Wow, I have never felt so much nostalgia while revisiting an old account. It's been sooo long since i made this account. I'm not going to change anything because it is quite fun to go back and read through everything now and then , but if you come across this and would like to contact me my twitter is @zayyns or @emiliamayy. You can also visit me and send me a message on my tumblr

And remember,

Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

"Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Okay, so I decided to start this little thing where when I find a line or a statement in a story that I think is funny I copy it and put it on the list below. Enjoy! :)

Ahh, the joy of laughing

1. "Anyway Children––-" The laughter resided as Pansy began to glare at those who were mocking her. "Today the Ministry has decided to give you a different task to fulfill before your Marriage ceremonies take place."

"Sex!" Theodore Nott chuckled, high-fiving with a nearby Ravenclaw."

2. "What in the bloody Hell!" He exclaimed, registering the fact that he was feeling his bare arm. He looked down to himself and noticed that his school robes were gone. Instead he was dressed in emerald pajama pants, and a white Muscle-Shirt. "I was raped!"

3. "Explain yourself, Harry!" Ron snapped, ignoring his sister.

"Think about it this way, Mate––-" Harry gripped his wand with his right hand. Eyeing Ron's twitching fingers ready to whip out his. "If anything goes…unexpectedly…Then I'm extending the Potter Family Line…."

4. "You know something, mate, what's going on here will make a great story-line for a Muggle-Movie." Blaise Zabini grinned, as his best mate took the table next to him and Cho Chang. "We've got cheaters, lunatics, crying witches, angry witches-" He gave Cho a mocking sneer. "Backstabbing best mates, sex scandals, and the Boy-Who-lived!"

5. Hogwarts: Where the screwed live.

6. "Sirius! We're leaving!" James called as he passed by their bedroom door. Sirius called back from inside.

"Alright kids have fun! But not too much fun! And be home by 11:30." James rolled his eyes as Lily giggled.

"Alright Dad!" James called back causing Lily to laugh.

7. For example, one of the problems was, you are walking alone in a dark alley when you are attacked by two wizards. Both are bigger and stronger then you, but you are faster at drawing your wand. What do you?

'Is there a spell to castrate a wizard?' Pansy asked in response to that scenario. Alyssa laughed at the expression on Blaise's face when Pansy spoke about castration.

8. "Just don't name the kid after any Headmasters. We wouldn't want another Albus Severus in the family." James stuck his tongue out in fake disgust.

"Really? I was considering going with Phineas Nigellus Severus Armando Minerva Albus Weasley-Malfoy as it's name, no matter the sex," I answered seriously. James burst into a fit of laughter, clutching his sides.

9. "Yeah, alright," he said, getting up and offering a hand to his dad. Draco stood up with a groan, letting go of his son's hand. Scorpius grinned.

"Getting old there?"

Draco jokingly smacked Scorpius on the back of the head.

"No. The floor was just hard."

Scorpius laughed. "Alright, Dad. Keep telling yourself that."

10. "You are a very bad Healer, Lil, honestly. I don't know who hired you but -"

"Sirius!" she shrieked. "You tell me what's wrong with him!"

"It's very dire indeed, and will take years of recovery, and loads and loads of complicated medicines. But..." he paused, eying Harry for a few moments with that stupid smirk on the verge of breaking out. "He has a headache."

11. "Go and stop fighting," he suggested. "Kiss and make up, or as I like to put it, kiss and make out."

12. (Okay, so this one is long but it's one of my absolut favorites. :D I laughed so hard!)

It reminded Hermione of the day at the Ministry that they had agreed to go on the game show, and they filled out their acceptance forms. It was a good thing the show had provided two forms, because Harry had fun with the first one:

Health

Please list all that apply:

Health Issues: Urinary dysfunctions

Mental Issues: Multiple personalities (No you don't! Yes I do! No you don't! Stop talking to me, voices!)

Allergies: Peanut butter, certain grasses, Lord Voldemort

Physical Impairment: Er… glasses? I also am incapable of wiggling my left pinky toe.

About You

Personal Goals: I want to get wasted every night straight for a week. Oh, you mean like life goals? I suppose getting a nice job and settling down with a family might be worthwhile…

One Adjective That Describes You: My friends call me special.

What Makes You Unique? I am the Boy-Who-Lived!

Academic Achievements: I managed to cheat off Hermione six times without getting caught.

Describe You: I was the face of hope in the darkest of times. I was the ray of light in those looming shadows. I was the one person who everyone else turned to in moments of extreme despair. I was Harry Potter. That being said, I also see myself as a rather modest person.

Other

Criminal Record: Okay, fine! One time, I drove 67 mph when the speed limit was 65. And I might have murdered a couple Death Eaters here and there…

Occupation: I rid the world of evil.

Special abilities: I can do magic. Ooo- And I'm double- jointed!

The sorting hat says I'm...

50!

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."

Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (Head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.

50

Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those with brave deeds to their name."

Students of Gryffindor are typically brave, daring, and chivalrous. Famous members include Harry, Ron, Hermione, Albus Dumbledore (head of Hogwarts), and Minerva McGonagall (head of Gryffindor).

Get Sorted Now!

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator:

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask:"Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!"- and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say."Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug! then enforce it.

19 things to do at Target/Wal Mart/K-mart/whatever ;)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

17. Throw skittles at people and yell, "Taste the rainbow!'

18. Go the toy section, get a light-saber and start challenging people to a jedi match.

19. Follow a random person and if they turn and ask why are you following me yell, "No I won't have sex with you!"

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"