I love anime... I'm literally insanely obsessed with Anime

It is what strawberry cake is to Erza.

What pizza is to C.C.

Honestly you will find alot of random things here, I put pretty much anything on my profile(almost).

About Me!

Name: Anilime Ahsim (don't ask why I have my reasons...Kirito!)

Age: 22

Age of Soul: Old

Gender: Female

Sign: Sagittarius

Country: Britannia (Get it... if you don't you suck)

Fav. Islands: Mako island, Kamine island, island of Berk, Tenrou island...

Also I have a list of shows I've watched feel free to pm me to talk about them if you want.

Most of ...oh who am I kidding ALL of my stories are challenges cause I have more plot bunny's then I know what to do with I have 50 more written down that have yet to make it here. So if you need a plot bunny just Pm me literally I don't mind AT ALL! Just make sure it's an anime I've watched I have a list below.

P.S. the anime Shiki is great up until the ending anyways from the plot to the characters to the way it's drawn which Means it should have some awesome fanfic cause the fanfic can often be better than the original But it does NOT for whatever reason that I can not fathom! It's called an AU PEOPLE!

Sorry P.S. might end up as random rants of mine k.

one of the reasons I created an account is because of the following quotes and funny/sad bits.

Some people say they are big readers. That they're so into books it's not funny. However the only way to tell is if they 1) Suddenly gasp when something exciting happens in the book. 2) Start talking to the book because that's not how they want the book to go. 3) Hurl the book across the room when one of their favorite characters dies.

"A reader lives a thousand lives before they die. But people that never read only live one." -George R.R. Martin

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.

Also if I have used something that is yours do not sue tell me and I will take it down or change it. I'm a very negationable person.

Shows I've Watched * means haven't completed it yet (Don't have wifi so don't know when it will ever get done!)

Ben 10* Tokyo mew mew Rosswell Generator Rex* W.I.T.C.H Three delivery Growing up Creepie Pokemon* (stopped at ep.136)Dragon BallH2O just add water/mermaid adventures (Didn't like the 2nd series) Tweeny witches House of Anubis* Kim PossibleCode LyokoChalk zoneSailor Moon*Mermaid melodyAtomic BettyScooby DooBarbie (Movies only)Tinker bellWinx club*Time warp trioTeen TitansStrange days at Blake howlsey highThe secret saturday'sJake long the american dragonDanny PhantomThe life and times of juniper leeMartin mysteryTotally spiesTotal drama island*Unnatural historyTower prepThe Wild thorberrysNaruto* (ep.136)Symbionic titanCard captor SakuraWolf and spiceShugo charaMagical girl lyrical NanohaSasami magical girls clubPrincess tutuThe Melancholy of Haruhi SuzumiyaMagical do re mi*Futari wa Pretty Cure*Saint TailJewel pet tinklePuella magi Madoka MagicaMy bride is a mermaidStatic shockPretearWedding peachFull MoonKarin(chibi vampire)Avatar the last air benderAkazukin Chacha*Uta Kata*Kaito Tenshi Twin Angel*Kamikaze Kaitou JeanneKid the phantom thiefA little snow fairy SugarMayoi neko overrunNurse witch KomugiMagical witch punie punieGeobreedersMagical Meow Meow TarutoKamichuD.N. AngelGunsmith CatsEl Cazador de la BrujaMadlaxBlack catNoirHyper policeVampire KnightVampire princess MiyuHatenkou Yuugi (Dazzle)E's otherwiseSankareaZero no TsukaimaSoul eaterHellsing ultimateKaichou wa Maid Sama (sub)Ouran high school host clubYumeiro patissiereDeath note (dub)Dream eater merryKaleido StarGrenadierUltimate girls the qwaser of stigmata*Skip beat (sub)Special A (sub)The wallflower (dub)RosarioVampireOmamori HimariPita-tenGunslinger girlAir tvAyashi No Ceres (dub)Kodocha*(dub ep.52)Itazura na kiss (sub)earl and fairy (sub)Ballad of a ShinigamiFruits basketRomeo x JulietCode - EMermaids forestK-on* (dub Se.2)Peach girlPretty rhythm aurora dream* (sub ep.13)InuyashaSave Me! Lollipop (dub)Black butler (dub)The daughter of Twenty Faces (sub)MouseBloodPrincess resurrectionFushigi Yuugi (dub)Petite Princess YucieNeo Ranga* (dub ep.19)12 kingdoms* (sub ep.8)King of bandit Jing (dub)Ghost hunt(dub)Tayutama kiss on my deity (sub)Neo Angelique Abyss (sub)Lunar LegendBlack Rock ShooterOkusama Wa Joshikousei (sub)Hayate no Gotoku* (sub ep.23)One Piece (dub)Chrono crusade (dub)Mysterious Girlfriend X (dub)Squid girl* (sub)Princess jellyfish (sub)C3 (sub)Aria the Scarlet Ammo* (dub)The world god only knows (sub)Kimi ni TodokeDarker than Black (dub)Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai (sub)Dusk Maiden of Amnesia (sub)Chihayafuru* (sub)Otome wa Boku ni Koishiteru (sub)Kamisama Kiss*Samurai Champloo (dub)Ben-To (sub)The story of Saiunkoku (Se.2)Murder PrincessDevil may cry (dub)Tamako Market* (ep.5)Ginban KaleidoscopeDaa! Daa! Daa! (sub)Highschool of the dead (dub)Fullmetal Alchemist (Se.1 only)Future diary (sub)Please teacher!When they cry (sub)Fairy tail* (sub)DearS (dub)Pandora Hearts (sub)Dog and scissors (sub)Detective Conan (sub)Sword art online (dub)Another (dub)Kaze no stigma (dub)Wolf's Rain (dub)Problem children (dub)Black lagoon (dub)No game No life (dub)Seiken tsukai no world break (sub)Bleach (dub)Assassination classroom (dub)How to train your dragonMekakucity Actors (sub)Magi (sub)The devil is a part timer (sub)Tokyo ghoul (sub)Shimoneta (sub)Blood lad (dub)ShikiPsychic detective yakumo (sub)Blood C (dub)Ookami san (sub)Charlotte (dub)Noragami (dub)Angel beats(dub)Blue exorcist* (dub)Kampfer (dub)Mayoiga (dub)Yuki yuna (dub)Code geass (sub)Miraculous: Tales of ladybug Cat Noir (dub)Nagi no asukara* (dub)

Yeah It's alot I write them down as I go sooo... it wasn't until like more than half way through that I learned about the in and outs especially when it came to subs and dubs and started keeping track of those.

Wisdom

Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

"… It is merely an observation of the nature of reality. To say that nothing is true, is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and that we must be the shepherds of our civilization. To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic…" – Ezio Auditore da Firenze

"Observe everything. Question everything. Find the beauty in every answer."

"Where you stand and how you move can make all the difference." – Mario Auditore

"The past is knowledge, the present is action, and the future is hope.."

Poem (I guess)

The mighty one threw up the stars,

To heal the world of mortal scars,

But though the evil would not lay,

Their ones must rise to keep at bay,

And through the sky, black curtain drawn,

A new age heralded at the strike of Dawn.

-Old seafaring songs vol. 1 Verse 4-

Normal vs. HTTYD Fans:

NORMAL PEOPLE: on a bad day will say "Today is just not my day."

HTTYD Fans: will say "The Gods Hate Me!

Normal people: Will hear a whistle and ignore it

How to Train Your Dragon Fans: will hear a whistle and scream "Night Fury! Get Down!"

Normal people: see a mini toothless statue and say "eh, it's just a piece of plastic"

HTTYD fans: view a toothless mini statuette and scream "Oh my god This is the cutest thing I have now !!!!!!!!!!"

Normal people, when asked what they need while fighting a dragon will say: a gun

HTTYD fans: a doctor! 5 speed! A shield!

Normal people, when pursued will: call for anyone to help

HTTYD fans: will call for your dragon.

Normal people: do not know the statistics for the different dragons

HTTYD fans: Nadder: 8 speed, armor 16. Zippleback: Attack 11, x2 stealth. Monstrous Nightmare: firepower 15. Terrible Terror: Attack 8, venom 12. Gronckle: jaw strength 8 (thank you, Fishlegs)

Normal people: What in God's name!

Fans HTTYD: on behalf of Thor!

Normal people: When asked how to defeat a dragon without killing him will not know.

HTTYD fans: will know immediately to show them an eel, scratched them under her neck, give them some dragon-nip or reflect light something to leave them behind you.

Normal people: will buy band posters and such.

HTTYD fans: will search all stores for all HTTYD collectibles, clear an entire shelf in his room for them and make a saddle piece and tail for each figurine and plushy toothless they have.

Normal people: See the movie HTTYD once in the film and maybe once at home.

HTTYD fans: watch the movie again and again until they can resite the entire thing, with the correct tones (example :. * Changes in Scottish accent * excuse me, barmaid, I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fishbone!)

Normal people: whistle a popular song while they work

HTTYD Fans: whistling the theme HTTYD while they work

Normal people: do not really care when the second film is released.

HTTYD fans: will count the days until the premiere youtube and check every day for the next trailer (trailer cursed !!)

Normal people: will give what they can to people as gifts

HTTYD fans: never, under any circumstances, carry a Gronckle egg to someone.

Normal people: when telling someone to change their habits, will be good at it.

HTTYD fans: will say, "You have to stop it all ... this"

Normal people, "Doesn't Astrid mean" asteroid "?

HTTYD fans: *Dreamy tone* "Astrid ..."

Normal people, when in danger: "We're gonna die!!"

HTTYD fans: "the chances of survival are dwindling in the single digits now ..."

Normal people: will "keep calm and carry on"

HTTYD fans: will "keep calm and wait for How to Train Your Dragon 3"

Normal people: do not really care what they use for a belt buckle

HTTYD fans: never use anything similar to bone. EVER!

Normal people:. Wisest quote - "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow The crucial point is to stop questioning" - Albert Einstein

HTTYD fans: 'If you get blasted, you're dead "- Gobber the Belch

Normal people: will skip this

HTTYD fans: Will post this on their profile and add their name to the list before the Red Death gets them!

Month One:

Mommy,

I am only 8 inches long

but I have all my organs.

I love the sound of your voice!

Every time I hear it

I wave my arms and legs.

The sound of your heart beat

is my favorite lullaby...

Month Two:

Mommy,

today I learned how to suck my thumb.

If you could see me,

you could definitely tell that I am a baby.

I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.

It is so nice and warm in here...

Month Three:

You know what, Mommy?

I'm a boy!

I hope that makes you happy.

I always want you to be happy.

I don't like it when you cry.

You sound so sad,

It makes me sad too

and I cry with you even though

you can't hear me...

Month Four:

Mommy,

my hair is starting to grow.

It is very short and fine,

but I will have a lot of it.

I spend a lot of my time exercising.

I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes

and stretch my arms and legs.

I am becoming quite good at it too...

Month Five:

You went to the doctor today.

Mommy, he lied to you.

He said that I'm not a baby.

I am a baby, Mommy, your baby!

I think and feel.

Mommy, what's abortion..?

Month Six:

I can hear that doctor again.

I don't like him.

He seems cold and heartless.

Something is intruding my home.

The doctor called it a 'needle.'

Mommy what is it? It burns!

Please make him stop!

I can't get away from it!

Mommy! HELP me..!

Month Seven:

Mommy,

I am okay.

I am in Jesus' arms.

He is holding me.

He told me about abortion.

Why didn't you want me, Mommy..?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped...

Two more eyes that will never see...

Two more hands that will never touch...

Two more legs that will never run...

One more mouth that will never speak...

Something Funny

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

"There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt." "So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?"

Life is the art of drawing without an eraser. God... how I wish I had an eraser right now.

Life is a play... and it seems as though I've lost the script.

EMO= extravagantly made origami

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

Dear Math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems.

The dumber people think you are,

the more surprised they're

going to be when you kill them..

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not a jerk

I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.

I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date

I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry

For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry

That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry

I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry

I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry

That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry

That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry

That I cared

I'm sorry

that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

My Mother...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the

store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Choices don't just affect you alone

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school

He told his friends that it was cool

And when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack

Mommy I was a good girl

I did what I was told

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

But Mommy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye

I'm sorry Mommy I had to go, but Mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another

And all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mommy please tell Daddy that I love him very much

And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now

And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mommy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest

Mommy tell my teachers I won't show up for class

And never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mommy why'd it have to be me, no one deserves this

Mommy warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss

And Mommy tell the doctors I know they really did try

I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mommy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest

But Mommy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest

Mommy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mommy listen to me if you would

I wanted to go to college

I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy

On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married

I wanted to have a kid

I wanted to be an actress

Mommy I wanted to live

But Mommy I must go now

The time is getting late

Mommy tell my Chris

I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date

I love you Mommy I always have

I know you know it's true

Mommy all I wanted to say is "Mommy I love you"

Father's Day

His hair spiked up,

While she finished hers with a bow.

Today was dad's day at school,

And they couldn't wait to go.

But their mother tried to tell them,

That they should probably should stay home.

Why the kids might not understand,

If they went to school alone.

But they were not afraid,

They knew just what to say.

What to tell there class mates,

On this on dad's day.

But still their mother worried,

For them to face this day alone.

And that was why once again,

To keep her children home.

But the little children went to school,

Eager to tell them all.

About the dad they never see,

A dad that never calls.

There were fathers along the wall in the back,

For everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently,

Anxious in there seats.

One by one the teacher called,

A student from the class.

To introduce their father,

As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called their names,

Every child turned to stare.

Each of them were searching,

For a man who wasn't there.

"Where's their father at?"

She heard a boy call out.

"They probably don't have one,"

He heard a student dared to shout.

And from somewhere from the back,

She heard a father say.

"Looks like another dead beat dad,

Too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend them,

As they smiled at all their friends.

They looked back at their teacher,

Who told them to begin.

And with their hands behind their backs,

Slowly she began to speak.

And out from the mouth of a child,

Came words incredibly unique.

'Our father couldn't be here,

Because he lives so far away.'

"But I know he wishes he could,

Be with us on this day."

'And though you cannot meet him,

We want you all to know.'

"All about my father,

And how he loved us so.

He loved to tell us stories,

He taught me to fly a kite."

'He surprised me with pink roses,

And he taught me how to fight.'

"We use to share fudge sundaes,

And ice cream in a cone."

'And though you cannot see him,

We never stand-alone.'

"Because my father's always with me,

Even though we are apart."

'We know because he told us,

He'll be forever in our hearts.'

With that their little hand reached up,

And lay across their chests.

Feeling their own heart beats,

One under a shirt and one under a dress.

And somewhere in the crowds if dads,

Their mother stood in tears.

Proudly watching her children,

Who was wise beyond their years.

For they stood up for the love,

Of a man not in their life.

Doing what was best for them,

Doing what was right.

And when they dropped their hand back down,

Staring straight into the crowed.

They finished with voices so soft,

But it's message clear and loud.

"We love our father very much,

He's our shining star."

'And if he could, he'd be hear,

But heavens just too far.'

"But sometimes when we close our eyes,

It's like he never went away."

And then they closed their eyes,

And saw him there that day.

And to their mothers amazement,

She witnessed with surprise.

A room full of fathers and children,

All starting to close their eyes.

"I know you're with me father,"

To the silence she called out.

And what happened next made believers,

Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in the room could explain it,

For each their eyes had been closed.

But they're placed on their desk tops,

Were beautiful fragrant pink roses.

And children was blessed, if only for a moment, by the

Love of their shining bright star.

And given the gift of believing,

That heaven is NEVER too far.

Randomness

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

Then he said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'mBLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK! But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE! And you have the nerve to call me colored

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Dear bullies,

See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself. You know that girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up hoping people will like her. That boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that young boy you just made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying.See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night his friend talked him out of suicide.

Interesting

"Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Freida Norris

"Here's something you never hear on the internet, 'You're mother is a nice person.'" -anonymous

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch as the world wonders how the fuck you did it."

Something old, something new. Something borrowed, something blue." -Amelia Pond

37 things to do on an elevator (shortened version)

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Six truths in life:

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time: a physical impossibility

2. All idiots, after reading this will try it

3. And discover that its a lie

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5. You will soon repost this for another idiot to see

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face

They Hurt Her

Carmen Winstead was a young girl who died when she was pushed down the sewer by five girls she thought were her friends. Carmen was 17 years old when her parents decided to move to Indiana. Her father had lost his job and the only way he could find new employment was by moving to a new state. The relocation caused a lot of problems for Carmen. She had to leave her friends behind and attend a whole new school in Indiana.

Carmen had a hard time making friends when she changed schools. It was the middle of the school year and most of the students had no interest in befriending the new girl. Initially, she spent many days alone, walking from class to class without speaking to anyone, but she eventually started hanging around with a group of five other girls. Carmen thought these girls were her friends, but it wasn’t long before she discovered that they had been talking about her behind her back and spreading vile rumors.

When she confronted them, the girls turned on her and began bullying her every day, making her life a misery. They started out calling her names, but then the bullying got much worse. One day, she left her school books in the classroom at break time. When she returned, she found someone had taken a sharpie and written dirty words all over her books. Another day, she opened her bag and discovered someone had poured yoghurt all over the insides. Sometimes, she would come to school and find her locker had been vandalized. The final straw came when she put on her coat at recess and found that someone had stuffed dog poop in her pockets. There and then, Carmen decided that she couldn’t take the bullying any longer.

She planned to stay behind, that evening, after school, and tell her teacher what had been happening. Unfortunately, her decision came too late to save her life. After lunch, her teacher announced that the school was holding a fire drill. When the alarm sounded, Carmen and the other students filed out of the classroom and assembled in the yard outside. As the teachers read out the roll call, the gang of five girls decided that this was a great opportunity to embarrass Carmen in front of the whole school during the fire drill. They moved over to where Carmen was standing, near a sewer drain, and began crowding the poor girl, getting in her face and nudging her towards the open manhole.

They pushed her and she tripped over and fell head-first down the manhole. When they saw her falling, the girls started giggling and when Carmen’s name was called out, they shouted "She’s down in the sewer!" All of the other students began laughing. But when the teachers looked down the manhole and saw Carmen’s body lying at the bottom in the muck and the poop, the laughter abruptly stopped. Her head was twisted around at an odd angle and her face was covered in blood. Worse still, she wasn’t moving. There was nothing any of the teachers could do for her. Carmen was dead. When the police arrived and went down into the sewer, they determined that she had broken her neck. Her face had been torn off when she hit the ladder on the way down and her neck snapped when she landed on her head on the concrete at the bottom.

The police hauled Carmen’s body out of the sewer and sent her to the mortuary. Everyone had to stay behind after school while the police questioned all of Carmen’s classmates. The five girls lied to the police, saying they had witnessed Carmen falling down the sewer. The police believed the girls and Carmen Winstead’s death was ruled an accident and the case was closed. Everyone thought that was the last they would hear of Carmen Winstead, but they were wrong. Dead Wrong. Months later, Carmen’s classmates began receiving strange e-mails on their MySpaces.

The e-mails were titled "They Pushed Her" and claimed that Carmen hadn’t really fallen down the sewer, she had been pushed. The e-mails also warned that the guilty people should own up and take responsibility for their crime. If they didn’t there would be horrible consequences. Most people dismissed the e-mails as a hoax, but others were not so sure.

A few days later, one of the girls who pushed Carmen down the sewer was at home taking a shower, when she heard a strange cackling laugh. It seemed to be coming from the drain. The girl started to freak out and ran out of the bathroom. That night, the girl said goodnight to her mom and went to sleep. Five hours later, her mom was awoken in the middle of the night, by a loud noise that resounded throughout the house. She ran into her daughter’s room, only to find it empty. There was no trace of the girl.

The worried mother called the police and when they arrived, they conducted a search of the area. Eventually, they discovered the girl’s grisly remains. Her corpse was lying in the sewer, covered in muck and poop. Her neck was broken and her face missing. It had been completely torn off. One by one, all of the girls who pushed Carmen that day were found dead.

They had all been killed in exactly the same way and were all found at exactly the same spot. In the sewer at the bottom of the same uncovered manhole where Carmen had met her doom. But the killing didn’t stop there. More and more of Carmen’s former classmates were found dead. It seemed that anyone who didn’t believe that Carmen had been pushed, was eventually found down in the sewer with their necks broken and their faces torn off. They say that Carmen’s ghost is still on the rampage, hunting down anyone who doesn’t believe her story. According to the legend, Carmen will get you, whether it’s from a toilet, a shower, a sink or a drain. When you go to sleep, you’ll wake up in the sewer, in complete darkness, paralyzed, unable to move, hearing cackling laughter all around you. Then, as you scream in horror, Carmen will come and tear your face off.

So be careful who you bully, because you just might find yourself on the receiving end of the curse of Carmen Winstead. FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. They hurt her...

"Which is true and no one should be hurt like that if I wasn't in public right now I might cry. But thats my unspoken rule I don't cry in public. Bottom line they did hurt her and honestly they deserved it though going after people who did not help or believe her is a little much, but hey technecly by american law if your indirectly are apart of the crime you get the same punishment as the person who did the crime. So not to different if you take out the murder and upset spirit. Yeah..."

THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR WHILE UNDERGOING SURGERY:

1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

2. "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

4. "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

5. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"

6. "Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingy."

7. "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

8. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

9. "Damn, there go the lights again..."

10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them."

11. "What do you mean you want a divorce?"

12. "Ooooops!"

Teacher/Student Conversations that will make your teacher...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLEN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.

TEACHER: Manic, what did we say about loud voices?! MANIC: You didn't say anything about drums.

TEACHER: *explodes*

I don't care for celebrities so this was funny

95% of girls would cry if Justin Bieber were kidnapped, copy/paste this into your profile if you're part of the 5% that is torturing your new prisoner!!

95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber jumped of a cliff, copy/paste this onto your profile if you're part of the 5% that would bring popcorn!!

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a sky scraper, about to jump. If you're one of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn screaming "DO A FLIP!" then copy and paste this to your profile.

95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 story tall building about to jump. 4% brought popcorn, friends, and chairs. 1% pushed him off the building. If you are part of the 4 or 1% copy and paste this into your profile. (I'm the 1%!)

A story

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Can't judge a book by it's cover

A 15 year old girl holds hands with her one-year-old son. People call her a slut.

Nobody knows she was raped at the age of 13. People call another guy fat.

Nobody knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man ugly.

Nobody knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.

Stop and think before you speak, everyone has a facade

This is a true story. All schools have a class clown, someone that gets on everyone's nerves and that no one likes. There was one of these boys in this one school. Nobody liked him at all. He had no friends, the teachers hated him for his disruptiveness, and the students found him annoying beyond belief. He never seemed to care. One day, he had finally stepped on his teachers last nerve. What the teacher did was make everyone in the class stand up and tell the boy something they didn't like about him. As each of the thirty students stood up and said something about him they didn't like, he only sat and didn't seem to mind. All of the students did it.

That day, when school was out, the boy went home, grabbed his dads gun, and shot himself in the head.

Girls

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her."

If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.

The last part is weird but it's kinda funny though so I kept that part.

Random Sayings

"You know that 'fine' stands for fucked up, insecure, negative and emotional."

"With great power, comes great need to nap. Wake me up later."

Don't follow in my footsteps. It's for your own good. I walk into walls.

Consciousness- that confusing place between naps.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." -Einstein

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. -Benjamin Franklin

Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Whatever doesn't kill ME, had better run like heck!

In a British University, a final exam question on Business was:"Define what risk is". The shortest answer ever at one word was :"This." The student handed the essay in and got 100.

Wherever I throw it, that’s where it belongs.

The voices in my head don’t like you.

If I can’t be a good example, I’ll just have to be a horrible warning.

Gravity is the only law I feel compelled to obey.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. That's what may friend thinks. She always seems to need some when I'm around...

Be yourself, no one can say you’re doing it wrong.

I don’t have ADHD, I just… oh look! A bunny rabbit!

I have ADHS… Attention Defici… Hey! Shiny!

Every time I think I’ve hit rock bottom somebody hands me a shovel.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

Crazy? I was crazy once, I had my own padded room. Then the worms came….Worms? I hate worms, they drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once…

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”- Albert Einstein

My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems.

I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger… then it hit me. I took it pretty hard.

Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish. Why won't the stupid fish drown already!?

Your're so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.

I’m out of my mind. Please leave a message.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically for no apparent reason, and they'll leave you alone.

Reality seems like a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

I thought you were my knight in shining armor, but you turned out to be a loser in tinfoil.

Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird.

"It's always in the last place you look" Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor". A long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.

I'm not so good at advice; may I interest you in a sarcastic reply?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. *sniffle, sniffle* she always stuck by me the most

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep. Right when you get to the good part of your dream.

What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?

It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.

I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those that can't.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed. My apple always seems to go off course. Bummer.

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to. Especially when you give them the creepy smile and the quiet snicker.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

Procrastinators Unite! Tomorrow...

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Our minds are like wings...Destined to take us places...

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well I think guns help. I mean if you stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

Anime is Life. Manga is life. Life is good. Parents suck for not buying you more life.

Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

What do you mean my birth certificate expired?

My mind works like lightning . . . .one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.

Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. That There was the definition of my life.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

A smart person learns from there mistakes, but a wise person learns from others mistakes. Ahhh so that's the trick!

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

I'm not random . . . you just can't think as fast as me.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . .

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss.

Don't you dare tell me the sky's the limit, when there are FOOTSTEPS on the Moon.

Girls are like phones- We like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button and you'll be disconnected!

When in doubt, check a fortune cookie. It is right 5% of the time.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Immaturity is the best kind of maturity.

Relax. Nothing is okay.

(Ghost Zone) were gonna be killed by dead people. I am not a fan of IRONY!

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just implying it.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me?

I talk to myself because mine are the only answers I accept!

An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.

There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, an so there is an 'I' in MEATPIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... So HA!

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. As long as it isn't Edward.

The quality of life is not determined by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Dear math I don't want to solve your problems I have my own to solve."

"It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up."

"Algebra I'm not going to find your X she's not coming back!"

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Please note : Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing

Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7

Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear America, You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada

No Means No

"Can we have sex right now?

Girl: "Can we do what?"

Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"

Girl: "Um...no."

Guy: "Why?"

Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..."

Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."

Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."

Guy: "I'm not special to you?"

Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."

Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.

5 minutes pass...

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.

Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.".

Guy: tries to kiss her.

Girl: screams, "Would you stop."

Guy: continues trying.

Girl: moves to the back seat

Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.

Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."

Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.

Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."

Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".

Girl: crying, continues to fight.

Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.

Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"

Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.

An hour passes...

Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.

Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying.

Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.

Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."

Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later...

Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."

Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."

Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.

Doctor: "You are pregnant."

Girl: faints.

The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."

The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...

Girls, if this story touched/made you sad, put this on your profile under "No means no"

Guys, if this story pisses you off, put this on your profile under "I'll kill any fucker who does this to my girl or any girl"

"I like that last part about what the guy would do."

Hummmmmm

93% of American teens would have a serious emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7% who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"

I think writer's block is an evil parasite that lives in your brain and sucks the life out of the plot bunnies.

A teenage girl about seventeen named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as they shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall, elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley, she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly, a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her; she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been harassed in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by the tragedy and the fact that it could've been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young lady, she decided to go to the police station. She felt that she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two, tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe it or not, you're not alone. Did you know that 98 of 100 teenagers would not stand up for God, and 93 of 100 people that read this won't repost it?

"A little weird but cool, so here it is. (don't question it) -_-"

NOW, ON WITH THE STORIES AND MAY THE PLOT BUNNIES BE WITH YOU! :) HELP THEM ACHIEVE WORLD DOMINATION!!