Of Bachelors, Bets, and Pirates

(Which might have been called The King of Piratescrossed out Bachelors if this website would let us use a strikethrough line.)

Note: Takes place after the theoretical end of One Piece, when Luffy is Pirate King. This is so long it ought to be two chapters, but there was no good stopping point, so you're getting everything at once. Be happy!

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Disclaimer:

Little Sis': If I owned One Piece, there wouldn't be a One Piece, because I'm a lazy procrastinator who would get the manga cancelled because I'd never be able to meet any deadlines, so let's all hope that I never own One Piece.

Big Sis': No one would be stupid enough to give One Piece to a bum like you anyway.

Little Sis': Hey! I resent that! Stranger stuff has happened, so maybe Eiichiro Oda will suddenly decide to give One Piece to me. You never know.

Big Sis': Stranger stuff like you waking up early on a weekend, or you finishing a paper at least 12 hours before it's due, or you cleaning your filthy room? Oh wait, those things have never happened either!

Little Sis': … [sticks out tongue and makes a "thhpt" noise]

---

Vivi, being a princess, was supposed to marry someone of power and influence who would be advantageous to her country. Plus, Daddy wanted grandkids.

Her invitation from Nami had been debated over by the Arabasta Royal Council for days. Luffy was a pirate, not normally a reputable marriage candidate, but he was also technically a king, and had more money and power than anyone else could bring to the table. Plus, Arabasta knew from experience that the Marines were totally useless—remember the Crocodile incident?—and they'd only gotten more useless after Luffy had decimated them for the most recent time someone thought it would be a great idea to mess with his nakama. But in the end, what ultimately decided them was that the young Pirate King seemed naïve and potentially an easy puppet to use for Arabasta's benefit. (Good luck with that, council…)

Vivi herself wasn't sure that she even wanted to try, as she had only ever seen Luffy as a good friend, but really, she had nothing to lose. Every other candidate she was being presented with was either old enough to be her father or young enough to be her son. And even if things didn't work out between her and Luffy, she would still be able to enjoy herself visiting her old friends.

---

As she packed her bags and left the palace, she didn't even notice the two eyes following her, one slightly narrowed from an old scar. "Just tell her you don't want her to go," her father, also hiding, advised the man. The man turned to glare, then resumed following the princess.

---

Vivi was greeted by her former nakama with great enthusiasm. She was mobbed with hugs from Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, and Nami, and Sanji's hearts almost knocked her off her feet. Those she hadn't met before were eager to make her acquaintance. She and Robin politely pretended they were meeting for the first time, and Franky warmly shook her hand. Brook promptly asked to see her panties.

As if out of nowhere, a curved dagger hurled at the skeleton. It slid cleanly through his ribs, leaving poor Brook to bemoan damage done to his elegant waistcoat.

---

Lurking outside the ship, Vivi's unseen protector clenched his fists so tightly that his own nails drew blood. He had to keep himself under control—who else would protect his princess from these lunatics?

---

Meanwhile, Vivi had just been told by Nami that Luffy knew nothing of the marriage competition. This sent the princess' anxiety spiking through the roof. She was supposed to tell him? Did her slightly naïve friend even know what marriage was?

"Luffy, I have something I'd like to talk to you about," she said nervously.

"Okay!" he said brightly.

She swallowed. Suddenly, her throat felt too dry to talk at all. But there was another option—the Arabasta Council had given her a marriage contract she was supposed to get him to sign. Pulling out the letter, she said, "I'd like you to read this, and tell me if you think it's a good idea."

"Sure!" Luffy opened the letter. It quickly unfolded into about twenty pages. His face fell slightly, and if Vivi hadn't been his nakama the document might have had a mysterious accident, but for her sake he buckled down and read it.

Overcome with shyness, Vivi turned away. She was soon dragged into a game Chopper and Usopp were playing, while Sanji encouraged her to try his new dishes.

When Vivi was able to break away, she found Luffy sitting on the deck where she'd left him, sleeping peacefully. His head lolled over and a bit of drool hung from his mouth, dribbling onto the parchment, which he seemed to have only gotten halfway through. The top half was crumpled and a bit dirty, and one section had been folded into a paper airplane.

Gently, she touched his shoulder. He jerked awake. "I'm sorry, Vivi!" he exclaimed. "I don't really understand what it was saying. The writing was all curly and there were too many strange kanji. Maybe I should get Nami to read it to me?"

"That's okay, please don't," she said, blushing red. She should have known that the formal Arabasta Royal calligraphy might be a bit difficult for anyone to read. Hurriedly, she snatched the document back and began to roll it up.

Sanji, who was coming over with another drink, scowled menacingly. "Luffy, are you upsetting Vivi?"

He protested, "No! Not on purpose!"

"Idiot! When a lady tells you to do something, you do it!" He snatched up the document. "Here, on the bottom, there's somewhere for you to sign. Hurry up and write down your name, for Vivi's sake!"

"You don't have to-" Vivi pleaded. Sanji forced a pen into Luffy's hand.

"No!" came a panicked shout. Kohza burst out from behind a tree and leapt onto the deck. Grabbing the paper, he frantically tore it to shreds. "There, that's..." he stopped, gradually realizing what he'd done. "Vivi…ah, Princess Vivi…what I mean to say is…"

"Congratulations, Vivi, I think you've been proposed to," Nami said, clicking her stop watch. A satisfied smile graced her lips.

"Oh, I…" Vivi stammered. "Kohza, do you really…?"

"I've always loved you," he said, trying not to meet her eyes.

"I love you too," she said, finally admitting it herself. "If only the council would allow me to, I'd marry you in a heartbeat."

He gazed into her eyes. "I could always threaten rebellion again."

"Huh? What happened?" Luffy asked.

Nami told him, "Vivi is getting married. Why don't you two make Luffy your best man? If he's standing for you, I doubt anyone in the world would dare object."

The rest of the crew crowded around to offer their congratulations (in Sanji's case, with tears streaming down his face.)

And so, Vivi and Kohza were married, Nami made a fortune because she was the only one who betted on "the princess marries someone else entirely," and cooking on the Sunny-Go was sad and disheartened until Nami gave Sanji the punch of love, at which point his spirits were restored.

Vivi: Eliminated. Clocked time: Five hours, fifty minutes, and thirty-one seconds.

---

The last candidate was Empress Hancock.

Here was where most of the money lay, because few dared bet against her. After all, what sane, straight man could possibly say no to the one acknowledged as the most beautiful woman in the world? That was why she was the last candidate, the climax, the final countdown that the whole world watched with baited breath. When Hancock first appeared arrived at Sunny-Go, Nami had to purchase additional Den-Den Mushis to keep up with all the extra viewer traffic.

Upon being introduced to the crew, Hancock was in for a bit of a shock—she'd never before met so many men who didn't immediately faint at her feet. (If she hadn't already gotten used to it from Luffy, she might have gone into a rampage.) She instantly concluded that the green-haired swordsman, who didn't even look up from his weight-lifting as she walked by, must be gay.

At least the cook was falling all over himself to serve her in every way. She assuaged her ego by looking down on him so far that her head almost touched the ground, but Sanji didn't mind because this only gave him a better view of her rack.

Hancock's mission on the Sunny-Go: turn her shojo fantasies into reality. She decided to start with the romantic candle-lit dinner.

---

Five minutes after Empress Hancock had invited Monkey D. Luffy to dine with her at the Grand Line's most prestigious restaurant, three separate crew members approached her warning her that this was a bad idea. She dismissed them all with a haughty look.

That evening, as she watched Luffy shove five sandwiches, three hams, and two turkeys into his mouth at once, she started to see where they were coming from. Not that she minded, of course. As long as her beloved was happy, she was happy.

A worried waiter approached the table. "I'm sorry, but we're running out of food." He shot the Empress a pleading/adoring look. "Could you please ask your companion to slow down a little?"

"No," she sneered, turning him to stone. While this made her feel better, it did not facilitate the smooth transition of food.

From the kitchen, someone screamed, "I quit!" A white-clothed man with a chef's hat rushed out of the restaurant.

Luffy licked up the last bit of juice from his plate, then stared down at it mournfully. "It's empty!"

Furious, Boa Hancock was preparing to turn everyone in the restaurant to stone, when a loudspeaker voice bellowed, "This is the marines! Surrender, Pirate King, or we will initiate the Buster Call!"

Luffy said brightly, "I'd better take care of that thing before someone gets hurt. Thanks for the meal!" With that, he merrily leapt out the window and into the army of marines, leaving a trail of unconscious bodies in his wake. Boa Hancock quickly followed, determined to ruthlessly crush anyone who dared threaten her beloved Luffy.

Boa Hancock's Current Clocked Time: One day and counting.

---

After spending the night in her guest room on the Sunny-Go, Boa Hancock woke up refreshed and prepared to make a new attack. She scoped out Luffy's crewmembers as possible opponents. The males she dismissed as useless, except for the cook, who served the purpose of bringing her drinks. Admittedly very excellent drinks. It was enough to make her seriously consider staying here permanently. The skeleton, which seemed to be male, was extremely irritating. After he asked to see her panties she decided that, Luffy's nakama or not, he'd make a good stone statue. But, to her irritation, he managed to dodge her attacks with an obnoxious "Yoh Ho Ho!" Of the women, she dismissed Nami as a potential rival because she had been the one to send out Hancock the invitation; therefore she considered Nami irrelevant to her. Robin, on the other hand—was passably attractive and, to Hancock's extreme jealously, had constant opportunities to be around Luffy. She bore watching.

Boa Hancock would far rather have Luffy to herself than had to share him with other people. She decided to invite him on a private walk on the beach.

She had a long and subtle speech prepared, but when she went onto the deck to find him, he ran crashing into her.

"Oh, sorry!" he cried

Hancock landed on the deck dazed, mumbling, "Oh, Luffy…what a forceful embrace…"

Nami rounded the corner at top speed. "Luffy, get back here! You're having a bath whether you like it or not! Your stench is enough to wilt my tangerines!"

Luffy's eyes darted around frantically. "Uh, Nami, I would, but, but…I have somewhere to go!"

Nami lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Really! Someone asked me…Hammuck! Yes, you wanted me to go somewhere, right?"

"Hancock," she corrected him for the hundredth time. But her brain was quickly turned to mush by Luffy's pleading eyes. "Why of course! We were going on a walk on the beach."

"Right! Very important!" Luffy cried.

He grabbed Hancock's hand and dragged her away. Blushing happily, Hancock said, "Oh, Luffy, you had the same idea as me! Truly our hearts and souls are one!"

Nami stared after them sourly, but by her own rules she couldn't interfere with the bet. But she'd be waiting…

As Luffy and Hancock walked down the beach together, her heart was filled with joy. Everything was going as she'd dreamed:

Luffy gazed at Hancock adoringly. "Oh, Hancock, your eyes are like liquid moonlight."

"Oh, Luffy," she sighed.

He wrapped his strong arms around her. "Every second that we're apart is like agony. The moments I spend together with you are my greatest joy. Boa Hancock, the love of my life, I have a very important question to ask you-"

Luffy's real voice interrupted her daydream. "When do you go to bed?" There was an undertone of nervousness in his voice.

She blinked at him. "Well…whenever you want me to, Luffy."

He frowned. "I don't think that would work with Nami."

Her irritation began to rise at hearing another woman's name from his lips. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I'm just a little worried. She looked very angry. Hey, Hammeck, how do you make a woman happy?"

Hancock's eyes glazed over dreamily. "Candle-lit dinners, walks under the moonlight, flowers and candy, beautiful things…and so much more. A simple compliment, a small gesture like holding the door open, a special smile that's for you and only you! But the most important thing for any woman is spending time with her beloved. Oh, Luffy, I'm so happy!"

He gaped, slack-jawed. "What?"

As they walked on the beach together, Luffy anxiously tried to drag out the trip for as long as possible. Hancock was in heaven. It wasn't until the moon was overhead that they finally returned to the Sunny-Go.

Waiting on the deck was a soapy tub. Standing over it, Nami glared balefully.

Luffy uttered a piercing scream and fled back the way he'd came, using his stretchy legs to propel himself forward even faster. Nami was already in hot pursuit.

They both disappeared so quickly that Hancock didn't even have time to think about following. She had no choice but to return to her room.

Boa Hancock's Current Clocked Time: Two days and counting.

---

After her wonderful evening last night (once she'd mentally edited out the ending), Boa Hancock decided to go for the crown—and take Luffy ring-shopping. She persuaded him off the Sunny-Go with the promise of buying him lunch, planning to slowly lead him towards a famous jewelry store which sold famously elaborate diamond rings.

Alas, her luck turned sour. Once it was plain that rings were not edible, Luffy had no interest in them. And then the obnoxious salesman started hitting on her.

"You know, for a beautiful woman such as yourself, I'd be willing to offer you a discount, if you were willing to do me a few favors, if you know what I mean," he leered.

How dare he! Hancock was about to turn him into stone, when it occurred to her how wonderful it would be if Luffy defeated the odious man for her.

"Thou wilt come with me, wench," the ring merchant intoned huskily.

"Avast, Knave! I am this beautiful Lady's knight and will suffer no insult against her!" Luffy gallantly interposed himself between Hancock and her dark suitor.

"Oh noble Luffy," Boa Hancock sighed stunningly.

"Thou poisonous yeastly toad!" the merchant cried, "interfere with me not, cowardly rascal!"

Luffy raised his chin and fiercely growled, "Why you rotten scoundrel! You spleeny, boil-brained bastard! You kidney-eyed, pox-ridden, whey faced, buzzard brained, bunch-back'd, pottle-deep villainous worm!" Luffy struck the man down with one elegant blow and swept Hancock into his arms, and whispered soothingly, "Oh gentle, gracious Boa, do not listen to this rotten thing, for in truth, he is—

"He's offering you a discount? What a nice man!" Luffy said cheerfully. He then mumbled in an undertone, "Nami would love this store!"

Hancock turned the still-leering salesman to stone herself.

Luffy sent her a slightly reproachful look. "That was a bit mean, Hamrock. What did he do to you?"

Unable to bear having Luffy think disapprovingly of her, she promptly changed the man back.

Dazed and neurotic, the confused man groped for the security button, dropping a steel cage from the ceiling. At the same time, Luffy smelled the aroma of freshly cooked steak sandwiches drifting from the food stand across the street. "Come on, I'm hungry!" he cried, dragging Hancock out of the store.

The cage slammed down where she had been standing only a few seconds earlier, but Luffy had already pulled her across the street. When the man attempted to follow, the door Luffy had violently pulled open rebounded and hit him on the forehead, knocking him to the ground.

"Oh, Luffy, you really did rescue me!" Hancock sighed.

"MEAT!" Luffy cried.

Boa Hancock's Current Clocked Time: Three days and counting.

---

Boa Hancock's time aboard the Sunny-Go had been a dream come true. Okay, her dreams kept not coming exactly true, but Luffy was smiling, and that was what was important. She woke up the next morning refreshed and ready to attempt to fulfill another fantasy (like, say, watching a play together, and maybe even cuddling in the same chair).

Unfortunately, she couldn't seem to find Luffy.

Sanji, who presented her with a magnificent three-course breakfast, didn't seem to know (or care) where he might be. He suggested that she look on the deck, where Luffy was often found fishing, or maybe she could leap into Sanji's own arms, Mellorine--!

Ignoring him, she headed for the deck.

The first person she met was Brook, who offered to help her look in exchange for a glance at her panties. Tired of the futility of trying to put him in his place, she brushed past him.

At the top of the stairs was a small animal with antlers. As was her habit, she kicked it out of her way.

"What was that for!?" Chopper screamed, morphing into a massive reindeer-man. Shocked, Boa Hancock fled, looking for Luffy in hopes that he'd enact another fantasy and save her from the terrible beast. When she and Luffy were married, they would have to talk about the types of pets they would keep. Maybe she could convince him to get a couple of nice snakes.

She found the cyborg builder on a distant part of the ship from her, hammering away on something. "Oh, you beauty, how I love you," he crooned.

His back was to her, but Hancock instantly assumed she was the subject of conversation. It was nice to know someone on this ship appreciated her.

"How sleek and polished you are…"

Yes, that was right.

"So broad and sturdy, and listen to the way your gears purr!"

Huh?

Franky turned around. "Did you need something? I'm trying to work on this new engine. Isn't she a beauty?"

At to make matters worse, he didn't know where Luffy was either.

The next person she approached was the long-nosed sharpshooter. Or tried to approach, anyway. He took one look at her and scampered.

"I demand that you return at once and tell me where Luffy is!" she cried.

Blushing furiously, he said, "I would talk to you, but I have a rare can't-talk-to-women-who-turn-people-into-stones disease."

She snapped her fingers imperiously. "I don't care! You will tell me where Luffy is immediately."

"I also happen to be captain of an army of a thousand men, and I really need to go lead them to victory, soooo…."

"Leave him alone." Zoro appeared in the doorway. Usopp jumped behind him.

"No one tells me what to do," she said arrogantly.

He stared indifferently at her. "Luffy went on a shopping trip with Nami. You're wasting your time." With that, he turned and left, Usopp trailing after. As if her presence was to be avoided, not sought after and longed for!

The green haired one was definitely gay. And she didn't believe him about Luffy, either.

Hancock found Robin sitting on a lounge chair on the deck, reading a book. She looked a bit too lovely for Hancock's comfort.

Storming up to her, Hancock asked, "Do you know where Luffy is?" Poison dripped from each word.

Robin looked up. "I think he went shopping. And you don't need to look so ferocious; I assure you I have no interest in Luffy. I love him like a brother, and he's too young for me."

How could anyone not be in love with Luffy? That was very suspicious. And what was the crack about age supposed to mean? Clearly Nico Robin was a tricky and sly rival. Boa Hancock hissed, "I won't lose Luffy to you! I'm far more beautiful."

Robin sighed, then closed her book and stood up. "At the very least, I can promise you that Luffy is not one place: my room. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to return there, where it's nice and quiet."

As Hancock stared after her, a nagging suspicion began to form. Obviously, anything her rival told her was the opposite of true. But why would Luffy be in Robin's room? He couldn't possibly choose her, right? No, it was far more likely that he was being held against his will.

Hancock carefully undid the ropes that were tying Luffy's arms and legs. As she loosened his gag, he cried, "My love, I knew you would save me!"

"What happened?" she asked.

He replied, "One of my crewmembers formed a twisted fixation with me, having been misled by my purely platonic kindness. I should have known better than to spend time with any woman other than you."

"Oh Luffy," she sighed.

"Let us elope, my love, and stay together forever!"

"Curses, foiled again!" Robin cackled as they ran off into the sunset.

That was what was going through Hancock's mind as she climbed over the railing and down the side of the ship, towards Robin's small portside window. Alas, her hand slipped and she plummeted towards the ocean below.

Luffy, who was returning from his shopping trip with Nami, arrived just in time to see her fall. "Oh no, Hamduck is drowning!" he cried. Forgetting that he also couldn't swim, he leapt in after her.

Nami rolled her eyes, then cupped her hands in her mouth and shouted, "Zoro!" Then she kicked off her shoes and jumped in after Luffy. She wasn't sure if she was strong enough to drag out two people, so she was counting on the swordsman to save her money cow. He owed her a few debts, after all.

As if in a dream, Hancock felt two strong arms wrap around her and gently pull her above water. Luffy! When they reached the shore, she summoned up the last of her strength and threw her lips on top of his, before fainting.

She woke up to Chopper taking her pulse. "You should drink some water," he said, offering her a cup.

She asked, "Where is Luffy?"

Nami replied, "He's off downing a whole tub of beer as a 'cure.' By the way, does your lip-lock with Zoro mean that you're forfeiting, or should I take that as a drowning-induced accident?"

Hancock demanded, "What are you talking about? I kissed Luffy."

Nami snorted. "Did you really think he was your rescuer? He jumped after you, but only because he's an idiot. An anchor in water, remember?"

Clearly this was all a pack of lies, Hancock decided. The red-haired woman might be another rival after all.

In the bathroom, Zoro was trying to disinfect his mouth, while Sanji pounded on the door and shouted, "Come out and fight me, you seaweed-bastard!"

Boa Hancock's Current Clocked Time: Four days and counting.

---

Then there was what would later be known as the Misguided Midnight Snack Incident.

It began when Luffy awoke early one morning, hungry. He staggered into the kitchen, bravely fought through several vicious traps, and emerged with a hank of meat and a bowl of white creamy pudding for dessert. He quickly stuffed the meat into his mouth and walked back to his bedroom, cradling the bowl of pudding in his arms.

Zoro was already up, training. (His early morning exercise regime might be one of the reasons he spent the rest of the day napping.) He happened to be running down the corridor with his eyes closed in order to strengthen his other senses. They still needed a bit of work, because he bumped into Luffy. The Pirate King was practically sleeping on his feet, and thus didn't even try to catch himself as he tumbled towards the floor.

Zoro quickly shot out a hand and grabbed Luffy's arm. Alas, his captain was naturally stretchable, and Luffy didn't regain awareness enough to stop until he was dangling by one long arm with his nose inches from the ground.

Frustrated, Zoro shouted, "Luffy, snap back!"

Unfortunately, Luffy was still sleep-hazed, and his instincts told him to snap his arm back towards his body, the way he usually did. Zoro was yanked over and off his feet, landing squarely on top of Luffy. The pudding splattered onto the side of his face.

Luffy, always indomitable where food was concerned, began to lick the pudding off the side of Zoro's head. Growling, the swordsman tried to throw his captain off, but the sleep-eating Pirate King only wrapped his arms around him to hold him in place and continued eating.

Boa Hancock, who happened to be sleeping in the room nearby, was awoken by the crashing noises and stumbled to her door. What greeted her was the following sight:

Zoro, who was shirtless, was on kneeling on the ground, with Luffy's smaller frame lying between his legs. Luffy had his arms wrapped around Zoro's back, and appeared to be sticking his tongue into Zoro's ear.

Boa Hancock fled back into her room, slamming the door. Her mind was in a state of turmoil. Why was her beloved Luffy doing such strange things with his first mate? Why was the image of the half-naked swordsman sprawled on top of Luffy burned into the back of her eyes? And why did she find the memory so strangely…arousing?

(Behind her, Zoro grew tired of trying to gently dislodge Luffy, and punched his captain in the head, then tossed him into his quarters before returning to training. He never gave another thought to the incident. Lurking off to the side, Nami clicked her stopwatch, a smug grin on her face.)

And, until the day she died, Boa Hancock was a Luffy-Zoro fangirl; nothing and no one would ever convince her that they weren't made to be. She hung creative drawings of them all over her room and wrote steamy stories about her erotic imaginings. Not only that, but on her lonely and repressed all-women homeland, her ideas spread like wildfire. Within two months, she had converted the entire island to the love of yaoi. On the upside, men who trespassed on the island were no longer executed but welcomed with disturbing enthusiasm and forced into shounen ai role-playing games, although some would consider their fate worse than death.

Boa Hancock, however, lived happily ever after.

Boa Hancock: Eliminated. Clocked Time: Four days, twelve hours, and thirty-three minutes. Record time!

Contest Over. Winner: None. House claims all money!

---

But though it was over as far as the world was concerned, in reality…one final person was ready to make her move.

It was a perfectly ordinary day: Thursday, partly cloudy, and as always the Sunny-Go was buzzing with activity.

Zoro was in his usual spot, napping against the railing. Robin was reading on a deck chair, and Chopper was sitting on the floor at her feet, grinding medicine with a mortar and pestle. Usopp was sitting by the mast, surrounded by a variety of odds and ends, tinkering with Nami's Clima-Tact. Brook was lounging in the crow's nest, drinking tea and softly humming to himself as he kept watch. Franky had dozed off by his tools, unfortunately leaning against his freshly painted banister. His Hawaiian shirt was already beginning to stick against the drying paint. Sanji could be heard clanking around in the kitchen, cleaning up after lunch. And Luffy was sitting on his usual perch on the smiling lion figurehead of the Sunny-Go, staring off into the peacefully rolling ocean.

A door opened. Nami calmly walked out her navigation room and strode to where Luffy sat.

"Luffy?"

"Hm?"

"Will you marry me?" she asked.

Luffy turned to face her. "Okay!" he said, grinning cheerfully. He leaned forward and pecked her on the lips, before pulling her up beside him onto the lion's head. A seagull crowed above.

---

Later, Robin asked, "Was the whole 'contest' a clever plan to eliminate your rivals?"

Nami snorted. "Rivals? What rivals? No, there was one reason, and one reason only, and that was a counted in millions of belli. After all, if I have to be the one to propose, I at least want to be able to make some money out of it."

---

Big Sis': And that's all for now, folks. We had our LuNa ending, as our summary implied (though there is a tiny bit of fake ZoLu for the person who requested it). But personally, I think Nami is the best match for Luffy. After all, remember what Luffy said about Absalom in the Thriller Bark Arc? That he must be "a very brave man" to want to marry Nami? And no one is as brave as Luffy!

Little Sis: Yep, though I think it's more like our story showed that Nami is the only one who can deal with Luffy.

Big Sis: So is it Luffy who is the best match for Nami or Nami who is the best match for Luffy?

Little Sis: Po-ta-to, po-tah-to, to-ma-to, to-mah-to, either way, we're geniuses! We shouldn't be wasting our time writing fanfictions and should go cure cancer or something.

Big Sis: I don't think we use the same mechanisms for writing fanfictions as we would for curing cancer.

Little Sis: …Why do people always refer to curing cancer for great deeds? Why not instead try saving the Iriomote Cats, becoming world dictator, or making the toast you drop land butter side up for once!

Big Sis: [rolls eyes] I don't know, you said it not me, moron. And Iriomote Cats? Does anyone besides you even know what they are? World dictator? That's not a good thing. Toast? What? That sounds like a personal grudge. Did somebody have trouble eating breakfast this morning? Poor baby.

Little Sis: …[pout]…

Big Sis: What she means to say is that although we didn't actually have a cat fight, our fanfic is still super special awesome.

Little Sis: Everyone's gonna say you're ripping of Little Kuriboh there.

Big Sis: No they're not! Shut up! This end note is getting too long to keep on arguing about stupid stuff.

Little Sis: Your face is stupid!

Big Sis: …

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Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! We humble amateur writers thank you for your kind words. That's all for now, folks!