Hi im new to all this my first time.Looking forward to reading everyones fanfiction Love anime my fav is Bleach,one piece soul eater and more i will poste later

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...Post this on your profile if you hate racism

╔══╗╔══╦╗Put this on your
║╔═╬╩╗╔╣╚═╗channel if you
║╚╝║╬║║║╔╗║are or support
╚══╩═╩╝╚╝╚╝Goth.

My life

Hi,my name is Marie and I live in an orphanage

I've lived in this orphanage my whole life

It's probably because someone out there didn't love me

They thought I caused them pain and strife

And therefore they just dumped me here

In this place I call "Loneliness Sea"

And in this place are ghosts of hurt

Who tear and make-fun of me

They say that I have no mother and I'm just a nuisance to the world

Who's mother probably had me unmarried,they said

That stupid young girl

But I try to say that they are wrong

In every one of their accusing deeds

That I had and will have a mother

That I so very desperately need

So why do people do these things

to children just like me?

If you are STRONGLY against this abuse and hurt that children like Marie go through,post this on your profile.PLEASE!!

WARNING: MAY NEED TISSUES FOR THESE:

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy:No, this is fun.

Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy:Then tell me you love me.

Girl:I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, put it in your profile.

If you have laughed so hard that you couldn't breath and ended up laughing silently while half crying due to lack of air copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tried to use magic, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you believe in fantasy, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy & paste this in your profile.

.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨)¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´~ pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

I went to a birthday party, And remembered what you said. You told me not to drink at all, So I had a Sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself, The way you said I would, That I didn't choose to drink and drive, Though some friends said I should.
I knew I made a healthy choice and, Your advice to me was right, As the party finally ended, And the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my own car, Sure to get home in one piece, Never knowing what was coming, Something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement, And I hear the policeman say, "The kid that caused this wreck was drunk." His voice seems far away.
My own blood is all around me, As I try hard not to cry. I can hear the paramedic say, "This girl is going to die."
I'm sure the guy had no idea, While he was flying high, Because he chose to drink and drive, That I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Knowing that it ruins lives? But now the pain is cutting me, Like a hundred stabbing knives
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom, Tell daddy to be brave, And when I go to heaven, Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him, That it's wrong to drink and drive. Maybe if his mom and dad had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, I'm getting really scared. These are my final moments, And I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom, As I lie here and die. I wish that I could say, I love you and good-bye.
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!

This story is about a little girl that was abused. If you care at all, paste this in your profile:

My name is May, I am but three, My eyes are swollen, I cannot see

A good friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "damn that was fun".

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

I love Deadlines! i like the whoosh noise they make as they go by.

Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back.

In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat.

If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicans left.

Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themselves.

When life gives you lemons ... squirt the juice in your enemy's eyes!

BUNNY IS GONE! MADE THEM DISAPPEAR!

Never Argue With A Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.

┌─┐ ─┐ │▒│/▒/ ~ P-E-A-C-E~
│▒ /▒/─┬─┐ ~O-U-T~┌┴─┴─┐-┘─┘└┐▒▒▒▒▒▒┌┘

|……….|
|……….| Put this on your
|……….| page if you have
|…….O| ever pushed a
|……….| door that said pull.
|……….|

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I'm an OG so I must be Mexican.

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop, POST THIS.

.*PP*...*PP*
..*PP*...*PP* This is P, put it on
..*PP*...*PP* your page if you
..*PP*...*PP* love Paramore.
..*PP*...*PP*
..*PP*...*PP*
..*PP*PP*
..*PP*
..*PP*
..*PP

When you were 5, your mom gave you an ice-cream cone. You thanked her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming to soccer to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.
When you were 10, your mom paid for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.
When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thaned her by talking on the phone all night.
When you were 14, your mom paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.
When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.
When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.
When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying goodbye outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to in front of your friends.
When you were 26, your mom paid for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.
When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents are to their children.
Then on night she died quietly and everything you did came crashing down on you.

If you love your mom, copy and paste this in your profile. If you don't, then you won't care if your mom dies, will you?

Girl: Hey

Boy: What?

Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in love with you.

Boy: Ok...

Girl: What do you mean "ok"?

Boy: I don't like you like that...

Girl: Why not?

Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time...

From then on, the girl kept asking the boy "Why not?" whenever she saw him, and he kept answering the same answer of "I'll tell you later.

Finally the girl got fed up.

Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me!

Boy: Do you really wanna know why?

Girl: Yes!

Boy: It's because you're uglier than freak! What's the point of going out with
someone when they're not pretty?!

Girl: But... I...

Boy: Just shut up and leave me alone! (Knowing he loved her too but was afraid of what his friends would think)

The boy leaves and the girl is sitting there alone, crying her heart out.
Then her cell phone rings.

Girl: Hello?

Mom: Sweetheart? I want you to go home, ok? I'll be home from work in a few hours.

Girl: Alright Mom.

Mom: I love you.

Girl: I love you too, Mom.

Mom: Bye Bye.

Girl: Bye

The girl heads home and once she got there, she went in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.

Girl: I'm not pretty enough...

She set to work, knowing fully well what she was going to do.

2 hours later, her mom came home and heard the bath water running.

She went upstairs to find the hallway flooded so she knocked on the door.

Mom: Honey? Are you alright?

She opened the door and was shocked at the site.

The bath was overflowing onto the floor, and the water was tinted red.

She walked over to see what was inside and screamed.

There, her little girl was lying with cuts all over her face and wrists.

Her Mom backed away and was going to run to call the police when something caught her eye.

On the mirror were these words written in blood: "Am I pretty enough now?"

No one deserves to be told that by someone they love. If you find it messed up then forward this to everyone you know.

A person's appearance doesn't count.

What counts is their heart inside of them and their personality. No one wants to be told they're not good enough...

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on your heart.

If you love your dad, post this on your profile. (Whether you're reading this or not, dad, I love you.)

Favorite Sayings:

Boys Are Like Slinky's, They're Useless, But Fun To Watch Fall Down The Stairs

If Anyone Tries To Smart-mouth Me, I'll Slap Them Around So Fast It'll Sound Like Applause

If Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt Them In Your Enemies' Eyes

Your Yearbook Picture Haunts Me

Hand Over The Chocolate, And Nobody Gets Hurt

Boys Are Cute When They Try To Be Smart

All Your Problems Can Be Solved If You Let A Bear Eat Them

Sanity Is Overrated

Lets Talk About What We Can Do For Me

I Wouldn't Trust Me

It's All About Me, Not You

When I Told Your Boyfriend That He's Gay, He Hit Me With His Purse

I Used To Be Normal, Until I Met These Losers I Call My Best Friends

I Do Whatever The Voices In My Head Tell Me To Do

I'm Not Strange! I'm Different!

I'm Not Short, I'm Vertically Challenged

Me And You Is Friends. You Smile, I Smile. You Hurt, I Hurt. You Cry, I Cry. You Jump Off A Bridge, I'm Gonna Miss You

You Cry, I Cry. You Laugh, I Laugh. You Jump Off A Cliff, I Laugh Harder

I'm The Type Of Girl Who Would Burst Out Laughing In Dead Silence Because Of Something That Happened Yesterday

I'm No Angel, Just An Innocent Devil

Good Girls Are Bad Girls Who Don't Get Caught

I Have Lots Of Talents, I'm Just Not Good At Any Of Them

One Day, Your Prince Will Come. Mine? Oh, He Just Took A Wrong Turn, Got Lost, And Is Too Stubborn To Ask For Directions

I Didn't Fall From Heaven, I Rose From Hell

Don't Knock On Death's Door. Ring The Doorbell And Run. He Hates That

Life Isn't Passing Me By, Its Trying To Run Me Over

Did You Just Call Me A Bitch? Because A Bitch Is A Dog. Dogs Bark. Bark Is On Trees. Trees Are A Part Of Nature. Nature Is Beautiful. I Know I'm Beautiful. Thanks For The Complement

Dear Heart, I Met A Boy Today. Prepare To Shatter

If Annoyed Further, I Shall Spork Your Eyes Out And Stuff 'Em Down Your Pants So You Can Watch While I Kick The Crap Out Of You!

If Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, Try Three

Stress- The Condition Brought On By Overriding The Body's Desires To Kick Someone's Ass

They Say Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People. Well I Think The Guns Help. If You Stood There And Yelled BANG, I Don't Think You'd Kill Too Many People

Boys Are Like Lava Lamps. They're Fun To Watch, But Not Too Bright

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently You Told Santa That You've Been Good This Year... He Died Laughing

If Santa, An Honest Lawyer, And A Nice Politician Were Together In A Room, And There Was A Cookie, Who Would Get It? Santa, The Other Two Don't Exist

Parents Spend The First Part Of Our Lives Teaching Us To Walk And Talk, And The Rest Of It Is Telling Us To Sit Down And Shut-up

Boys Are Like Trees. They Take Fifty Years To Grow Up

People Used To Call Me Names. But That's Okay, They're Dead Now

Having The Love Of Your Life Say, "We Can Still Be Friends," Is Like Having Your Dog Die And Your Mom Saying You Can Still Keep It

My Knight In Shining Armor Turned Out To Be Some Loser In Aluminum Foil

I Will Not Chase The Boys, I Will Not Chase The Boys, I Will Not Chase The Boys... Unless They Provoke Me

MENstrual Pain, MENstrual Cramps, MENtal Anxiety, MENopause... Dammit... All Of Our Problems Start With Men!

Love At First Sight Is Another Way Of Saying, "Love Me! I'm Stupid And Desperate!"

Don't Piss Me Off, I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide Bodies!

I'm Not Afraid Of Death! Whats It Going To Do, Kill Me?

Is It Just Me, Or Do Automatic Doors Make You Feel Like A Jedi?

Whoever Said Nothing Is Impossible Has Never Tried Slamming A Revolving Door

God Made Man, And Then Said, "I Can Do Better Than That," Then He Made A Woman

I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I'm Enjoying Every Minute Of It

Just Live And Breath, And Try Not To Die Again

When You Live In A Nightmare, Its Written All Over Your Face

Tell Your Voices To Shut-up! I Can't Hear Mine!

Sarcasm Is Your Body's Natural Defense Against Stupidity

People Fear The Strange And Unusual. I Am The Strange And Unusual

I'm Nobody. Nobody Is Perfect. SO I'M BETTER THAN YOU!

If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You've Obviously Overlooked Something

If At First You Don't Succeed, Destroy All Evidence That You Tried

That, My Children, Is Called A Wall. But Beware, The Wall Is Solid. Yes, Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid, For We Cannot Walk Through It! Believe Me Children, I Have Attempted This Many Times Before

I Ran With Scissors... AND LIVED!

If You Choke A Smurf, What Color Does It Turn?

My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Problems

You Say I'm Not Cool. But Cool Is Another Word For Cold. If I'm Not Cold, Then I'm Hot. I Know I'm Hot. Thanks For Embracing It

Amateurs Built The Ark. Professionals Built The Titanic

Can You Fix My Dad? He's Broke

Every Time I Hear The Dirty Word 'Exercise,' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate

Eat Healthy, Exercise Right, Die Anyway

Laughter Is The Best Kind Of Medicine, So If You Meet Someone With Broken Ribs, Make Sure To Tickle Them

If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything At All... Unless They Can't Hear You

We Must Never, Ever Be Mean To Stupid People. If We Are, They Might Go Away. Then Who Will We Laugh At?

There's Nothing Wrong With Arguing With Yourself. Its When You Argue With Yourself And LOSE When Its Weird

If My Relatives Wanted Me To Be Truly Thankful, They'd Do All The Cooking

My Secret To Great Stuffing Is To Let Someone Else Make It

For The Holidays I Bring Out All Of My Traditional Family Recipes. That Really Keeps The Guest List Down!

As The Thanksgiving Season Approaches, Remember: All It Takes Is One Undercooked Turkey, And You'll Be The "Dinner Rolls" And "Soda" Person For Life

I've Tried A Few "Cowboy Cookbook" Recipes... And I Have The Saddlebags To Prove It

When Making Thanksgiving Dinner, Do Your Giblets End Up In The Gravy? Or Do You Wear A Bra When You Cook?

The Only Difference Between A Plague Of Locusts And My Relatives Is That The Locusts Don't Hang Around Watching TV After The Food Is Gone

If You Get Up Early To Go Christmas Shopping Today, You Can Save A Ton Of Money. Of Course, If You Roll Over And Say, "Screw Shopping This Year," You Can Save Even More

If You Think Losing Your Mind SLOWLY Is Bad, Try Losing It QUICK- I'm Sorry, What Were We Talking About? And Who Are You?

If Stupidity Got Us Into This Mess, Why Can't Get Us Out?

A Positive Attitude Won't Solve ALL Your Problems, But It Will Annoy Enough People To Make It Worth The Effort

Why Argue When We Both Know I'm Right?

Generally, Generalizations Are Wrong

I'm Not Clumsy... The Floor Just Hates Me

You Know Its Gonna Be A Bad Day When You Fall Out Of Bed And Miss The Floor

92 Percent Of The Teenage Population Would Die If Abercrombie And Fitch Said It Wasn't Cool To Breathe Anymore

For Me, Crazy Is A Loose Term. Crazy Is When You Stare At A Pencil And Laugh When Someone Asks You Just What You Find So Interesting About The Eraser. Crazy Is When You Have An Hour Long Sob Fest, Then Start Singing And Dancing When Your Favorite Song Plays. Crazy Is When You Do Or Say Something Totally Random Thing Like, "Do You Ever Wonder Where The Eraser Bits Go?" Or Start Having A Thumb War With Yourself. I Find That I'm A Very Tough Opponent

The Man Who Smiles When Things Go Wrong Has Thought Of Someone To Blame It On

Those That Laugh Last Think Slowest

All Things Considered, Insanity May Be The Only Reasonable Alternative

Life's A Bitch, And So Am I

Evening News Is When They Begin With "Good Morning," Then Proceed To Tell You Why It Isn't

I Reject Your Reality And Substitute My Own

I Am A Bomb Technician. If You See Me Running, Try And Keep Up

Whenever You Feel Pissed Off At Someone, Take A Mile Walk In Their Shoes. That Way You're A Mile Away From Them, YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES!

Tell The Truth And Run

Therapist= The-Rapist... Scary Thought

You Laugh Now Because You're Older Than Me By Mere Months, But When You're 30 And I'm Still 29, Who'll Be Laughing Then?

Some People Are Still Alive Because Its Illegal For Me To Kill Them

When Angry, Count To 10. When Very Angry, Swear

I Met Some Crazy People... They Made Me Their Leader!

You Laugh At Me Because I'm Different. I Laugh At You Because You're All The Same

Fashion Is A Form Of Ugliness So Intolerable That We Have To Change It Every Six Months

There Are Different Kinds Of People In The World: 1. Those Who Hate And Fear Clowns, and 2. Clowns

One Night, I Lay In Bed, Looking Up At The Stars, And Thought, "Where The Hell Is The Ceiling?"

Can I Have Your Number? I Seemed To Have Lost Mine

Everyone Has A Wild Side. My Friends And I Just Prefer To Make Them Public

I've Got ADD And Magic Markers. Oh The Fun I Will Have!

Everything Here Is Edible. I'm Edible. But That, My Children, Is Called Cannibalism, And Is Frowned Upon In Most Societies

Tu Madre! Ooh! I Just Burned You In Spanish!

I Was Gifted, But The Psychiatrist Took My Powers Away

Officer, I Swear To Drunk, I'm Not God!

Come To The Dark Side... We Have Cookies!

Huh, It Figures. All The Good Guys Are Either Gay, Taken, Or Both

Right Now, I'm Having Amnesia And Deja Vu At The Same Time. I Think I've Forgotten This Before...

I'm On A Quest To The Deepest, Darkest Corners Of My Room In Search Of What Some Would Call A "Floor". A Long And Difficult Task Awaits Me. Wish Me Luck My Friends, For I May Not Return Alive

I'm Not Paranoid... WHICH OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

When French People Swear, Do They Say, "Excuse My English"?

Have You Ever Noticed That If You Rearrange The Letters In "Mother-in-law," They Come Out To "Woman Hitler"?

Only In America Do We Use The Word "Politics". To Describe The Process So Well: "Poli" In Latin Meaning "Many" And "Tics" Meaning "Bloodsucking Creatures"

Stupidity Killed The Cat. Curiosity Was Framed!

I Am Currently Out Of My Mind, Feel Free To Leave A Message After The Beep. BEEP YOU!

Attitude Changes In 5 Seconds Flat. Sweetheart To Bitch. Don't Test That

Two Rights Don't Make A Wrong, They Make A Circle. Two Circles Make A Figure-Eight. Two Figure-Eights Make A Butterfly. How's That For Shape Understanding?

Get Off Our Planet Alien Scum!

I'm A Black Belt In Origami!

I Did What They Said And Chose The Road Less Traveled... Now Where The Hell Am I?

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Apple Juice, Then Laugh While People Try To Figure Out What The Hell You Did

It Doesn't Matter If The Glass Is Half Empty Or Half Full, Just Drink It And Get It Over With

Why Do Adults Teach Kids That Violence Isn't The Answer, And Then Have Them Read About Wars In Schools That Solved America's Problems?

When Women Are Depressed, They Either Eat Or Go Shopping. When Men Are Depressed, They Invade Another Country

There Are Three Types Of People: Those That Can Count, And Those That Can't

The Surest Sign Of Intelligent Life Out There Is That None Of Them Has Ever Tried To Contact Us

Why Is It Necessary To Nail Down The Lid Of A Coffin?

Why Don't We Ever See The Headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why Doesn't Glue Stick To The Inside Of The Bottle?

Can Fat People Go Skinny-dipping?

If A Person With Multiple Personalities Threatens To Commit Suicide, Is That Considered A Hostage Situation?

If A Cow Laughed, Would Milk Come Out Of Her Nose?

Light Travels Faster Than Sound. Isn't That Why People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak?

Sarcasm Isn't An Attitude, Its An Art

Just When I Thought You Said The Stupidest Thing Ever, You Kept Talking

We're Americans. We're A Simple People... But Piss Us Off And We'll Bomb Your Cities

Too Often, We Lose Sight Of Life's Simple Pleasures. Remember, When Someone Annoys You, It Takes Forty-two Muscles In Your Face To Frown. But, It Only Takes Four Muscles To Extend Your Arm And Bitch-slap The Idiot Upside The Head

He Said, "I Don't Know Why You Wear A Bra. You Don't Have Anything To Put In It." She Said, "You Wear Pants, Don't You?"

My Best Friends Are The Kind That If My House Were On Fire, They'd Be Roasting Marshmallows And Flirting With The Firemen

If Heat Rises, Then Shouldn't Hell Be Cold?

My Siblings Make The Cowardly Lion Look Like The Terminator

One Day, We'll Look Back On This, Laugh Nervously, Then Change The Subject

Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again?

Flying Is Simple. Just Throw Yourself At The Ground And Miss

It's "...One Nation Under God..." Or Bite My Skinny Ass And Leave!

If You MUST Burn Our Flag, Please Wrap Yourself In It First

I Can't Use The Cellphone In The Car. I Have To Keep My Hands Free For Making Gestures

The Key To A Nice-looking Lawn Is A Good Mower. I Recommend One Who Is Muscular And Shirtless

All I'm Looking For Is A Guy Who'll Do What I Want, When I Want, For As Long As I Want, And Then Go Away. Or Wait Nearby, Like A Dust Buster: Charged Up And Ready When Needed

My Idea Of Rebooting Is Kicking Somebody In The Butt Twice

Take Every Birthday With A Grain Of Salt. This Works Much Better If The Salt Accompanies A Margarita

Don't Let Aging Get You Down. Its Too Hard To Get Back Up!

Do You Realize That In About Forty Years, We'll Have Millions Of Old Ladies Running Around With Tattoos And Pierced Navels?

Money Can't Buy Happiness... But Somehow Its More Comfortable To Cry In A Porsche Than A Kia

If You Woke Up Breathing, Congratulations! You Have Another Chance!

They Say Love Hides Behind Every Corner. I Must Be Walking In Circles!

The Difference Between Fiction And Reality? Fiction Has To Make Sense

Heaven Kicked Me Out. Hell Was Afraid I'll Take Over!

I'm Bored. Run For You Sanity!

Its Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut And Appear Stupid Than To Open It And Remove All Doubt

What Is A "Free Gift"? Aren't All Gifts Free?

I Want To Die Sleeping Like My Great Grandfather...Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car...

If You Don't Like My Driving, Then Stay Off The Sidewalk!

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My Work Here Is Done

To Put It Nicely, I HOPE YOU CHOKE!

If The World Didn't Suck, We'd Fall Off

"I Love You" Is Eight Letters Long. So Is "Bullshit"

Silence Is Golden, Duct Tape Is Silver...

I Like You. When The World Is Mine, Your Death Will Be Quick And Painless

Boys Are Like Purses. Cute, Filled With Crap, And Are Easy To Replace

Smile. It Confuses People

Bravery Is Just A Nice Way Of Saying Stupidity

So.. What You're Saying Is That I Should Cancel My Plans To Invade China?

No! I Wont Go To Hell! They Have A Restraining Order Against Me!

Mello Shoots Anyone Who Calls Him A Girl. I Shoot Any Bitch Who Touches My Chocolate. Let The Battle Begin!

My Friends Are The Type Of People Who Would Try To Drown A Fish, But I Love Them Anyway

A Day Without Sunshine Is Like... Night

Everything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral, Or Fattening

No, I Don't Have PMS, I Just Really Hate You

God, Give Me The Serenity To Accept The Things That I Can't Change, The Strength To Change Things That I Can, And The Wisdom To Hide The Dead Bodies Of The People I Had To Kill Because They Annoyed Me

If You Can't Drink And Drive, Then Why Do Bars Have Parking Lots?

If You Jog Backwards, Will You Gain Weight?

I'm Not So Good At Advice. Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment?

Always Forgive Your Enemies. Nothing Annoys Them So Much

It Is A Sad Day When You Fail Your IQ Test. Its An Even Sadder Day When You Fail Your Gender Test...

I Can Only Please One Person Per Day. Today Is Not Your Day. Tomorrow's Not Looking Good Either

An Apple A Day, Keeps The Doctor Away. If The Doctor Is Cute, SCREW THE FRUIT!

How Is It Possible To Have A "Civil War"?

I'm Gonna Live Forever Or Die Trying!

I Didn't Hit You! I High-Fived Your Face...

I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER! (Crickets) Nah! I'm Only Kidding! I'm Straight!

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit his darn Trix already, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an annoying younger or older sibling, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nintey five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a total clutz, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profile's looking for something to copy and paste, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you don't do drugs (They are nasty), copy/paste this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Pick your birth month
Italic anything that doesn't apply to you
Bold the five-ten that best apply to you
Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months underneath

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay (Why there aren't many stories are up). Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds (Never had one in my life). Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave andcaring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led.Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well.Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.