All the different lines Minerva McGonagall has made students write:

"If Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!"

"I will not tell everyone that I overheard my sister saying, 'So I was like, 'Avada Kadavra!' and he was like, 'Dead.' "

"I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling."

"I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret."

"Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar!"

"I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort."

"I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month."

"I will not say 'dude, get a life' to the Dark Lord."

"I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's cape."

"I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book."

"I will not spread rumors saying, 'When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley.' "

"I will not tell Penelope Clearwater that Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."

"I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office."

"I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight Horcruxes, take that Voldy!' "

"Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda."

"I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class"

"If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm."

"I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand."

"I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing."

"I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens."

"I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals."

"I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween"

"I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton."

"I will not tell Hermione to S.P.E.W again"

You will become one with mother Russia, da?

What makes life 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100 percent. How about achieving 103 percent? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then:

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96

but:

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100

and: B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you...

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118

Think about it... and have a nice day at work... :)