Whatup bitches

Not writing currently, but I may get back to it soon, SO: People who follow any of my fics that happen to be in progress, don't give up! Unless I put them up for adoption, in which case, don't give up on the new author! That's probably not gonna happen though.

I'm female, and a flaming homosexual. A lot of my ships are gay, a lot of them are straight, but I've only published my straight fics thus far. Just wanna remind you all to keep the hate outta here. Go hang out with someone else, or your ass is grass.

Sanctuary Vow

I promise to remember Ashley,
when someone talks of guns.
I promise to think of Henry,
when someone shoots and stuns.
I promise to think of Bigfoot,
when someone brings me tea.
I promise to think of Gregory,
for leaving us five keys.
I promise to remember Druitt,
when someone acts unkind.
I promise to think of Tesla,
when someone steals my wine.
I promise to remember Watson,
when I notice something strange.
I promise to think of the Cabal,
when I hit the shooting range.
I promise to think of Will,
who tries his very best.
I promise to think of Kate,
because she passed the test.
I promise to remember Dana,
when someone's a bitch.
I promise to remember Clara,
when there's someone I have to ditch.
I promise to remember Helen,
who never drops the ball,
who never asks for stuff in return,
who provides
'Sanctuary for All'.

(O.O)

BEWARE THE NUBBIN

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Rules For Hogwarts:

- If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!

- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar

- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.

- I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort

- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape

- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda

- I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.

- The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

- If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.

- It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

- "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

- Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey."

- I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs

- The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife with PMS

- "I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!" is likely to get you killed.

- "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead." is not an excuse for the use of the killing curse.

- I am not to advertise showings of "Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret"

- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

- Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...

- Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

- I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office

- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

- Especially not with kazoos.

- The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

- Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden.

- There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".

...Even if I do conjure him up.

- Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

- The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

- Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

- I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.

- I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

- I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."

- Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.

- No combination of these is acceptable.

- Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.

- Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.

- I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways.

- I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever.

- If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change.

- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.

- I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.

- I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals

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