Disclaimer: Princess Mononoke is a creation of Studio Ghibli and the genius of Hayao Miyazaki. I claim no legal rights over his characters, storyline, settings, etc. Anyways, Miyazaki would probably faint if he knew how many times I'm watching his movie to write this damn fic.

Kisetsu

Chapter One: Mono no Aware

Winter in the mountains brought gusts of bitter winds that swept out the stale air of fall. The first snowfall veiled the forest in a fine layer of powdery, white lace. As if heralded by the northern winds, a deep quiet crept upon the land.

The people of Iron Town, always wary of the unknown, stayed safely within the walls of their city each winter. The biting cold and eerie silence of the woods were more than enough to keep them near the hearths of their noisy town. What was left of the iron-mining industry had stopped for the winter, and the townspeople kept their distance from the forest. Few dared to break the tranquility of the empty woods. However, there was one who kept close to the forest at all times.

At the edge of the woods near the lower end of the valley, gray smoke curled from the chimney of a small cabin. It's thatched walls and wooden beams groaned and creaked with the passing winds.

Outside, on the porch, Ashitaka sat watching the snow fall and thinking about San.

Unlike the other seasons, winter held no daily routines for Ashitaka. During the spring, summer, and fall, his days were mostly comprised of coaxing the plants to grow on his humble plot of land. But without seeds to plant, soil to till, or harvests to gather, Ashitaka fell into a habit of brooding during the winter.

He shifted, rustling the furs he had wrapped around himself, as he set down his chilled tea. Then he stared wistfully into dark line of trees where the forest began.

As a child, Ashitaka had loved the hush of winter. To him, winter was a time of peace when everyone fell into sluggish withdrawal from their troubles. His memories during his winters were the brightest: Kaya's cheeks, flushed from the cold, Yakkul's steamy breath rising in the chilled morning air, the wise women's wizened face shadowed by the fire as she told hundred-year old stories to the enraptured children around her. But what he remembered mostly and most fondly was how he would wander for miles, just to feel the muted crunch of his feet upon the snow.

Ashitaka hadn't walked through the forest since the first frost came, and he woke to find San on his doorstep, ready to say goodbye.

He had thought he would get used to her winter leaves. However, each time, for the past three years, nothing saddened him as much as the mornings when San came to his house, the only times when she ever approached his home.

It had been one week since a she had left. Ashitaka burrowed his nose deeper into the furs he had wrapped around himself. San had given them to him. The lingering traces of her scent comforted him.

"Here," San had said, without any formality, tossing him the furs. "You'll need these. It'll be colder than usual this winter."

"How do you know?" he had asked, stroking the soft pelts.

San had stared off into the mountains. There had been a distant look in her eyes. Ashitaka could almost see her shedding all the humanity he had worked so hard to build.

"I can smell it."

He hadn't questioned her. He didn't want to waste anymore words unless he was holding her and pleading for her not to go. But even those words would have been futile. There had been nothing he could have done to make her stay.

Ashitaka knew that every winter San's brothers returned from their distant territories and urged her, with yips and high howls, to join them as a pack once more. Their arrivals brought a feral gleam into her eyes along with a cold, standoffish demeanor. During the winters, she once again became more wolf than human.

The first year San had left, Ashitaka, careful not to pry, had asked her why she felt so compelled to join her brothers. Any other time, she loathed to leave her beloved woods; however, when her brothers came, she became restless.

"It's simpler," San had tried to explain, struggling for the words. "Being a wolf. Everything feels… less complicated. It's easier to be happy." She had pleaded with her eyes for him to understand.

Ashitaka tried, but it had hurt, knowing that it was easier to be happier without him.

Their last morning together, he had grasped her by the shoulders, ignoring the way her body tensed, and had searched her eyes. They were the same blue eyes he loved so dearly, yet he could see the warmth bleeding out of them. He had cupped her cheek in one hand, his tanned skin dark against the pale milk of hers. Careful not to smudge the streaks of paint on her face, dark blue for the winter, he had planted a kiss on her cheek. Then Ashitaka had pressed her close to him in a fierce embrace. After a few stuttering moments, he had felt her relax into his touch. Her fingers had curled into the fabric of his shirt as she hugged back. Burrowing his face into her neck, he had smelled wolves, and moss, and earth, and everything he loved best in the world because it was San who meant everything to him.

"I'll miss you," he had murmured into her ear. "Come back safe to me, alright?"

They had separated, though Ashitaka had still held her loosely in the ring of his arms. San had smiled at him, a quick, beaming smile that had spoken more than words, and some of the warmth had crept back into her eyes. Then she left, the fangs on her necklace clattering sharply in the thin air, to where her brothers waited for her at the edge of the woods. She mounted one of them, spared him one last look, and they had darted into the thick screen of trees. A brief moment and she was gone.

Seven days seemed a lifetime now to Ashitaka. He wondered, as he did every winter, how he had survived San's absence. With the girl a constant fixation in his mind, time seemed to be moving as slowly as the ice floes trapped in the frozen mountain streams.

The snowfall began to grow heavier under Ashitaka's steady gaze. By morning, he knew that the trees would be glazed in snow and the silence of the woods would be impenetrable.

He sighed and pushed himself onto his feet. Stretching, the crack of his joints rang out like gunshots in the still air. Gathering his pelts and tea, he returned to the warm sanctuary of his cabin.

Once, winter had been his favorite time of the year. Now, every morning, Ashitaka willed the frost to melt more quickly. He wanted, more than anything else, for San to come home with her smile that warmed him like the spring sun.