I would have liked to know about Haylee and Sirius and stuff since there isn't much detail. too bad. the first one is so far the best. it has loads of detail and makes it sound real. Good Job anyway.

this takes place in the 90 s so there weren't any iPods , sorry

So they are falling for each other; that's good

I'm glad the chapters will get longer. Haylee was more fortunate than Harry with the permission form

I LOVE AVPM! and all other star-kid musicals :3 you're a cool writer, love the story :3

"Harry! Haylee! Hermione! Help!"

Gosh, what's up with the H's? Lolz

... Actually, that's probably one of the better pick-up lines I've heard...

-R

PS- GO STEELERS!

I Love this story! I like how it's short but it keeps you on the edge of your seat!

WOOT! I'm starting to rather like this story. The chapters are longer, much more detail..., overall great improvement so far. I absolutely love Hailey, she's a really good character so far. I like how she's developed from a dependent little sister (is she the younger out of the twins?) to a much more independent teenager. The transition was rather clean, in my opinion. Just make sure she gets in trouble occasionally so she isn't accused of being a Mary-Sue ;D. I can tell she's not for a couple reasons, such as her normal, teenage personality (no extensive angsting, vanity, etc. etc.), she doesn't seem to have anything odd about her (pushing "Girl-Who-Lived" aside), and Draco Malfoy himself.

Woops, I just did a mini rant thingy. Nonetheless, I think this is a definite improvement from the others. I hope to read the rest of her life, that Hailey. Now I have to get writing, if I can muster up the motivation. XD

I am so happy about this chapter. I can't wait for more :)

it was good :)

i like how you kept true to the story

Hey there.

Your stories are good but you might want to try and make longer stories and not skip from the beginning of the year to the end because so much stuff happens that you could put Halley in.

its great how youve used parts from the actual book/film. tho the chapters are short they are very good

this is so good, I really like the concept and everything and I can't wait for more.

You know, I have a bit of interest in this ongoing story of yours, to be honest. Haylee intrigues me, and, I think if you get add more details and flesh out her character, I think she would be a really interesting character. Right now, to me, she seems like a sarcastic, but kind, non-prejudice character (judging how she acts with Malfoy).

When it comes to the story, you're doing a really good job with keeping the basic story line. However, I think you need to add more events featuring just Haylee, and, again, add details. That way, by lengthening your story, the readers can get much more out of the story and see what's going on. Also, by adding events where Haylee is acting on her own, she'll seem much more independent (if that's what your aiming for).

Overall, just add some more detail and flesh out the story more, and, although I like how you keep the story line in check, make sure to add your own events. By doing this, I would bet you anything that the story will be much more satisfying and will draw the reader in much more. I hope that won't be too hard. In fact, I bet if you did that even I would be drawn into your story more, 'cuz I have kinda high standards. XD I hope to see you do well! I know you have it in 'ya!