I'm Julie. I'm eighteen. Pansexual. Fictophiliac.

You can reach me at my tumblr.

You should go read her stories because she's my best friend and comes recommended.

THIS ACCOUNT IS CURRENTLY UNDER RECONSTRUCTION. SELECT STORIES WILL BE PUT BACK UP.

The Rules of Hogwarts

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light sabre sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

30) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"

31) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin

32) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

33) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion

34) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

35) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts

36) I do not have an Emmett Cullen Patronous

37) I will not lick Trevor

38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"

39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween and ask Harry if he forgives me

40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

42) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet

43) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

44) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape or Draco Malfoy is the Voice of God

45)I will not ask Sirius if he's serious

Marauder’s Code of Conduct

1. All Slytherins are disgusting and all should be hated with a passion.

2. Pranking is a necessity.

3. Must have the ability to keep a secret.

4. Making a move on Lily Evans is forbidden unless you are Prongs.

5. Must have a cool nickname.

6. Respect the fears and challenges for fellow Marauders.

7. Teachers are fun to mess with, do it at least once a week.

8. Stick up for fellow Marauders.

9. Do not refer to Moony’s furry little problem as “his time of the month”.

10. Marauders first, everything else, second.

Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hoqwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn’t believe her.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.

Sirius Black … killed by drapery.

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Luscious Mouthful’.

Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.

Slytherins … will push someone else off.

Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.

Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.

A friend will loan you a hat when you have a bad hair day. A best friend will take a picture and foward it to everyone in the school.

A friend will help you find your way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.

A friend will help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance.

A friend will watch you pets when you go away. A best friend won't let you go away.

A friend will help you up when you fall down. A best friend will point and laugh because she tripped you.

A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting beside you saying "Dang, we screwed up".

A friend will go to a concert with you. A best friend will help you kidnapp the band.

A friend calls your parents "Mr." or "Mrs." A best friend calls your parents "Mom" or "Dad"

A friend asks you for your number. A best friend asks you for her number

A friend hides you from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after you in the first place

A friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - dammit - run!"

A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

Friends fade. Best Friends are forever.