Name: My name is my name.

Gender: Other.

Age: A number between 1 and 1,000,000,000,000. Can you guess?

Location: ...Pluto.

Religion: Jashinist.

Fave Animes: Durarara!!, One Piece, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Bleach, Death Note, Naruto (though the Akatsuki is the most fun to write about), Eyeshield 21, Pandora Hearts, Prince of Tennis, Ao No Exorcist, Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji) I & II, and a lot more.

One thing you must know, I love constructive criticism. So PLEASE, I beg of you to give me some, seeing as how that's 89% of why I started posting my stories on here. I really need improvement and I love to hear what you guys think of my writing. So yes, bash on my writing (since I know it sucks) all you want and I'll put those into account and try to change it. So if anything, anything, is wrong, please tell me. Even if it's just a punctuation mark (like a period or a comma, yes, I'm a grammar freak) or a spelling error. Perhaps the flow is just off or really slow or fast-paced, maybe the characters are a bit too Mary-Sue or the plot doesn't make sense or if there are plot holes. Basically, I'm looking for the really tough and overly strict critics.

Fave Quotes:

- I'm going to draw a picture, a picture with a twist. I'm going to draw it with a razor blade, I'm going to draw on my wrist.

- Common sense is not so common.

- Best friends have 11 letters, but so does backstabber.

- Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, that is why they call it the present.

- Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't see, the pain someone feels.

- You only see what I choose to show. There's so much behind this smile you don't even know.

- I'll write your name on a bullet
so everyone will know
you were the last thing
that went through my mind

- Isn't it funny how the people who say "I'll never hurt you" are the ones who hurt you the most?

- The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

- Where is the good in goodbye?

- True love has no happy ending. True love doesn't have an ending.

- Why torture yourself when life will do it for you?

- Never say you are happy when you are sad. Never say you are fine when you are not okay. Never say you feel good when you feel bad. And never say you are alone while I'm still alive.

- You may be one person to the world, but you may be the world to one person.

- A life without cause is a life without effect.

- We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.

- To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach.

- Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.

- Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

- Do not go where the path may lead, instead go where there is no path and leave a trail.

- We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.

- We would never feel the joy of being together if we never felt the pain of being apart. If we never lost anything we would never learn to treasure them. Without letting go of the past we can never enjoy the future.

- There can be no darkness without light. There can be no sadness without happiness. There can be no pain without joy. There can be no me without you.

- They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now.

- Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

- Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them will not make you cry.

- The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.

- Smile, even if it's a sad smile, because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile.

- Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.

- The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

- Sadness is always the legacy of the past; regrets are pains of the memory.

- Tears are words the heart can't express.

- There is a joy in sorrow which none but a mourner can know.

- Dwelling on the past only blinds you to the future.

- We ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.

- I found more joy in sorrow than you could find in joy, and vice versa.

- Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

- A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

- A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

- Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.

- A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

- A hug is worth a thousand words. A friend is worth more.

- Every person is a new door to a different world.

- Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.

- The love of my life is the love between friends.

- There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

- The best mirror is an old friend.

- One little tiny detail such a stoke of the brush or an etch in stone can be the difference between beauty and a masterpiece.

- Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.

- I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

- A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget...

- Money might make you wealthy, but friends makes you rich.

- Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.

- Scatter seeds of kindness everywhere you go; scatter bits of courtesy, watch them grow and grow. Gather buds of friendship; keep them till full-blown. You will find more happiness than you have ever known.

- The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

- I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

- We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

- It's so lonely when you don't even know yourself.

- To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.

- I was never less alone than when by myself.

- What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?

- Every man dies. Not every man lives.

- I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

- It is not length of life, but depth of life.

- In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

- People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

- I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

- Laughter in the face of fear is a mark of courage—or stupidity.

- You were always there when I needed you, never left my side, always there to lean on, and dry the tears I cried. I could always talk to you, you never seemed to mind, your voice so honest and gentle, your words so honest and kind, I thought I'd never meet someone, as special as you are, you're my best friend in the whole wide world, you're my shooting star.

- The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

- When you were born, you cried and everybody else was happy. The only question that matters is this: When you die, will YOU be happy when everybody else is crying?

- Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh.

- Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am the autumn wind that blows,
And the diamond glints on the snow.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the sweep uplifting rush...
of quiet birds circled in flight.
I am the star that shines in the night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I do not die.

- A true man never dies until he is forgotten.

- An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

- We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed.

- Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.

- Life is like an hourglass.
Eventually, everything will hit the bottom.
And all you have to do is to wait until someone comes and turns it all around.

- Never take a person for granted. Hold every person close to your heart. Cause you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones.

- Don't write your name in the sand; it may wash away.
Don't write your name in the sky; the wind may blow it away.
Write your name in my heart; there it will stay.

- Without humor, life sucks.
Without courage, life is hard.
Without love, life is hopeless.
Without friends like you, life is impossible.

- Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak, since birth, it's been a sign that you're still alive.

- I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

- What is love?-
Dude: Love is when you go mentally retarded and people do stuff like jump off cliffs and stuff...and stuff...yeah... Love is when you act like a Care Bear. It's when you don't care about cooties? Uh...when you sacrifice your cookies...yeah...

- Have you seen my sanity? I seem to have lost it.

- Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

- Remember that pain has this most excellent quality. If prolonged it cannot be severe, and if severe it cannot be prolonged.

- Life is just a phase, it will eventually end just as it had started.

- Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

- I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...

- If love was a plane, everything would crash and burn because the pilot is an idiot and the copilot is even more so.

- Can I take your picture? I collect photos of Natural Disasters.

- How are you? I'm f.i.n.e-

Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional.

I'm F.I.N.E. Thanks for asking!

- Most people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

- May God have mercy on my enemies, 'cause I sure as hell won't.

- Dear Math,
I'm not a psychiatrist. Stop asking me to solve your problems.

- It's a beautiful day... Now watch some asshole fuck it up.

- Boys are like trees: they take 50 years to grow up.

- MENtal anxiety, MENtal breakdown, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... Did you ever notice how all of out problems begin with MEN?

- I only seem like a smartass 'cause I'm surrounded by dumbasses.

- Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine.

- I swear, officer. I didn't punch her; I just high-fived her face.

- Didn't give a fuck yesterday, don't give a fuck today, probably won't give a fuck tomorrow.

- Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

- When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate
When life gives you lemons, throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in life's eyes and run like hell
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but don't offer life a discount
When life gives you lemons, claim that it is in fact an orange and tell everyone that life is stupid

- Call me what you want; I really don't care. But if you insult my friends...see here, buddy, let's take a walk. Let me give you a little hint: call the police you stupid litte shit, 'cause there's about to be a murder.

- If at first you don't succeed, burn all the evidence that you tried.

- There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

- I'm here because heaven wouldn't take me and hell was afraid I'd take over.

- Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?

- A true friend sees the 1st tear, catches the 2nd, and bitchslaps the mothafucker that causes the 3rd.

- A-B-C-D-E-F-G, somebody shoulda told ya not to fuck with me...

- You don't want to destroy anything. You're just trying to destroy yourself.

- Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

- Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

- Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.

- Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

- Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

- I had a lovers quarrel with the world.

- The best way out is always through.

- “These woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

- Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

- The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

- Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see farther.

- It seems you have a severe case of being a little bitch. I'm prescribing a heavy dose of Man the Fuck Up.

- It's a battle between the bad, the ugly, and the- what the heck is that?!

- I'm perfectly sweet and innocent. I have no idea why anyone would think otherwise... Oh, wait.

- Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy...in a jar on my desk.

- You can never walk backwards, only forward.

- Which is worse: never waking from your dreams, or never being able to dream?

- You know where you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out? Yeah like that. Stop it.

- If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.

- If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

- Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

- You were looking good from afar...now you’re far from looking good.

- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

- A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

- A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

- "I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before."

- "Go to Hell!"
"See you there."

- "Well my imaginary friends think you have serious mental problems."

- "You did not just do that!"
"No? Watch, I'll do it again."

- "Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?"

- “I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

- Silence is golden,
duct tape is silver.

- If you've never met the devil in the road of life, it's because you're both heading in the same direction.

- "You go girl! And don't come back."

- If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

- People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!

- "If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said…wait no, then I’d be in debt!"

- Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.

- 'Listen' contains the same letters as 'silent'.

- Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.

- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

- By the time you read this you've already read it.

- Mirrors can't talk, lucky for you they can't laugh either.

- I’m smiling…that alone should scare you.

- "Oh my gosh, have you been here the whole time?"
"No...I just returned from a trip to Mars...wanna accompany me next time?"

- "I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid...then I met you."

- "Sure I'll help you out...the same way you came in."

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

- Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed!

- "You'd be in good shape...if you ran as much as your mouth."

- "Tell me...is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?"

- "You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes are closed."

- Person 1: Watch my stuff.
Person 2: Why? Is it going to do a trick?

- “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
“It’s in the phone book.”
“But I don’t know your name.”
“That’s in the phone book too.”

-sitting in the cinema-
Person 1: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Person 2: Nahh, I paid $12 just to stare at the freakin' roof.

- Person 1: Are you sleeping?
Person 2: I'm not sleeping, I'm trying to suffocate this bug in my eye. It might take a while.

- Person 1: Are you crying?
Person 2: No, I'm just pissing from my eyes.

- Person 1: Do you want a piece of my mind?!
Person 2: Oh no, I couldn't possibly take the last piece.

- Sales Clerk: Sir are you going to buy that?
Person: No, I’m just shoplifting it all the way to the cash register…

- Person 1: Oh my God, did you just fall?
Person 2: No, the ground just came up and smacked me in the face!

- Person 1: Can I ask you a question?
Person 2: You just did...

- See this hand?
It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.

- Person 1: What are you doing?
Person 2: The answer to that question will be revealed from the God given thing that we call eyes.

- Person 1: Where's the ice?
Person 2: Check the oven.

- Cashier: Hi, can I help you?
Me: No, I just stood in line for 10 minutes to say hi.

- "I feel like we’re apart when we’re in the same room! But If you keep talking, you’ll ruin the illusion."

- "Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again."

- "Should I bring ladder so you can step out of my business?"

- If you want to throw your attitude I will be waiting with a baseball bat.

- "You are about as useful as a white crayon."

- It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you're listening.

- "We have a love and hate relationship...he loves me, I hate him."

- Death solves all problems: no man, no problem.

- If tomatoes are a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?

- When you get to the point of confusion where you don't even know if you're confused or not, you're screwed.

- Shoot for the moon. And if you miss, you'll die horribly in space.

- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side. And it holds the world together.

- Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

- All stressed out and no one to choke.

- How may I screw you over today?

- Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.- Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

- It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

- That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

- I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

- Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else.

- If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

- I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever.

- The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

- There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.

- I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

(The same happens with the morning news.)

- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

- Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

- Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

- People are like slinkies. Basically useless and yet its so amusing to watch them fall down stairs.

- Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

- God must love stupid people...he made so many.

- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

- Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

- PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

- If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense.

- Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

- Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.

- It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hysterical.

- If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?!

- If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.

- Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

- Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy.

- One night, I looked up into the sky. I began counting the reasons why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars.

- HELL- Where all the fun people end up!

- Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid! --Dammit Hidan, stop stabbing me!

- I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me.
Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

- Why do they call it a crush? Because tha's how you feel when they don't feel the same way in return.

- 'I love you' is eight letters. And so is 'bullshit'.

- I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

- A tear caught by a caring hand, is a soul closer to being healed.

- If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

- If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?

- Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep on talking.

- Mello shoots anyone who calls him a girl, I shoot any bitch who touches my chocolate. Let the battle begin.

- Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

- You were born an original... Don't die a copy.

- When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

- Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

- No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

- Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research.

- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

- I'm as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

- "Go forth and set the world on fire." screw the metaphorical, literal all the way.

- It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

- Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

- "To the death!"

"No! To the pain."

"I don't think I'm familiar with that phrase..."

"I'll explain, and I'll use small words for you to understand, you warthog faced buffoon."

"-closes eyes- That may be the first time in my life that a man would dare insult me."

"It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrist. Next your nose."

"And then my tongue I suppose. I'd killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I won't duplicate tonight."

"I wasn't finished! The next thing you'll lose will be your left eye followed by your right."

"And then my ears, I understand! Let's get on with it!"

"Wrong! Your ears you keep and I will tell you why. So that shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries, 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That, is what 'the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

- Listen, looks can kill. There's at least a 0.0000000000000000000675% chance that a curse or a stare can kill someone. So if you glare at someone, you can't complain if they kill you!

- Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

- "Why? 'Cause I can, that's why."

- I put LAUGHTER in MANSLAUGHTER.

- I'm very hospitable. I send every person that pisses me off to the hospital.

- Not all who wander are lost...

- I'm not supposed to make sense! That would defeat the purpose of confusing people!

- If the world didn't suck, we'd fall off.

- When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

- Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

- Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

- Trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller and smaller after every mistake.

- What is a word made up of 4 letters yet is also made up of 3, although is written with 8 letters, and then with 4, rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5?

- I don't insult people; I describe them.

- Spilling one's guts is as ugly as it sounds.

- Two lefts don't make a right...but three do.

- We all have different skin but we bleed the same color.

- Sometimes, by holding on too tight you might end up losing what you try to save.

...Soap is a prime example.

- A gear that focuses on the cache it missed will never be able to keep turning with the other cogs.

-Common sense: a rare disease that may cause your death due to the lack of it in your surroundings.

- Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

-The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

- The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.

- When you start treating people like people, they become people.

- Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

- "Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."

- "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

- “The dynamic of the heart, the movement of two lovers together, can be described neatly by the poet, but left the scientist groping at equations and accelerators.”

- My entire life is just a test to see if I'll commit suicide or homicide first.

--Hm...why're you still readin' this?

The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.

4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.

8. Thou shalt not use ;) or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

9. Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in character!

10. Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame.

11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character - yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.

15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17. Thou shalt show and not tell.

18. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est - writing is an art.

20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise.

21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confused.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down.
REAL FRIENDS: Grab you by the shoulders, shake you, and say "Bitch, snap out of it!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise.
REAL FRIENDS: Hate you older brother as much as you do and give him the nick-name "Faggot".

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what your number is.
REAL FRIENDS: Remind you what your number is when you forget.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell.
REAL FRIENDS: Would willingly go skinny-dipping in a tank of acid before they even consider telling.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left.
REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Sucks for you" and finally cave after a few hours and then say "You owe me for this, you fatass."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades.
REAL FRIENDS: Say "Jeez, you nerd. If you were in stupid classes like me, we'd see each other more."

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have two choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see.

I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long

When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.

I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.

He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Hush, little sister
Please don't cry
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When Daddy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
He's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
He did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You wanna know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day Daddy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

He screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Daddy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want him to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
He's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
He's lifting his belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.

Month One

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK,
"When I grew up I was BLACK,
"When I'm sick I'm BLACK,
"When I go in the sun I'm BLACK,
"When I'm cold I'm BLACK,
"When I die I'll be BLACK.
"But you sir,
"When you're born you're PINK,
"When you grow up you're WHITE,
"When you're sick, you're GREEN,
"When you go in the sun you turn RED,
"When you're cold you turn BLUE,
"And when you die you turn PURPLE.
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

-/\_/\-
( 0 0 )

.／l、
(ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ヽ
じしf, )ノ

These kittens look so kawaii, ne? What about this one:

-/\_/\-
/ x # \
\...-.../

Kittens don't look right when they're beat up and have black eyes. Help stop animal abuse.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery, etc.), then copy this to your profile.

End Homophobia

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realised I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

HATE EMO?

READ THIS:

Isn't it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a mini skirt with a t-shirt that barely covers anything?

Isn't it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful?

Isn't it funny that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone?

Are you laughing?

Isn't it funny an emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity?

Isn't it funny that you don't mind your friends drinking and smoking but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?

I'm not laughing.

It's so funny that you and your friends can make a girl's life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting.

Isn't it funny that you can call emos, punks and goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart?

How can you call a girl a poser, how can you say "You're not emo!" or "Attention seeker" without spending a second trying to figure out why there are cuts on her wrists and why she spends her lunchtimes crying instead of laughing with her friends?

Keep on laughing.

Isn't it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this person's life?

Without knowing her situation with her friends

Or her family

Or her LIFE?

Brave isn't going up on stage and stripping.

Brave is not saying a speech

or dumping your boyfriend.

BRAVE IS:

Going to school on Mufti Day and not for a second care what the whores around you are saying about your clothes.

It's listening to your own music and being proud of it.

It's going through everyday with the things people say to your face and behind your back and still keep quiet.

It's knowing what your "friends" are saying about you and still calling them your friends.

Brave is knowing that tomorrow isn't a bright and happy future.

It's another day of bitching and dodging rumors.

Just laugh, I dare you.

If you agree, repost. SCREW THE EMO HATERS!

Girls Don't Realize These Things

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

These are actually on the labels

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On an American Flag:
Made in China
(Must I say anything?)

At Funplex:
Paintless Paintball
(So it's...ball?)

Next to a kid's place:
Adult Movies
(. . . seriously?)

In a Parking Lot:
Do not park in the parking lot.
(That's okay, the streets are empty.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(we don't get fake fake bacon. we get real fake bacon.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8118423151811 = 98 percent
and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11141523125475 = 96 percent

but
A-T-T-I -T-U-D-E
120209202145 = 100 percent

and,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2211212198920 = 103 percent

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1191911919199147 = 118 percent

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and the ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.

-DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Work vs Prison

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK... they are called managers.

Got a problem with me?
Solve it.
Think I'm trippin'?
Tie my shoe.
Can't stand me?
Sit down.
Can't face me?
Turn around.
Love me?
Great!
Hate me?
Even better!

Updates:

Current stories I'm writing: Neurotically Yours

Estimated update time: Undefined.

Simply put: no fucking idea. School is trying to kill me by drowning me in work, to the point where I can't even write in the summer anymore since they're dumping me in summer school for "advanced classes". I barely have any time to write and when I do, it's all shit and crap, or I'm just so stressed it's giving me writer's block. I honestly just wish school would fuck off orz.

I'm trying my best to write out these chapters, but every single time I do, it's just bullshit and I end up scraping it. Hopefully there will come a time where my writing is actually decent and I'll be able to post up more chapters. Thank you all for being extremely patient with me and I'm really sorry.