So this used to be on my Star0307 account, but I've been trying to phase out that account and have everything on this one, so here's one of my first reposts. It's also one of my favorites. I wrote it based on a joke about a father meeting his daughter's boyfriend for the first time. Have fun reading!

Disclaimer: Hahahahaha, it's funny that you think I'm getting money for this.

Bra's Dad

Ding dong!

I look at my watch. Oh, yeah! Five minutes early! This is going to go great. Her parents are gonna love me, and… aw, shit. Who am I kidding? As soon as they take one look at me, I'll be kicked back out on my ass. Looking down at my hands, I notice that their shaking like I have Parkinson's or something.

The door suddenly opens and I look up with a huge, hopefully realistic smile on my face. "Mr. Briefs?" That was the only person it could be. I've never seen anyone else with hair standing straight up. Even though he's only a couple of inches taller than me, he's completely ripped.

"Please," he says with a gruff voice, "call me Prince Vegeta."

Holy fuck, did he just say that? This guy's insane! Nodding and smiling, I stand nervously on the door step. Bra forgot to mention that her father could be, well, a psychopath. I just hope he can't smell fear.

He takes a step back so I can walk in. "I hope you're not a faggot vegetarian like the last one."

Dammit, how'd he know? I have no choice but to lie.

"N-no sir. I'll eat whatever Mrs. Briefs makes." He unexpectedly leans forward, so his nose is only inches from mine.

"Do not lie to me. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and two acres of forest behind the house." I gulp and nod, trying not to piss my pants from sheer terror. He just continues to scowl. If looks could kill, my entire family and I would have died on the spot.

"Vegeta, what do you think you're doing?" He breaks his gaze as Mrs. Briefs walks into the hallway. I have to bite my lip to keep from crying. Yes, it feels that good to see someone normal.

"Hi Mrs. Briefs," I say happily.

"Hello, you must be David. Bra will be down in one second. Why don't you make yourself at home?" She pats me on the shoulder before she turns back to her husband. I didn't expect what happened next. Her smile suddenly changed to a snarl, and she snaps, "You'd better behave yourself, Vegeta, or so help me, you won't get anything for a month!" His eyes fly open in shock.

"You don't have the gall, bitch," he hisses back. I'm sure by now my face is the color of a tomato, but the 'happy' couple doesn't notice.

"Why don't you try me?" she asks with a triumphant smirk. He doesn't reply and Mrs. Briefs laughs in his face before leaving.

She's my new hero.

Prince Vegeta says a few colorful phrases after she leaves, some of which are entirely new to me and pretty creative, I'll admit. After the severe tongue lashing he just gave his wife, I'm not sure if he even remembers I'm here.

Thank God.

Or not. He turns back to face me. "The living room is over there." He points behind me and I reluctantly go ahead, making sure to walk boldly, even though my legs feel like wet spaghetti. Bra had told me something about him being intimidating, but she didn't say that he'd be eager to slaughter me if I didn't eat pork.

I sit on the couch and try to refrain from curling up into the fetal position, which is especially hard when your girlfriend's father sits right next to you.

"So… you're a virgin?" Oh shit, oh shit, he did not just say that.

"Yes…?" I cross every appendage, praying to everything holy that it was the answer he wanted to hear.

"Good." I feel so relieved, I almost melt into the couch. That is, until he continues. "I'm sure you've been told that in today's day and age, sex without a 'barrier method' of some kind can kill you."

I nod numbly, almost suspiciously. He had said that so casually. Where is he going with this?

"Allow me to expand on this for you. When it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier method. And I will kill you."

Now I can positively say that when the blood drains from your face, it is not a pleasant feeling. I'm still trying to recover when Bra chooses to walk in.

Bra. Beautiful Bra. Wonderful, beautiful Bra. How she survived a childhood with this man, I'll never know.

"Hi, David. Are you okay?" She looks concerned. I just smile weakly. Even though I had already passed the fifth circle of hell, I notice that she looks good. Damn good.

"You look nice, Bra." I stumble off of the couch to greet her. She smiles at me and when I get to her, she pecks me on the cheek. I wrap my arm around her waist, just like at school.

Except… I'm not at school. I'm in her living room.

And her father is staring at me.

Angrily.

"If you can't keep your hands off of my daughter, I will remove them," he snaps.

"Daddy!" she exclaims, giggling. I'm sure the shock on my face doubled when she said that. Was he really kidding? I steal a glance at the Prince; it looks like he's going to have an aneurism.

I somehow doubt that he's kidding.

"Dinner's ready!" I hear Mrs. Briefs shout from somewhere. Bra nudges me into the dining room, where a feast that could feed approximately two hundred elephants sits on the table.

"Who's gonna eat all this food?" I ask dumbly. Mrs. Briefs walks in with another platter of meat.

"Don't worry about it, David. A Saiyan has a hearty appetite."

"A what has a hearty appetite? A 'sane'?" Well, suffice it to say that 'Prince' Vegeta isn't sane.

"What? You don't know what a Saiyan is?" I hear a voice bark at me. Involuntarily I flinch.

"No, Prince Vegeta, I've never heard of that before." He was about to respond, probably with another creative insult, but Bra cut him off.

"'Prince Vegeta', Dad? I thought we had a talk about this."

"When we have guests, they should show some respect for the royalty." Okay, this guy's officially crazy.

"Royalty? Saiyans? What's going on?"

That was the wrong thing to say.

I spend the entire meal hearing the history of an alien race that consists of a whopping six people which Prince Vegeta presides over. By the end of the meal, I have a lettuce leaf pasted onto my forehead from when I fell asleep.

"Bra, will you help me wash the dishes?" Mrs. Briefs asks her daughter. Bra smiles knowingly, nods, and starts to collect some of the dishes. Uh oh. They can't leave me alone with this freak.

"Let me help, Mrs. Briefs," I say hastily as I gather a bunch of platters.

"No, no, dear. We can manage." I give her a desperate look, but she doesn't catch on. God, please no! Don't leave me with—

"Vegeta, why don't you take David into the living room again? Bra and I will be done in a bit." Again, I gulp. The Prince looks at me with devious eyes.

"Come on, boy. We didn't finish our… discussion." He grabs my arm gruffly and starts to push me back to the living room. I struggle against his grip and as I do so, I hear Bra and her mother discussing me in the kitchen.

"I like him, Bra. And it seems like your father has taken a shine to him as well…."

My eyes dart to the Prince's face just in time to see his smile widen slightly. I don't want to see what happened to the other people he didn't 'take a shine' to. He tosses me down on the couch and sits across from me, leaning forward in his chair to get a better look at me.

This was so not cool.

"I assume you're a popular fellow," he began, "and I'm sure many girls would like to date you." I clamp my mouth shut. He's not getting anything out of me. "Bra doesn't seem to care, though, therefore I don't care."

He paused and leaned back in his chair. "I'd just like to say this: now that you are dating my daughter, you will date no one else but my daughter. You will not converse with another girl, you will not look at another girl, you will not get within a fifteen foot radius of another girl. The only time you will stop going out with my daughter is when she is done with you. Understand?"

Holy shit. I gulp for what seems like the two-hundredth time. "Yes sir."

"If you make her cry, I will make you cry."

If you've ever seen your life pass before your eyes, then you know what just happened to me. Right now, I was looking at death. I suddenly feel queasy.

"Excuse me, Prince Vegeta, but I think I need to go home. Can I say goodbye to Bra?"

"She's busy," he says, smirking. "I'll tell her you said goodbye." I was about to protest, but I bite my tongue. I choose life.

Prince Vegeta directs me to the door and shoves me outside.

"It was nice meeting—" The door slams in my face.

Well, so much for that. I feel sorry for the guy that's gonna marry her. I run down the steps and into my car, speeding off into the night, trying to get as much distance between me and the father of my girlfriend.

Well, ex-girlfriend.

I never thought I'd be here again.

I'd had nightmares about it, for crissake.

I had tried to break up with Bra the day after the dinner, but as soon as her bottom lip quivered, I shouted a quick, "Just kidding! Ha ha ha!" That two acres of forest in the backyard wasn't exactly my idea of a nice grave.

Now it's a week later, and I've just pulled into her driveway. She wanted to go on a date, but she had insisted I pick her up.

I sigh heavily. Just seeing the outside of this building is making me queasy.

Bra had told me to just honk for her so I wouldn't have to face her fath—erm, Prince Vegeta, so I lean on the horn.

The door opens and a figure runs out. Yes, it worked!

Wait… oh shit.

"You'd better be delivering a package, boy. No one honks for my daughter!" With each furious step, Death approaches.

I hear an effeminate scream and Mrs. Briefs comes running out of the house. "Vegeta, stop it! Leave poor David alone!"

But Vegeta had already stopped because he can't breathe. He is laughing hysterically in front of me. "What kind of a man screams like that?" he asks through his tears.

Oops. I guess that girly scream was mine.

"Erm, good evening, Prince Vegeta," I stammer. He smirks in reply. Mrs. Briefs shakes her head before retreating back into the house.

"I see you've learned how to properly address me." I can only nod. "Now get out of that sad-excuse-of-an-automobile and retrieve my daughter properly."

I turn off the engine and reluctantly step out of the car. He motions for me to follow and I do, silently and reverently, praying that I'll make it home alive. You know, I didn't say goodbye to my mother today. I'm going to miss her….

I mentally slap myself. Bra won't let her father kill me. This thought brings me some relief. Or maybe the relief is coming from the anxiety pills I took earlier.

Prince Vegeta guides me through the halls, but I recognize too late where we're going. Soon after, too soon for me, I find myself in the dreaded living room. I unwillingly shiver.

"Have a seat, weakling." My legs give out, and, thankfully, I land on the sofa. Prince Vegeta sits across from me and glowers my way.

I gulp.

It's my new hobby.

Nothing is said for a long time. My eyes shift between the glare of the digital clock and the glare of the Prince. How long does it take for her to get ready? Time seems to stop when I'm at the Briefs' house. I don't know how much more silence I can take.

"Prince Veg—"

"Don't try to start a conversation, human. I'll do the talking."

"Yes, sir." My voice, sadly, is now an octave higher.

"When do you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house?"

Bra had warned me about this, so I had my answer ready.

"Early, sir."

"Damn straight."

Well, so much for that movie I wanted to see. I guess the only thing that matters is I'll be alive to see it later.

I relax now, happy that the questioning is over with. Thank God Bra is intelligent as well as beautiful.

But, for some reason, Prince Vegeta continues.

"Are there going to be any adults, policemen, or nuns within eyesight?"

What kind of question is that? Wasn't he satisfied with the 'early'? I have no idea how to answer this question.

"Uh… um… yes?"

He looks at me suspiciously before continuing the interrogation.

"Is their bright lighting where you're going?"

What the hell is he talking about? "I guess."

"Would you say that people are generally happy where you are going?"

Thankfully, a young man enters the room, interrupting Prince Vegeta's train of thought. "Dad, where's the remote?"

"How the hell should I know? Only a weakling sits in front of the television instead of training."

The boy rolls his eyes and they come to rest on me curiously. "Who's this?" he asks Prince Vegeta.

"Bra's,"—he visibly cringes—"suitor."

"Oh! Nice to meet you." He extends his hand to me. "I'm Bra's brother, Trunks."

Trunks.

So that was the name of my savior.

"I'm David." It's embarrassing how much my voice squeaks in the presence of the almighty Prince Vegeta. Fortunately, Trunks seems to understand my concerns. He sits next to me and winks before clearing his throat.

"So, David, do you play any sports or anything?"

"Uh, yeah," I say slowly. "I'm the captain of the basketball team at school."

"That's cool."

Trunks manages to scrape up an entire conversation, earning himself the ugliest glares that I have ever seen in my entire life. And I've seen a lot since I've started visiting Bra at home.

About fifteen decades later, Bra walks down the stairs, looking as beautiful as ever. "Are you ready to go?"

By the time she finished the sentence, I was already walking out of the room, waving goodbye to Trunks. I'd send him a thank you card later, but as for now, I was trying to flee any danger.

I already had the car running when Bra got in. "Ready to go?" I ask happily.

"Sure. Dinner and a movie, right?"

"Well, your Dad wants you home early, so I don't know if we can make the movie."

Her head lowers. "Oh," was all she said. I'm too glad to be alive to console her.

The ride to the restaurant is utterly silent, partially because my radio is broken, but also due to the fact that I was basking in the absence of her father. I finally pull into a parking space and turn off the car. Before I'm able to get out, though, Bra grabs my hand.

"David?"

"Hmm?"

"I… I don't think we should see each other anymore."

She starts to say something else, but I interrupt her. "Thank you," I say with tears in my eyes.

I do like this story, haha. I edited it just a bit before I reposted, but it's largely intact. I also merged the two-parter into one, because I am lazy. Thanks for reading, and please review!