I apologize to everyone who reads, comments, and follows my stories. I've had a trying time this past year and am finally willing to explain what has been going on. If you would like to know, please keep reading. If not, I will try to update my stories as soon as I can.

In July of last year (2013) I had surgery on my foot, which sounds as though I would have a lot of time to write. I unfortunately as in a lot of pain due to the fact that the doctor had to reconstruct me big toe and joints. On top of being the first summer I actually took a break from school on, I was struggling emotionally besides the physical aspect of the surgery. December rolled around, one of me and my boyfriend's best friends was killed by a drunk driver. Him and his fiance were killed instantly, they were on their way up from Arizona to visit us in North Dakota for Christmas.

Shortly thereafter, another one of our close friends decided to move to Japan. Upon starting the new semester in college (my junior year) I switched majors. However, through this whole thing I was struggling with my depression which I've had for a long time. I had managed it to this point but all of this threw me over the edge and I sought out my doctor. Trying to cope with my depression I had to take care of my mom as well. She had surgery on her foot too, which required a lot of time and energy.(Things to keep in mind: I still live with my parents. I am over the age of 21 (March 2014). At this time I had 11 cats and 3 dogs. I also started my new job.)

Then on April 21st (the day after Easter Sunday) of this year I lost my professor for the class I was taking. He had a heart attack and was only 46 years old. He left behind his wife and 3 kids. This was devastating to the whole art department since we are extremely small and don't have very many graduates that come through. This class that I was taking from him was an upper division history class, so all of us were majoring in art, we knew him very well. On top of this finals was approaching in May but we helped raised money for his family as well as a tree memorial.

Last month (June 2014) my brother was accidently run off the road in his car. He suffered a compression fracture to his vertebrae. Unfortunately, he lives in Southern California (where I was born and raised) and is 13 years older than me so I couldn't be there for him or help him.

Then the other day one of my best friends from before I moved here (North Dakota), was killed in a motorcycle accident in So. California. He was 20 years old and was on his way to have his bike fix when he lost control of it due to unbalanced tires, and collided with a palm tree. (Palms tree have a tendency to behave like trains, the palm tree always wins.)

Needless to say I've had a rough year and am still trying to cope with everything. It takes a lot to build up the 'want' to write or continue a story for me, so I apologize for the delay on the stories. Thank you all so much to those of you who have followed, favorited, reviewed, and actually read my stories. It means a lot to me that I'm not just writing to myself.

Update: 02/09/17

I apologize immensely for not updating any of my stories. Life just doesn't go the way we want it to. I am no exception to that rule. In October (2016) I broke up with my long time boyfriend of almost 8 years. The same day I found out that our best friend was beaten to death by black lives matters rioters because he was white. He knew how to fight but they just ganged up on him and several of his friends. My ex and I had just made contact with him again earlier that year (2016) after 3 years of silence.

Turns out about a year after he and his wife and 5 year old moved to Japan. His wife and child were killed. They had named her after me because she was born on the same day as me. The officials swept it under the rug because they said it was a mafia killing. Wrong place at the wrong time they said. He was devastated and didn't know what to do, so he left and didn't contact us until this past year. At first we didn't know what had happened. He lied to us about how they were. Then he broke down and told us.

I was going through my email last month (January 2017) and found one of his emails that I had missed. It was dated a month before he died. And I missed it. I lost it mental, I couldn't believe it. I'm loosing everyone close to me and it's getting to me. I'm not suicidal, just lost.

About a month ago (January 2017) I went to the cardiologist for my heart condition, because it's pretty much taken over my life. You see my body is riddle with problems. I have a heart condition for starters. It comes with its own host of problems. I've never mentioned it before now because I didn't really think it was relevant. Now it is. It's called inappropriate sinus tachycardia. And it's just a symptom of a bigger problem that we didn't know about until recently (I'll get to that in just a sec ).

I have rheumatoid arthritis in both my knees. I'm slightly anemic. I have severe asthma, and am allergic to animals. (At the moment I have 14 cat and 2 dogs, but that's a story for another time. I actually had 16 until October of last year.) I have depression and chronic pain coupled with ADHD. I've been struggling with all of this since I was 13 and I'll be 24 in March of this year (2017). I recently saw a doctor and he said that I have autonomic dysfunction. And actually all of these symptoms showed up around the same time. The dysfunction causes depression, ADHD and a whole host of other problems. And because I was possible born with it I've been dealing with other problems that we don't know about yet.

He said that there was nothing he could as a cardiologist. So he's sending me over to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Either they'll be able to do something about this or they won't and I'll be living with this for the rest of my life. The problem, the way this works is that its a malfunction with the vegus nerve and the vagus nerve overrides any and most medication. Which is why none of the medication I was taking worked. There are other problems that I have but I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself at the moment.

If you have any questions at all or would like to know more about a particular story, please PM me. And again, I apologize for not updating.

Silent Midnight Shadow