AN: This is a parody, if you don't know what that is I suggest you find a dictionary and look it up before flaming me.

The very secret diary of Edmund Pevensie

Day one:

Moved to country with mad old professor. House is v. big. Might go exploring tomorrow. Bet it will rain.

Day two:

Found football field in bathroom. Decided not to tell others as they are rubbish at football and probably would not believe me anyway.

Day three:

Decided football is boring by self so told Lucy about football field. Lucy just laughed at me and said she didn't like football. Stupid girls.

Day four:

Played hide and seek. Lucy came back insisting she had found a country in upstairs cupboard. Tried to tell others about football field but Peter said I was being insensitive. Stupid Peter.

Day six:

Decided to go and look in cupboard. Found country she was talking about. V. nice woman promised to make me king. Think she might have been coming on to me. Was slightly creeped out but Turkish delight was nice. Lucy found out and told the others but I said we were just playing. That'll teach her for not believing me about football field. Peter still mad at me.

Day 10:

Back in Narnia with others. Pete & Sue say they are sorry about not believing Lucy. Note to self: show them football field when we get back. Tumnus captured by wolves, Lucy heartbroken and trying to blame nice queen. Found beavers in wood now staying with them. Plan to escape soon and visit queen. Not king yet.

Day 12:

That didn't go as well as planned. Am now prisoner of evil queen and her wolves. Told queen where Pete and the girls are before I realised she was evil. Probably not going to be king now.

Day 13:

Heading for stone table with evil queen. Am v. cold. Should not have left coat at beavers' house. Still not king.

Day 14:

Dwarf tried to kill me. He said it was on evil queen's orders but I think he is just jealous. Rescued by Aslan's army at last minute but still not king.

Day 15:

Had long talk with Aslan about stuff. Can't remember exactly what as was distracted by shiny new sword. In defence sword was v. shiny. Still not king.

Day 16:

Big battle with evil queen; used shiny new sword to destroy her wand. Aslan and the girls did the old turn up at the last minute when all is lost tm and save everyone trick. Was mortally wounded but Lucy gave me nice cordial so all is well. Still not king but was knighted by Aslan so better than nothing.

Day 19:

King, Yay!

Day I've-lost-count:

Back in England, not king anymore. Bummer. I wonder if that football field needs a king?

Complete for now. I may write more if people really want me to.