Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars,

The trees and flowers have been strewing their cool odors.

I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.

It was ten days after her fifteenth birthday – purple balloon bouquet from Renee wilting sadly in the corner – when it happened for the first time. She reached over, like she did every other night, and turned off the light on her nightstand. As the darkness engulfed her completely, she was struck with the terrifying realization that she was alone.

A small voice in the back of her mind acknowledged that there may never be anyone there with her, holding her as she slept, and fat tears slid from her eyes into her ears. She cried herself to sleep, feeling more insecure than she ever had before.

#

It wasn't the first time that Isabella Swan felt pathetic. In fact, she made it quite the habit.

#

It was a sunny day in April of her sophomore year and she made her way into the courtyard. She eyed the picnic tables warily, trying to find someplace where she could be out of the way, invisible.

"Bella!"

She turned at the sound of her name, to find Melissa, from her Trig class, waving her over. Bella bit her lip, biding time to mentally prepare herself. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to the table. A few of the boys turned to look at her, and she felt her cheeks flush. "Hey, Melissa."

"You took notes in Trig, right?" Melissa snapped a piece of bright green gum. "Can I borrow them?"

Bella had been expecting something of the sort – very rarely did someone actually want to talk to her – but her stomach dropped in disappointment anyway. "Yeah," she recovered, bending to pull the notebook from her bag and handing it over. "No problem."

Melissa clapped gleefully. "Thank you, thank you!"

"No problem," Bella repeated timidly, and then turned away.

She found a seat against a warm boulder, put in her earbuds, pulled out a peanut butter sandwich and an apple, and silently watched the rest of the student body enjoy each other's company.

#

Her loneliness grew in the forms of Saturday nights alone with a book and a bubble bath, of witty one-liners that no one else understood or laughed at, of friends who she talked to in school but who she had never seen outside of class.

#

She didn't remember always feeling this small.

#

Nearing May, Bella drove herself and Renee to yet another pottery class, just another step in her mother's quest to find a lasting hobby. This time, however, Bella took to the clay with a newfound determination, and everyone noticed the way her shoulders slumped when the shapely vase collapsed into an unintelligible heap.

"You'll find it," Renee encouraged, an arm around Bella's shoulder as they left the building. "You have a talent in there somewhere."

#

Renee and Phil were married a month after her sixteenth birthday, in the crisp, bright colors of October in Arizona. Standing behind her mother, carrying two bundles of yellow daisies, Bella could only see the bliss that shone on Phil's face as he looked at his bride. They deserved each other, Bella decided. Two of the happiest, most beautiful, most carefree people she had ever met, and they were going to be perfect together.

The familiar fear crept up in the back of her throat, but she swallowed it down and passed the tears off as happy ones.

#

Suddenly, she was the odd one out at home as well.

#

No one was surprised when Bella announced that she was leaving. Phil smiled sadly and spent all of ten minutes trying to talk her out of it – getting a distinct feeling that part of it was his fault – but that night when they thought she had gone to sleep, his voice permeated the drywall. "Maybe some time with Charlie will be good for her. You did always say that she took after him…"

#

The idea of a clean slate was intriguing for Bella; the chance to be someone else, someone who fit in. Still, she had no idea how to do it. Even in Forks, she seemed to be on the outside of the glass.

Everywhere she went, there were curious eyes.

#

And then, there was him. She couldn't describe the relief that swelled when she saw that he shared her same outsider status, although his was clearly by choice. Finally, someone who could relate. Maybe they would be friends.

#

Those dreams of friendship were dashed almost instantly, but Bella could tell something was different. His distaste wasn't like all the rest of them – his was stronger, like she had gotten under his skin. Hate was passionate and required energy.

She would take Edward's hatred over disinterest any day of the week.

#

He continually insisted that he was dangerous, but each warning only served to pique her interest. There was a connection, a devious current of electricity, a spark that was strung between them and it pulled them together. It was a new occurrence for Bella, and she wondered if this was what a friendship felt like, or if it was something more.

The idea of more made her stomach clench in a tantalizing way.

#

One shining afternoon among the flowers, he identified the feeling for her.

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…

It was love that she felt for him, and the knowledge was bittersweet. The challenges that lay before them were daunting, threatening, but they were intertwined with an unimaginable peace that came with knowing that she had found somebody, and she wasn't alone anymore.

She imagined that he felt the same.

#

They didn't have much time when it was just them and no complications. It seemed like someone, or something, was always hell bent on pulling them apart. If it wasn't murderous vampires, then they were doing it to themselves.

Still, those few months between the destruction of James and the cold night in the woods were the best of Bella's life. They were full of silvery-gray days spent in Edward's room, of glittering afternoons in the meadow, of traditional dinner and a movie dates, of endless amounts of love. They were wonderfully simple days, young love personified.

Of course, everything ends.

#

It was an oddly familiar feeling that swept over Bella as Edward said goodbye, one she had hoped she was rid of.

I would rather die than stay away from you.

It had never been death that she feared.

Loneliness, on the other hand…

#

She found Jacob Black to be a welcome companion, always warm smiles and too much easy laughter. Their smoldering connection was different – he managed to glue her pieces back together, but there were still cracks everywhere.

Of course, he wasn't human either.

#
Jake begged her not to go to Italy, but there had never been a choice. She would always choose to rescue Edward, could not choose anything else.

He was everything – the way the curtains blew into the open window, the gaping hole in the dashboard of her car where the stereo had been, the last thing on her mind when she fell asleep. Without Edward, she would cease to exist.

#

In one second, as two bodies collided under the shadow of the clock tower, life changed.

Bella's entire body seized, healing the cracks, inhaling his unforgettable scent, pushing him toward safety.

And then his arms enclosed around her, and she was whole again.

#

The things that Edward had never understood about her were her inadequacies.

All this time, and she still couldn't fit in with her fellow humans, she still wasn't really good at anything. It wasn't supposed to be this way and the more she dwelled on it, the more sure she was. It wasn't supposed to be this way because she wasn't supposed to be human.

It sounded crazy, but it felt right. She would campaign until she got her way.

An eternity together and neither one would ever feel lonely again.

#

There was an inexplicably large gap that wormed its way between Bella and Edward as she watched him battle with Victoria on the side of the mountain.

She was back to feeling insignificant, and was determined never to let it happen like that again. They would be equal from then on, partners instead of a hero and his damsel.

I'm not going to be sitting on the sidelines next time.

#

She had thought that she would make sacrifices for marrying Edward; that nothing this wonderful was without its faults.

She was wrong.

A lovely wedding and a deliciously passionate honeymoon culminated in yet another blessing, and even if no one else understood, this little baby – her nudger – was the best thing that could have happened to the blossoming family.

#

Renesmee entered the world in a torrent of blood, a rush of pain, a cacophony of screaming voices and a near-death experience. She was beautiful, miraculous, glorious, and Bella's gleaming last memory of humanity.

And then, through it all, there was Edward. He saved Bella, killed her, and held her to him when she woke – a little awkwardly, because now she was stronger than him.

Renesmee changed something else as well. Jacob, who had for so long been a wedge between the happy couple, was now drawn to the delightful child, and not to her mother. The sizzling heat that once connected human and werewolf had turned into the glowing warmth of a guardianship, and Bella smiled.

#

Bella took to her new skin like a fish to water; the world tilted, righted itself, and everything was made clear again.

This was how it was supposed to be. Some kind of twisted and lovely fate had brought them together.

They celebrated on the floor by the bed, all playful growls and worshipful love.

#

They got their happy ending.

In Edward, Bella found someone to connect with, someone who got her like no one else ever had, and someone to end the loneliness that had plagued her for so long.

In Bella, Edward found someone to care for, someone to dote upon, and someone to love with all the reaches of his heart.

They breathed deeply, held hands, and kissed their way into forever.

#

It is more natural to me, lying down.

Then the sky and I are in open conversation,

And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:

Then the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.

#

Thanks to everyone for donating to Haitian relief efforts, to author Nancy Werlin and her book Impossible as well as Sylvia Plath and her poem I Am Vertical, both of which inspired me to write this piece when I was searching frantically for ideas, to my mother for being my last-minute beta, and to Ms. Kathy # her fellow organizers for making this possible.

Some (most) of the lines in italics are quotes from the Twilight Saga, the opening and closing quotes are from Sylvia Plath.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I just dabble in unhealthy obsessions.