Name: Briar (I prefer being called Briar)

Colors:Emerald, Jade, Light Blue, Blue, Red, Pink, Black, White

Food:..ummm...is that a trick question?

Movies: The Lost Boys, Zombieland,Io non ho paura, Dr. Horrible's sing along blog, The Tourist, Conair, Alice in Wonderland, The Illiousnist, Robin Hood: Men in tights, Steam boy, Orlando

Books: The Chaos Walking series, The saga of Daren Shan!!!!!!! Malcolm X, Inkheart series, Series of unfortunate events, May Bird series and countless other things that I cant remember.

Graphic novels: Scott Pilgrim series.

Anime: Ramna 1/2, Black Cat, DN Angle, Girls Bravo, He is my master, Dragon Ball Z Kai, Peach Girl, Death Note, Dammisheita! Powerpuff Girlz Z

Manga: Love me like a comic, Ranma 1/2, Black Bird, Junjuo Romantica,Imadoki no Shishunki, Jail bird, Glamorous Lip, Secret, Aishichattano, Boku no Ano Ko, I want to be naughty, Otana Keikenchi, ANO HI NO KIMI WO DAKISHIMETA NARA, ROYAL FIANCE, Perfect XXX, Darling, SAA KOI NI OCHITAMAE, Denkou Sekka Boys & THUNDERBOLT BOYS: EXCITE, Koori No Mamono No Monogatari: The Tyrant who falls in love, Hoshi no Yakata

Bands/Artists: All American Rejects, Bass Hunter, Aqua, Vocaloid, Cascada, DJ SATOMI, Crazy Frog, Daft Punk, Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy, Bowling for soup, Three Days Grace, Lady Gaga, Linkin Park, t.A.T.u., Owlcity, Disturbed, Maroon 5, 3Oh!3

Likes: Food,TV, reading, tacos, Powerpuff girls, Villans more than heros, Chocolate (even though I'm allergic) writing (even though i'm lousy) chicken

Dislikes: Spelling (and the fact that when I read storys written by someone from another contry that can spell English better than me), Grammer, Stupid people, hate, tofu, sushi(but I love it when myfriends draw them), and alot of other stuff that Im to lazy to type

Cartoons:Powerpuff girls,Johny Test,Johny Bravo, Knd, Genarator Rex, Ben 10 (from when they were little and Ben was a little less of a jerk), Invader Zim, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Kick Buttowski, The Batman, Spectular Spiderman, Adventure Time, Xhoulin Showdown, Teen Titans, Secret Saturdays, SpongeBob, Fairly Odd parents, My Life As A Teenage Robot, Atomic Betty, Batman Beyond, Sym Bionic Titan

Gender: Hmmm lets see what could it be... what a mystery! I Mean my names only Ms Briar!

Age: It ain't polite ta ask a lady her age

Location: One of the states that no one likes even if they live there.

Heres some extra stuff about me. I am lazy to a fault so dont expect any quick updates...ever.

I check my email like daily, its sort of sad but It also means that is ya wanna tell me something go a head and I will answer back so fast it'll make your head spin!

Grammer and spelling are not my things so Im sorry if I screw up.

I love cursing (who dosent...fuck! damn! shit! bastard!!!! :D) but if for some reason you cant stand people who curse I'll try not to do it around you.

When I cough or blow my noes for too long my right fore arm does this weird twitchy spazy thing that I hate.

I am a strong supporter of equal rights regardless of race, spiruality, and sexuality. so the things I write or fave will express those things. If you cant take it, sit down and shut up because no ones forcing you to care. That also means respect people. I hear enough gay bashing at school and at home and I simply dont need any more. I'm bisexual and have a lot of friends that are gay or bi I love very much. Hearing them be degraded and disrespected makes me hurt as much as they do. Not to mention thking shit from other people about my own sexuality. Show respect people.

My heros have always been the villans. Serously. Billy the Kid. Napoleon. Jessie and Frank James( but mostly Jessie of cource.) The Joker. (Batman) Iunike (Batman Beyond) Chase young and Jack Spicer(xhoulin showdown) The Roudyruff boys (Powerpuff girls), The Roudyruff boyz Z(Dammisheita! Powerpuff Girlz Z), Bell and Gir (Powerpuff Girls D) Anubis, Lokie, Set, Aries, Hades, Pluto, Thanatos (I shame myself with all this evil. I cant even rember a time when I looked up and was like golly gee I sure do wish i was more like (insert good guy here)! Im always rooting for the bad guy.) ((Shame on me TTwTT))

Also since my faves list is getting kinda long(161?! 161 friggen storys! I spend way too much time here! Those arent all my favorites just storys I really really like) I'll put up my top favorites with a breif discription soon so if your look ing for a good read you got one ; ) (Although you could always read my story Living which i promis I havent given up on, Im just lazy)

Allies and Rivals » by Tonifranz This is part one in a simply awsmazing trilogy. This is a Rowdyruff boy rebirth and turn to good. While there isn't really romance, since there kids, theres a lot of action. A clear plot. They all stay in character and this was mindblowingly awesome! Have you ever gotten bored in a fight scene? You wont in this story. The battles are firce, When its funny its gut butsting. There are no words to describe the awzmaisingness of it all.

Allies and Rivals II : Commander and the Leader » by Tonifranz This is part two. Brick and Blossom fight for control of the now merged teams. Things get ugly and mud will be slung. The wounds of the past are healing but with all of there fighting how long can that last. Add on the new and dangerous enmies coming up in Townsville things are bound to get worse. Can these two find a solution before its too late.

Allies and Rivals III : MIND GAMES » by Tonifranz The girls are in trouble and the boys are confused. Who can tell whats right from whats wrong with all the mind games going on. Who can you trust when your friends turn on you and when the ones you love are all in a dream. And would Townsville really be Townsville without evil rising up out of the shadows to mess them up.

Hell Tempted Me by FuckMePumps Temptation is a very strong thing. Every Samson has his Delilah, even Brick. Can you avoid her or you doomed to want your own distruction. Brick takes his Delilah on the battle feild.

One Hundred Shards of Glass » by Quillified This is a colection of one shots to help Quilly get a feel for writing Powerpuff stuff. This means he/she can write about whatever he/she damn well pleases. With this info in mind dont be a dick and whine when its not a classic paring.

Taking Responsibility » by Somewei Anything by Somewei is great. Go read this now! If your any powerpuff fan worth their shit then you've gotta read this.

Tag, You're It» by beast916 Sam and Friddie are always playing games but this is streching into forbiden territory fast. Can anyone win or will they both brake eachother aith this new spin on tag.

30 Days» by Hermeown Powerpuff girls. One month is all they have to save the world before they die. Working to geather is key, but theres not much to fight for if your gonna die right?

Unbridled» by Hermeown Second Storie in the 30 days tril. Its not cool to kidnap kids. Espisily if they have got super parents

Ghost Story» by Red Lioness For the love of God dont read this in the dark like I did. I nearly pissed myself out of fear. Jack Spicer was never a threat in life so he wouldnt be in death either...would he? Our Jackie is dead and he's going for blood! This is the Revenge of Jack Spicer

The Author favs are pretty acurate though.

xxxxxxxxx

"Its okay to love someone who doesnt love you back as long as they deserve it." People who face unrequited love with a brave face and a smile detirmned to do only what makes their love happy are the heros of any one who is going through unrequited or unacnolaged love.

Sory for all copy'n' paste repeats I realy dont rember what I put on this thing

This is all i will say about Zutara

you all anger me.

HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO KILL THEM 4 4EVEA WHY WOULD THEY FALL IN LOVE?????

that's all i have to say.

Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile

COME TO MY PARTY!

THE TIGHTEST PARTY IN THE WORLD!

I'm throwing a party, there will be a DJ... everyone is invited!

So everyone come, but first read the rest of this bulletin.

Come Kick it at The Biggest Party Ever!

DETAILS BELOW..

Special Guests: Jesus Christ, God The Father,
Featuring: DJ Holy Spirit.

When: When you enter the Gates of Heaven

Where: Kingdom of Heaven

How: Just Ask

Why: Because God Loves You!

...Come As You Are! Bring Nothing but Your Heart and Soul.

98% of Teens Won't Stand Up For GOD...

Repost this if you're one of the 2 who will...

Jesus said, "If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny
you in front of my Father."

Props for Justen Beiber(did i spell that right?) for loving Jesus all the way (I still don't like his music XD)

Repost as Come to My Party!

P...If
O...You
W...Love
E...The
R...Power
P...Puff
U...Girls
F...It shows
F...You care!

JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH

Rapid

Astute

Vicious

Empathic

No-Nonsense

Teen Titans!

Sweetness

Timid

Astonishing

Reasonable

Fair

Incomparible

Righteous

Elative

Teen Titans!

Rash

Orderly

Brave

Intelligent

Nimble

Teen Titans!

Bold

Easy-going

Alert

Silly

Truthful

Beastly

Overactive

Young

Teen Titans!

Cool

Yo!

Brave

On

Ridiculous

Geeky

Teen Titans!

Truth

Endless,

Enserving

Neverending,

Titans,

Indescribable,

True

Always,

Never

Stopping.

Teen Titans!

Teen

Titan

Fans

Forever!

Copy this into your profile if you love Teen Titans!

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. (I hope people realize that there are A LOT of black people down south.)

I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. (Can someone please tell me what the hell a savage even is??)

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or Emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST is looking for attention.

I’m INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST is a homosexual.

I’m a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST is a crazy political activist

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST is fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST is a player.

I’m COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I’m RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.

I’m GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY Too

I’m BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG Butt.

I’m PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I’m SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH so I MUST be greedy.

I’m HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I’m PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

I’m a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff.

I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks. (My last boyfriend was the biggest and self proclaimed hipster in the fucking world.)

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA. (The man was from the middle east. He was bum bum BUM Middle eastern!)

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self-control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be Emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE… So I MUST be a whore myself.

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist.

I’m a CROSS DRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be Emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent, and love hockey and beavers.

I’m QUIET if I don’t know you so I MUST be Emo or anti-social.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. (I love guys and ALL they got going, I just like equality too)

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I CURSE A LOT so I MUST be a bad kid and have problems.

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE

JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH*JLH

Puck:If we shadows have offended, think but this; and all is mended that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear and this weak and idle theme no more yielding but a dream. Gentles--do not reprehend if you pardon, we will mend. And, as I am an honest Puck if we have unearned luck. Now to scape the serpents tongue. We will make amends ere long else the Puck a liar call. So--goodnight unto you all. Give me your hands if we be friends. And Robin shall restore amends.

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh nor more;
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never;
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny;
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into. Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no mo,
Or dumps so dull and heavy;
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into. Hey, nonny, nonny

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s*t my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

"Sl

An old prospector……

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance, -- and just never wanted to.' A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied. When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. He found it hard to swallow.. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.

The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'

There are two lessons for us all here: 1. Don't waste ammunition. 2. Don't mess with old people

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. (Yeah) Make life take the lemons back! (Yeah!) Get mad! (Yeah!) I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? (Yeah! Take the lemons) Demand to see life's manager! (Yeah!) Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! (Oh, I like this guy.) I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! (Burn his house down!) *cough* (Burning people, he says what we're all thinking.)" - Cave Johnson (GLaDOS)

Slay his flower picking rump!" Dragon from jane and the Dragon

"Oh! Look! Death!" Deamondology 101

Hunk Williams, Jr.-I think Lenny put it best in the Simpsons episode “Last Exit to Springfield” when he said:You can’t treat the working man this way. One day, we’ll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve! Then we’ll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.- Willy Wanka

Put this on you profile...

If you sit in your car waiting for the song you love to be over, then leave.

If someone tells you "don't look now", but you do anyway

If you love waking up in the middle of the night, and realizing you have more time to sleep

If you hate waking up from a good dream and it won't come back.

If your headphones are ALWAYS tangled.

If slow computers drive you CRAZY.

If you love laughing until it hurts and you can't breathe.

If you used to blow into video games and it actually made them work.

If you use your cell phone to see in the dark.

If you can't help but find everything hilarious at 4 AM.

If you think those 5 extra minutes of sleep really make a difference.

If your fridge has NOTHING in it to eat, no matter how full it is.

If all those years you watched Blues Clues, you never realized Blue was a GIRL.

If you can't stand to hear your own voice in videos or recordings.

If you pull out your phone and pretend to text in awkward situations.

If you check behind the shower curtain for murderers before getting in.

If you love people who text back instantly.

If you stand in the shower for ages because the hot water feels soooo good.

If you really wish you could record your dreams and watch them later.

If you wish music played during epic moments in your life, like in movies.

If you hate getting out of the shower and it's FREEZING.

If you walk a little faster when you see a creepy van.

If you hate how the best part of your dream is always right about to happen when you wake up.

If you haven't lost it... you just... haven't found it yet.

If you and your best friend can say one word and almost die from laughing hysterically.

If you have to try SO hard not to laugh when you're getting scolded.

If you and your best friend could sit down next to each other, not say a single word, and walk away feeling as if it was the greatest conversation ever.

If you stop the microwave before it hits 0:00 to avoid hearing the loud BEEPs.

If you know because everyone's house has a different smell that yours must have one. But you still can't smell it!

If you have to say the entire alphabet out loud because you can't remember what letter comes next.

If you get paranoid because the spider you saw five seconds ago isn't there anymore.

If you hate it when you think of a really good comeback after the argument.

If you love it when teachers get off track and tell you stories about their life.

If your favorite song always seems to come on right as you pull into your driveway.

If you want to STRANGLE that kid who reminds the teacher about homework and quizzes.

If you were first in Mario Kart, you fell off a cliff, and then you were... last.

If whenever someone says 'I like your shirt', you look down to see what you're wearing.

If you look down at your cell phone when you're walking past someone you want to avoid.

If you hate when teachers say "From all the talking, I assume everyone is done."

If you have dropped your phone on your face while laying down texting.

If once you turn off all the lights in the basement you run the heck out of there.

If you feel like a ninja whenever you drop something and catch it.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I dream of a better tomorrow--when chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I dont have a short attention span, i just...oh look, a kitty!

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here :)

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I ran with scissors, and lived

In Honor of Stupid People:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how...??)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(Oh - but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(No! I thought it would be cold after hearting!)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of car accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those roads.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(Darn! I was planning to stay awake tonight!)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what...?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(The above is self-explanary.)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(Hold up. Pasta is for... eating?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitials.
(Because people always use a chainsaw while naked)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Why don't you just tell the kids that Santa isn't real while you're at it.)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Do parents perform surgery on their kids?)

On some brand of bacon bits -- "fake artificial bacon bits"
(The fake artificial bacon bits to expensive for ya?)

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do we use the politics to describe the process of economy so: Poli in latin meaning many and tics meaning blooksucking creature.
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

COCA COLA WENT TO TOWN

PEPSI COLA KNOCKED HIM DOWN

DR PEPPER PICKED HIM UP

NOW WE'RE DRINKING 7 UP.

7 UP CAUGHT THE FLU

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW

MOUNTAIN DEW FELL OFF THE MOUNTAIN

NOW WE'RE DRINKING WATER FOUNTAIN

WATER FOUNTAIN BROKE

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING COKE!

REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Friends Verses Best Friends

Friend: Never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best Friend: Helps themselves and are the reason you have no food

Friend: Calls your parents Mr. and Mrs. and your grandpa, Grandpa
Best Friend: Calls your parents Dad and Mom and your grandpa, Gramps

Friend: Would bail you out of jail
Best Friend: Would be sitting next to you saying, "THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME!"

Friend: Would bail you out again because you're "a good person"
Best Friend: Would be sitting next to you again saying, "Damn, we messed up."

Friend: Have never seen you cry
Best Friend: Won't tell anyone else you cried. Just laugh about it later in private when you're feeling better

Friend: Asks you to write down your number
Best Friend: Has you on speed dial

Friend: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back
Best Friend: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad. Here's a tissue."

Friend: Only knows a few things about you
Best Friend: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story

FRIENDS: Tell you that you look nice.
BEST FRIENDS: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

FRIENDS: Say "good luck" when you go get your ears pierced.
BEST FRIENDS: Help pick out your studs, take before after pictures of your earlobes, and then put up with the unending questions and mirror-staring.

FRIENDS: Roll their eyes when you start rambling yet again about your boyfriend (the fourth time that night).
BEST FRIENDS: Start gushing with you.

FRIENDS: Smile when you get obsessed with something.
BEST FRIENDS: Get obsessed with you.

FRIENDS: Say "sees you later!"
BEST FRIENDS: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hugs you.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Forgives you.
BEST FRIENDS: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

FRIENDS: Tell jokes with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Have countless inside jokes with you.

FRIENDS: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth.
BEST FRIENDS: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you
BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the crap out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you

FRIENDS: Annoy you.
BEST FRIENDS: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his butt

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house
BEST FRIENDS: the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think you’re insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline
BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover
BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them
BEST FRIENDS: kick your butt and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick
BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running through bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"
BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running right with you

Friend: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing
Best Friend: Will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you

Friend: Would knock on your front door
Best Friend: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME!"

Friend: You have to tell them not to tell anyone
Best Friend: Already knows not to tell

Friend: Are only with you through high school/college (lunch buddies)
Best Friend: Are for life

Friend: Will comfort when a guy rejects you
Best Friend: Walk up to him and go, "Its because your gay right?"

Friend: Helps you find your prince
Best Friend: Kidnaps him and brings him to you

Friend: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying
Best Friend: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha ha, Loser!"

Friend: Offers you soda
Best Friend: Would dump theirs on you

Friend: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month
Best Friend: Would throw you a tampon and push you in

Friend: Gives you their umbrella in the rain
Best Friend: Takes yours and says, "Run, Sucka, run!"

Friend: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough
Best Friend: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

Friend: Will help you move
Best Friend: Will help you move the bodies

Friend: Helps you up when you fall
Best Friend: Laughs and trips you again

Friends: Will call the ambulance if you fall off a bridge
Best Friends: Get in a rowboat and save your stupid ass

Friends: Ask you what's wrong
Best Friends: Are already loading up a shot gun to kill that Mother Fudger

Friend: Tell you that you're too good for him when you get dumped
Best Friend: Call him up and say, "You're gonna die in seven days"

Friend: Asks you why you're crying
Best Friend: Already has a shovel ready to bury whoever made you cry

Friend: Hides you from the cops
Best Friend: Is probably the reason you're running from them in the first place

Friend: Will help you find your way when you're lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map, and giving you bad directions

Friend: Will help you learn how to drive
Best Friend: Will help you roll the car into a lake to collect the insurance money

Friend: Would ignore this letter
Best Friend: Will repost this!

1. You punch or whack people when they act stupid.

2. You love fights and laugh when people get hurt, but you're not sadistic. A lot.

3. You're tough!

4. You always point out people's flaws or mistakes.

5. You have a crush on a guy who doesn't know you like him, but you hide it by making fun of him.

6. You are NOT a girly-girl!

7. You like to walk barefoot. You HATE wearing shoes.

8. You're sarcastic a lot.

9. You pick your nose, pick your toes, burp, and spit.

10. You hate flying. Especially on ten-ton flying bisons.

Meaning of Each Letter in Your Name

A: Hot
B: Loves people
C: A good kisser
D: Makes people laugh
E: Has gorgeous eyes
F: People wild and crazy adore you
G: Very outgoing
H: Easy to fall in love with
I: Loves to smile and laugh
J: Really sweet
K: Really silly
L: Smile to die for
M: Makes dating fun
N: Can kick the shit out of you
O: Has one of the best personalities ever
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite
R: Good boyfriend/girlfriend
S: Cute
T: A very good kisser
U: Is very sexual
V: Not judgemental
W: Very broad minded
X: Never let people tell you what to do
Y: Is loved by everyone
Z: Can be funny and dumb at times

You know you watch too much Ranma 1/2 if you think that when you grow old, you'll shrink down to half the size you were before.

You know you watch too much Ranma 1/2 when everything you do is classified as a martial art.

You know you watch to much Ranma 1/2 when you won't go to a hot bath for fear of perverts.

You know you watch too much Ranma 1/2 when you bring 2 pairs of panties to school, so if one gets stolen, you won't have to worry about it.

You know you watch too much Ranma 1/2 when you kick boys into the air and across the sky daily.

You know you watch too much Ranma 1/2 when you're now afraid to death of water.

You know you watch too much Ranma 1/2 when you take a trip to China to try to find Jusenkyo

If any of these symptoms apply to you, paste this on your profile

I'm not clumsy the floor wanted to say hi to my face.

Every one can catch a ball it takes skill to catch it with your face.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Ambercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh their ass off, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. (Hell yeah!)

If you are obsessed with Alvin and the Chipmunks, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever wonder who started these copy and paste quotes CAPTIYP

Even if you can't see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD CAPTIYP

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (?? LOL)

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world CAPTIYP (ishnishish!)

If your to lazy to type the words "copy and paste this on to your profile" CAPTIYP

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together.
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man:Aren't you tired baby? You've been running in my mind all day.

Woman:Yeah, I know. I've been trying to find a way out

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.( only sometimes. SHUT UP!)

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you believe that the government should make levees, not war, copy this into your profile.

92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it's uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

If you are scared that clowns will eat you in your sleep. copy and paste this to your profile.

STOP DRUNK DRIVING!!

I went to a birthday party,

And remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink at all,

So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,

The way you said I would,

That I didn't choose to drink and drive,

Though some friends said I should.

I knew I made a healthy choice and,

Your advice to me was right,

As the party finally ended,

And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my own car,

Sure to get home in one piece,

Never knowing what was coming,

Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,

And I hear the policeman say,

"The kid that caused this wreck was drunk."

His voice seems far away.

My own blood is all around me,

As I try hard not to cry.

I can hear the paramedic say,

"This girl is going to die."

I'm sure the guy had no idea,

While he was flying high,

Because he chose to drink and drive,

That I would have to die.

So why do people do it,

Knowing that it ruins lives?

But now the pain is cutting me,

Like a hundred stabbing knives

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom

Tell daddy to be brave,

And when I go to heaven,

Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,

That it's wrong to drink and drive.

Maybe if his mom and dad had,

I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,

I'm getting really scared.

These are my final moments,

And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,

As I lie here and die.

I wish that I could say,

I love you and good-bye.

Add this you know you should

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile (If its in my room i've screamed at it atleast once...this week)

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I hear voices, and they don't like you.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies." Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, right?

Why are the Force and duck tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

If you have ever started to read a chapter, forgot to finish it and then find out the author posted up another chapter, reading that chapter and not understanding it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular.Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word.(Well it was but that didnt stop me) Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist.The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you were, copy and paste then write your name. Catemonster, Angel Dumott Schunard Collins,Dumott Schunard, sundrynotes, Hoiki, Puppy Death Glare, Kit-Kat Punk-lover,BeyondBirthday187,Samantha James13303,Mz. Briar

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door." - Boomer

"The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train."-Matt

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We fucked up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt!!

If you think you have too many of those "copy and paste this to your profile"s, copy and paste this to your profile

IF YOU HAVE SPELLED YOUR NAME WRONG PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile

If all else fails destroy all evidence you tried

When life gives you lemons make grape juice then sit bak and smirk while everyone else whonders how the heck you did it.

Never argue with an idiot they'll just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.

If you can't beat a computer at chess than ,try kickboxing!! ( I know I can't)

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Usually it is an oncoming train.

Evening news start with "Good evening." then continue telling you why it isn't.

A consultant is some one who takes a subject you already know and makes it confusing.

Never argue with a fool people might not know the difference.

When you're right no one remebers, when you're wrong no one forgets.

Last night i was looking at the stars abd thought "where the heck is my ceiling!"

Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when no one else is looking.

He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

They say hard work won't kill you, but why take the chance.

An idiot is a 44th window washer and steps back to admire his work.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I like work. It fascintes me. I can stare at look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life. polish the dull one.

The secret to sucess is serenity. Once you fake that you're good.

Where there's a will...there are five hundred relitives.

It dosen't matter if you win or lose; what matters if I win or lose.

I used to have super powers. My theripist took them away.

Keep smilling it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love you're enemies it gets them really confused.

I can only please on person per day. Today's not your day. Tommorrow's not looking good either.

Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. (Got this from a t-shirt.)

I'd explain it to you but your head would explode.

Anythig thrown hard enough should hurt.

Flying is simple just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I couldn't repiar your breaks so I made the horn louder.

I don't get even I get odder.

Chaos, panic, pandomonium my work here is done.

Two wrongs don't make a wright but it makes a good excuse!

Excuse me while I try to find a container for my joy.

You're slower than turtles stampeding through penut butter.

Never meddle thrrought the affairs of dragons. To them you're cruchy and taste good with ketchup.

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Pattison (Edward from twilight) standing on top of a skyscraper, If you're one of those 3% who would sit there eating popcorn yelling "Do a Flip You Sparkly Bitch!" Copy and repost this!

The first time i saw twilight was at my bffs b-day party when whats-his-fase started to sparkle i started to laugh I CANT TAKE SPARKLEY MEN SEROUULY!!!!

- Sometimes I wish I were a monkey. Then I could throw poop at people and it would be legal.

- Say no to drugs! Say yes to enchiladas!

- I never finish anyth

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

- My friends are 90 of why I get up each morning, the other 10 is because I have to pee.

- I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly

- It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then It's hilarious...

- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Pick your birth month
Italic anything that doesn't apply to you
Bold the five-ten that best apply to you
Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months underneath

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay (Why there aren't many stories are up). Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds (Never had one in my life). Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. (Most of this applies to me.)

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave andcaring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led.Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well.Very confidentSensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Remeber Back in the Day..

When your close friends became strangers?

Lollipops turned into cigarettes?

The innocent ones turned into sluts?

Homework goes in the trash?

Soda became vodka?

When getting high meant swinging on the playground?

When protection meant wearing a helmet?

When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?

Dads shoulders were the highest place on earth?

Mom was your hero?

Your worst enemies were your siblings?

Race issues were about who ran the fastest?

The only drug you knew was cough medicine?

Wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut?

The only thing that hurt you was skinned knees?

Goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?

And when we couldn't wait to grow up?

If you still have that little kid inside you, repost this so others can remember back in the day...

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Carebears
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

When I was 16, I would scream in my dad’s face about the “Working Man” until he’d snap and throw me across the room. As I soared through the air, I’d look down at the Leninist pins on my punk jacket and be proud of myself for standing up for the unions. Then I’d hit the ground somewhere near the front door, open it, yell “FUCK YOU,” and go to my girlfriend’s house to kvetch about how stupid my old man is. Though he worked his ass off his whole life and I had one job at a gas station under my belt, he was a moron who was blind to the oppression around him. Here’s some other impossibly stupid shit I believed when I was like you:

1. BEING INFORMED IS ALL THAT MATTERS
I honestly thought digging a ditch all day would be fine if you were educated because you could sit there and think of Kierkegaard quotes. Then I dug some ditches and realized I was thinking about digging this goddamned motherfucker of a ditch all day.

2. MONOGAMY IS A LIE
Anyone who tells you they are in an open relationship really means they are in a short-term relationship because nobody wants to eat someone else’s cum out of his girlfriend’s vagina more than once.

3. THE WORLD IS TOO OVERPOPULATED TO HAVE KIDS
Though this is technically true, what are you going to do about it, subtract 3 from 6 billion? Thanks. Not having kids to be green is like recycling your coffee cups while your neighbor pours gallons of toxic waste out his window.

4. WHO’S CRAZIER, THE MAN ON THE STREET OR THE CEO RIPPING PEOPLE OFF?
This teenage belief fails to recognize one rather large detail: Homeless people are fucking crazy. Like, they literally hear voices saying shit like, “God hated The Beatles because they knew his plan. They’re trying to warn you, Harry.” CEOs may be greedy and unconscionable, but all they hear when they’re out playing golf is the occasional bird chirping.

5. THE UNION SAVED THE WORKING MAN
Yeah, maybe 50 years ago when they had those cool tweed caps on and inhaled soot all day. Now they leave at 3 P.M. on a Thursday and retire at 40 while we all stay until 7 or 8 at night trying to pay off their indexed pensions. Like adolescence, this was a fun idea that got real old real fast.

6. I’D RATHER HAVE MONEY IN THE GOVERNMENT’S HANDS THAN BIG BUSINESS’ HANDS
Sorry, the latter is the lesser of two evils. At least some of them have an incentive to not be totally incompetent.

7. MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER
Whenever I start a project with someone I write out a “Crayon contract” that has all the worst-case scenarios listed on it — just in case. There’s something about signing a piece of paper that makes a brain go, “This isn’t fucking around anymore. We’re actually doing this.” Add to that: Family members flying in from all over the world, her dad paying $40k, tears galore, a big cake, a dozen speeches, clapping, cheering, and boxes of pictures, and you have a hell of a lot more than a piece of paper. It’s more like being born into adulthood.

8. I COULD RETIRE HAPPILY ON $100k
Yeah, I could if I was still living in the back of an apartment in Montreal filled with anarchist lesbians. College is a quarter of a million per kid. A New York apartment is about $1m. A place outside the city is about half that … the list goes on. To lead a normal Archie Bunker style life in NYC today is about $80k a year. That leaves $20k to spread over your 20-year retirement plan. Good luck with that.

9. A ZOO IS A JAIL FOR ANIMALS
Though they look cute in cartoons, being an animal sucks. That’s why other cultures think “Your uncle is a donkey” is the meanest thing you could possibly say. Animals experience a level of stress we could only understand if we spent five years in an Venezuelan prison. The pygmy shrew has to eat three times its body weight every day. Deers reluctantly suffer through every winter as gangrenous sores house dozens of maggots on their ass. Moose have nervous breakdowns from the black flies and will often go bucking into open clearings roaring like hysterical bears and begging God to strike them down right there.
Carving out a predator-free space where an animal can get free food every day may not sound like fun to us but our lives aren’t a living hell.

10. VIOLENCE IS NEVER JUSTIFIED
Skinheads used to kick the shit out of us but whenever we got one alone we’d “Do them one better” and just scare the guy. Les (the toughest guy in our gang) once chased them on to the bus and even kicked one in the bum on the way up the stairs. We didn’t want to admit they were just tougher than us, so we brainwashed ourselves into denying this basic truth: NOTHING says fuck off like a punch in the nose.

-GAVIN McINNES

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