I have read this piece in the past, but I was laughing too hard to respond. Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how hard it is for an English teacher to witness our blatant imperfections and not be able to correct them! I have enjoyed your work, and your recommendations; thank you!

ah you have the same complaints I have with too much of the fiction on this site. Great way to point out the errors. Came across your name as a beta for VirginiaMay, so on to read your other stories.

That was absolutely hilarious... now i have to go through my story with a fine tooth comb to make sure I don't have any of those stupid mistakes. When I finish it at least.

Thanks for the laugh

Oh that was fantastic! I had to stop drinking my Pepsi in order to finish. Bravo!

This is basically all that I hate about reading bad fanfic. I love how you managed to do all that. I think I lost a good number from my IQ reading that...

A great story. Very well written.

Hilarious! I think I laughed the hardest at "Edward's voice was soft and sticky like honey covered velvet."

Oh, good heavens! This is so funny that I choked on my lunch! Like you, I cringe at many of the errors in poorly written fanfic stories. You, however, found a marvelous, hilarious way to deal with this issue, and I applaud you! I particularly loved this line:

If he couldn't bare it, then I'd bare it for him.

Wow, I've seen that mistake dozens of times, but I will never view it quite the same again! Thanks for bringing some delightful levity to my day!

Oh, oh, oh. The laughing...it hurts. I too, love the English language and mourn for its untimely demise. This story was both hilarious and disturbing. Hilarious as I read it, and disturbing as sometimes it took two reads to get the jokes. Apparently I have been reading too much mediocre fanfic and third grade essays. (I teach public school.) I'm so used to translating in my head...tragic. I look forward to perusing your favorites as a safe place for my brain to relax.

You are hilarious, woman! I needed a break and unfortunately had a glass of wine with dinner, so being that tipsy writing will only make more proofreading work for me later, I decided to come do some reading. This is hilarious... Do you actually use things like this with your students? So clever...

My favorite one:

"... I could feel the sensation as the iciness of his skin kept it's attention.

[Editor's note: Don't try to figure that out. Even reading it repeatedly won't help. Move along.]" LOL!

Too funny :-)! This should have been entered in the "craptastic" contest a few months ago, where they were writing a bunch of these on purpose!

My favorite part:

"I loved the way Edward's icy fingers felt along my hot skin, though parts of him were oddly reminiscent of popsicles. Unmelting popsicles. I wondered if it were winter, and we did this outside, and I used my mouth, would my tongue get stuck?

I shuttered."

I've never reviewed anything before, but I had to let you know that I loved this. Some of the writing on this site drives me crazy and this made me laughed really hard. I hope people pay attention and improve their writing skills.

If you do this again, can you include something about they're/there/their? That irritates me more than anything else!

Good work :)

This is wonderful! People are always using the wrong homophone and it get really annoying (although I am sure I do it too) Quick question...what are 'malapropisms'? I love idioms! Did you know that rigmaroles are very tasty? :-p

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I'm still shuttering with laughter and hopping for more of your wonderful righting. I've been pinning quite a wile for a fic as good as this.

I may ask permission to copy this for my classes! Brilliant and way too close to home.

Love ya!

OMG I love this, it is grate! Mind if I borrow it to cover a drain in the sidewalk outside my dorm? Ever since the last grate broke, we've been kneading a new one. But kneading metal is really hard work, and bad for your hands. Anyway, I also really like how you kept all the characters in cannon. I always thought it'd be hilarious to see Bella shot out of one, like they do at the circus.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. My sides hurt from laughing so much! I'm no English teacher, but it still hurts my heart to see how badly the language gets butchered in fanfic sometimes. Thanks for writing this. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. :-)