"Ken-chan! Where do babies come from?"
Zaraki Kenpachi nearly choked on his sake. "What!"
"I asked where babies come from!" Yachiru repeated.
"Why the hell would you want to know that!" Zaraki looked at his tiny vice captain like she was nuts.
"I just do! So tell me!" She demanded. Zaraki started sweating. He was hoping this day would never come. He could handle thousands of opponents, beat them all in one stroke, but Yachiru was a different matter. He knew this would be more difficult than usual because…
"Well… you see…." Zaraki started. "It's when… uh…. Oh you don't need to know something so insignificant as that!"
"Ken-chan…. You don't know either, do you?"
Bull's eye.
"What are you talking about! Of course I know!" Zaraki bellowed. "Only an idiot wouldn't know!"
"Then tell meeeee." Yachiru said, giving Zaraki 'the look'.
'Damn it, the look!' Zaraki moaned mentally. "I'll tell you where you're older!"
"Tell me now!"
"Later!"
"Now!"
"Later!"
"NOW!"
"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL TELL YOU!" Zaraki yelled. Yachiru was the only person that could ever beat him in anything. "You see…"
"Zaraki-taichou! You're needed down in the training area!"
'Oh thank God!' Zaraki sighed mentally.
"Ken-chan can't go! We were having a conbersation!" Yachiru whined to the 11th squad member that had come.
"But…"
"I'll be back Yachiru, you wait here and when I get back I'll tell you." Zaraki said, grabbing his sword. Hopefully he would be able to find some one that could answer Yachiru's question.
"Fine, but the second you come back you have to tell me!" Yachiru said, bouncing on a bed.
"Yeah, I know." Zaraki made his way to the training area. The problem was simple. One of the members was complaining about how another member had cheated in a sparring match. So Zaraki kicked both of their asses, problem solved. Now he could focus on more important things. Now he wasn't sure where babies came from, but he did know it had something to do with women, so Zaraki decided to get a feminine opinion. "Oi! Yumichika!"
"Yes captain?" His 5th seat replied. Zaraki made his way over to where his 5th and 3rd seats were training.
"Tell me where babies come from." Zaraki said bluntly. To say Yumichika was shocked would be an understatement.
"Wha… wha….. what?" He stammered.
"Tell me where babies come from. You should know." Zaraki repeated.
"Well… uh…." Yumichika searched for the right words to use. "The stork!"
"Wha?"
"Yeah! That's right, the stork!" Yumichika said with sudden confidence. "The Stork comes and gives babies to mothers so they can take care of them!"
"Oh? Is that so?" Zaraki looked thoughtfully, as if accepting this answer. Ikkaku burst out laughing, unable to hold it any longer.
"THE STORK? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS YUMICHIKA!" Ikkaku laughed. "Captain, don't listen to what this guy says."
"You mean that's not how it is?" Zaraki asked. His subordinates both sweat dropped.
"If you really want to know captain," Ikkaku said. "You should go ask…" Guessing the rest of his sentence, Zaraki bellowed.
"I refuse to ask that person anything!"
"If you say so captain…"
Abarai Renji was walking down the hallway when he heard a loud bellowing followed by female screams. A few moments later he was almost trampled by fleeing females. "What the hell?" He wondered. He made his way to the cause of the disturbance. What he saw was both scary and hilarious at the same time.
"WHEREDOBABIESCOMEFROM!" Zaraki Kenpachi demanded of a random female shinigami that happened to be passing by. Said shinigami then screamed and ran off in the opposite direction. "What the hell is wrong with these people…" Zaraki huffed.
"Um…. Zaraki-taichou…. What are you doing?" Renji asked his former captain.
"Ah, Abarai." Zaraki got an idea. "You can help me."
"I can? What are you talking about?" Renji asked.
"I've seen you hang out with that one girl…. Hina…. Hinatori or something."
"Hinamori?" Renji arched an eyebrow. "What do you want with her?"
Zaraki grinned.
Hinamori Momo had no idea what was in store for her when she was approached by her good friend Abarai Renji. "Good day Abarai-kun. How are you today?" She asked.
"Yo Hinamori, I'm good, but I have… something to ask you." Renji said, scratching the back of his head. Hinamori looked at him curiously, but inside she was leaping for joy.
'Could… could he be asking me out? Has the day I've dreamed of come? Oh ple…'
"Where do babies come from?" Renji forced out. Hinamori wasn't sure if he had heard him right.
"Um…. Excuse me?" she asked.
"Where…. Do babies come from…" Renji repeated. Hinamori's face matched Renji's hair. She suddenly found her fiddling with her hands very interesting.
"Um… ah… that is… um… you see… ah…" she fumbled.
From his place behind a wall, Zaraki sighed. How hard was it to answer a simple question?
Zaraki continued his search. He knew he was running out of time because Yachiru would start wondering where he was.
"Well well, if it isn't the mighty captain of the 11th squad." Zaraki turned to the source of the voice to see Kurotsuchi Mayuri along with his ever quite vice captain, Nemu.
"What do you want Kurotsuchi? I'm very busy." Zaraki said flatly. Mayuri chuckled his evil chuckle.
"I've heard what you've been asking around. I found it very interesting." Mayuri grinned.
"It's none of your business, go away." Mayuri was the last person he'd ever want to ask… well, 2nd last.
"The answer is simple. I make them." Mayuri stated.
"What?"
"I make babies of course. That is where they come from." He nodded smugly. Zaraki glared at him. He knew better than to listen to anything the mad scientist said.
"Like I'd believe that." Zaraki said before leaving. 'I guess I have no choice…'
"Bah, simpleton." Mayuri scoffed.
"Mayuri-sama?" Came a quiet voice.
"What is it Nemu?"
"Where do babies come from?" Mayuri sighed. Sometimes it was tough being a parent.
"Now you listen! I'm only here cuz I don't have a choice! Now don't go thinking I'm a wuss or nothing cuz you know very well I can kick your ass! Now you're going to tell me what I want to know and not give me any lip! You hear me!" Zaraki barked. "Now tell me where babies come from!"
Unohana Retsu blinked at the hulking man before her. This would be interesting.
I'm sure this premise has been done already, but I wrote this anyways. Zaraki is probably OOC, but the only time you see him is when he's trying to kill some one, so in his down time, one doesn't really know how he acts. And of course, I had to throw a little Hinamori/Renji scene in there. I love them so. And Mayuri's a bastard, I'm so happy Ishida owned him big time. In the end of course, Unohana-taichou was really the only person fit to answer Yachiru's question since she's like everyone's mom, not to mention pretty to boot. Anyways, please review.