Updated 10/08/2012 because it's way past time.

A voracious reader, when I discovered that I could actually get two college degrees (a BA and an MA) for reading books, I was thrilled. And incredibly naive, it seems. Now I'm an over-educated, under-employed English teacher. Thanks to an utter lack of available teaching positions in an all but bankrupt state, I remain a substitute teacher. I'm frankly grateful to have that much employment. My guilty pleasure is Twilight.

How did I discover Twilight fanfiction? I did not read the novels until the first movie was already out of the theaters. Yes, I was that uninterested. Just before New Moon hit the screen, I gave in, watched the first movie on DVD, read all the books in about a week, saw New Moon, and then I went looking for more. After months of wandering, I ended up back where I started, here on . I don't have any patience with Twilight fanfiction sites, and especially their forums. Most of the interesting, intelligent people have left the building, and what remains on the forums resembles a cross between a bar just before closing time and a junior high school cafeteria. Barely coherent people desperate for attention, and a whole lot of irrational drama. A sane person can only take so much.

Because I came late to the Twilight fanfic party, I brought a very finicky appetite with me. Things I can't get enough of: In-canon stories in the POV of characters other than Bella and Jacob. Particularly stories from various Cullen POVs. "Missing moment" stories. Totally tongue-in-cheek humor. And of course just about anything from Edward's POV. It breaks my heart that Midnight Sun came to an abrupt untimely demise before it became a novel.

Things that make my English teacher head just about explode: Bad spelling. Bad grammar. Spell check isn't rocket science, use it. If proper grammar eludes you, please get help with that. Don't depend solely on your own eyes to proofread. Get a beta reader to vet your work. It's not just a feel-good exercise in self gratification when you post stories on the internet; you are seeking an audience. If you're going to put writing out there for the world to read and review, you owe it to your readers and yourself to work as hard on the boring but oh so essential technical aspects of writing as you do on describing the way Bella feels when Edward kisses her. Work at improving your writing. You will not regret it.

I realize that fanfiction has no boundaries, and its writers take all kinds of mind bending liberties with characters they did not create. I don't understand some of that, and I really dislike some of it, but I accept that fanfic authors have such freedom. However, people who write fanfics--let alone sexual fanfics--about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (or any other actors for that matter) are something else entirely. Pattinson and Stewart are not fictional characters, they are real people, you do not know them, and it's all kinds of wrong to play with them like they're Edward and Bella. Would you appreciate it if people were posting erotic stories about your sister/brother/daughter/son on the internet? What if they were posting stuff like that about you? If you are thinking "Ooooh, cool, I'd love that!" you're either lying to yourself or truly don't get how creepily invasive it would be. 'Nuff said.

As far as my own writing goes, I have never written a story about Robert and Kristen, nor will I. Edward and Bella however are fair game.