Hi y'all!! It's Fred here...er, piklejuice. But you can call me Fred. Welcome to the home of hopeless wishing.

June 7. Wow. Hi. It's been a while. Things got kind of crazy...moving out of the dorms and back home, studying abroad in Belize, various and sundry adventures. In other news, men are like trees. How? When they're eighteen to thirty-five, they're like oaks: hard and mighty. From thirty-five to sixty-five, they're cedar: flexible but still okay enough to get the job done. After sixty-five, they're like Christmas trees: dead from the root up, will balls for decoration only, and they only come once a year.

Extremely Fexcellant! Thing of the Week: Um, dragons?

Extremely Sad Thing of the Week: Diana Wynn Jones died March 25 after a long battle with cancer. She inspired me to branch out in my reading and writing and her spirit and beautiful words will be greatly missed. Rest in peace Diana.

Current song rolling through my head: Not Like the Movies by Katy Perry
Current book being read: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
Last movie watched: Tangled

Out of pure boredom (and because I have a thing for quotes), here're some of my favorites.

Maya: Wow, Jack, you're a beast.
Jack: Thank you for noticing.

Me: Not many people know this, but the Fuhrer was a terrific dancer.
Steven (who has obviously never seen The Producers): Are you talking about Adolf Hitler?
My dad: Adolf Elizabeth Hitler.

Me (discussing seeing my brother over spring break): I'll be home from like March 14 to 20.
Andrew: I'll be there but I may have to pull a Robin-Williams-from-Hook.
Me: ...You're going to have to recall repressed memories of your childhood as Peter Pan and save me from Dustin Hoffman?
Andrew: Don't worry, I'm good with a sword. I'll protect you.
Me: Best big brother ever.

Hannah: I mean really, other than provide you with sperm, what do balls do?
Kyle: It feels good when they're licked.
Hannah and me: ...I have to go now.
Kyle: I meant all balls, not just mine!

Hannah: Is it insulting for someone to like Cats more than your play?

Margaret (talking about being cold in the winter): Go into the woods. Kill something...and wear it.

Church Guy after Baptism in which the kids (three boys) were held under the water a couple seconds longer than normal "so it would take" (it was actually a cute little joke and not at all as abusive as it sounds): He was in there long and he was in there deep. He almost touched the bottom.
Me (in my head, although I nearly had a hernia trying to stay quiet): THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

Grandma: We have a list of cell phone numbers by the telephone. (of their own cell phones...'cause thay can't remember them...or work them properly...)
Megyn: Wow, you guys are so high-tech.
Grandma: Well, I thought you said, are you still having sex?
Rest of the Family: ROFL

Kenny's mom (grilling Daniel about the little wreck we got into last Friday...no comment): And what were the circumstances of this wreck?
Me (trying to distract her, because she's a b_h and it was my fault she heard about the wreck-she would never let poor Daniel live it down): LOOK, A FLYING SQUIRREL!! OH MY GOD!! WE SHOULD INVESTIGATE!!

Kenny: Mi lama es muy picante. (My llama is very spicy.)

Jen: Miscengination; that wasn't s'posed to happen!

Me: Do they have a name for this era?
Laura: CHEEZIT!!
Me: Oh, okay.

Mrs. Duncan: What was the main cash crop grown in India?
Me: Opium!!

Mrs. D: Where did African slaves come from?
Class: AFRICA!!

Laura: -slaps down water bottle- Ha, your water broke!
Jen: Anything you'd like to tell us?
Me: I raped Justin Timberlake and am having his baby!

Godley: Derka, derka!

Godley: Gigglegiggle gigglegiggle. Gigglegiggle, gigglegigglegiggle. Giggle.

Ally: We go to the bathroom as a family!

Brianna: I play Guitar...Hero!
Brandon: I play guitar, too!
Drew: I play jazz flute.
All: -Silence-

Mason (playing Catchphrase): It's a city in New York.
Random guesses:New York City
Mason (giving "you're an idiot" looks because he wouldn't've been able to say that): No. The Celtics.
More random: You mean Boston? That's not in New York...
Me: Wow...

Rhett (while playing Catchphrase...it's a newspaper tradition) to me because I kind of kick some Catchphrase ass: You know, I'm getting kinda tired of you knowing all these.
Me: I'm tired of your face.
(Later in the game) Rhett: You know, I'm really tired of you and your vocabulary.
Me: Still tired of your face.

Tucker: Excuse me, I am raising my hand!

Foote: -holding a black marker and a brown marker- How black is Jim, this black or this black?!

Chaya (in reference to telling this other school's newspaper, where they yelled at each other and lived in mortal fear of their adviser, about our newspaper): It was like telling a child from a third world country how great America is!

Jen: Birka NO!

Godley (in strong Indian accent): Dat wuz not part of agreement. I wuz told...

Mr. Varas: Ew, a bug!

Lauren: I throw my mohawk at you!

Beth (after Andrew dragged me into the living room): Lifetime Movies called, they want their villain back, woman-abuser.

Godley: Dat one wuz good...

Will: Damn diggity damn!

Me: WILL, STOP HICCUPING!! WHY ARE YOU HICCUPING?!
DJ: You hiccup when your stomach is trying to move back into place.
Me: Really? Wow... -drools-

Jordan: Pen-island spells penis-land. I didn't know that!

Gonzo (in the Muppet's Wizard of Oz): Oh, where's my cell phone?
(puts on funny big nose)
Pepe: Wait a second. That's your cell phone?
Gonzo: Yeah.
Pepe: Interesting. What do these do?
(pushes buttons on his chest)
Gonzo: Nothing. Those are my nipples.
Pepe: I feel dirty.

Pepe: Si, si. What freaky land we got to visit now, okay? Tomorrowland, Adventureland, Canada...

Sidebottom (talking about my autistic brother): Oh, so he's like House, but with an excuse.
Me: -falls out of chair- Exactly!

Lauren: Antonio was hot, you're average pimple.

Amanda- lights the pipe and accidently sets her hair on fire but quickly puts it out by grabbing it.
Me- laughs my freakin' butt off.

Beth: Thou shalt not text-message during boom-boom.

Tucker: He fell into a well. Lassie had to get him out. It took a while.

Radio: The human race is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
Andrew: Covered in secret sauce.

Nick: I think Mexicans always go to heaven by climbing over the gates.

Nathan (after his five minute demonstration/speech on how to put up a tent): And so, this is a tent.

Newspaper t-shirt: Tryin' to catch us writin' dirty

Me (from Jen): The servant girl pleases the cook.
Godley: What if the cook is gay?
Me: Then the servant girl is a drag queen.
Godley: Touche.

"'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman Candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned."

"Someone's boring me. I think it's me."

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."

"So you see, imagination needs moodling- long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering."

"Well, speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter..."

"Some settling may occur. That's probably what Columbus told the Indians."

"Hey! O'Connell! Looks to me like I got all the horses!"
"Hey, Bennie! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!"

"I shall simply deny you the crown and-live...forever."

"We fixed you- me and the nuns."

"That's because you were taken in by the BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word against Churchill? Churchill, UGH! With his cigars and his brandy and his rotten paintings. ROTTEN! Hitler, now there was a painter. He could do an entire apartment in one afternoon; two coats."

"You're the diet coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough."

"How would you beat him?"
"With a stick, while he slept."

"Women love crepes. I don't know why, I don't question it- you just do."

"Ford?"
"Yes?"
"I think I'm a sofa."
"I know how you feel."

"I think I'll be safe with a nice toffee...Alas. Earwax."

"Life is just one damned thing after another."

That's all for now. Sorry it was so long. But come on- who doesn't want to talk about llamas?