan pats CBS!Sherlock's back in a soothing way.

"Well, I'm ready to go home, John," BBC!Sherlock pulls John's arm and they head for the door.

"It was nice to meet you all!" BBC!John says as Sherlock drags him through the door. He breaks away from Sherlock's grasp as he passes Joan. "Listen, if you're ever-"

"Get out."

"Right, goodbye!"

"Wait! How are we going to get back to England?" Basil calls after them.

BBC!Sherlock and John agree to take WB!Holmes and Watson and Basil and Dr. Dawson back to England with them.

It was just convincing WB!Holmes to get on the plane that is the difficult part.

*I literally dreamed this. Sorry if you hate it, I don't watch Elementary so I don't really know how the character of CBS!Sherlock is. But I thought it was funny. Thanks for reading!