AN: Alright guys, here's the deal. I'm completely hopeless and have too many ideas for my own good. I honestly (not even joking) dreamed the general concept of this fic, and after that, there was nothing I could do but spend hours and hours writing fifty ruddy pages of this fantastic ridiculousness. That's not to say that this story follows the weird plot of the dream, which had involved Harry melodramatically chasing Voldemort though a whirlpool bog while Fred and George were just like forget you all, we're werewolves. But, eh, yeah. Anyway. Here is it. I've never seen a Fred and George central fic (which is a crime. Really, guys.) While Harry and the lot will feature, they aren't the focus. Sorrynotsorry. Enjoy!

Oh, and I obviously don't own Harry Potter and there is no way on the planet I'd actually be able to make money out of their weird ol' tale.

That said... now you may read :))

He would be fully capable of making light of the situation around anyone else but George. As it was, his twin brother was the only one he dared to speak of it, and he couldn't be bothered to lie.

"This is going to be the end of us," Fred said simply.

George rolled his eyes. "No, don't be stupid."

"I'm being serious."

George cringed, his nose wrinkling as if he'd just said something obscene. "Oh, ew. That's not natural."

"Since when do you get to boss me around?"

"Since you started moping about like a wet cat."

"I'm not-" Fred shook his head. "Fine." He attempted to stare very hard at his hands but ended up smiling when George nudged him.

"You don't even know for sure yet, Fred."

Fred cast him a deadpan look.

George rolled his eyes. "Look, I did something to cheer you up." He glanced out the window and Fred's gaze followed it. Quickly, he untangled himself from his blankets and pressed his nose against the glass. The air was cold outside, November finally showing her shiverish nature. The glass fogged with his breath. "The exploding dino?"

"Yup." George grinned. "Watch. That window."

Fred watched. The night was cloudy, and only the smallest sliver of a moon lit up the lawn that drooped down to the lake. In the distance, the vague forms of the Dementors could be seen, making Fred shiver involuntarily. He turned his gaze from them. Across the lawn, Fred and George had a perfect view into Snape's office window, which was just above the ground. Suddenly, the window lit up with blue light and an outraged shout reached them from the opposite side of the school. Fred and George collapsed in laughter.

"Will you two shut it!" a sleepy voice grunted from across the room, making it necessary for George to chuck a pillow at the fun killer's head.

Fred grinned and jumped back in bed. George followed suit and they met eyes. "It's going to be okay," George whispered, his eyes gleaming in the moonlight, bringing Fred's attention back to the issue at hand. "We'll figure it out."

The scariest thing was that Fred could tell George didn't really believe that. Soon George was asleep but Fred stayed up, staring at the sliver of the moon.

Two days earlier

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," Fred whispered, tapping his wand against the blank parchment. Instantly black ink spilled over the surface and reformed into the brilliant little map that had helped them so much. One last tunnel and they would have explored all that the map had to offer. They'd already agreed to give it to the famous Potter kid Ronny always hung out with. Of all the people, the Boy Who Lived would need the map. Especially if he kept up his 'saving people' thing. Maybe at the next Hogsmeade trip… Harry had proved himself on several occasions to be the pranking sort. Fred glanced at George who tapped the wall in front of him with his wand experimentally. The teachers were rather distracted with an unfortunate dung bombing in the dining room, and everyone else was in bed, leaving them free to explore. After this last tunnel, they wouldn't need the map, despite its uses.

"Maybe try dancing in front of it like that other tunnel." Fred offered with a smirk.

"Not falling for that again, Fred."

"Not my fault you're so gullible. It would be a crime to not take advantage."

George snorted. "If we were talking about anyone else-"

"You'd agree. I know." Fred scanned the map and watched their new Defense professor walk down the hall. "Bugger," Fred muttered. "Have you got it yet?"

"Hang on… There." George's wand slid into a hidden slot and out again, and a door appeared out of nowhere. They grinned at it. "Brilliant."

"He's coming."

Fred rolled up the map and tried the door. It was unlocked and they both fumbled inside and waited with baited breath as Professor Lupin's steps passed by. At exactly the same moment, the twins nodded and moved into the dark tunnel.

"Lumos," George whispered, bringing a white light to the tip of his wand. It smelled like mildew and rat droppings in the tunnel but that was good because it meant no one had used the passage in a very long time.

"Another one to Hogsmeade?"

"No, wrong direction. Gonna have to see, I guess. Maybe there's a swimming pool at the end. I'd like a swimming pool."

Fred glanced at his twin. His red hair was lit up in the light like a fiery halo. "You can't even swim."

"Hush."

They walked for a long while in silence, their footsteps echoing up and down the dank tunnel. The longer they traveled, the more excitement built up in Fred's chest, a feeling echoed back at him in George's eyes. He loved this part. Right before the mystery was revealed. Discovering something no one else knew. The twins exchanged glances. They didn't really need words to communicate. Speaking was usually reserved for not so subtle jibes at each other.

Finally, they reached a trap door on the ceiling at the end of the tunnel. They both stared up at it. "Remember when-?"

Fred snickered. "Still makes me laugh."

"Her face, though."

"Like a plum."

George laughed quietly and they both began poking the door with their wands. It was just high enough that the tips hit it when they stretched up. "Maybe we shouldn't-"

"Yeah, blasting the door last time nearly got us caught."

Fred cast his gaze around the empty tunnel. "It's like they built this for a giant."

"Or Hagrid."

"Same difference." Fred bit his lip, thinking. "Alright, brother. Bottom or top or levitation spell?"

George screwed up his face. "I was bottom last time."

"Yeah… but you're uglier… and I'm oldest. Can't have you scaring off the pretty girls lounging at the pool when you pop up."

"Prat," he muttered. Then he lifted his wand and cast a weightless spell.

"Aw, boring," Fred complained as he bounced on the ceiling like a stringless balloon. "Balancing on your shoulders is much better."

"Well, if you weren't so fat, maybe I'd reconsider."

Fred snorted and spun around so that he could unlatch the door. He pressed it open, gratified when it gave at his touch easily. The wood warned of splinters and Fred kept his contact with it minimal. He pushed it open, causing sticks, dirt, and leaves to rain down on them. Fred laughed, drifting out and catching the edge of the door to keep from floating away, effectively looking like he was doing a handstand on the edge.

His robes dropped down over his face but he did not appear to notice as he canceled the spell with his own wand and placed his feet on the ground. Adjusting his clothes and putting the wand away, he looked around.

"What do you know, Georgie, it is a swimming pool."

"Fred, I can tell when you're fibbing."

"Worth a shot." With his hand planted on his hips, Fred spun in a circle and waited while George levitated out of the door and settled beside him. They shut the entrance with a clack, and it melded with the ground.

"Huh."

"Forbidden Forest." Neither boy was particularly bothered that the Forbidden Forest implied that it was forbidden to go inside. Honestly, who even followed that rule?

Well… Fred thought all the boring people who would probably live normal lives and not die doing something ridiculous like he figured George and him would. But such was life and who was he to argue, right? It was more fun this way anyhow.

George scratched his nose. "Useful, I suppose."

"Could let a bunch of those bat things in the school, yeah?"

George nodded. "Or a flock of owls."

Rolling his eyes, Fred caught George's gaze. "Owls don't have flocks."

"Exactly. We could make them think it's a thing everyone has been-"

"missing…" Fred thought for a moment. "That's… we could work with that."

"I am a genius after all."

Fred cast George a look that clearly said why, thank you for reminding me for the thirty-fifth time today, and then he turned to walk around the little clearing. The dark was oppressive and wet and a sickly chill hung in the air that ate away at Fred's excitement over a new secret. He wrapped his arms around his skinny form and shivered. How depressingly creepy. Between the black trees, gnarled branches created a formidable barrier against the sky. Clouds skirted about the slice of the moon but the stars were nowhere to be seen. With leaves and twigs crunching under his feet, Fred stepped deeper into the forest, knowing instinctively that his brother would follow. "Make sure you-" he started.

"Already on it," George interrupted. He broke branches as they walked, marking their path. They read it in a book on adventuring once. Or maybe it had been a muggle film Dad brought home… no matter.

They circled the area, their breath in the air and broken sticks the only evidence of their trespass. Fred located a particularly smelly bog that would fit in wonderfully in the prefect's bathroom, not to mention a wonderfully sized frog for their new and improved frog chocolates. Now they'd just have to dye its skin the exact brown and leave it for Slytherin. That would be quite satisfying.

They met back in the clearing a few minutes later and quickly whisked through their findings as they started out again, going further this time. A tunnel to the forest was looking more and more appealing.

George was dramatically acting out just how Draco would look when he was suddenly covered in bog water, frogs, and wearing a crown of fairy leaves, and Fred dutifully took on the role of Professor Macdonald. He cleared his throat and primly clasped his hands behind his back, managing somehow to look down his nose at someone of exactly the same height. "And what is the meaning of this, Mr. Malfoy?"

George struggled to hold a straight face before they both gave up and collapsed into giggles. "Gonna be great," George snickered and Fred nodded enthusiastically.

They took turns imitating each teacher, in turn, doing Snape several times. George started in a nasal tone. "Mister Malfoy…. I would like to know…. the meaning of such… behavior but… I talk so slow I forgot what I was… talking about." He scratched his head. "Do you happen to have any shampoo? I've just discovered it."

"Oh! Oh! Or it's like-"

But a sudden shuffling stopped both boys. They stilled and drew close to each other on reflex. "On second thought-"

"We should probably be getting back, Fred."

"My thoughts exactly."

However, neither Gryffindor moved, the cheerful mood dribbling into the dirt beneath their feet as foreboding rose around them. They glanced around the dark forest and realized they had no idea how far they'd gone from the tunnel. Another shuffle and a stomp and a growl and Fred took a small step in front of his brother. They listened in complete silence and Fred frowned. "What is that? Drums?"

George listened. In the distance, a strange drumming sound grew louder. The ground rattled under their feet and understanding dawned on both at the same instant. "Something's coming." Fred shoved George backward and they scrambled back to the tunnel but it was too late. For the first time, Fred caught a glimpse of the creatures. A flash of red eyes, a blur of gray fur, more thudding steps.

"Wolves," He breathed. "Gogogogogo!" They ran, stumbling on their outer robes until Fred quickly discarded his and grabbed George's arm. The wolves were all around them, just in the shadows, circling. There would be no getting back.

"Change of plans." They both scrambled to a stop. Fred's heart fumbled in his throat and he could hardly keep his feet. Quickly, Fred pushed George toward a tree. "Climb!" He ordered in a terrified whisper. "And quickly too. I'd rather not be dog food."

"Since when are there even wolves around here anyway?"

Fred tried to count the pairs of red eyes staring at them from the shadows but lost count in his stuttering fear. They were massive, that he could see, and with their luck (or lack thereof), hungry. "Climb!" he hissed. Fred didn't remember drawing his wand but there it was in his hand. He cast a quick spell that lit up the area for long enough to make him even more afraid. There was no way they could fight that many beasts. They eyed him with open jaws dripping with red and drool and filled with sharp teeth. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Fred thought that those wolves were way too large and they really needed to visit a dentist, but he was more worried by their oncoming steps. Closer and closer. If he moved, would they attack?

George was above him in the tree. Didn't something like this happen in a muggle movie? With the tiny man and the dwarves? "What are you doing?" George hissed. "Get up here."

Fred couldn't move. They were going to eat him. He was going to be a little doggy treat for these beasts. A Freddy treat. Hopefully, he'd cause them indigestion.

Because it was all in the little victories, right?

Right.

Now how did the wizard in the muggle film stop the wolves?

Fire.

A whispered incantation and a ring of fire caused several yelps and disgruntled yowls. But they did not leave. If anything, they looked angry now. The wolves growled at the flames and yelped as they lept inside the ring, far too close to Fred for Fred's liking. He laughed nervously.

Great. Well, it was now or never. Without any hesitation, Fred spun to the tree and scrambled for purchase.

At the same moment, the wolves attacked. They jumped forward with loud, hungry growls. Fred scrambled up, George pulling most of his weight as he kicked against the tree. Fred's heel connected with a wolf's nose, and he pushed himself over the branch, just barely missing a lunge by one of the creatures.

Still in harm's way, Fred struggled to keep climbing but something was keeping his foot from moving. He kicked at the resistance, his shoelace caught in the bark, and looked down to see a wolf jump straight at him. Fred lept up,but was far too slow to stop the wolf's teeth from clamping down on his ankle.

Fred screamed again, this time in pain and a blue flash from above hit the creature on the nose (George's spell work, no doubt). It let go with a yelp. Gasping and far more terrified than he'd even been in his life, Fred scrambled and climbed and slipped and kept climbing, aware of nothing but the wolves and the fear clutching his throat. He could hardly breathe, adrenaline pulsing his veins like the fire around him… fire which was now burning the surrounding forest but still not derailing the wolves from their goal. It wouldn't be long before they realized it was fruitless. But still his heart pulsed over and over We'regoingtodiewe'regoingtodie

Finally, he was far up enough that they could not possibly catch them. He stopped sat on a branch and noted distantly that his hand was shaking violently against the trunk. He stared at it and blinked slowly. What.

The wolves howled and the fire crackled and burned. They rounded the tree but finally raced off. The fire was too much.

But Fred did not feel a moment of relief. He gave a gagging sort of cough, and barely registered George on the other side of the trunk. His twin's mouth opened and closed like he was speaking but Fred heard none of it. His grip slipped and George grabbed him and forced him to stay on his awkward perch.

"Freddie." George rasped. "Freddie, look at me. Look at me."

Fred's eyes finally zeroed in on his brother and instantly his terror began to recede. George was here. They'd be okay.

"Are they gone?" he asked. His voice felt muted in his own ears. "Are they gone? Are they-"

"They're gone." George interrupted. "It's okay. We'll stay up here till we're sure. But they're gone."

"The fire?"

"I'll deal with it."

Fred blinked and time must have passed because George had dealt with the fire and it was dark again. He tried to concentrate on the feeling of the tree beneath his fingers but his concentration kept slipping. This ruddy glorious tree deserved a shrine and whatever else a tree wanted in life. Fred had never been so grateful for a plant in his entire existence.

As adrenaline ebbed away, the pain hit him all at once and he nearly lost his grip once more. He hissed and gritted his teeth. Agony radiated up from his ankle and down again. "My foot's been chewed off."

George rolled his eyes. "Always the dramatic. You've still got a foot."

Fred risked a glance down, reassured that it was still there. He gulped and looked at the momentarily useless thing. "Well… that's something, I guess." The bottom of his trousers was stained with half moon bite marks on either side of his leg from blood that dripped down into his trainer. Another wave of pain crashed through him, and he screwed his eyes shut. Was it supposed to hurt this much or was he just a wimp?

"Here," George climbed down at bit. His twin was pale in the moonlight, and his hands shook too. He took out his wand, gingerly lifted up the edge of his trousers, and muttered something obscene, anger flashing in his eyes. He looked up at him and tried to smile. "That is going to be a wicked scar."
Sitting on a branch, Fred chuckled weakly. "They'll finally be able to tell us apart."

George snorted. "Only if they see you in shorts, which we all know would be more blinding than a good hex."

"Thanks," Fred grunted dryly, trying to concentrate on the trail of this conversation and struggling. "Curse of the white-legged ginger." He laughed weakly and let his forehead rest against the tree trunk. "Are you going to fix me or what?"

"I'm trying," George muttered. He said something sternly but Fred was far too tired to recognize the spell. This was not the first time one them had ended up hurt and had to heal each other. They paid particular attention to anything Nurse Pomfrey did anytime they happened to be around her for exactly this reason.

But they'd never been in a situation like this.

"George?"

"Hmm?"

Fred gulped, his throat dry. His head spun, and his stomach was twisted in knots. "It's just… a little bite." He blinked. It was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. "It's not supposed to… be this bad."

George adjusted his position so he was face to face with him. Even in the dark, Fred could see his brother's absolute terror. "None of my healing spells are working, but I tried to clean it, and it's not bleeding too bad, so I can bandage it like a muggle would."

Fred could read his brother's thoughts like they were writing in the air. "Don't take me to Pomfrey"

"But-"

"Then we'll have to explain why the heck we were out here surrounded by massive bloody wolves in the forbidden forest in the middle of the night."

George clenched his jaw. "I don't care. You got bit, Fred. It's not like we spilled something on our robes or cut up our fingers or… What if it's poisonous or something?"

Fred rolled his eyes, which caused his head to pound, regretting he'd mentioned that the bite felt far worse than it ought to. "It's a wolf, not a snake."

"Yeah, but still, Fred. You got bit by a…" Suddenly George trailed off, his eyes glazing over. "They were rather large, weren't they?"

Fred frowned. The pain had lessened slightly but George was getting fuzzier and fuzzier. "Yes?"

George pursed his lips. "Alright. We go back. If it's worse in the morning, we find Pomfrey."

Fred blinked lazily. "Uh, huh. Whatever."

"Now, let's get out of this tree."

After that, Fred remembered nothing.

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