Odd pairings. Whimsical humour. Somewhat disturbing scenarios. It's what you'll find here in this collection of crack drabbles.

What if Naruto had been selected for a different team? What if he'd had a different mentor? Who would guess the consequences would be so large?

Death is a fate we all share, but grief can leave us divided. In the shadow of Asuma's death the shinobi of Konoha learn that grief, unlike death, isn't just a thief in the night – but a night in itself. (Part 3 of BtB series)

Sometimes, when one insists on not wanting to become a Shinobi, it is best to listen to them.

After being forced to take seduction classes, the girls decide to take revenge on the opposite sex by showing them just what they've learned about using their feminine wiles. Unfortunately, it doesn't take long to realize that perhaps they've bitten off a bit more than they could chew when getting involved with an older man. Large Ensemble Cast Genma/Hinata Kakashi/Tenten main

Sequel to 'Falling Into Darkness'. Ichigo never asked to be either loved or fixed, he just asked to be distracted. IchigoXUrahara Yaoi Mature Themes and Language. Elements of canon divergence from late series.

Laugh like you really mean it, My lover. Laugh the world away, so it won't come knocking at the door.

.:CRACK!Fic:. When Hiashi wants grandkids, Neji and Tenten are screwed. .:A LOT OF OOCNESS:.

Sakura froze. Kakashi almost dropped his book. God help us all.

Inspired by recent omake - if Neji wants a gaiden, Neji will get a gaiden! This story chronicles Neji's life with his team starting from their graduation from the Academy. Follows canon with extra details. Nejiten.

Neji needs help coping and Kakashi knows it. M for heavy insinuations I guess...

Naruto / Kiba and Shikamaru are out in the far practice field. However, what they're practicing is more along the lines of Dominance and Submission. Yaoi / COMPLETE

A story told through the eyes of Bra's boyfriend, David. How does Bra's father react to his daughter dating? Three guesses! Rated for language and slight innuendo. Oneshot. Repost.

NaruHina For Naruto, time was always of the essence, especially when he knew everything that would come to pass and only had a certain amount of time to change it all. WILL NOT BE CONTINUED.

Criminology student Tala is sent to consult captured sociopath Kai Hiwatari in the hopes of catching another serial killer. Their dangerous relationship is taken to the next level when Kai escapes to pursue Tala. KaiXTala Ch 21 AND 22 up!

Brittany finds Pi, proves Mr. Schue wrong, and even gets a bird in her locker! It’s the best day ever!

Lucius suddenly realizes him and Draco never had 'The Talk'. He asks about it randomly, assuming to get a; "Don't bother, I figured it out." Boy, was he in for a surprise. Written for IheartDracoM's birthday! Rated T

Draco becomes suspicious of his son’s relationship with Harry Potter. Scorpius/Harry

You're the marriage counselor. Vegeta and Bulma are sitting before you and it's showtime. How do they look through your eyes? Different from my usual fics. Read and see.

After a bit of controversy, Capsule Corps. Heiress, Bulma Briefs, publicly announces to the world that her husband,Vegeta, is...infact...an alien. After Buu setting. Slight humor. Oneshot. Please R&R.

Kurenai knows that he has been watching her for the greater part of ten years. All his senses are acute and strong. She is a powerful, quiet force that knows too well the consequences of patience. Asuma / Kurenai, Kiba / Kurenai

-“We like Neji. We like that you like Neji. We like that you both like comparing the size of the sticks you have jammed up your--.” “Thank you, Naruto,” Sakura broke in, cutting him off before Sasuke was forced to stab him in the face.- SasuNeji.

Now that they're jounin, husbands, and fathers, the men of the Konoha 11 get together once a week to commiserate about their sex lives...only Naruto doesn't seem to get point when he talks about his marriage to Sasuke. Naruto/Sasuke/Naruto.

Konoha’s four beloved geniuses were not necessarily hardworking or sociable or humble or patient. But kami, weren’t they supposed to be brilliant? :SasuSaku, NejiSaku: :Shikamaru, Sakura friendship:

Draco has been accepted by everyone but Ron as they attempt to rebuild Hogwarts. He makes an agreement with him: Ron will have one night to punish him however he likes. After that, he has to forgive him. WARNINGS: dub-con, birching, forced blowjob

The true story of how Harry and Ginny's kids got their names. Really, it's all Snape's fault. Crackfic oneshot.

He's even chosen a bride. WARNING: spoilerific crack within.

AU: In which Sasori is the new Woodshop teacher with a bit of an attitude problem. And everyone wants a piece of him. :DeiSaso

The men of Sarutobi have a long history of nicotine addiction, facial hair, and death in the battlefield. Konohamaru shaves each and every morning.

The Death Eaters attempt to do bad things, but mostly just do things badly.

The kunoichi of Konoha have the worst sex. Implied Ino x Shikamaru and Sakura x Sasuke.

Gin knows his time as a sneaky shinigami is fleeting, but just how deeply does his knowledge go?

“I can’t keep playing your game, Kira,” he said as evenly as everything else, but even that tone held enough of Shuuhei’s feelings to make Kira feel so dirty all over again. “I wish I could stop,” Kira whispered.

House and Chase and all the rhythms of life. HouseChase slash

lIchigo x Renji, Byakuya, Ishidal Of video games, sexual innuendo, and needlepoint in aprons.

My mind has taken off to the seventh gutter after seeing a fanart of one dead sexy Hitsugaya and this is the result. Two people with same dark sides during one of their indecent encounters. Coarse language. LemonPWP. IchiHitsu YAOI

The Brotherhood has gathered. Five uncommon Men have banded together for a common cause. Yaoi writers everywhere, beware! Yaoi fics as seen through the eyes of Bleach's biggest ukes.

Byakuya ties a certain spirited redhead up and has his way with him Light bondage. Smut. Yaoi. One Shot. Bleach belongs to Kubo

UlquiorraGrimmjow A short ficlet about what happened after Grimmjow lost is arm. May continue in the future. Warnings: boyxboy, yaoi, blood...

After the attacks by Orochimaru and the Sand, Konoha’s population is dangerously low. Desperate times call for extreme measures, and Tsunade issues a priority S class mission to every Leaf ninja: to pair off and start making babies!

[Well,] Yamamoto asked, [Does anyone else want to file sexual harrasment charges against their captains?] Two hands immediately raised.

Outnumbered, outgunned, and deep in enemy territory, Ichigo and his friends are in dire straights. Fortunately, the cavalry arrives just in the nick of time. Too bad the cavalry is completely insane. [CRACK fic]

Yamato and Tai take a few wrong turns on their drive up to the beach. Interesting, spontaneous actions ensue... actions that have consequences.

Grimmjow writes a farewell letter simply because he's had enough of Aizen, Espada, and Las Noches. Finally, he decides to quit Hueco Mundo. Here is his letter. One-shot. Implied GrimmIchi and GrimmUlqui

Follow the adventures of Grimmjow and friends as they boldly venture into Halibel's quarters. Their mission? To catch a glimpse of just what's behind that high collar. They get more than they expected. Featuring bored Espada, many injokes, and a Couch.

Chase finds that it probably isn’t the best idea to challenge a gambling man on a winning streak… and that even when he isn’t, House is always, always right. Mrating, peeps.

To taste Ishida Uryuu would be too much, but after all of the moments where Kurosaki Ichigo had craved that glory, that high, he knew that he would have to give into the deepest desires of his body and soul.

Hell, when Ichigo's hungry, the boy will eat any damn thing! oneshot

Chase’s appetite for junk food lands him in hot water with House, who wants his money’s worth.

House hires a male hooker who looks like Wilson. Slash: HouseOMC, HW

Sequel to "Levels of Torture" and "Lies of Resistance". Aizen's been watching his captive.

Team7. Porn therapy, apparently was supposed to help their sensei feel better, but when Sasuke burns what materials they've got, its up to Team Seven to use their imaginations... Pray for them.

The Academy textbook says that a ninja is proud to die for their country. This is rarely the truth.

Wanted Immediately: Three individuals to serve as division captains for Soul Society. Must be smart, powerful and have some level of actual competence.

AU after 116 episode. Having sat on Orihime’s roof for a while, Hitsugaya changed his mind and took her invitation… Hitsugaya x Matsumoto, Ichimaru x Matsumoto, Hitsugaya x Kira, others. Het & yaoi both. Spoilers for the first anime arc.

The end has come. Will Gin spare Kira, or will he kill him? [GinKira]

Gin came back for Kira, but what for? [GinKira]

31 drabbles based on a set of prompts. The Gotei 13 at the hot springs.

Kakashi takes a moment to wrap his mind around equating Ino’s chest with enemy shinobi while Asuma begins beating his head against the table and groaning about how he didn’t sign up for this. Rated for language and the general horror that is puberty

Noncon. Set as a sort of AR after the current manga arc. Ichigo is trapped in Hueco Munde and Ulquiorra is tasked with convincing him to join the arrancar.

Hitsugaya has questions about Yachiru, but he wasn't expecting the answers.

Aizen, Gin, Grimmjow. Gin is bored in Hueco Mundo.

Companion Piece to My name is Retsu Unohana, and I am single. What the lean mean fighting machine of Soul Society thinks about all the women in it. If you thought that Unohana was picky...you should see Kenpachi. ONESHOT of pure chick bashing.

Kira says goodbye to the past.

[KakaSaku] Sakura knew why Tsunade didn’t want a virgin on this mission. Things might get out of hand. Acts might be carried out too far. She was glad Kakashi was accompanying her, but right then she wouldn’t have minded the entire population of Konoha.

Hitsugaya Toushiro is called a genius, the youngest Captain in Soul Society. What path did he walk to claim that title? See author page for spoiler warnings.

They finally did it. But what happens the next morning? Slash HouseChase.

A compilation of thoughts regarding a certain loudmouthed kunoichi. VariousIno. OneShot.

TWOSHOTS, complete, Neji centric, GEN. Naruto generously gives Neji a pet. Maybe he should have asked if Neji even wanted it. Now with sequel.

Lee finds out about Neji and Tenten’s relationship the hard way. The VERY hard way. [Team Gai love]

If Hidan ever found himself capable, he was totally going to sacrifice the Leader to his God for making him dance. Crackfic!

Silly no plot fic about spoiled baby Draco learning his first words and putting them to good use.

Good Catholic boys don’t lust after other men. WilsonChase. Very strong homosexual themes. Very strong religious themes. Please refrain from reading if either of these offend you.

[KakaSasu fic] It's not that Kakashi and Sasuke fit well together. It's just that their broken edges sometimes line up.

Once upon a time, Hyuuga Neji leads a mission. Once upon a time, that mission goes to hell in a handbasket. Once upon a time, Hyuuga Neji makes Jounin at age fifteen. Here's everything he didn't put in the mission report. [now with sequel]

Sound stories, not necessarily canon. Not necessarily good. Not necessarily anything.

[ShikaSasu, NejiSasu ficlet] Sasuke makes a lousy subordinate. Fortunately, his superiors within ANBU know how to keep him in line.

You didn't expect a Kuchiki to lose with grace did you? [ByakuyaxRenji]

House finds Foreman and Chase in an awkward position. Just a short drabble type deal for a friend. Unbeta'ed ForemanChase, hints of ForemanChaseHouse and that is SLASH, and it is pretty graphic at that!

The Eleventh Division’s 20 rules of living and dying like a thug.

Once in a long while, Deidara can wrangle up a few members... so they can all paint their nails together! Only this time, he has a question for his danna...

Love is not need, and need is not love. Taichi learns the hard way.

The Byakugan was a powerful attack. It should be used to look for opponants chakra, not looking through boys pants! Neji finds out some odd information from his younger, female cousins. Oneshot

Even S Ranked Criminals have random adventures sometimes. Featuring Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, Deidara and Zetsu.

Kidoumaru, Tayuya, AU futurefic. They're winning the war. But that doesn't mean they'll get their happy ending.

In which Yumichika, Ikkaku, Renji, Hisagi and Iba discuss Kira's love life amongst other things. Oneshot.

“Got the balls to enlist?” Athrun Zala never thought that joining the military would turn out to be THIS impossible. A humorous take on the Le Creuset Team’s military academy days. [nonyaoi, preseed, rated for Yzak's potty mouth]

Recruiting Others through Guile and Intelligence. Not particularly serious.

Rey Za Burrel is merely just a name engraved in an epitaph now, but someone would like to think otherwise. Talia’s son visits Rey’s grave and the conversation that follows is anything but pleasant.

Neji’s in trouble and Shikamaru came to his rescue, well, accidentally. NejiShika.

With a little help from Team Gai, Team 7 teaches Kakashi a lesson on the consequences of being late.

Even Anko has her knights in shining armour, of sorts.

The bruise around his wrist was a faded yellowgreen, and there was a roughness to it that suggested a burn. House looked at him. ‘New girlfriend? Which one of you should I be sending the leather stethoscope to?’ HouseChase slash. Chs 7 to 9 NEW. COMPLETE

Sequel to 'Why Sake Bottles Are Better Than Men'. Tsunade tricks Jiraiya into leading a meeting. The only ones who show up are Gai, Iruka and Ebisu. Find out what the men think of each other and the women of Konoha! R for suggestive language

[Sasori x Deidara] “I’m not going to die, Deidara.”From the very beginning, until the very end.

I am not making a porno video with Renji for you to sell off to the highest bidder!

He's tired, she's drunk, and there are questions to be answered...RanHitsu oneshot.

Tayuya examines the relationship of herself and the Sound boys. Sex, alcohol, trust and lack of it. Life.

Jiraiya x Orochimaru during the time of the Great War. An unconventional relationship is brought about through Jiraiya's misadventures with women.

After a disastrous battle in space, the unconscious Kira is fetched by the Klueze team. Ostensibly AthrunKira, but with a sizeabe amount of DearkaYzak as well.

An AU where Ichimaru Gin is innocent, and other people aren't. Spoilers for the Soul Society arc.

[SHOUNEN AI: Dearka x Yzak] I won't lie, this is a mass amount of dirty stuff that seems to get increasingly worse as it goes. It's a struggle for dominance between our two ZAFT pilots. What can I say? Yzak just CANNOT resist that cheeky blonde. Bwaha.

Konoha has its seasons, and a generation born in winter may not last through fall. [One shot, KakashiRin]

Neji must undergo special training to serve the Hyuuga Main House, and along the way he learns that some family secrets are better left undiscovered. nejitenten nejihina Hyugacest rape nejitema COMPLETE!

Hyuga is a house with many rooms. A Neji & Hinata centered fic. Expect madness, love, sex, and murder. This is the story of two lives and as such the parings will change. NaruHina, NejiHina. COMPLETE. Part One of the Invictus Arc.

Hokage Tsunade calls a meeting to address kunoichi enrollment. The discussion takes a different turn when sake is served. Find out what the women Anko Kurenai Shizune think of the men of Konoha! R for suggestive language

AU, futurefic, featuring the sannin and several other people. Multiple pairings. Orochimaru attends a wedding.

Yachiru has a question, but Zaraki doesn't have the answer...

There is a regulation for women to fulfill before they can become jounins. It's sexist, it's unfair, and the girls are only just finding out what it is. MULTIPAIRING.

And it will shock the whole world. Crackfic. :P

Tenten learns the consequences of accidentally turning down a date from Neji.

Yaoi. NejiSasu. SasuNeji. It was a simple dare, but male ego and pride got in the way.

There is an old saying in the Nara family: Don't walk with the shadows for too long, or you'll become one.

Team Ten doesn’t come home one night. Oneshot

Before he tamed his bit beast and became a champion, life was easy. Before he met Robert, the winter was warm. Now it's cold. Bitterly cold. RobertXJohnny

Quite literally, Kakashi's always got someone keeping an eye out for him.

Lee challenges Neji to a drinking contest! But what SORT of drinking contest? And just what could go wrong? Poor, poor Tenten. NejiTen one-shot (Requested by Rekino)

“Neji,” he spoke with a steady and serious tone, “will you help me revive my clan?” At age twelve, Sasuke’s ambitions were to revive his clan. Now at age 17, he is ready. Very slight, almost nonexistant NejiSasu. A Not What You Think fiction.

Naruto enjoys the perks of being Hokage when the Kazekage visits for a diplomatic meeting. NaruGaa ONE-SHOT

Tala, Ray, and Tyson compete for Kai's affections. TalaRayTysonKai, Johnny wants Kai, Michael wants Kai, EnriqueOliver, RobertJohnny, and some surprise pairings. Complete.

Think a Shinobi's life is just jutsus and dangerous missions? Sure, but they still have shinobi picnics now and then! Egg toss, pinatas, tug of wars, cheap prizes, nonchalant Kakashi, and utter humiliation for poor Sasuke, Hinata, and Neji.

A young sannin oneshot. After the death of her brother and an encounter with the man she was destined to fall in love with, Tsunade returns to her apartment to find someone already there.

Harry talks to Draco just before Draco is being sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss. SLASH

Team 10 is given an important mission. More or less. (Shikamaru-centric)

The hardest person to accept is the one staring at you in the mirror.

After one weird night in Diagon Alley, Ron questions a few things, and discovers that we are all more alike than unalike... Complete

A Harry/Draco romance, set post-Hogwart's in muggle London. Includes red mittens, linoleum, witty retorts, angst, love, dance clubs, strange friends, cooking shows, and coffee not necessarily in that order !

Alone in the rain, Johnny reflects on the cruel truths of his life, and also on a certain Phoenix… Not yaoi unless you want it to be. Will the Majestics get there in time for one last reunion? Will they get there at all?

It was always like this. This tense, desperate need; an all-consuming passion. Ron/Draco slash. rated more for language.

**THIS FIC IS FINALLY COMPLETE!!!** The last part of this H/D slash tale sees our two heroes face up to their biggest issue yet, and a great deal hinges on how they cope...

Mr. Weasley has a chat with Ron about his realationship with Hermione. PG-13 for sexual dialogue.