I know that most of this is straight out of the book, but it seems like you're trying so hard to make Bella appear intelligent, too hard. It doesn't really translate. And from my experience with this character, in general, she really isn't very smart.

Nor is she as mature as the writer wished her to appear. We were to believe that she was mature because? She cooks and cleans? Occasionally paid some bills with her moms money? These are skills that all almost 18 year old's should possess. Her saying that it was like "she was the parent" was completely laughable. Did you see the home in Arizona that Renee supplied Bella with? The life? Did you see how quick she was to come to her bedside when she was in the hospital after James attack? How nurturing she was? Remember when she made Charlie get Bella real internet? Didn't she also contribute for the laptop? She didn't come off nearly as "hair brained" as Bella insisted.

The bullshit "martyr/ selflessness" that was supposed to be portrayed through her moving to Forks fell flat. It didn't seem selfless at all. It seemed reasonable to me.

And lets be honest, she really is too ugly for Edward. She has EVERY reason to feel insecure in that relationship, I just wish she didn't whine about it so often. Don't get me started on Edwards "Im a monster" bullshit.

Bella treated her father horribly. Would it kill the kid to go the extra mile and make some damn conversation with him? Do something with him that he enjoys? How often did you hear about Charlie loving to fish? Did Bella ever make an effort and go with him? Not once! And how quick was she to attach herself to a boy and leave Charlie in the dust? Totally ok with letting the poor, already lonely man believe she was dead, in order to attach herself to Edward permanently.

If you could work on those issues (which weren't yours) you might have characters you could be proud of, characters that hold up under scrutiny instead of childish adaptations.

Good story !

You did an excellent job! I hope you go on to write your own things! You have immense talent, don't let it go to waste 3

Thanks for sharing this with us.

Wow! Very well written and a nice insight into Edward's mind. I've always been wondering if he was suicidal or not. You kind of answered that question.

While Midnight Sun is good, I enjoyed your version more. Thank you

While I like Midnight Sun, I have truly enjoyed your version much more. Thank you

I think your writing is done well, but good gracious edward thinks too much. It's kinda hard to read because he is so fixated on his own self loathing.

Your fic is very good, and your writing too.
The only aspect I would point is that for me, you spend too much time with the Cullens dialogues, discussions and fights.
Pls don't take this the wrong way. I still love this fic!

Thank you for finishing this story. You developed a rather darker / more suicidal Edward than SM probably intended him to be, but I think it rather fit the character and you described very well his inner demons, contradictions, and masochistic tendencies and lowest self esteem ever... He sometimes got on my nerves being so stubborn.. All in all you did a very good job, especially considering your age when you started to write this story. English is not my mother tongue, but I really appreciated your style. I am sad you didn't pursue the adventure and that you'll never write EPOV of the 3 remaining books... Nevertheless, thank you for sharing and keeping your stories on this fandom.

I was enjoying reading your post until port Angeles
Too much Edward and human blood. He had spent 80 or so years learning not to drink humans And though Bella gave him trouble at first, by this time his control and combined with his feelings for her was making abstainence 1st priority. And he had no interest in her
Attacker's blood, he did want to put them to horrible death. Other than missing (in my opinion) this fine point of Edward, you are s very talented writer. Thsnks

God story. I'm so glad, that I found this story when it was finished. Lucky me!

I love it!

If I may say #1 you are not 'evil' and #2 you can try to listening to Classic by MKTO.

If I may say #1 you are not 'evil' and #2 you can try to listening to Classic by MKTO I love that song it might help you write. :-)