June 1, 2010

A Flame's Caress and Band of Nine abandoned. AFC is being combined with another idea to form a new story. Chapter 1 of that story is done and ready to be posted. I'm taking ideas from Band of Nine (namely, subordinates) and combining it with another idea I have. I just don't feel the passion to write it when we now know all the jinchuuriki and their powers.

Akuma no Naruto chapter 8 is done, ready to be posted.

I'd post both new chapters...but this website is fucking stupid. I can't upload documents at all. All it gives me are stupid error messages. Add to that the recent formatting problems that this site seems to never fix, I'm really fed up with this site. I'll continue to try posting, but I really don't know how long it will take until the admins fix their website so it doesn't totally suck.

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Likes:
Naruto - Dark!, Genjutsu!, Kenjutsu!, ANBU!, Nar/Anko, Nar/Hana, Nar/Hanabi, Nar/Tayuya, Nar/FemHaku, Nar/Kurenai, Naruto-creates-his-own-village, Naruto-goes-to-war, Nar/Bleach crossovers
Harry Potter - Dark!, Unspeakable!, Brother-of-BWL!, Azkaban!, HPNT, HPBL, HPNM, HPFleur, HPGab, HPOC, HPDG, HPPP

Dislikes:
Yaoi. Plain and simple. This includes Mpreg, which is fucking disgusting. Whoever thought that shit up (and whoever writes it) can go burn in fucking hell. I'm not even religious.
Weak, loser Harry Potter who's a goody-two-shoes and is Mr. Noble.
A Naruto who yells "Believe it!" and is obsessed with saving Sasuke. As a result, I also hate Kishimoto and canon-Naruto.
Emo Sasuke.
Fem!Sasuke. Transforming characters from boys to girls is only acceptable when the boy looks like a girl. IE: HAKU. Fem!Sasuke is the result of the author's subconscious love of Naru/Sasu yaoi that has been forcibly suppressed so as to not make everyone hate them.
Fem!Itachi. Same as above.
authors who use the following phrases..."believe it!" ... "trademark/patented foxy grin" ... "precious people" ... "that's my nindo!" unless it's to make fun of them
authors like sindragon (check bottom of profile to see what I mean)

Original Techniques (order by appearance in the Band of Nine)

Mugen Orugasumu no Jutsu - Orgasmic Dreams Technique
The victim of this genjutsu experiences extreme pleasure rather than pain, and since shinobi are used to pain, it will make this technique much harder to dispel.

Hansetsu no Jutsu - Half-Size Technique
The victims shrink until they are half their original size. You can not use this technique on someone who is already half sized nor on anyone who is less than double your height. This means that this technique is only good for really short people (children) or against really big opponents.

Raiton: Shurai - Lightning Release: Lightning Strike
User's hands are enveloped with lightning, giving his punches a much more lethal edge.

Raiton: Raigeki - Lightning Release: Lightning Strike
Different from Shurai, the user uses this to call down lightning from a chakra-made cloud to strike the opponent.
Literal meaning is "being struck by lightning (noun)".
If you every played with Yugioh cards, you'll recognize Raigeki.

Katon: Kuro Karyuu Endan - Fire Release: Black Fire Dragon Flame Projectile
User blows out a dragon made of black flames and uses it to burn things...or people.

Doton: Sekkai Gusoku - Earth Release: Stone Armor
Gathers the earth around the user to form a suit of armor made of stone. The more chakra used, the harder it will be. More experienced users can make it as hard as steel.

Doton: Sekifu - Earth Release: Stone Axe
Forms an axe made of stone around the user's hand. The more chakra used, the harder and bigger it will be. More experienced users can make it as hard as steel and as light as a feather.

Doton: Sekyari - Earth Release: Stone Spear
Forms a spear made of stone in the user's hand. The more chakra used, the harder and longer it will be. More experienced users can make it as hard as steel and as light as a feather.

Katon: Kasen - Fire Release: Fire Arrow
User forms arrows out of fire and flings them at the target. Must first have fire to shape before using. Usually combined with Katon: Goukakyuu.

Katon: Shoidan - Fire Release: Fire Bomb
User forms a ball of flame, but condenses it into a very small, compact ball. User then throws the bomb. The moment it hits something, it will explode. Due to it being compressed, the explosion is much larger than normal. The flames are also hot enough to burn humans to a crisp. This technique requires a large amount of control.

Katon: Kaensho Haki - Fire Release: Flame Thrower
Smaller version of the Katon: Goukakyuu. Due to its smaller size, the user can focus it in one area, unlike the Goukakyuu, which is a wide-scale destruction technique. This also makes it more powerful. Perfect jutsu to start a forest fire.

Katon: Kazangan Kotetsu - Fire Release: Lava Armor
Utilizing his mastery over fire, Naruto coats the earth with his fiery chakra and forces it to cover him, basically encasing him a suit of armor made of lava.

Katon: Hidama no Hitoame - Fire Release: Shower of Fireballs
Basically, this technique creates a firestorm. Fireballs the size of a small meteor will rain down on the enemy. This can be considered the big brother of the Katon: Housenka, which releases small fireballs the size of a shuriken. Ranked S for its destructiveness and difficulty to master.

Magen: Gokusotsu - Demonic Illusion: Hell's Tormenting Devils
Shows the victim what it would be like to suffer at the hands of the devils of hell.

Ideas for some future stories:

Four Maplestory stories each based on one of the jobs. Way of the Warrior will be about a spearman, Doctrine of the Archer will be about a bowman, Creed of the Thief will be about an assassin, and Arcane Archives of the Mage will be about an I/L mage.

A Star Wars kinda fic where Dark!Female!Revan (Old Republic) decides to rule the galaxy. She goes off to several worlds that won't be part of the Star Wars universe and some that are to recruit her generals. Dark!Naruto, Aizen (from Bleach), Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, Dark!Harry Potter, and some other people will be recruited. Haven't really thought much about who will be part of Revan's council of generals. Only one character from each series will be included.

If anyone wants to try to write their own stories using any of these ideas, go ahead, but please message me first so I can read it too.

I do not own any of the characters in my stories except for the ones you do not recognize.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Elmo: Aw, fuck... Can't a brother just deal some GODDAMN DRUGS?

Murphy's Law: What can go wrong, will go wrong, and would do so in the worst way.

"Evil is entertaining. Good...has a way of boring people." -Lance Morrow

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." Unknown
Fuck that, I'd rather be loved for who I am not than hated for who I am.

Here is a list of conducts that should always be observed:

Spell check all stories and poems. There is no excuse for not doing this. If you do not have a word processor that has the spell checking feature, use a search engine such as to find one. Proofread all entries for grammar and other aspects of writing before submission. 'Hot off the press' content is often riddled with errors. No one is perfect but it is the duty of the writer to perform to the best of his/her ability. Respect the reviewers. Not all reviews will strictly praise the work. If someone rightfully criticizes a portion of the writing, take it as a compliment that the reviewer has opted to spend his/her valuable time to help improve your writing. Everyone here is an aspiring writer. Respect your fellow members and lend a helping a hand when they need it. Like many things, the path to becoming a better writer is often a two way street. Use proper textual formatting. For example: using only capital letters in the story title, summary, or content is not only incorrect but also a disregard for the language itself.

This is quoted directly from the GUIDELINES, which viewers are supposed to accept before being allowed to post stories. I try my best to tell authors that their spelling or grammar sucks, and that they need to work on it (of course, there really isn't a "nice" way to say it), and all I get in return is "fuck you! go suck it! live with it!" or other such bs. If you can't fucking spell, don't fucking post. It's because of that that the internet is so fucked up.

Fanfiction quality has gone down the fucking drains. I found a shitload of interesting Naruto stories, and I was practically dancing with joy. Then I read the first chapter. And promptly closed the window. Plotholes, wrong information, terrible grammar/spelling, no sense of smoothness...Shame on all of you authors who post shitty stories.

This is a DIRECT COPY AND PASTE from pudgypudge's profile (and I have permission too). I agree 100 percent with what he says here. I just wish more people did too.

The Cliche Rant--Will Be Added to as Necessity Dictates (Whenever I Get Pissed Off at Something Stupid)

You know, there are just some things in the realm of Naruto fanfiction that need to go away. There are some cliches that need to go bye-bye. You know which ones they are, I know which ones they are, we all know which ones they are. I'm speaking, of course, about the cliches as old as fanfiction itself.

The Mask--This cliche needs to disappear from the vocabulary of all fanfiction writers. Naruto is a certified idiot, folks. If you want to portray him as smarter than he is, then by all means do so. Just don't say he 'hides behind a mask of stupidity'. It's old, it's gaudy, it's got to go. There should be no place anymore for this phrase.

Precious People--This one is almost as bad as the Mask. For the love of God, people, do you not have access to other forms of this phrase? Call them his beloved friends, his loved ones, ANYTHING but Precious People. Every time I see this phrase (and I know that earlier on I was guilty of it as well) I get the urge to kill. Please, get a thesaurus.

Sakura-chan tried to kill me so I ran off--Please, please, please, be more inventive than that. The bitch wouldn't do that. And if she would, then build it up to that. Spontaneous homicide because your teammate didn't bring your bishonen back just isn't realistic, no matter how grief stricken you are. Find a better reason.

The Council--Ok, I'm guilty of this as well at times. I admit it. But I'm trying to give reasons for everything. In truth, there really isn't a Council. It's a plot device made for fanfiction because they're an evil entity out to get our boy. And that's fine. But not everyone is out to get Naruto. Again, you need motive.

Self-placement in a story--No, just...no, ok? Don't do it. It's not cool. You're not a ninja, you never will be a ninja, and if you feel the need to write that you could be a ninja in the Naruto world, please, drink some whiskey and rub that shit out.

Flamers--Yes, they are a cliche. Yes, they should go away. Their parents never told them about the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' rule. It doesn't apply to constructive criticism, it just applies to being an asshole.

Bad Grammar--Come on, folks. Is it really that hard to write at at least a high-school level? Sound out what you've written and see if it sounds right. If it sounds like something that your three year old brother just babbled while he was shitting himself...don't put it up. Find a Beta Reader. There are people out there who are willing to help. And Remember...Huk-ed on Puh-honics wukked fuh may!

Abandoned Fics--You know who you are...you rat bastards...

Cookie-Cutter Canon Complacency--Everyone is guilty of this. Everyone at some point in their Fanfiction career. But that does not mean that you should not diverge at some point. I won't begrudge anyone for sticking close on their first fic. But if you have the imagination and you have the ability, it is absolutely CRIMINAL if you don't put that brain of yours to use.

Harems--Now, this one is a little touchy, I know. But seriously, folks, not every chick is interested in the same guy. And most girls aren't willing to share. Deal with it. Harems are a fun part of reading, but they can get old after a while, unless done tastefully. You build up an immunity to them...like porn...

Using Leet Speak or IM speak in a fic--I will fucking stab you through the computer screen! NO, people, just NO! Stop murdering the English language!

Misspelling Words That You Should Know--It's not Kanaha, Kohana, Kahono...it's KONOHA! This pisses me off so much. How can you read something over and over and still get the name of a person or place wrong? It doesn't even sound right! I can understand the swapping of letters because you're writing fast, but come on, every time you write something? That's like Naturo talking to Kakishi about Sasugay and Sukaru's love affair. See how annoying that was? DON'T DO IT!

Sasugay/Sas-uke--Seriously, the joke is old. It was funny when I first started reading fanfiction, but now it's juvenile and just plain annoying. Now when I see this I roll my eyes. If you're trying to be clever and poke fun at a character's seemingly hidden closet case of being gay, then do so in an original way. Use your head and put him in a situation where it's funny. Saying "Sasugay, you're gay. Your name even says it" isn't funny.

These are a few of my favorite things...not. Seriously, folks, there are just some things that can kill a story for me. I'll try to keep reading, but even I have to admit that it's hard at times. I try to be original, all I ask is that everyone else try too. Cliches sometimes are unavoidable, but some...just try, okay? Thank you.

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Please, just take a look at this. I found the link to this story on a forum that bashes horrendously terrible stories.

Falling for a lioness by sindragon
a human tennager was flying to afica to do his dream when sudling it crashing killing his freind making him sole survier when he finds pridelands and certion lioness what going to hapen

My hatred for authors who do mpreg and yaoi is nothing compared to my hatred for this guy. Really? How the fuck can someone post this? Even worse, there were actually a number of reviews that congratulated him and encouraged this trash to continue writing!

Also, he is from Britian, not some Asian or obscure European country. There is NO excuse for posting bullshit like this. It's not just the summary, people! His WHOLE FUCKING STORY is written like that!

Not to mention that this was a (human male) OC and Nala (the female lion from LION KING) pairing...Disney would gouge their collective eyes out at the bullshit this guy has written. I would too.

I sent him a message, which I admit might've been a tad rude, but I even proofread his summary for him. All he said was "fuck you" and refused to change his summary, even when I explained just why it's so bad.