If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

For want of a nail the shoe was lost,

for want of a shoe the horse was lost,

for want of a horse the knight was lost,

for want of a knight the battle was lost,

for want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

So a kingdom was lost—all for want of a nail

One man’s insanity is another man’s cupcake, or something like that.

Are oranges named oranges because oranges are orange? Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing each other.

I'd like to live life as a poor man, except with lots of money.

Stay in drugs

Eat your school

Don't do vegetables.

All men make mistakes. But a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.

It’s amazing. You know all these words, and they’re all in english, but when you string them together they make absolutely no sense, whatsoever.

Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.

The opposite of a happy ending is not actually a sad ending. Sometimes the sad ending is a happy ending. The opposite of a happy ending is a unsatisfying one.

I do not fear death. I have been dead for a great many years before I have been alive and it’s not affected me in the slightest.

If you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges