This profile used to be huge. Now it isn't. I've written fics. Might write more in the future.

Also: Wharrgarbl

Things I've learned about writing.

You want reviews. I don't care who you are, watching that review score climb towards 1000 reviews is what it is all about. Otherwise why even put up what you write? It's not for money or the sheer goodness of your heart. And unless you want to go down the “write a Gary-Stu fucking the entire female cast”-route (which isn't that likely to succeed anyanyhow) you need to perform well.

Of course, this is a highly personal view on the subject matter. Feel free to tell these tips to fuck off.

1: Grammar, proper formatting and correct word choice really isn't just there for the snobs. It's an utter hell to read stories that doesn't care at all about those things. Without those things the review score drops fast.

2: PLAN YOUR STORY, don't just write whatever you feel like because then you'll be standing with your pants down when writer's block hits. A thorough or at least solid layout of what the story will be about helps IMMENSELY. It also means you're more reliable as an author meaning more will review.

3: Have a buffer. If you're going to write an epic story then write the first 100 or so pages without putting anything up. Could you do it even without the pick-me-up good reviews are? That's a suggestion you'll be able to finish it as well as something that helps when you suffer writer's block which ALSO means you are more reliable.

4: Be able to take critique. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is universally liked. Trolls, flamers and people who simply dislike it are everywhere and they WILL appear. And if your updates are 50% rants about how those people suck... well you get what I'm aiming at.

5: A Mary-Sue who spends the entire story taking revenge on everyone around him for slights suffered in canon is the literary equivalent of jerking off. For everyone NOT consumed with incensed rage at the slights done to a fictional character it all too often gets tiresome as well as childish. For the thousands of seasoned readers out there who will give long and detailed awesomesauce-reviews there are no better turn-off

6: Alternate sexualities such as Yaoi aren't automatically shielded from the same accusations that can be aimed at exploitation of women. Those who only want “teh cute gays” to make out in an Uke/Seme pattern are as much exploitative sexist twats as the staff of the Playboy magazine. Respect the subject matter no matter what and by god DO NOT GET VINDICTIVE.

7: Be creative. If you want to write a high-school fic of what is a manga about ninjas then go wild. BUT! There are about 1000 of those fics out there, why should anyone read yours? What is so special about YOUR fic? You need to stand out somehow, be it by good characters, awesome dialogue or humour or a compelling plot.

8: If all you want is to write some words and get reviews praising you for a quick ego-boost then stick to showing your mom what you wrote; that way you're troll-free. Without actual commitment there WILL be people coming to nitpick and criticize and by god can they be harsh. That is if they don't ignore your story altogether. And if they ignore... you get my point.

9: Don't bog yourself down with unnecessary plot-lines. There's no surer way to stall than coming up with a dozen sub-plots you can't resolve because the steam runs out. A story should be trimmed and fit, like a lean wolfhound rather than a fat, massive, slobbering St Bernard's

10: OCs are a spice, they should be used with massive moderation. People read fanfics to read about the characters of the actual work, not some made-up bloke suffering from the Mary-Sue syndrome. And if you manage to write an OC that actually is good enough that people love him, why not make it an outright original story and progress to the next stage of writing? The question one should ask oneself when making an OC is this: “Could this role be filled by ANY available canon character?” If yes, consider taking him.

11: Acknowledge that plans can be changed. If the story pulls in another direction then take that route. Make sure you have a somewhat decent feel for where said story will go however. On the same note: If something you've written doesn't work then let it rest for a while and take it up a few weeks later. If it still doesn't work kill it with fire. Nothing ruins a good story as effectively as clinging to text that doesn't work.