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 Author has written 11 stories for Alvin and the chipmunks, Xiaolin Showdown, Codename: Kids Next Door, and Misc. Plays/Musicals. Hey dudes and chicks! For those of you that don't know, you might have heard of me because I changed my pen name a few times. So you might know me as AnonymousChipmunkFan, FirexShadow, or LurkingInTheShadowsIsMe. Favorite Sayings: Boys Are Like Slinky's, They're Useless, But Fun To Watch Fall Down The Stairs If Anyone Tries To Smart-mouth Me, I'll Slap Them Around So Fast It'll Sound Like Applause If Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt Them In Your Enemies' Eyes Your Yearbook Picture Haunts Me Hand Over The Chocolate, And Nobody Gets Hurt Boys Are Cute When They Try To Be Smart All Your Problems Can Be Solved If You Let A Bear Eat Them Sanity Is Overrated Lets Talk About What We Can Do For Me I Wouldn't Trust Me It's All About Me, Not You When I Told Your Boyfriend That He's Gay, He Hit Me With His Purse I Used To Be Normal, Until I Met These Losers I Call My Best Friends I Do Whatever The Voices In My Head Tell Me To Do I'm Not Strange! I'm Different! I'm Not Short, I'm Vertically Challenged Me And You Is Friends. You Smile, I Smile. You Hurt, I Hurt. You Cry, I Cry. You Jump Off A Bridge, I'm Gonna Miss You You Cry, I Cry. You Laugh, I Laugh. You Jump Off A Cliff, I Laugh Harder I'm The Type Of Girl Who Would Burst Out Laughing In Dead Silence Because Of Something That Happened Yesterday I'm No Angel, Just An Innocent Devil Good Girls Are Bad Girls Who Don't Get Caught I Have Lots Of Talents, I'm Just Not Good At Any Of Them One Day, Your Prince Will Come. Mine? Oh, He Just Took A Wrong Turn, Got Lost, And Is Too Stubborn To Ask For Directions I Didn't Fall From Heaven, I Rose From Hell Don't Knock On Death's Door. Ring The Doorbell And Run. He Hates That Life Isn't Passing Me By, Its Trying To Run Me Over Did You Just Call Me A Bitch? Because A Bitch Is A Dog. Dogs Bark. Bark Is On Trees. Trees Are A Part Of Nature. Nature Is Beautiful. I Know I'm Beautiful. Thanks For The Complement Dear Heart, I Met A Boy Today. Prepare To Shatter If Annoyed Further, I Shall Spork Your Eyes Out And Stuff 'Em Down Your Pants So You Can Watch While I Kick The Crap Out Of You! If Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, Try Three Stress- The Condition Brought On By Overriding The Body's Desires To Kick Someone's Ass They Say Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People. Well I Think The Guns Help. If You Stood There And Yelled BANG, I Don't Think You'd Kill Too Many People Boys Are Like Lava Lamps. They're Fun To Watch, But Not Too Bright Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently You Told Santa That You've Been Good This Year... He Died Laughing If Santa, An Honest Lawyer, And A Nice Politician Were Together In A Room, And There Was A Cookie, Who Would Get It? Santa, The Other Two Don't Exist Parents Spend The First Part Of Our Lives Teaching Us To Walk And Talk, And The Rest Of It Is Telling Us To Sit Down And Shut-up Boys Are Like Trees. They Take Fifty Years To Grow Up People Used To Call Me Names. But That's Okay, They're Dead Now Having The Love Of Your Life Say, "We Can Still Be Friends," Is Like Having Your Dog Die And Your Mom Saying You Can Still Keep It My Knight In Shining Armor Turned Out To Be Some Loser In Aluminum Foil I Will Not Chase The Boys, I Will Not Chase The Boys, I Will Not Chase The Boys... Unless They Provoke Me MENstrual Pain, MENstrual Cramps, MENtal Anxiety, MENopause... Dammit... All Of Our Problems Start With Men! Love At First Sight Is Another Way Of Saying, "Love Me! I'm Stupid And Desperate!" Don't Piss Me Off, I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide Bodies! I'm Not Afraid Of Death! Whats It Going To Do, Kill Me? Is It Just Me, Or Do Automatic Doors Make You Feel Like A Jedi? Whoever Said Nothing Is Impossible Has Never Tried Slamming A Revolving Door God Made Man, And Then Said, "I Can Do Better Than That," Then He Made A Woman I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I'm Enjoying Every Minute Of It Just Live And Breath, And Try Not To Die Again When You Live In A Nightmare, Its Written All Over Your Face Tell Your Voices To Shut-up! I Can't Hear Mine! Sarcasm Is Your Body's Natural Defense Against Stupidity People Fear The Strange And Unusual. I Am The Strange And Unusual I'm Nobody. Nobody Is Perfect. SO I'M BETTER THAN YOU! If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You've Obviously Overlooked Something If At First You Don't Succeed, Destroy All Evidence That You Tried That, My Children, Is Called A Wall. But Beware, The Wall Is Solid. Yes, Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid, For We Cannot Walk Through It! Believe Me Children, I Have Attempted This Many Times Before I Ran With Scissors... AND LIVED! If You Choke A Smurf, What Color Does It Turn? My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Problems You Say I'm Not Cool. But Cool Is Another Word For Cold. If I'm Not Cold, Then I'm Hot. I Know I'm Hot. Thanks For Embracing It Amateurs Built The Ark. Professionals Built The Titanic Can You Fix My Dad? He's Broke Every Time I Hear The Dirty Word 'Exercise,' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate Eat Healthy, Exercise Right, Die Anyway Laughter Is The Best Kind Of Medicine, So If You Meet Someone With Broken Ribs, Make Sure To Tickle Them If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything At All... Unless They Can't Hear You We Must Never, Ever Be Mean To Stupid People. If We Are, They Might Go Away. Then Who Will We Laugh At? There's Nothing Wrong With Arguing With Yourself. Its When You Argue With Yourself And LOSE When Its Weird If My Relatives Wanted Me To Be Truly Thankful, They'd Do All The Cooking My Secret To Great Stuffing Is To Let Someone Else Make It For The Holidays I Bring Out All Of My Traditional Family Recipes. That Really Keeps The Guest List Down! As The Thanksgiving Season Approaches, Remember: All It Takes Is One Undercooked Turkey, And You'll Be The "Dinner Rolls" And "Soda" Person For Life I've Tried A Few "Cowboy Cookbook" Recipes... And I Have The Saddlebags To Prove It When Making Thanksgiving Dinner, Do Your Giblets End Up In The Gravy? Or Do You Wear A Bra When You Cook? The Only Difference Between A Plague Of Locusts And My Relatives Is That The Locusts Don't Hang Around Watching TV After The Food Is Gone If You Get Up Early To Go Christmas Shopping Today, You Can Save A Ton Of Money. Of Course, If You Roll Over And Say, "Screw Shopping This Year," You Can Save Even More If You Think Losing Your Mind SLOWLY Is Bad, Try Losing It QUICK- I'm Sorry, What Were We Talking About? And Who Are You? If Stupidity Got Us Into This Mess, Why Can't Get Us Out? A Positive Attitude Won't Solve ALL Your Problems, But It Will Annoy Enough People To Make It Worth The Effort Why Argue When We Both Know I'm Right? Generally, Generalizations Are Wrong I'm Not Clumsy... The Floor Just Hates Me You Know Its Gonna Be A Bad Day When You Fall Out Of Bed And Miss The Floor 92 Percent Of The Teenage Population Would Die If Abercrombie And Fitch Said It Wasn't Cool To Breathe Anymore For Me, Crazy Is A Loose Term. Crazy Is When You Stare At A Pencil And Laugh When Someone Asks You Just What You Find So Interesting About The Eraser. Crazy Is When You Have An Hour Long Sob Fest, Then Start Singing And Dancing When Your Favorite Song Plays. Crazy Is When You Do Or Say Something Totally Random Thing Like, "Do You Ever Wonder Where The Eraser Bits Go?" Or Start Having A Thumb War With Yourself. I Find That I'm A Very Tough Opponent The Man Who Smiles When Things Go Wrong Has Thought Of Someone To Blame It On Those That Laugh Last Think Slowest All Things Considered, Insanity May Be The Only Reasonable Alternative Life's A Bitch, And So Am I Evening News Is When They Begin With "Good Morning," Then Proceed To Tell You Why It Isn't I Reject Your Reality And Substitute My Own I Am A Bomb Technician. If You See Me Running, Try And Keep Up Whenever You Feel Pissed Off At Someone, Take A Mile Walk In Their Shoes. That Way You're A Mile Away From Them, YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES! Tell The Truth And Run Therapist= The-Rapist... Scary Thought You Laugh Now Because You're Older Than Me By Mere Months, But When You're 30 And I'm Still 29, Who'll Be Laughing Then? Some People Are Still Alive Because Its Illegal For Me To Kill Them When Angry, Count To 10. When Very Angry, Swear I Met Some Crazy People... They Made Me Their Leader! You Laugh At Me Because I'm Different. I Laugh At You Because You're All The Same Fashion Is A Form Of Ugliness So Intolerable That We Have To Change It Every Six Months There Are Different Kinds Of People In The World: 1. Those Who Hate And Fear Clowns, and 2. Clowns One Night, I Lay In Bed, Looking Up At The Stars, And Thought, "Where The Hell Is The Ceiling?" Can I Have Your Number? I Seemed To Have Lost Mine Everyone Has A Wild Side. My Friends And I Just Prefer To Make Them Public I've Got ADD And Magic Markers. Oh The Fun I Will Have! Everything Here Is Edible. I'm Edible. But That, My Children, Is Called Cannibalism, And Is Frowned Upon In Most Societies Tu Madre! Ooh! I Just Burned You In Spanish! I Was Gifted, But The Psychiatrist Took My Powers Away Officer, I Swear To Drunk, I'm Not God! Come To The Dark Side... We Have Cookies! Huh, It Figures. All The Good Guys Are Either Gay, Taken, Or Both Right Now, I'm Having Amnesia And Deja Vu At The Same Time. I Think I've Forgotten This Before... I'm On A Quest To The Deepest, Darkest Corners Of My Room In Search Of What Some Would Call A "Floor". A Long And Difficult Task Awaits Me. Wish Me Luck My Friends, For I May Not Return Alive I'm Not Paranoid... WHICH OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?! When French People Swear, Do They Say, "Excuse My English"? Have You Ever Noticed That If You Rearrange The Letters In "Mother-in-law," They Come Out To "Woman Hitler"? Only In America Do We Use The Word "Politics". To Describe The Process So Well: "Poli" In Latin Meaning "Many" And "Tics" Meaning "Bloodsucking Creatures" Stupidity Killed The Cat. Curiosity Was Framed! I Am Currently Out Of My Mind, Feel Free To Leave A Message After The Beep. BEEP YOU! Attitude Changes In 5 Seconds Flat. Sweetheart To Bitch. Don't Test That Two Rights Don't Make A Wrong, They Make A Circle. Two Circles Make A Figure-Eight. Two Figure-Eights Make A Butterfly. How's That For Shape Understanding? Get Off Our Planet Alien Scum! I'm A Black Belt In Origami! I Did What They Said And Chose The Road Less Traveled... Now Where The Hell Am I? When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Apple Juice, Then Laugh While People Try To Figure Out What The Hell You Did It Doesn't Matter If The Glass Is Half Empty Or Half Full, Just Drink It And Get It Over With Why Do Adults Teach Kids That Violence Isn't The Answer, And Then Have Them Read About Wars In Schools That Solved America's Problems? When Women Are Depressed, They Either Eat Or Go Shopping. When Men Are Depressed, They Invade Another Country There Are Three Types Of People: Those That Can Count, And Those That Can't The Surest Sign Of Intelligent Life Out There Is That None Of Them Has Ever Tried To Contact Us Why Is It Necessary To Nail Down The Lid Of A Coffin? Why Don't We Ever See The Headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why Doesn't Glue Stick To The Inside Of The Bottle? Can Fat People Go Skinny-dipping? If A Person With Multiple Personalities Threatens To Commit Suicide, Is That Considered A Hostage Situation? If A Cow Laughed, Would Milk Come Out Of Her Nose? Light Travels Faster Than Sound. Isn't That Why People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak? Sarcasm Isn't An Attitude, Its An Art Just When I Thought You Said The Stupidest Thing Ever, You Kept Talking We're Americans. We're A Simple People... But Piss Us Off And We'll Bomb Your Cities Too Often, We Lose Sight Of Life's Simple Pleasures. Remember, When Someone Annoys You, It Takes Forty-two Muscles In Your Face To Frown. But, It Only Takes Four Muscles To Extend Your Arm And Bitch-slap The Idiot Upside The Head He Said, "I Don't Know Why You Wear A Bra. You Don't Have Anything To Put In It." She Said, "You Wear Pants, Don't You?" My Best Friends Are The Kind That If My House Were On Fire, They'd Be Roasting Marshmallows And Flirting With The Firemen If Heat Rises, Then Shouldn't Hell Be Cold? My Siblings Make The Cowardly Lion Look Like The Terminator One Day, We'll Look Back On This, Laugh Nervously, Then Change The Subject Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again? Flying Is Simple. Just Throw Yourself At The Ground And Miss It's "...One Nation Under God..." Or Bite My Skinny Ass And Leave! If You MUST Burn Our Flag, Please Wrap Yourself In It First I Can't Use The Cellphone In The Car. I Have To Keep My Hands Free For Making Gestures The Key To A Nice-looking Lawn Is A Good Mower. I Recommend One Who Is Muscular And Shirtless All I'm Looking For Is A Guy Who'll Do What I Want, When I Want, For As Long As I Want, And Then Go Away. Or Wait Nearby, Like A Dust Buster: Charged Up And Ready When Needed My Idea Of Rebooting Is Kicking Somebody In The Butt Twice Take Every Birthday With A Grain Of Salt. This Works Much Better If The Salt Accompanies A Margarita Don't Let Aging Get You Down. Its Too Hard To Get Back Up! Do You Realize That In About Forty Years, We'll Have Millions Of Old Ladies Running Around With Tattoos And Pierced Navels? Money Can't Buy Happiness... But Somehow Its More Comfortable To Cry In A Porsche Than A Kia If You Woke Up Breathing, Congratulations! You Have Another Chance! They Say Love Hides Behind Every Corner. I Must Be Walking In Circles! The Difference Between Fiction And Reality? Fiction Has To Make Sense Heaven Kicked Me Out. Hell Was Afraid I'll Take Over! I'm Bored. Run For You Sanity! Its Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut And Appear Stupid Than To Open It And Remove All Doubt What Is A "Free Gift"? Aren't All Gifts Free? I Want To Die Sleeping Like My Great Grandfather...Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car... If You Don't Like My Driving, Then Stay Off The Sidewalk! Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My Work Here Is Done To Put It Nicely, I HOPE YOU CHOKE! If The World Didn't Suck, We'd Fall Off "I Love You" Is Eight Letters Long. So Is "Bullshit" Silence Is Golden, Duct Tape Is Silver... I Like You. When The World Is Mine, Your Death Will Be Quick And Painless Boys Are Like Purses. Cute, Filled With Crap, And Are Easy To Replace Smile. It Confuses People Bravery Is Just A Nice Way Of Saying Stupidity So.. What You're Saying Is That I Should Cancel My Plans To Invade China? No! I Wont Go To Hell! They Have A Restraining Order Against Me! Mello Shoots Anyone Who Calls Him A Girl. I Shoot Any Bitch Who Touches My Chocolate. Let The Battle Begin! My Friends Are The Type Of People Who Would Try To Drown A Fish, But I Love Them Anyway A Day Without Sunshine Is Like... Night Everything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral, Or Fattening No, I Don't Have PMS, I Just Really Hate You God, Give Me The Serenity To Accept The Things That I Can't Change, The Strength To Change Things That I Can, And The Wisdom To Hide The Dead Bodies Of The People I Had To Kill Because They Annoyed Me If You Can't Drink And Drive, Then Why Do Bars Have Parking Lots? If You Jog Backwards, Will You Gain Weight? I'm Not So Good At Advice. Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment? Always Forgive Your Enemies. Nothing Annoys Them So Much It Is A Sad Day When You Fail Your IQ Test. Its An Even Sadder Day When You Fail Your Gender Test... I Can Only Please One Person Per Day. Today Is Not Your Day. Tomorrow's Not Looking Good Either An Apple A Day, Keeps The Doctor Away. If The Doctor Is Cute, SCREW THE FRUIT! How Is It Possible To Have A "Civil War"? I'm Gonna Live Forever Or Die Trying! I Didn't Hit You! I High-Fived Your Face... I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER! (Crickets) Nah! I'm Only Kidding! I'm Straight! You'll Know You Live In 2007 When: 1. You Accidentally Enter Your Password On The Microwave 2. You Haven't Played Solitaire With Real Cards For Years 3. The Reason For Not Staying In Touch With Your Friends Is They Don't Have A Screen Name Or My Space 4. You'd Rather Look All Over The House For The Remote Instead Of Pushing Buttons On The TV 6. Your Boss Doesn't Even Have The Ability To Do Your Job 7.As You Read The List You Keep Nodding And Smiling 8. As You Read This List You Think About Sending It To All Your Friends 9. And You Were Too Busy To Notice Number Five 10. You Scroll Back Up To See If There Was A Number Five 11. Now You Are Laughing At Yourself Stupidly 12. Put This In Your Profile If You Fell For That, And You Know You Did 9 Things I Find Annoying: 1. People Who Point At Their Wrist While Asking For The Time... I Know Where My Watch Is Pal, Where The Hell Is Yours? Do I Point At My Crotch When I Ask Where The Toilet Is? 2. People Who Are Willing To Get Off Their Ass To Search The Entire Room To Find The TV Remote Because They Refuse To Get Up And Change The Channel Manually. 3. When People Say, 'Oh You Just Want To Have Your Cake And Eat It Too.' Damn Right! What Good Is Cake If You Can't Eat It? 4. When People Say, 'It's Always The Last Place You Look.' Of Course It Is. Why The Hell Would You Keep Looking After You Found It? Do People Do This? Who And Where Are They? I'm Gonna Kick Their Asses! 5. When People Say While Watching A Film, 'Did You See That?' No Loser, I Spent 12 Dollars To Come To The Cinema And Stare At The Damn Floor. 6. People Who Ask, 'Can I Ask You A Question?' Didn't Really Give Me A Choice There, Did Ya Sunshine? 7. When Something Is 'New And Improved.' Which Is It? If Its New, Then There Has Never Been Anything Before It. If Its An Improvement, Then There Must Have Been Something Before It, So It Can't Be New. 8. When People Say, 'Life Is Too Short.' What The Hell? Life Is The Longest Damn Thing Anyone Ever Does! What Can You Do That's Longer? 9. When You're Waiting For The Bus And Someone Asks, 'Has The Bus Come Yet?' If The Bus Came, Would I Be Standing Here Dumb-ass? 10 Ways To Annoy People 1. Go Into A Grocery Store And Follow Someone Around Asking, "Guess What?" 2. Go Into A Department Store And Sneak Up On Somebody Who Is Talking On A Cell Phone And Whisper, "Who're Ya Talkin' To?" And When They Say, "Hey Dude, Can I Have A Little Privacy Please?" You Say, "No, 'Cause You're In Pubic, Bud. You Can't Have Privacy In Public!" 3.Do The Old Trick When You Put Dog Crap In A Bag Then Set It On Fire, And Leave It On Somebody's Doorstep. So If They're Going To Try To Stomp It Out, They Have To Get Dog Crap All Over Their Shoe. 4. Prank Call The Same Person Over And Over Asking Them What Color Their Underwear Is. 5. If You're A Guy, You'll Love This One. Go Into Hot Topic And Pretend To Have A Heart-attack, And When A Hot Blond Does CPR, Start Kissing Her. (Warning: This One Can Get You Slapped And Maybe A Butt-whooping From Her Boyfriend) 6. Go Into A Public Restroom And Use The Toilet Paper As A Mummy Wrap, And Jump Out Screaming, "Boo!" 7. Come Running Out Of A Restroom Saying To Random People, "Whoa Dude! Come See The Size Of The One I Just Made!" 8. Noisily Chew Gum Behind Someone Who Is Trying To Read, And When They Turn Around, Spit It Out And Hold It Out To Them And Say, "Hey, Want Some? It's Watermelon!" 9. Go Into The Toy Section And Leave A 'Used Diaper' On The Ground And Say, "The Dolly Had An Accident." 10. Go Into A Mall At Christmas Time And Pull Off Santa's Beard Screaming, "Holy Cow! It's A Fake! He Ain't Real!" Try And Read This Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the fsrit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs psas it on! My Mother Taught Me... 1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done. 2. My mother taught me religion. 3. My mother taught me about time travel. 4. My mother taught me logic. 5. My mother taught me more logic. 6. My mother taught me foresight. 7. My mother taught me irony. 8. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis. 9. My mother taught me contortionism. 10. My mother taught me about stamina. 11. My mother taught me about weather. 12. My mother taught me about hypocrisy. 13. My mother taught me the circle of life. 14. My mother taught me about behavior modification. 15. My mother taught me about envy. 16. My mother taught me about anticipation. 17. My mother taught me about receiving. 18. My mother taught me medical science. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me humor. 21. My mother taught me how to become an adult. 22. My mother taught me genetics. 23. My mother taught me about my roots. 24. My mother taught me wisdom. 25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about justice. Favorite Xioalin Showdown Quotes Raimundo: Come on guys! We'll get out of this. We have to! Raimundo: Ow girl, you hit hard! Dojo: Just do what I do: nod and smile. Jack: Why don't we have a relationship like that? Omi: (reading about Sapphire Dragon) One of the most dangerous Shen Gong Wu. Use only as a last resort. Can turn your enemies into a sapphire statue. Raimundo: (Impersonating Clay) Its some sort of an-vis-i-bull bawks. Hey, took him long enough! Master Fung: The journey of a thousand miles starts with but a single step. Raimundo: (Puts his arm around Kimiko) Did I ever tell you that you're my favorite monk? Raimundo: I'm more of a crack of noon guy myself. Jack: Well, I'm sitting on some pretty juicy info. It has to do with Jermaine, and its not good. Jack: This plan wouldn't have worked if I didn't lose my showdown in the first place. (Everyone stares at him) Wait... That didn't come out right. Wuya: You traded the most powerful objects in the world for robot parts?! Blind Old Man: Perhaps you'd like to surrender now? Jack: (Doing a cross word) What's a four-letter word for idiot? Hannibal Bean: That Chase has girlie hair. A true warrior shaves his head... like me. Raimundo: (After the Sapphire Dragon almost turned him, Omi, and Dojo into Sapphire) You'd think he'd be grateful that we rescued him from the volcano. Wuya: Omi is in the past? Wuya: If they swear their loyalty. Omi: Jack Spicer! He who was laughing last laughs most loudly. Jack: Um, once you become Raimundo, are you a he or a she?(Wuya gives death glare) What? I just want to get my pronouns straight. Jack: (Wakes up with Wuya in his face) AHHHH! Wuya, with you its hard to tell if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one! Omi: We must drill to the Earth's core, and flood the chamber with molten lava. Once it hardens, the spiders will be encased forever. Kimiko: (To Raimundo) I'm pretty sure something's defective, and its not the orb. Omi: So it appears that it was not Jack who acted so stupid as to free Hannibal Bean. It was... me? Omi: Chew on that sentence Jack Spicer! Omi: The jig is down, you're at the top of your rope, spoon over the wu! (Pause as people think) Raimundo: How many Omi's are there? Omi: Oh yes! (reading the "Ancient Guide to Females") Females are easily frightened! Omi: Kimiko! Raimundo! Check me in, my friends! I have severely trounced up and down Jack Spicer's buttocks! (Kicked Jack's butt) Omi: We win! Say my name Jack Spicer! Ooh, I have angry skills! Omi: And so our grand quest begins. Follow me... to victory! (Off screen) I have no idea where I'm going. Omi: (Dojo is heading for a cliff) Dojo! Look in! Omi: (After receiving elemental shen gong wu) Oooooh! Mine is extremely icy! Omi: Raimundo, get the shen gong wu. I will place a cover over your backside. Jermaine: You're not playing with me, are you? Dojo: Ha! joke's on you Wuya! You broke the Reversing Mirror. Seven years bad luck. IN YOUR FACE! Dojo: Ugh. I haven't felt like this since the Heylin's Seed's been unleashed. (Gasp) THE HEYLIN'S SEED'S BEEN UNLEASHED! Dojo: (Reading one of the ancient scrolls) Very interesting. It says here that Alexander the Great had seven toes on one foot, and three on the other. Raimundo: (Hugging Omi) We were so worried! Don't ever run away like that again! (Everyone stares at him. Blushes) What? I was worried. Jack: I get to keep the Monkey Staff right? Omi: Do we look like we were born next week? Jack: (Wearing Emperor Scorpion) Fearsome Four, I command you to... laugh evilly. (Fearsome Four laugh evilly) Now I command you to laugh evilly while hopping on one foot! (Fearsome Four laugh evilly on one foot) Omi: These are lion claws. That's close! Raimundo: I have a question. Chase Young: (To Jack) You're more annoying than evil. Wuya: You have done well, Jack. Omi: I already know my future. I will be the most wisest, most skilled, most powerful Xioalin warrior of all time! Wuya: Ah, the Xioalin temple. Let me savor the moment. (A second's pause) Ah, now lets crush them. Black Viper: (After being defeated by Jack Spicer) And because you have defeated us, you are now the leader of... The Black Vipers. (Black Vipers bow down to Jack) Wuya: Guard-bots, finish them! Wuya: Some evil genius! Outsmarted by a little girl! Dojo: (Talking about the showdown ending quickly) What happened? I blinked and missed it. Raimundo: Do you know whats going on here, Dojo? Jack: Easy for you to say! You can leave any time you want! Hannibal Bean: If you're true evil, you know what to do. Hannibal Bean: Hello my boy. Jack: Well the warranty says they're impe- impetri- impenetrable. You'd think they'd cover some of this stuff. Dojo: The Mikado Arm shen gong wu is a lesser known wu that gives greater upper body strength. Jack: (Referring to himself) Oh yeah, sure. Gang up on the weakling. Raimundo: (After the monster disappears) What can I say? He probably just knew better than to mess with me. Omi: (Starts to declare the showdown against the Sapphire Dragon) I wager the Orb of Tornami against your... self! Raimundo: (After Master Monk Guan asked them to wash the dishes again) But, they are already clean enough to eat off of, see? Master Monk Guan: (3:11 am) Up and at 'em! Training out front in five minutes! Move it! Omi: Jack Spicer has his own prison? He should be in prison! Omi: Raimundo! Arise your shine! There is great evil! Wuya: (About herself) Hmm... So much evil beauty. Not bad for 1500 years old. Wuya: Oh how I miss soaring the skies as a disembodied head. Sometimes you don't appreciate what you don't have, until you don't have it! Being evil was so much easier when I wasn't flesh. No bathing, no make-up, no midnight trips to the evil little girls room. Chase Young: The bird could be quite dangerous in the wrong hands. Old Raimundo: Guys! This is the chance we've been waiting for! I say we break into the palace, and take back the Sands of Time! Omi: I am most pleased... and most confused. You said only one of us would rise. Female Comebacks Man: Where have you been all of my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, whats your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Man: Your eyes are amazing. You'll Know You're Obsessed With Xioalin Showdown When... You call a Xioalin Showdown over the remote with your younger sibling. You mutter "Wuya" under your breath every time your teacher gives you a bad grade. You're afaid to eat jellybeans because you're afraid an evil one will hop out at you. Every time you see a bald guy, you yell out, "Hey Omi!" Every blue ball you see you call the Orb of Tornami. You jump off a cliff, thinking you'll land on Dojo. You jump off again, thinking he missed. You do it a third time, this time holding a pair of fairy wings, and calling them the Wings of Tinabi. You blame Chucky Choo that the wings don't work. You call every yo-yo the ying and yang yo-yo. When you talk about Xioalin Showdown, your friends and family run. You have pictures of a character all over your walls. You have a crush on a character. You write fanfictions on here about them. When Xioalin Showdown comes on, you turn off every little light, turn the volume on high, and sit like a moron... staring at the TV. When you see an old bald guy you call him Master Fung. You call geckos Dojo. You cuss out Avatar for "copying" Xioalin Showdown. You draw the characters. Every time you see a cowboy you smile and call him Clay. Every short Japanese girl you see you chase after, ranting about Raikim. You grab a penny, jump off a cliff AGAIN, and call out, "Mantis Flip Coin!" You again blame Chucky Choo. You put on a choker you call the Gills of Himachi, and try to breathe underwater. You cuss out Chucky Choo when you come back from the hospital. You named imaginary friends after the characters. You sit and stare at pictures of Omi and have chats with him. You plan on naming your first male child Raimundo. You tell you best friend to name her girl Kimiko, and when they are old enough, arrange a marriage. Call their wedding Raikim. You have dreams about Raimundo/Jack/Chase Young. Every time you bite into a cheese ball, you say, "Take that Omi!" You call your brother's journal The Ancient Guide To Females. You call all bald guys sexist. You nod your head at everything Katokat has written. You repost this in your profile. Favorite Codename Kids Next Door Quotes NO P IN THE OOL Operation N.O.-P.O.W.U.H. (New Orders - Pulverize Opposition Without Utilizing Hamsters) Operation T.U.R.N.I.P. (Turnips Unfortunately Reaching Near Infestation Point) Operation L.I.C.E. (Lice Interrupt Cheese Eating) Numbuh 1: Everyone follow my lead... (Starts running away) Numbuh 2: WAIT! You have to say something cool first! Like "Say cheese punk!" Or "Cheese to meet you!" Operation T.O.M.M.Y. (Totally Obnoxious Moronic Meddling Youngster) Operation P.I.A.N.O. (Pesky Instrument Advances New Operative) Operation Q.U.I.E.T. (Quietude Unlikely In Entire Treehouse) Operation D.A.T.E. (Dance Actually Threatens Everyone) Numbuh 1: Stay focused team. Remember, we're on a mission. Lizzie: But don't you want to look back at this years from now? Operation S.U.P.P.O.R.T. (Special Underwire Protection Purportedly Outfits Rotten Teenagers) Operation F.U.G.I.T.I.V.E. (Facing Unpleasant Girl's Insulting Taunts Isn't Very Enjoyable) Operation C.A.K.E.D.-T.W.O. (Commandos Attempt Kapturing Enemy Dessert - They Weren't Obliging) Operation S.P.A.C.E. (Sister's Playful Antics Cause Emergency) Mushi: But what if the aliens... eat your head? Operation B.E.A.C.H. (Boys Enthusiastically Attempt Chivalrous Heroics) Numbuh 2: Uhh... So, you next? Operation U.N.D.E.R.C.O.V.E.R. (Unusual New Defector Eagerly Reveals Coffee Operation's Vital Enemy Relevance) Operation T.R.I.P. (Twins' Reconnaissance Increases Peril) Twin Boy: All she wanted to do was entrap you, and felicitate your DOOM! But do you care? NO! Operation E.N.D. (Everyone Nearly Decommissioned) Numbuh 1: Well Tommy, I'm surprised this piece of junk actually flies. Numbuh 2: So... Uh, when do the men in the white coats come take you to the happy hotel, huh? Numbuh 1: Numbuh 2! I need you to calculate our distance and thrust and tell us when to cast off. Operation R.O.B.B.E.R.S. (Rather Ornery Bandits Burglarize Educationally Required Schoolwork) Numbuh 4: Shh! I'm trying to find a way to spell 'Mississippi' with no s's! Operation F.O.U.N.T.A.I.N. (Figure Out Unusual Nerd's Tantalizing And Impossible Necessity) Operation B.U.T.T. (Blackmail Uncovers Titanic Tush) Operation T.R.A.I.N.I.N.G. (Tiny Recruits Ambushed In Nefarious Invasion Need Guts) Operation P.I.N.K.-E.Y.E. (Private Investigator's New Kase - Extra Yucky Investigation) Numbuh 2: THAT was like having Muffy Jenkins as a lab partner. Too close. Operation K.A.S.T.L.E. (Kuki And Sister Torpedo Loathsome Engagement) Operation C.A.K.E.D.-T.H.R.E.E. (Commandos Attempt Kapturing Enemy Dessert - They have Real Extreme Eggravation) Numbuh 3: Aww! The chickies think he's their mommy! Numbuh 1: OnceuponatimetherewasalittleRedRidingHoodandthewolfateher. The end. Numbuh 2: You better save some room because you'll be eating those words along with that cake. Operation T.R.I.C.K.Y. (Trivial Rival Instigates Candy Krazy Yearning) Operation H.O.S.P.I.T.A.L. (Hurt Operative Safely Protected In Totally Antiseptic Location) Numbuh 4: She LOVES him! Whats so special about him? Whats he got that I ain' got? Numbuh 4: Uh, Numbuh 3? I know you, er, love this guy, but there is something I really have to tell you. Operation S.P.R.O.U.T. (Sickening Produce Removal Operation Ultra Tricky) Operation H.O.U.N.D. (Homework Obliterated Using Nefarious Dog) Operation R.A.B.B.I.T. (Rescue Aids Beloved Bunny In Trouble) Operation C.A.K.E.D.-F.O.U.R. (Children's Annual Kompetition Exposes Devilishly Fiendish Operation Up River) Operation S.A.T.U.R.N. (Stuff Abducted Turns Up Revolving Nowhere) Operation M.A.T.A.D.O.R. (Misbehaving Agent Teases Adults During Organized Recreation) Numbuh 5: (Into radio) This is Numbuh 5, requesting back-up. Repeat- (Radio is knocked from her hand) Numbuh 4: (Sees Numbuh 1's head disguised as a soccer ball) Hey, Somebody left a soccer ball. Its Beatles in the clear. Its Beatles for the goal. He shoots... Operation S.N.O.W.I.N.G. (Sickly Nigel Opposes Warped Incumbent's Nasty Grasp) Operation D.O.D.G.E.B.A.L.L. (Dangerous Old Dude's Game Excellently Beats All Little Losers) Numbuh 4: This time, its personal. Operation N.A.U.G.H.T.Y. (Ninnies Almost Undo Greatest Holiday This Year) Numbuh 3: (After Numbuh 4 gives her his french fries) This is the absolute- (Lets go of the sleigh and becomes herself again) -sweetest gift you've ever got me! (Lands on him giggling) Its also the only present you've ever got me, but who's counting? Ahhh. (Hugs him tightly) Operation Z.E.R.O. (Zero Explanation Reveals Origins) Numbuh 3: (Takes Numbuh 4's hand) We'll go. I need to go pick up my "Brave in the Face of Certain Doom" Rainbow Monkey anyway. Numbuh 4: Its awful quiet in here. Numbuh 4: (He and Numbuh 3 are in a dark closet) Kuki, I'm scared. I don't know what to do next. Father: (To Grandfather) You big JERK! Now you've made me angry! Very, very, ANGRY!- Oh forget it. Operation W.H.I.T.E.H.O.U.S.E. (What Happens If The Existing Head Of United States Escapes) General Wally Beatles: Ladies and gentlemen. It is high time we put an end to the Kids Next Door's ridiculous agenda of promoting later bedtimes and less homework. So, we will immediately use the combined might of the army, navy, air force, and marine animals to smash those twerps back to the bone age! All we need is our president to sign this. (Holds up the bill, looking confused) Eh, thinly sliced... thing with big words on it. General Wally Beatles: All troops, ready to fire in three... Oh darn! What comes after that? Oh forget it. FIRE!! Operation S.I.X. (Soda Is X-changed) Numbuh 2: (Looking at the Rainbow Monkey tanker) That can't be the truck! (Presses button on keys and the horn plays the Rainbow Monkeys theme song) Yep, that's the truck. Numbuh 2: (After they get duped by the Delightful Children From Down The Lane) The roadblock was to stop me from delivering their birthday cake? Operation T.R.I.C.Y.C.L.E. (Tommy's Ride Is Calamity You Can't Let Escape) Favorite Animaniacs Quotes Miles: Ye be not turkeys. What be ye? Dr. Scratch'n'Sniff: I'm beginning to think you're not normal. Yakko: Wait a minute. You expect us poor innocent children to climb up a dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church? Wakko: (Playing with Scratch'n'Sniff's statue of his head) Ooh, a giant pez dispenser. Want one? (Magically opening it) Wakko: (Holds out Bible) Do you swear? Yakko: (Chanting while wearing Musketeer costumes) Hup, two, three, four! (Changes into Egyptian costumes) No one's gettin' in this door! (Changes into ballet costumes) Five, six, seven, eight! (Changes into kimonos) Gonna ask Cindy Crawford for a date! Dr. Scratch'n'Sniff: Now we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution? Dot: Wow, dumber than advertised. Dot: And what's so special about it? Miss Flamiel: Wakko, what is the meaning of the word procrastination? Yakko: Fine, don't worry about me. I'll find someone to rump with. (Whistles. Women come out of nowhere) I love cartoons. Yakko: Alright, alright, we get the picture. If you don't want any cookies, then just leave. Yakko: Dot, I appoint you minister of girlie things that I don't understand. Beethoven: I am Ludwig Van Beethoven, world famous composer, and pianist. Michelangelo: You fools, I am the great Michelangelo, and this is the Sistine Chapel. Wakko: (To the big woman blocking the isle) Excuse me. Yakko: (Addressing kingdom) Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you because if I was behind you, you couldn't see me. Dot: All we know is that we like you. We have no taste, but we like you. Yakko & Wakko: (Panting) Helloooo Nurse! Yakko: Goodbyeeee Nurse! Yakko & Wakko: Helloooo Harp! Mafia Member: (Claps for henchman's attention) Show these kids the door. Wakko: (Lying down, looking at stars) Look at all those stars. Yakko, Wakko, & Dot: (Singing man a lullaby) Hush little king, please don't cry. We're going to sing you a lullaby. A big, scary monster man is coming for you, he'll gobble you up like chucky beef stu. (Give man a kiss) Goodnight. (Leave room) Ned Flat: Why are you acting like this? Dot: (To giant) You know, you really should pluck those unsightly nose hairs. (Plucks a nose hair) War General: Do you know who I am? Yakko: Number one, sister! Dust for prints! Yakko: We will also prove justice is not blind. She's cross-eyed. Yakko: Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. Miss Flamiel: Let me warn you that I will tolerate no foolishness. Are we clear? Miss Flamiel: Yakko, can you conjugate? Minerva Mink: Never mind that. Just give me the bird. Miss Flamiel: Find your seats! Wakko: According to this, I'd say we've lost our way. Yakko: You can teach an old dog new tricks, but you can't teach Madonna to act. Pinky: If I'm not back in an hour, I've probably made another huge mistake! Yakko: It's that time again. Miss Flamiel: If you have ten cookies and someone takes half of them, what will they have? Miles: Begone, pests! And give me the bird! Slappy Squirrel: That was pointless. Skippy Squirrel: (holding frozen acorns) Even my nuts are frozen~ Yakko: As cartoon characters, we were drawn. Ergo, mom and dad must be pencils. Yakko: If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents. Steven: Another sequel to Star Wars? Are you crazy? It's over George! Now give it up! Miss Flamiel: An apple fell out of the tree and landed on Isaac Newton. What did it teach him? Yakko: (shaking Hello Nurse's hand) How do you do - that thing with your mouth? (jumps into her arms and kisses her) Take me away. But be gentle, I'm fragile (shatters) Miss Flamiel: Yakko, can you count to one hundred? Miss Flamiel: Wakko, can you multiply? Yakko: I got the beans! Dr. Scratch'n'Sniff: Yakko, it's time to take the ink blot test. What does this remind you of? Announcer: A squirrel likes to hide his nuts in the most unusual places, where the sun doesn't shine on 'em. Cardinal: King Yakko, your throne. Yakko: Please, Please, Please, Get a Life Foundation Yakko: And today's lesson is, Elvis lives in our hearts, and in a trailer park outside Milwaukee. Yakko: How come I'm always stuck with the booby prizes? Yakko: And the moral of today's story is, if you can't say something nice, you're probably at the Ice Capades. Dot: Don't look down. You might fall and hit your head and die and your brains would leak out allll over. Chipmunk Adventure Quotes Dave: Now lets see... shirts, pants, overcoat, socks... Am I forgetting anything? Ms. Miller: David, are you drunk? Dave: (On the phone) I'm just calling to see how everything is. Theodore: Simon? I feel kinda funny about tricking Ms. Miller. Simon: Alvin, land the balloon by the fountain. (Balloon lands in a tree) Like I said, in the tree! Eleanor: (She and Jeanette saved Brittany from drowning) We thought you were a goner! Simon: Have you guys having any trouble along the way? Eleanor: Excuse me, sir. But, uh, you wouldn't want to marry Brittany. You see, she's, well, she's very difficult. Brittany: (Yawns) Jeanette, could you pass me something to eat? Favorite Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman Quotes Simon: Theodore, since when don't you like avocados? Alvin: There's something creepy about Mr. Talbot. Alvin: Shh. Simon, its me, Alvin. Dave: So let me get this straight, all of this happened over a game of tic-tac-toe? Brittany: Hello? Whats that supposed to be? Brittany: I don't get it. Theodore was always the sweet one. Alvin: I can't go to Mr. Talbot's, Dave! Tonight's the school play! Yeah, that's right! And I've got the most important part! Principal Miliken: I'm taking a less stressful job driving trucks full of nitroglycerin across rickety bridges in South America! Alvin: Us? Wild? Friends Verses Best Friends Friend: Never asks for anything to eat or drink Friend: Calls your parents Mr. and Mrs. and your grandpa, Grandpa Friend: Would bail you out of jail Friend: Would bail you out again because you're "a good person" Friend: Have never seen you cry Friend: Asks you to write down your number Friend: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back Friend: Only knows a few things about you Friend: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing Friend: Would knock on your front door Friend: You have to tell them not to tell anyone Friend: Are only with you through high school/college (lunch buddies) Friend: Will comfort when a guy rejects you Friend: Helps you find your prince Friend: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying Friend: Offers you soda Friend: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month Friend: Gives you their umbrella in the rain Friend: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough Friend: Will help you move Friend: Helps you up when you fall Friend: Tell you that you're too good for him when you get dumped Friend: Asks you why you're crying Friend: Hides you from the cops Friend: Will help you find your way when you're lost Friend: Will help you learn how to drive Friend: Would ignore this letter Favorite Maximum Ride Quotes Jeb: Hello Max. How do you feel? ter Bortcht: Ve need to gather some final data. Den you vill be exterminated. Gasman: Good! Because we like to blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up! Max: Ah, the joys of being an adolescent hybrid runaway. Max: I blame you for altering my DNA! I mean, I have wings lady! What were you thinking?! Nudge: Jessica. Jessica Miranda, Alicia Tangerine Butterfly. Iggy: I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain. Total: I'm such a marshmallow. Iggy: I'll grab a zebra. Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging. And lets throw the beef jerky right into their eyes! Now that's a plan! Max: One sec. Voice imparting unnecessary knowledge. Chinese Scientists: Tell us about your sense of direction. How does it work? Max: Write that down. He's a notorious dessert stealer. Max: Clear as pea soup! Chinese Scientists: How high can you fly? Max: I basically have two speeds, hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice. ter Bortcht: You. Do you haf any qualities dat distinuish you in any way? Max: Oops. I guess they forgot to program us with respect for authority. ter Bortcht: You don't speak much, do you? (Fang stays silent) Vhy do you let a girl be de leader? Max: Let's see. High stone walls, lifeless span of grit, mutants marching around... I don't know-- I'm thinking it says 'prison yard.' How about you guys? Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts 1. The giant squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball 2. I am not allowed to sing "We're Off To See The Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office 3. I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter 4. I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick 5. I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar 6. I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 ball to Divination 7. I am not allowed to say that Seamus Flinnigan is "after my lucky charms" 8. I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy 9. I am not allowed to make fun of Remus's "time of the month" 10. I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand 11. I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and tell him that they're real animals 12. I am not allowed to refer the Accio charm as "The Force" 13. I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "extra-credit Herbology homework" 14. I am not allowed to use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin House mascot 15. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I assume that I'm not allowed to use it 16. I am not allowed to lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in the same room and bet on which House will come out alive 17. I am not allowed to charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" of the Christmas Feast 18. I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug a Slytherin Day" 19. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways 20. It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor 21. I will not say the phrase, "Get a life," to Voldemort 22. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy 23. I will never ask Harry if his Voldy senses are tingling 24. I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning Myrtle an eye-full" 25. I will not make "OMGWTF" a spell 26. It is not necessary to yell, "BAM!" every time I apparate 27. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways 28. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colors indicate that they're "covered in bees" 29. "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name," is not a challenge 30. I will not go to class skyclad 31. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told ya I was Hard Core" 32. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm 33. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for bludgers 34. I will not start every Potions class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as body lotion 35. I will not call the Weasley twins "bookends" 36. I will not call the Patil twins "bookends" 37. I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak 38. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine 39. I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts 40. Tricking a school House Elf to strip off its clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!" 41. I do not weigh the same as a duck 42. I do not have a dalek patronus 43. I will not lick Trevor 44. "Gryffindor Courage" does not come in bottles labeled as "Firewhiskey" 45. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween 46. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl 47. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say, "Ni," have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, "Ni," from various directions 48. I am not King of the Potato People and do not have a flying carpet 49. "Conquering the world with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice 50. I will not tell First Years that Snape is the voice of God 51. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger 52. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not 53. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class 54. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant 55. Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binn's roster is not funny 56. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play 57. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror" 58. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin, "Once you go Black, you never go back" 59. I will not call Lucius Malfoy "Jareth" 60. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium" 61. I will not tell Ron and Hermione, "Get a room," whenever they start to fight 62. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason 63. I am not a tribble animagus 64. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, a snow leopard, a Tasmanian devil, or a piranha 65. Professor Lupin does not need a flea collar 66. Sirius Black is not #24601 67. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is 68. I am not being repressed 69. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is gross 70. I will not change the password to the prefects' bathroom to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty" 71. There is no such thing as an invisibility thong 72. I am not a Pinball Wizard 73. Asking, "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time 74. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey 75. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas 76. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously 77. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously 78. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine" 79. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with, "What's new, pussycat?" 80. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder 31 Things To Do While You're In Walmart 1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals 2. Make a trail of tomato juice that leads to the restrooms 3. Walk up to an employee and tell them in an official tone, "Code 3 in Housewares." See what happens 4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway 5. Move a "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera and use use it as a mirror. Pick your nose 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are 10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song. When someone asks you what they're doing, yell "LOOK OUT!" and shove them behind a shelf 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack, and when people browse through, yell, "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and yell loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!" 15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle shouting, "Go! Pikachu! Go!" 16. Get twenty-four boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking 17. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one 18. Buy three hundred fifty packets of tune and yell, "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!" once the cashier tells you the price 19. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find the bananas 20. Start a fish stick fight 21. Walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then yell, "I MISSED YA, MAN!" 22. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming, "THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" 23. Do it again, this time screaming, "THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!" 24. Slip a bra and a pair of lacy pink underwear into a really macho-looking man's cart 25. Attempt to fly off a high shelf 26. Throw confetti at random people walking into the store 27. Whisper, "I know your 'little secret'," to people in the check-out line 28. Stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section. Try saying you're a turkey leg 29. Walk up to employees and whisper, "I saw dead people... They want me to take you away... to aisle 8..." 30. On the announcer thing, start singing "Baby Got Back," by Sir-Mix-Alot 31. Shout at the top of your lungs "WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!" and count how many people turn to look at you. These Are Actual Instruction Labels On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary! Details inside (Shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions- Use like regular soap (And that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion- Defrost (But its 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (Printed on bottom of box) Do not turn upside down (Too late! You lose!) On Mark's & Spencer's bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating (Are you sure? Let's experiment!) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body (But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those forklifts) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning- May cause drowsiness (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Keep out of children (Hmm. Something must have gotten lost in the translation) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only (As opposed to use in outer space) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use (Now I'm curious!) On Sainbury's peanuts: Warning- Contains nuts (But no peas?) On an American Airline packet of nuts: Instructions- Open packet, eat nuts (Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands (Raise your hand if you've tried this) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief!) The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school I'm Sorry: (Girls Don't Realize These Things) I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry But most of all I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm Sorry I'm sorry Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle. Girl: Slow down! Guy: No this is fun! Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary! Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you. Now slow down. Guy: Now give me a big hug. (She gave him a big hug) Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me. In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile Only in America... 1. Can a pizza get to your house faster then the cops. 2. Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 3. Do we put cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 4. Do we buy hotdogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 5. Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Copy And Pastes Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "two small" and "off it's orbit" for some scientist's liking. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this into your profile. If Fanfiction to you is what Myspace is to other people, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit his darn Trix already, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have an annoying younger or older sibling, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more then five consecutive minutes, copy and paste this into your profile. Nintey five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're a total clutz, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever felt like something was watching you then turned around and saw that nothing was there, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read a story, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler then being cool, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read people's profile's looking for something to copy and paste, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever tripped over air, copy and paste this in your profile. If you're the type of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile. If you randomly check your email every five minutes while on the computer, copy this into your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. If you know chocolate is very bad for your energy meter because you know it will burst through the top in pure sugar rush but are obsessed with it anyway copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Chip the Wolf should just go to the freaking supermarket and buy his own cookie crisp instead of trying to steal someone else's, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. 98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you work better to music, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't do drugs (They are nasty), copy/paste this into your profile. If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile. Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, kailover 2006, Iluvbeyblade, Lamanth, AnimeGirl329, Kathleen-chan, Life is a Highway66, moviemanic122893, Ham-Kelly- now Chibi Corn Chip, DolphinInsomniac 15, Cosplay Chan, Umbreon Mastah, Mind Seeker, Dewdrop13, Medalis, Invisibool, krazykookiegirl, xFireChickx Just because we eat animals doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ect., copy this into your profile! 90 of teens will want to try a drug between the ages of 13-19. If you are one of the 10 that rather lose a limb before taking drugs, copy this into your profile. I like cheese. I've seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? Or when two foot are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. Some people call me crazy, but I'm just random. If you are random and proud of it, copy this onto your profile. 98 percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile. If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever had a random crush on a cartoon character, copy this onto your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. If you have a profile, paste this on your profile. If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. If you are really random put this on your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile! If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. There are A LOT of people who write stories here on Fanfiction.net...If you are one of the very few that know that 'realize' is spelled with a 'z' and not an 's', copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. REMEMBER WHEN getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground? Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now Pick your birth month JANUARY: FEBRUARY: MARCH: APRIL: MAY: JUNE: JULY: AUGUST: SEPTEMBER: OCTOBER: NOVEMBER: DECEMBER: Best things to say when turning down a date: "I have to save the world from an alien looking for it's hair brush." "My llama ran away and that's the day we're going to look for it.'' "The mother ship is coming to get me." "I have to remind my sister to blink." ''I'm putting all 437 of my Pokemon cards in ABC order." "I watch new episodes of the Secret Saturdays alone, bud." "I already have plans to go water skying in the desert with Santa." ''I can't find my special underpants." ''The master wouldn't like me going out with you humans.'' ''I have to go back to the future." ''I have to tie my shoe a million times that day." "Do you smell food? I'll have to get back to on that." Yes-someone else made these up ,but they really work! Ways to Annoy people at the movies: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3d glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Sit in the front row. When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!" Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!" Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending. What High School Musical has Taught Us 1. If you wish to show your inability or dislike for dancing, it's perfectly reasonable to break out in a dance number. 2. College? It's not important, as long as you can hang out with your friends. 3. If your love is strong enough, fireworks will go off, and lanterns will fly away as you and your boyfriend kiss. 4. Playing sports is a hint that it's time to break into song. 5. Don't worry about being rude/mean because in the end things will work out for you. 6. School spirit is a must. Especially during the summer. 7. Your friends are not human and should always be addressed by the name of their school mascot. 8. Yes! You can paint your locker pink! Screw the school board. 9. You can be a chef, lifeguard, or golf assistant...no experience needed! 10. A guy can never wear too much bronzer. 11. Lakes are the equilivant of mirrors. They can show your reflection perfectly! 12. It is possible to memorize a 3 minute song over the course of 30 seconds...and sing it perfectly! 13. It doesn't matter that you're not a staff member... You can still attend any and all staff events. 14. The phrase 'more moves than an octopus in a wrestling match' is something that can be used in everyday conversation 15. There are two bells that get you out of school. The first one tells you to start singing and dancing, the second announces you should stop. 16. Even though its the last day of school, its okay to leave stuff in the locker for the summer. 17. If your family is 'saving pennies' for your college education and gives you a junky truck to drive because they 'can't afford anything else', it is normal for their kitchen to have expensive granite counter tops and a 7,000 fridge. 18. Pianos can float now. Go ahead, try it. 19. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear girl's capris. 20. If you're upset, just run through a golf course, jumping and spinning, while singing 'Bet on it'...you won't fall at any point, and no one will stop and think 'what the hell?'. 21. You can send telepathic messages to your mom to tell her to pick you up just as you're finishing your breakup song with your boyfriend. 22. A resort can be highly successful when there are way more employees than guests. 23. 'And she stepped on the ball' is actually quite funny. You just need to put it into context. 24. One family can apparently control an entire city, including all educational institutions in the area. 25. It's good manners to refer to your mother as a 'backstabber' 26. Turkey imported from Maine is much better than any other turkey. In fact, it's fabulous... 27. Apparently, it is now possible to hire an entire high school to be the staff at an upscale country club. 28. Iced tea from England is blue 29. Water Bug is a really cute, funny, and romantic pet name. -gags- Gah, my god, Rowsely... 30. Being a teenage paparazzi at school and taking multiple pictures of the same two people is not weird or creepy in any way 31. When your girlfriend tells you that your shoes don't match your tie, you must do a stupid looking surfer move to see if she's right, you can't just look down. 32. Take two small saucepan lids and bang them together. You'll find they make the exact same sound as a large GONG. Go on, have a go. 33. It IS possible to have any object in the world come in pink & engraved with your initials. 34. If you are the basketball star of your school, you can get yourself, as well as the rest of the school, summer jobs. 35. Lava Springs apparently had no employees, since they had to hire a whole new staff. 36. Don't change your friends, change your dreams. 37. 'What team?' 'Wildcats!''GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!' can fix any problem. 38. Basketball scholarships at the University of Albuquerque depend completely on your musical performance skills 39. Guitars and speaker equipment can be placed near a pool safely. 40. When you frolic with your girlfriend in the golf course, you get in trouble. When you frolic by yourself and sing, nothing happens, of course. Names 1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Claizzle 2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (color and animal) Orange Elephant 3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name) Veronica Cory 4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name) Pazclanor 5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (color, drink) Orange Jamiaca 6. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name) Lzeiorn 7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name) Galvan 8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Pudgy, Black Patches 9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fruit, and something that can go wrong) Grape Dynamite 10. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (color, pirate accessory) Orange Eye Patch Reasons Why Girls Are The Best 1. We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies... you get the point. 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people still find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We can have men do what we want by merely unbuttoning our shirts. 31. At least one girl always survives in a horror movie. 32. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our toenails without feeling the least bit silly. 33. Our magazines have horoscopes. 34. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around. 35. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm. 36. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month. 37. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have. 38. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket. 39. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are) I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you! 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking 8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand 18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard 20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot 29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk 30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock 66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions 67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong 73. Ran into a door jam 84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about 93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper (teacher lol awesome day!) 98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling. 99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class I am the kid that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am thekid that people look through when I say something. I am the kid that spends most of there free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the kid that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the kid that doesn't spend all there time on MySpace, or talking to a friend nonstop on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the kid that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the kid that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the kid who knows and is proud to be who they are, doesn’t care if people call me weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with alot of things, who can express themself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a bf/gf to complete him/her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the kids who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone- Bearhug946, EdwardCullenEqualsLife, Stephanie Deux,Randomenated-Cullen!, MiniBellaSwan, Jayleen-Cullen-Whitlock-Hale, Emmett or Edward, Volleyballgurl09, Radr180, Linzerj, Butchee, xFireChickx YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..." You live off of sugar and caffine People think you're insane. You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then dissappear off the face of the earth the next. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. Copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions. YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. Love vs. Sex A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit She ended up staying longer than As she walked along under the tall elm When she reached the alley, which was a However, halfway down the alley she She became uneasy and began to pray, Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness When she reached the end of the alley, The following day, she read in the Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and Thanking the Lord for her safety and to She felt she could recognize the man, so The police asked her if she would be She agreed and immediately pointed out When the man was told he had been The officer thanked Diane for her bravery She asked if they would ask the man one Diane was curious as to why he had not When the policeman asked him, he Amazingly, whether you believe or not, Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE: SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: Yep! Someone has waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law). You say Soulja Boy - I say Judas Priest 92% of teenagers have turned to Hip Hop and Pop. If you are part of the 8% that still listen to real music, copy and paste this to your profile! Total BS Breakup Lines Line: You deserve better Line: We're too alike Line: You just don't get me Line: I'm not ready for the real thing Line: I love you like a friend Line: I need space Line: I need to focus on my career Line: I wish it could've worked out between us Line: I don't want to hold you back Line: We're just at different points in our lives Line: My feelings for you are so intense, they scare me Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes (Must Be Said Out Loud) That's not right = Sum ting wong Are you harboring a fugitive = Hu yu hai ding See me ASAP = Kum hia Stupid man = Dum fuk Small horse = Tai ni po ni Did you go to the beach = Wai yu so tan I bumped the coffee table = Ai bang mai fa kin ni I think you need a face lift = Chin tu fat Its very dark in here = Wai so dim I thought you were on a diet = Wai yu kum ching This is a tow away zone = No pah king Our meeting is scheduled for next week = Wai yu kum nao Staying out of sight = Lei ying lo He's cleaning his automobile = Wa shing ka Your body odor is offensive = Yu stin ki pu Great = Fa kin su pah Put your iPod on shuffle and press next song for each question. Put the song that pops up on the question How am I feeling today? Killer Queen - Queen How do my friends see me? Chemicals React - Aly & AJ What is my best friend's theme song? Overprotected - Britney Spears What is the story of my life? Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades - ZZ Top What is the best thing about me? Pass The Dutchie - Musical Youth What is today going to be like? The One Thing - INXS What is in store for this week? Bad Reputation - Joan Jett What song describes my mom? Paparazzi - Lady GaGa What song describes my dad? Between You And Me - Hilary Duff To describe my grandparents? Up, Up, Up - Rose Falcon How is my life going? Shine - Krystal Meyers What song will they play at my funeral? All I Need - Jack Wagner How does the world see me? Switchblade 327 - Brian Setzer Orchestra Will I have a happy life? Almost Easy - Avenged Sevenfold What do my friends really think of me? Ave Mary A - P!nk How can I make myself happy? Heart & Soul - T'Pau What should I do with my life? Stupid Girls - P!nk What is some good advice for me? Dancing Queen - ABBA How will i be remembered? Go That Far - Bret Michaels Band What is my signature dancing song? Untouched - The Veronicas What is my current theme song? Streets Of Gold - Rita Pointer What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Man, I Feel Like A Woman - Shania Twain LIFE STORY: Opening Credits: Happy - Hilary Duff Waking Up: Hey Baby - No Doubt First Day At School: Just Got Paid - Johnny Kemp Falling In Love: I'm A Survivor - Reba McEntire Fight Song: Take Me Away - Lindsay Lohan Breaking Up: Poison Ivy - Jonas Brothers Prom: Start Of Something New - Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens Life's OK: Pon Da Replay - Rihanna Mental Breakdown: Sweet Dreams - Air Supply Driving: You Can't Take Me - Bryan Adams Flashback: Get Into The Groove - Madonna Getting Back Together: Round & Round - Selena Gomez & The Scene Wedding: That's What You Get - Paramore Birth of Child: Take It Off - Ke$ha Final Battle: Stand Out - Tevin Campbell Death Scene: Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood Funeral Song: Forget Me Nots - Patrice Rushen End Credits: Naturally - Selena Gomez & The Scene It's official, the movie version of my life will be very messed up. |
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