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![]() Author has written 36 stories for Naruto, NCIS, Charmed, Twilight, Britannia High, Princess Mononoke, Harry Potter, Fruits Basket, One Piece, Bleach, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Camp Rock, Huntik: Secrets & Seekers, and Wicked. Hey. Well I was recently told that my Profile was long and unorganized so here it is. NEW AND IMPROVED!! Em: Hey. My name is Emily but I would prefer to be called Em Konan: We learnt that the hard way –Akatsuki Nods- Em: awww. Aren’t they sweet? Anyways. I like… Naruto (Especially my Akatsuki-Chan’s. They is just so Kawaii XD) Em: And I dislike… Preps (They just aggravate me) Konan: Em gets a bit touchy about Homophobes. Be Careful And Bullies. (11 years people. 11 hell filled years.) Em: I think that’s about it. I don’t really hate anything J Anyway about my stories. I have a thing for creating OC’s. I apologise if you don’t like that but please don’t hold it against me. Stories that have been released on the site. NAME: Noisy Cherry Tree NAME: What does it matter to you? NAME: Akatsuki High NAME: Freak NAME: Kunoichi Witch? Pscha. NAME: Ghost in the Shell of Abby NAME: River of Night Rain NAME: I’m Not that Girl NAME: Pirate Shapeshifter NAME: Immortal Flame NAME: The Strength of a Chile NAME: Crumpled NAME: The Arms of my Angel NAME: What is this Feeling? NAME: My Dear Aizen NAME: Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained NAME: My Angel NAME: Memories NAME: Pin Drop NAME: Tears. NAME: New Girl, New Romance NAME: The Mitarashi’s NAME: NCINaruto NAME: The Broken Seal NAME: Little Orphan Seeker NAME: Black Swan, White Pixie NAME: Outside Looking In. NAME: Morning and Midnight together at Twilight NAME: Naruto the Next Generation NAME: Kyo’s Story NAME: Broken NAME: Wolf Soul, Human Body NAME: Do it all over again NAME: Fragile Em: Phew. Glad that’s out of the way. Now then… Stories yet to be published that I am working on. NAME: Welcome to my Life NAME: ? (Not sure yet) Em: Right. That’s all of them. Now for… COPY AND PASTEY THINGS!!! 92 Percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off. If your random copy and paste this into your profile If you are sad because there will be no more Harry Potter books , copy and paste this into your profile 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs, put this in your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, post this in your profile. If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!! If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when someone will come along, open you up, and eat your insides. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you are addicted to ninjas and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile and put your name on this list: Emziiee-xxx If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Archangel's Requiem, Lady Sakura of the Fated,Soul Stance, Raven Wolfmoon, iheartmwpp, dracosnumber1girl, SMARTALIENQT, Luthien Saralonde, Xiaahandrus, Starfire-chan521, kittyore9, Emziiee-xxx If you daydream 24/7, copy this to your profile. If you're obsessed with a character so much that you have dreams about meeting or fighting them, copy and paste this. If you've ever pushed off a school project till the week before it was due and still got a good grade on it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile IF YOU THINK MANGA/ANIME ROCK, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile 92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, Insane Winged Girl, Faxness-Fan48, libaka, Mrs Amanda Lupin, Hakaishi Uchiha, Usagi323, deideiblueeyez, Sakura Gekkani, Emziiee-xxx 92 of the teenage population has moved on to RAP. If you love naruto so much that you wish the characters were real or that you are one of them, copy and paste this into your profile. Akatsukicons! Itachi -/ \- Deidara o\/ Zetsu \o.o/ Tobi @ Sasori -.- Kisame =o_o= Hidan o.o Kakuzu . Pein -:- Copy and paste this to your profile to help them take over the world!! If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile. iF yOu LiVe FoR fAnFiCtIoN aNd CaNt Go A dAy WiThOuT iT pAsTe ThIs On YoUr PrOfIlE IF YOU HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH THE COLOR BLACK PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE A ninja waits until the dead of night, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike." Copy and Paste if your a Ninja! REMEMBER WHEN .. getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground? Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now!! If you ever felt like chasing your friend and yelling "RUN BITCH RUN!" Put this on your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. If Shino is your favorite character, and you are sad that he doesn't get enough air time or recognition, put this into your profile. (Well, he's not my ULTIMATE fave, but he's one of my faves.) If you don't like Neji-Hina copy this into your profile.: If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile. If you think Deidara is hot copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list; Mood-chan, xxlonely-avengerxx, XxMadara's-Little-StalkerxX,xXFallenSakuraXxfreak-4-God, CommitetToKiba, Sakura Gekkani, Emziiee-xxx If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If there are times when you want to annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and past this on your profile. If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completly has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off The Akatsuki leader is NOT the Yondaime, copy and paste into your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile. If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. IF YOU HAVE SPELLED YOUR NAME WRONG PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU HAVE BEEN ON YOUTUBE FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile. (Plenty of times!!) If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason put this on your profile If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile 98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile Love knows no gender, age or color. If you totally agree with me, put this in your profile. If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you think that those stupid kids should just give that poor Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 of people online don't know the difference between your and you're. If you're (HA) one of the 2 who twitches violently every time somebody uses the wrong form, put this in your profile if you spout a naruto character quote on command, copy and paste this into your profile. if your family wonders how you can remember all the naruto character's names, copy and paste this into your profile if you like shikatema better than shikaino, copy and paste this into your profile Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile If you ran up a down escalater copy this into your profile "A ninja waits until the dead of night, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike." Copy and Paste if your a Ninja! 92 of teens have moved onto rap, if your part of the 8 that stayed with rock, copy and paste this into your profile if you love naruto so much that you wish the characters were real or that you are one of them, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are always pressing one button when you mean to press another, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever run into a doorway that you clearly could've dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile. Ever ran into a wall or part of one, copy and paste into your profile. "I'm bringing sexy back..." copy and paste this into your profile if you didn't even know sexy was gone. If you want to smack the living daylights out of Sasuke for leaving Sakura, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are odd, and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have an army of purple cats with rabies and with flamethrowers at your command, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!! Almost every teenager talks on their phone for hours on end. If your one of the few who dosn't, copy this onto your profile If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy/paste this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy/paste this into your profile. (I do it all the time, myself doesn't agree with me) If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! If you have ever tripped where there is a 'WATCH YOUR STEP' sign, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile. If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it then copy this into ya profile. If you ever felt like chasing your friend and yelling "RUN BITCH RUN!" Put this on your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you have EVER been so obsessed with a song you actually A.) dream about it, B.) sing it in school no mattter who's listening OR C.) know the lyrics by heart and sing it no matter how off key you are, copy this in your profile. FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like/love copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever felt the undenilable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! If you are really random put this on your profile. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile If you have a mad fascination with the Japanese culture, copy and past this into your profile If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile. If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile. Less than 1 precent of teenagers don't use make-up. Are you one of those who don't? BE PROUD AND GLUE THIS THING IN YOUR PROFILE! Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile If you have ever wanted to kill someone (albeit a man in a purple and green dinosaur suit known as 'Barney the Dinosaur', any sound-nin from Naruto, George Bush, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or any other fool) then realized murder is illegal then copy and paste this into your profile. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile 98 of teenagers have participated in underaged drinking and drugs. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy this into your profile wearing a smirk of pride. If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. 92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Repost this if you are one of the 8 percent who would be laughing your ass off. 98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy & paste this in your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. Homphobic things !!! Konan: Em. Your to stay calm. Please. Em: Fine. But only cause you asked nicely –Hugs Konan- -I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. -I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. -I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. -We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. -I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. -I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. -I wish they could adopt me. -I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. -I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. -We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. -I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. -I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. -I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. -I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. -I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. -I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. -I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. -I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. -I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. -I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. -I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it! Most people don't mind SasuSaku pairings... Some people see(or read) Naruto and Hinata kissing and say, "Aw... how cute!" Other people cry when they see(or read) Tenten screaming her lungs out because Neji died... What I don't understand is this... Most people would slap you if they could when they see(or read) Sasuke and Naruto holding hands and sharing a drink... Some people would shoot you looks of disgust when they learn that you enjoy reading(or writing) about Itachi and Sasuke kissing... Other people would even hate you for disgracing the name of respectable shinobis such as Kakashi and Iruka or Neji and Gaara or Sasuke and Naruto when you write fanfics... My question is... Why do some think it is a terrible crime to like these strange pairings? And why must some even go as far as to discriminate, insult, and associate the person with perversion, lust, and even mental retardation when they learn that you like these pairings? Tell me now, what is the purpose of saying "love is blind"? When hypocrites like you refuse to see what love should really be like! copy and paste this to your profile of you agree with me. Isn't love the same, regardless of gender? For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile Love knows no Race Nor Gender. However Hate knows that your being a Dickhead. Repost if you’ve ever had to deal with A Homophobic person. Sad Em: Please don’t cry people. – Smiles while clinging to Konan – Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school Sakura and Itachi were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Sakura: Slow down, I'm scared! Itachi: No, this is fun. Sakura: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Itachi: Then tell me you love me. Sakura: I love you, now slow down! Itachi: Give me a Kiss. Sakura kisses him Sakura: There, Now would you Slow Down! Itachi: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Itachi: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, Itachi realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want Sakura to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him and give him one last kiss. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad (add this to your profile if your against child abuse) I want child abuse to stop! and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile Thank you to flamin. guitarist for posting this in your profile and for letting others read it. My name is sarah CHILD ABUSE...MAKE IT STOP!!Please, be aware that child abuse happens everyday, and it isn't just physical, it's emotional too, and sometimes that hurts more than a beating from your parents. Physical abuse scars you on the outside and that pain will go away, but emotional abuse scars you on the inside and the pain of being called worthless never goes away. So please, help stop the abuse. Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile! Random things that make me giggle Em: Yay the depressingness is over J Itachi: It’s never over for us when your around. Em: -Cracking knuckles- What was that Itachi? Itachi: N-N-Nothing Em: I thought so – smiles cutely – I once shot a man just to watch him die...but I got distracted and missed it I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car A friend helps you up when you fall; a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?" A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain; a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!" A friend wipes your tears when your rejected; a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?" A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!" Mirrors don’t talk, and luckily for you, they don’t laugh It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me Bravery is just a nice way of saying stupidity Ambition is just a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're an idiot "The evening news always opens by them saying 'Good evening' and then precedes to tell you exactly why it isn't." People are boring; they are only amusing if you push them down a flight of stairs. Duct tape is like the force. Dark on one side, light on the other, and it holds the universe together. Last night I was looking up at the stars, when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?" Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil. It's better to look stupid and keep your mouth closed than to open it and prove it. OMG! The rain is wet. If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't! I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait! If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth ?? If crime fighters fight crime, and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door... The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. "I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." OK, so what's the speed of dark? They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this D.E.I.D.A.R.A. stands for... Dangerously Explosive Idiot Doing Amazing Reckless Art :D Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word "fuck." Out of all the English words that begin with the letter "F", fuck is the only word that is referred to as the "F" word. It's the one magical word that just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German, the word 'flicken' which means "to strike." In English, fuck falls into many grammatical categories. As a transital verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley." As an intransitive verb, "Shirley fucks." Its meaning's not always sexual, it can be used as an adjective such as "John's doing all the fucking work." As part of an adverb, "Shirley talks too fucking much." As an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful." As a noun, "I don't give a fuck." As part of a word, "Abso-fucking-lutely" or "In-fucking-credible." And, as almost every word in a sentence, "Fuck the fucking fuckers." As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of "fuck", as in these examples describing situations such as: Fraud: "I got fucked at the used car lot." Dismay: "Aw fuck it." Trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now." Aggression: "Don't fuck with me buddy." Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question!" Inquiry: "Who the fuck was that?" Dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here." In Confidence: "He's a fuck off." Dismissal: "Why don't you go outside and play 'hide and go fuck yourself?'" I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all of these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say, use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly, "Fuck you!" The End! Boys are like slinkeys... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs I don't obsess, I think intensely! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! "Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda." I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned. "The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf." "Nobody move! I dropped my brain." "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." "He who laughs last didn't get it." Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? -Education is important; school however, is another matter. I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder! -Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. -Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. -Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. -The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. -I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. -Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? -Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? -There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. -Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. -Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage. Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less -Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us -Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. -Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? The road to success is always under construction. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide. Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me. Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Don't take life to serouly, no one gets out alive anyway Life's tough...Get a helmet I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now! Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Your's Is Stupid "Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for." "Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you." "All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." ~ Walt Disney Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? Yesterday is history...tomorrow is a mystery...but today is a gift...that is why it is called the present. When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way. People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people. An atheist is a person who believes in not believing anything. Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks. (it took me a while to get that one :P My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard "I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?" The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'? He who laughs last didn't get it Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter "I'm not afraid of death i'm afraid of something much worse... my mother" You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips 'Never Argue With A Woman' One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?'). 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: 1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children 2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts 3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping 4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire 5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking 6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado 7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts 8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children 9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. 10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping 11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap 12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness 13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat this is person cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line :) This has got to be one of the most clever PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: All the good guys are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies Lists Em: I’ve found these all over the place and they just make me giggle. You know you live in 2009 when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. Why America has some issues 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. My Mother Taught Me 1. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of 3. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the 5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 6. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 14. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't 15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that 18. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 19. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 21. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 23. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING. "You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more. 25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES. "If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay." 26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 37 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 1) I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5) 2) THE ANSWER IS (L0OK AT #11) 3) D0NT GET MAD (L0OK AT #15) 4) CALM DOWN DONT BE TICKED OFF ( L0OK AT #13 5) FIRST (L0OK AT #2) 6) D0NT BE THAT MAD (L0OK AT #12) 7) I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI...LOL 8 ) WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS...(THE ANSWER IS ON #14) 9) BE PATIENT (L0OK AT #4) 10) THIS IS THE LAST TIME IMMA DO THIS (L0OK AT #7) 11) IM NOT MAD WHEN IM SAYIN THIS (L0OK AT#6) 12) S0RRY (L0OK AT #8 ) 13) D0NT BE GETTIN ALL HYPE (L0OK AT #10) 14) I D0NT KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS (L0OK AT #3) 15) YOU MUST BE REALLY TICKED OFF (L0OK AT NUMBER #9) (Put it on your page if you laughed and if your eyes hurt... I did!) 16 THINGS IM GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... You know you live in the twenty-first century when... 1. 5th. graders cuss. 2.Shipping is twice the amount you paid for the actual item don't know what kind of car your neighbor has. pay more for gas every month then you do for your car. of right now you are thinking, "This is so true." 7. You were too stupid to read number 5. 8. You just went back to read number 5. 9. You find number 5 isn't there. start laughing. are thinking, "This girl is really clever!" 12. And, because you are all suckers, you're all gonna put this on your profile. 20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds". 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go". 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Send This In An E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile! 10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL 10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks 9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies 8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly 7. Our magazines have horiscopes 6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around 5. Our friends don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm 4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month 3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have 2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket 1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing You say BRIGHT PINK I say BLOOD RED You say ROBERT PATTINSON I say BILLY JOEL ARMSTRONG You say LIL’ WHAYNE I say BULLET FOR MY VALINTINE You say DRAMA I say PAIN You say REALITLY T.V. I say ANIME You say I’M WEIRD I say YES I AM, THANKS Some awesome quotes from icons - - If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE -So I was like Avada Kadavra and he was like Dead - I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. - Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret. - Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar - I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. - I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month. - I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort - I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape - I will not scare the Arythmancy students with my calculas book - Jesus was a Hufflepuff - Dear Harry, I hate you, Love Voldy - When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley. - This icon is off trying to shut Percy in a pyramid. -"Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked infront of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy -I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the headmasters office -I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy! -Professer Flitwick's name is not Yoda -I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class -If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm -Neville: OMG I killed Harry Potter (somewhere in the distance) Voldemort: Nooooo! I wanted to do it! sob -Draco: I mock you with my spirit fingers! (don't ask) -I stalked a death eater and all i got was this lousy potions master! -I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wandb -I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing -I will not follow potions intstructions in reverse order just to see what happens -I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals -I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween -I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton -Perfect ending to The Harry Potter Series: The Giant Squid consumes Britian -Sirius Black escaped askaban... evaded death eaters... outwitted ministry... killed by drapery. (he had a good run) -I have a lot to live up to you know. There are so many Gryffindors' to tourture, and my minions can't do all the work. That's why I need milk. Because, ferrets with strong bones bounce a lot higher. GOT MILK? ~ Draco Malfoy How to do Naruto! Eat ramen for breakfast,lunch,and dinner (I have nver tried it yet but I want to soo bad) Stick your hand in a electric box and scream chidori as you pass out (I don't think so, but i would laugh so hard if someone did...) Roll your eyes behind your head and scream Byakugan (oh yea) Dye your head blond,black, or pink and try to run up a tree. (sounds like fun) Trade in your hat for a forhead protector ( I have a forehead protecter!!) Claim your gonna kill ur best friend 2 get a better Sharigan (Maybe...jk) Copy everything a person does and claim its ur bloodline (I would.) Graduate highshool and proclaim ur self as Anbu (Oh hellz yes!) List Anbu as current occupation on a job application (I'd be put in the nuthouse!) spout out a random character quote on command (lolz) Decide to call your moral code your "ninja way" (Okay!) When you run, you run with your arms behind you (I do that all the time with a buds.) Try to walk on top of a hot spring (It doesn't work yet!) When someone asks you what your dream is, say that its to be Hokage (Or to be priminister, that ould be cool.) Write your name in blood on a big scroll (Ouch!) Take a leave of absence for 2½ years and when you come back pretend you're cooler and smarter (Oh ya!) You dye your hair red and carry around bags of sand. (Heh, Gaara of the funk) You carve the Hokage's faces on a mountain. (Maybe on playdough.) You name your dog Akamaru or Pakkun. (my friend named her dog Tobi...) You always wear sunglasses and keep bugs in your pockets. (I kept bugs in my pockets when I was little...I was a weird kid) You get red contacts and claim you are from the Uchiha bloodline. (OHHHH YEAH!!) You always wear green, skintight clothes. (No way) When you do something stupid, you claim you were being controlled by the Shadow Possesion Jutsu. (Don't say it's stupid, it's a good excuse!) You dye your hair white and spy on girls. (OH HELL NO) You collect frogs and claim to be a Toad Sage. (NO THANK YOU) Romantic Em: Mainly dedicated to my Wonderful Girlfriend who I love deeply and will be my baby for all eternity. Love you Princess Konan: now isn’t that sweet. Em: - Blushes – Sakura: Do I ever cross your mind? Itachi: No Sakura: Do you like me? Itachi: No Sakura: Do you want me? Itachi: No Sakura: Would you cry if I left? Itachi: No Sakura: Would you live for me? Itachi: No Sakura: Would you do anything for me? Itachi: No Sakura: Choose--me or your life Itachi: My life Sakura runs away in shock and pain and Itachi runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. When she walks away from you mad Follow her When she stares at your mouth Kiss her When she pushes you or hits you Grab her and dont let go When shes quiet Ask her whats wrong When she pulls away Pull her back When you see her at her worst Tell her she's beautiful When you see her start crying Just hold her and dont say a word When She stops Crying Ask her whats wrong When you see her walking Sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared Protect her When she lays her head on your shoulder Tilt her head up and kiss her When she steals your favorite shirt Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night When she teases you Tease her back and make her laugh When she looks at you with doubt Back yourself up When she grabs at your hands Hold her's and play with her fingers When she bumps into you Bump into her back and make her laugh When she tells you a secret keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes dont look away until she does When you break her heart the pain never really goes away When she says its over she still wants you to be hers ~The Rules Of Love~ Kiss on the lips = i luv u Kiss on the ear = u are special Kiss on the nose = Laughter Kiss on the cheek = Friends Kiss on the forhead = i comfort u Kiss on the neck = i want u Kiss on the shoulder = u are wonderful Kiss anywhere else = be careful Play arounds with hair = cant live without u Holding Hands = Happiness Arms around waist = u are mine i need u A hug=i care Smiling at eachother = i like you WINKS= Flirtation Looking around = hiding true feeling Tender kiss on the side of ur lips = ur mine Wetting ur lips = waiting 4 a kiss Tear Drop = im losing u Crying = I lost u True Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Me XD) When she walks away from you mad Other For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile (BOLD the ones you are); I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Bye Em: So that’s it :) I hope you’ve enjoyed the tour of my random brain Konan: And I hope she hasn’t creeped you out too much. All: Just one more thing (\)_(/) All: Byebye. Ja ne. Sayonara. Adios. See ya. Come back soon XD |