A/N: So here's that one thing I promised. The prompt I got was, "Percy gets tricked by Tony into lifting Thor's hammer without Percy knowing about the whole "only the worthy can pick it up thing." (from IceRebel). Thanks so much for the prompt! I kind of took it a different way than you wanted, so I'm sorry about that. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway! It's my first one of these, and boy was it fun.

Disclaimer: Hahaha I'm broke and don't even have a job. Nah.

It's Lighter Than It Looks

Or, Five Times Percy Picks up Thor's Hammer Without the Team Seeing and One Time They Do

1.

The tower needed to be cleaned. Badly.

They had gotten behind on the cleaning with all the work they had, not that they usually did it. Tony's bots picked up clutters and scrubbed everything, but they had malfunctioned. Tony was tired enough with fiddling with the machines to just do it by hand and invite the team in the effort. He said it was "good team bonding" and that it was good to remember how Cap did it "way back in the day."

Anyway, it was bad enough to where the team even employed Percy's help. That's how you knew it was dirty, Percy figured.

They gave him dusting duty, probably because they knew he couldn't mess up dusting that badly, Percy mused.

So Percy went around their floor dusting the picture frames and various knick-knacks to be a good teammate. He was on his last room, the living room, when he came across a small problem.

Thor's hammer was in the way. Of course things couldn't be easy for Percy.

In fact, it was sitting innocently on the coffee table. Percy screwed up his face in thought. Was he supposed to move it, or would lightning smite him immediately if he touched it? It doesn't look that heavy, Percy thought. He considered just not dusting the table, but he didn't feel like getting shredded into pieces for not even being able to dust right. So he shrugged, hoping he wasn't about to die, and slowly reached out to touch the handle of the hammer.

It was rough on the grip but surprisingly comfortable to touch, especially since the world wasn't ending because he touched it, so Percy grasped it tighter. He lifted it gently into the air and set it on the couch temporarily. It was surprisingly light. Not that it really would've mattered since Thor had, like, superhuman strength. He looked at it on the couch and grinned a little. That wasn't so scary, he thought. And that hammer was super cool, too. Percy idly wondered if he was allowed to let Tyson or Leo look at it or if he would get fried for that. He shook his head and got back to work.

Percy dusted the table quickly and set the hammer back where it was originally. He sighed in relief now that his dusting job was over and walked over to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat.

Dusting sure did work up an appetite, Percy thought.

2.

It wasn't a good idea to split up to exterminate the monsters, in the end. Especially with the "scary movie" vibes Percy was getting from this mission. Except it was more like a free-for-all than an orderly mission.

He was all alone in a creepy hallway of an abandoned and very much dilapidated building (it was always an abandoned building) and trying to control his breathing. These kinds of mutant monsters, he learned the hard way, could hear and smell very well. The only good thing was that they were blind. If it wasn't for that, Percy was pretty sure he would be dead by now.

He heard a few moans and grunts from the monster and shook his head slightly and bit his lip. Hard. It wasn't the poisonous fangs or razor-sharp claws that were going to get him in the end. It was the downright disturbing and eerie sounds it made. It scratched and howled once or twice before it began to come in Percy's direction.

He was wishing he had, oh, Thor or the Hulk around right about now.

He gave a full-body shudder as he heard its snuffling noises coming closer when all of a sudden, Mjölnir crashed through the walls and skidded to a halt right in front of Percy.

Percy groaned. If the monster hadn't known where he was before, it definitely knew now.

The weird thing was that the hammer wasn't moving. Usually, Thor had already called it back to him in a whoosh of air by now. Percy was a little worried and watched it expectantly, ready to see it be yanked back to Thor.

Except it wasn't moving.

And then Percy had a crazy idea. That once again might get him fried if he did it.

But the monster was getting closer, and he was alone, and while his sword was effective, it required him to get a little closer than he wanted to the disgusting monster. And also, poisonous fangs. No thank you. Besides, Percy knew something that would be much more effective. He didn't even have to get that close. He dropped his worry for Thor and acted.

Percy lunged out for the hammer and grabbed the handle, shifting his grip on it once before throwing it with all his might at the patchwork monster. He was a little surprised by the results, to say the least.

The hammer went right through the monster. Mjölnir slammed into the wall behind it and fell down with a klunk. The mutant looked down comically at the hole in its body before it exploded in a heap of dust. The dust sprayed all over Percy, who gagged and spit it up.

"Ew ew ew ew ew," he muttered, shaking himself all over.

But the monster was gone, and Percy was still alive, and that was what counted. Percy shrugged and decided to go catch up to the team and let the matter go, wherever they were.

But not before giving Mjölnir an affectionate pat on the handle. He'd never underestimate it again.

3.

The third time he touched Thor's hammer, it was because he lost a spar against Thor and had to polish it.

Percy wasn't exactly sure how polishing Thor's hammer was really a severe consequence for losing, but he wasn't going to complain. He had a sneaking suspicion Thor had really enjoyed the spar and wanted to go easy on him. He thought Mjölnir was cool, anyway, although getting all the dirt out of all the intricate engravings was going to be a pain.

He got out the special Asgardian cloth he was supposed to use (he'd tried to just use a regular polishing rag, but Thor had nearly fainted when he had whipped it out, so he asked for a different one) and sat down on the floor, leaning against the couch in the living room. He grabbed it from its position on the coffee table, placed it on his lap, and got to work.

It wasn't the first thing he had polished weapons- and armor-wise, but it was definitely one of the coolest. This was the first time he actually got to look closely at the hammer. The engravings were beautiful on it, and it made him think of the way lightning streaked across the sky, although more orderly here. The leather grip was still in prime condition even though Thor had used this hammer for, like, centuries. And the silver color wasn't tarnished at all from time. Percy was a little awed. The hammer could've looked like it had been made yesterday except that it looked fondly broken-in.

He worked away all of the dirt and grime carefully, making sure to make it spotless. He wasn't excited to see what Thor would do if his beloved hammer wasn't in mint condition when it got back to him.

Things were going good until he got to this one spot on the underside. The smudge would not come off. Percy frowned. He could just hand it back to Thor and hope he didn't notice, but he didn't think he could bluff his way through it. So he got some water and tried steaming it off (and some other things that he isn't quite sure of what he did) until it finally, finally, came off. He grinned and stood up, placing it back on the table. He wrote a note to Thor that went something like this:

You should keep up with your weapons more often. You won't always have an expert like me to shine it, even if people keep losing to you in sparring sessions.

-Percy

When the team came to inspect it later, they were baffled to see that that one grease spot from the nasty home-grown evil mutant canine incident was gone. Especially since it was on the bottom of the hammer, a place Percy definitely couldn't get to unless he picked it up. Thor squinted, then shrugged.

His hammer was polished, and to him, that was all that mattered in the end.

4.

Picking up Thor's hammer was getting more and more tempting.

Percy blamed the cool factor. No hammer had the right to be that cool.

The team had gone to a meeting at SHIELD headquarters. It was a bunch of stuff Percy tuned out. Mainly because it was boring and he trusted the team to catch him up on anything that was important or that he had to do. But another reason for him blatantly ignoring everything was, of course, his ADHD. Really, whoever thought it was a good idea to make Percy sit in on these two and a half hour meetings needed a reality check because not only was it completely pointless, but it was also completely implausible.

Percy was going to have a problem if Fury ever called on him to voice his opinion. Although he was pretty sure Fury already knew he didn't pay attention, judging by the eye rolls and sighs when Percy's drumming on the desk or jiggling leg became too distracting.

He actually didn't even realize the meeting was over until Steve placed a hand on his shoulder. Everyone else was already standing up.

"Hey, we're going to go check out a few files and fill out some reports in the room next door. You can stay in here if you want," Steve said. Steve knew that Percy hated paperwork even more than boring meetings.

Percy smiled his thanks for the out. "Sure, I'll stay in here."

Once they had all left, Percy sat down in his seat, contemplatively thinking about what he could possibly do for another forty-five minutes at least when his gaze alighted on a particular interesting item.

Namely, Thor's hammer.

Percy wasn't sure why Thor had even brought the thing, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Thor got bored at these meetings, too, and needed something else to do besides listen to statistics and reports. Even Steve got bored at the meetings.

He looked from the hammer to the door, then back to the hammer again. A smile crept onto his face as he walked around the table to stand in front of the hammer. He reached out to it and grasped it. He hefted it into the air and experimentally swung it a few times. He let out a giggle—uh, manly laugh—as it made a metallic swoosh sound. He got in a dramatic fighting stance, making fierce faces and slashing at unseen enemies.

"Stay back, loathsome creature," he warned to his imaginary enemy. "For I am fierce, and you shall surely perish." He swung and swished. "Be gone, fiend!" Percy laughed once and then got back down to business.

He had just done a perfect swing-move swipe-down power jump (the first few times he had tripped over his feet and almost fallen down) that would have totally defeated anything alive when he heard someone clear their throat.

He whirled around, tripping on the chair and stumbling forward a few steps. "Uh," he said to the guy standing in front of him in a suit.

He had his eyebrows raised and a slight smile on his face. He had close-cropped hair and a friendly face. "Not bad," he said. "I'm a little impressed you can lift it at all."

Percy could feel his face burning. "Uh, sorry. It isn't really all that heavy. I thought it would be heavier. It just looks like it weighs a ton." He cleared his throat awkwardly. This guy probably thought he was a total loser. "When exactly did you get in here?"

"Around loathsome creature," the guy admitted, smiling.

Great, Percy thought. He'd seen the tripping. How had he not noticed this guy? He knew he should've turned around. "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have been touching it," Percy said.

"Oh, no, by all means," the man replied. "I won't tell if you won't."

Percy smiled. "Thanks. I think Thor would pummel me if he knew." Percy paused. "Sorry, I don't think I caught your name? I'm Percy. Percy Jackson." He held out his hand to shake, Thor's hammer dangling by his side in his hand.

"I'm Phil," he said, that peculiar half-smile still lingering on his lips. "Phil Coulson. It was a pleasure to meet you, Percy. And I don't think Thor would be all that mad."

Percy laughed. "I don't want to push it. He's pretty protective of it." He lifted the hammer up his face so he could look at one last time before he set it down on the meeting table.

"Do you know much about his hammer?" To Percy, it seemed like that question was a little more weighted than it seemed, but he didn't understand why.

"Well, at first I thought it would fry me for touching it. I had to lift it once to dust something, and I thought that was how I was going to die." Percy considered for another moment, but couldn't figure out what this nice guy wanted. "I mean, I just thought it would be heavier. And that he can charge it with lightning. I don't know that much about it."

"Huh," Phil said, his smile growing a little wider and taking a more boyish tinge to it. "I was just curious. Anyway, I have to be going, but it was nice to meet you. Tell the team I said hi."

Phil Coulson left the room, leaving a bemused Percy behind him. After he closed the door behind him, he allowed himself a small chuckle.

This kid has no idea, he thought, grinning.

5.

Thor had left his hammer in the middle of the hallway right outside Percy's room.

Again.

Percy was getting really tired of stubbing his toe and tripping on it. He was pretty sure Thor or one of the others was putting in the way on purpose just to make him irritated. He sighed long-sufferingly and bent down to move it to the side. He was still surprised by how light it was. It was no work at all to move it to lean against the wall in the hallway. Sometimes his sword felt heavier than this hammer, Percy mused. He shook his head and went along his way.

When Tony came across it leaned against the wall, he called the team in for a short meeting (minus Percy, of course).

"Okay, I had Thor put in middle of the hallway this morning. And now it's been moved. And Thor didn't touch it," Tony said, waving his arms. "And none of us can pick it up, either."

"Do you think he—" Clint began, and then stopped. He opened his mouth and closed it. He began again. "Do you think he could've moved it?"

Steve bit his lip. "I don't know. He's a good kid. It's possible."

"This requires more research," Tony declared. The men instantly started to debate on different ways to set up a trap for Percy to get him to pick it up again.

Natasha rolled her eyes. Sometimes you had to spell it out for them, she thought. "Why don't you just ask him to pick it up?" she deadpanned, like it was the most obvious thing in the world (because it was).

Bruce considered it. "That's actually a good idea. Percy probably doesn't even know about the hammer."

Thor frowned. "I am unsure of my feelings on this matter," he rumbled.

Tony clapped his hands together. "It's been decided. We're going to ask him to pick it up." He raised his voice louder and melodramatically. "MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM NOW. YOU TOO, PERCY." Then quieter, he said, "Time to figure this out once and for all."

1.

Percy frowned as he walked into the living room.

The team was standing around the coffee table expectantly, and Thor was holding Mjölnir. When he saw Percy enter, he put it down on the table with a quiet thud. Percy swallowed. Was this because he had eaten the last of Clint and Natasha's special cereal? Or was it because he had accidentally turned Tony's white Led Zepplin shirt pink with a red sock?

"Uh, hi?" Percy said hesitantly, looking from face to face. "We're supposed to be having a team meeting for some reason?"

Bruce nodded. "Yeah. I'm curious, Percy. What do you know about Thor's hammer?"

Percy's eyebrows shot up, both at the tone that made him feel like he should be in a dark room with a single hanging light on him and the question. This was the second question like this he'd gotten in a week. Did they know about him picking up Thor's hammer? "Not much, really," Percy said truthfully. "Uh, he can call it back to his hand. It's name is Mjölnir. Um, he can charge it with lightning? Getting hit with it would really hurt?" Percy scrunched his eyebrows up. "It isn't as heavy as it looks? I don't know."

The team's eyebrows shot up, and their eyes widened in obvious surprise. "What makes you say that?" Steve asked, his tone carefully even.

"Well, I had to dust the table one time, so I moved it and it wasn't nearly as heavy as I thought it would be," Percy said, shrugging.

Tony's mouth was opening and closing. He turned to the others. "Seriously? Do you hear this kid?"

Percy frowned. Maybe he had really upset the team by touching what wasn't his when he wasn't supposed to. "Sorry, I'll stop touching it if it bothers you guys so much. It was kind of tempting though."

Thor shook his head rapidly. "No, no, we are not upset." He hesitated, like what he was going to say next was going to hurt him a little. "Could you pick it up again?"

Percy blinked. "Sure. Why?"

"Just want to test something," Natasha put in quickly.

Percy felt a little uneasy at the intensity of their staring, Natasha especially (she sometimes gave him the willies on normal days, so right now was even scarier), but he went over to the table anyway. He reached out and grasped the cool leather grips and picked it up.

He felt the stunned atmosphere around him and was confused at the wide eyes and slight incredulous smiles. Hadn't they ever seen somebody pick up a hammer before? "It isn't that big of a deal, why are you guys flipping out?"

Clint huffed a laugh. "Percy, kid, I love you, but you can be so oblivious sometimes."

Percy was a little offended until he remembered how true it was. He sighed. "What did I miss this time?" he asked, dropping the arm with the hammer to his side.

Tony clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Percy, only certain kinds of people can pick that thing up."

"Certain kinds of people? You mean people with, like, godly powers?"

"We're talking more people with good morals and who are worthy to touch it, actually," Steve said.

Percy wrinkled his nose. Then he caught something in their tones. He looked around at all of them. "Surely you guys can pick it up," he said incredulously.

They all shook their heads no, except Thor, obviously, who instead looked a little sick. "None of you can?" Percy asked, his voice rising. He quickly put the hammer back on the table. "Wait, I'm not going to get anything from being able to pick it up, right? Oh gods, am I going to be immortal?"

Thor rumbled with laughter. "Not quite, Percy. Although, if you truly wanted my position as prince, you might one day be able to take it. And any other power of mine, as it has been decreed by my father."

Percy shook his head emphatically. "Ah, no. No, thank you. I'm good. Really."

Thor's laughter positively boomed this time. He looked considerably less pale. "Oh, friend of mine, I am glad it is you that can pick it up."

Percy chuckled. "I'll tell you guys the truth. I thought this was about me eating the rest of that cereal and about Tony's shirt."

"Wait, what did you do to my shirt?" Tony demanded.

"And our cereal?" Natasha growled.

Percy gulped. "Uh, Thor, I'm gonna need to borrow that hammer, please." Natasha's eyes got a dangerous glint to them. "And also all of your powers and strength. Temporarily."

"I think you will need it more than I now. It is yours to borrow," Thor said grimly.

Percy later learned that he should've kept his mouth shut while he was ahead, but also that Thor's hammer was a great defensive weapon against an angry genius and two master assassins.

A/N: Yeah, this was a total crackfic basically. I'm not even sorry. Okay, so remember to be looking for that multi-chap fic that'll be coming out soon. I'm not sure when it'll be out, but the title is going to be Recordatio. Just in case you guys wanted to know. It's in the profile page. I might recommend following me just so you don't miss anything. Anyway, thanks for reading! You're fantastic.