Well what do ya know, I've actually got something to post. It's only been, what, three years?

Yo. Hows it going.

Name: Polodo

Gender: Male

Age: Old enough to write competently yet young enough to have millions of ideas.

Grade: College

Current Residence: Somewhere in the Milky Way is Me

Reason for Pen-name: I was joining a site (a Harry Potter fanfiction one, too) and I couldn't get a good nickname, so I came up with this myself. Has no relation to anything. Except for maybe it was sub-consciously related to polos... nah!

Other: I am an addict to crossovers, HnG, TGWOK, and OAYCR (Other Acronyms You Won't Recognise).

Other Other: I made a DeviantART account a while ago to 'deepen the experience' (read: put random stuff up when I'm bored), and am now posting all of my covers and sketches related to my stories there. So if you can't tell what a cover is suppose to read, or if you want to see a alien with UFOs for feet and a laser firing chicken head, come check it out using these words as a link! If that doesn't work, just search for the name 'cjpolodo' (regular polodo wasn't available for some reason T-T).

Another Other for yo' Mother: I am the infamous (emphasis on 'in' as in not) Name Goes Here on St. Fang Of Boredom's Fansite.

Betas Read Below Please

I like to write. As such, when I feel that I have a really good idea, or that I have a story that needs improvement and I can't figure it out on my own, I want a beta to help. Granted, I will probably never put a story I've already posted on here, but if a Beta ever happens across my profile and is able to help, let me know!

Stories I Would Like Beta'd:

Hakuou High School Hostess Club
Fandom: Hayate the Combat Butler (Hayate no Gotoku)/Ouran High School Host Club Crossover
Genre: Humor/Drama
Main Characters: Miki and Renge
Length: 3 Chapters
Deadline: None Yet.
Here's a fun story that I definitely want a beta for. The title really gives away what is going to happen at some point. What the story is is that Renge and Miki are cousins, and Renge is trying to get Miki to transfer to Ouran, insisting that she has to check out the Host Club. But Miki doesn't want to move, so she comes up with a great idea: Make her own Host Club. When that fails because there's no remarkable boys, she decides that she'll have to do the next best thing and make a Hostess Club. Which leads to a lot of fun.
I don't have a lot of experience writing for Ouran (amount: 0), so I want to have someone to make sure that the Host Club is all in order and acting like they should. And I haven't read the manga for Ouran (well, past the first 5 chapters), so I don't want to contradict that really badly. And the usual grammar/spelling checks that I always ask for because I like well-written stories.

The Segawa's New Butler
Fandom: Hayate the Combat Butler (Hayate no Gotoku)
Genre: Humor/Adventure
Main Characters: Hayate and Izumi (non-romantically)
Length: Unknown (most likely 50 chapters)
Deadline: None yet.
This one is very simple. It's just making a small change in the beginning of the series where, instead of Nagi taking him in, he is instead taken in by the Segawas. Now it seems that everyone switches roles, with the idiot trio taking charge of the story, Kotetsu becoming a larger annoyance, and Nagi is the genius that never comes.
I just want a beta for this. It's a huge project and as such I don't want it to be, well, crap. I will produce this in arcs in advance, so that each arc is done before you see chapter one of it. At the moment I'm on chapter 2 in arc 1. Please don't expect me to search for a beta soon on this one.

Days (Prospect Found)
Fandom: Angel Beats!
Genre: Drama/Friendship
Main Character: Iganashi
Length: 7-10 Chapters
Deadline: None yet.
This is the story of the train wreck through the eyes of Otonashi's right-hand man of the incident, Iganashi. I want a beta for this story because I feel it's just the kind of story that needs one.
I want to make sure that my grammar is good, my characters are all In-Character, and that it is actually appealing to read.
Possibly have a beta for this! Yay! :D
I lost all my work on this and have no inspiration... well, I have some inspiration, as I really want to do it, but no clue how.

Current Stories:

Teleport Trouble: My first crossover story, going between Zelda (Ocarina of Time/Majora's Mask) and Maximum Ride (The First Book; The Angel Experiment). What if the whitecoats created a trans-dimensional device into Hyrule? Well, they did, and now it's up to Link to stop him. But after Link follows the device back into Earth, he has to save that one first... I think, still working on that. Over 1,000 hits makes me so happy, so good job reading! :D
(Progress: I wrote a bit for the next chapter, but I found that I had to clear up some continuity with the books. And then I lost my notebook. Just like old times.)

Everyday Life In The Sanzenin Apartments: Another story that will never have an official ending. This one is a collection of one-shots about life, well, in the Sanzenin Apartments. Really, I just wanted to expand on the relationships between all of the tenants beyond just "rivals in love". So no romance stories in here, but tons of friendships and bad humor to take the place of that romance. Eh, Hayate has too many romance stories anyway (not that I'm helping since my other 4 stories are romantically based, you hypocrite you), so here's a nice change of pace instead. In plus, it's fun to write, so bonus! Wow, people really seem to like Chiharu, as my second chapter of the story got 80 more views than the first story. But, hey! Glad you all like it, and there'll be more to come. :D

(Progress: I'm rereading the entirety of Hayate for this fic.)

Complete Stories (More than one multi-chap; yay!):

Welcome To NYC Fang - Despite forewarnings, I couldn't give it a bad ending; not good at them. Oh well. For those who DON'T know what it's about: What if Fang left the Flock in NYC? Serious, has a message, and Miggy joked at. Hope you enjoy!

Maximum Ride: The World Just Doesn't Stay Saved - Yup, my first story and my "epic" JP-like story. I decided that it has already gone through it's cycle. Also: NO SEQUEL. Even if nobody cares about anyways, I'm not writing about who wins or who loses, got it punk? Finally got dethroned by Pairings as the most popular story hits-wise. Thank God, as I hate this story in retrospect. I'm never going to delete it, though, as it served a purpose and shows how much my writing has progressed throughout my time on FanFiction dot Net.

Acronyms Are A Funny Thing... - MY second oneshot about the School and Acronyms... Decently done, and a suggestive side story... Check It Out! For some reason, this story consistently brings in hits far better than any of my other one-shots as it brings in at least 7 people every month to read it despite being 2 years old and never actually being that popular in the first place. Weird...

Daybreak Is A Good Time For Descisions - A drabble that marked my first (and only, so far) venture in Percy Jackson fanfiction. Basically, what if Percy stayed with Callypso? Now 99 words thanks to FanFiction dot Net's word checker change...

Just Sat - Iggy and Fang are cage mates when they're pulled in the middle of the night to a surgery room. Yet another one-shot by me, though this one is more serious. This has ended up being my most popular one-shot by far, which surprises me greatly, but whatever. In fact, it's my most overall favorited story so huzzah to a job well done, in 95 minutes no less.

Plothole - A one-shot about where the plothole leads people. A straight-up humor fic with some Jeb/Bortch slash in it. Saint even reviewed to so I'mma say this was successful.

Power - A one-shot that takes the form that Just Sat, but shows Angel's quest for Power throughout the sixth book of Maximum Ride (FANG). I like it, but I should, I wrote it. Nobody ever read it, which makes me sadface, since I felt like I did a good job on it. T-T I'm going to put this down as my most underrated story and move on.

Whose Ride Is It Now? - One-shot, yet again. Pretty much the only thing I finish :P. But that's besides the point. This is a crack story about what would happen if Max died. Who would replace her as the main character? Iggy, Angel, Dylan, Fang, the possibilities are great. But who wins? Find out. This is my most reviewed one-shot, so I am very happy with it.

Perks - A one-shot, but this one a fluff-filled Hayate the Combat Butler Ruka(or is it Luca)xHayate one-shot. Let me just say, reading it was one of the most sickening things I've done in a while, but I don't really like romance fics, so it might be your thing. Now that I'm more into romance stories, I like this story a lot more.

Sleep - A one-shot, go figure. This one's special trait is that it's in the Airman section. Actually it's probably my most normal one-shot yet, sans maybe Just Sat. After the events of the story, all Conor wants to do is sleep. But with relatives and Isabella wanting to catch up for two years of lost time, it's harder than it sounds. Not my best work in the slightest, but I wouldn't call it bad... Check it out if you like the book I guess!

Strings - Wow, a one-shot outside of the Maximum Ride fandom, third time in a row. This time it's Angel Beats!, awesomesauce anime, yaddi yaddi yadda. Anyways, this takes place after the events of the whole show, where Otonashi is all by himself, being angsty. He then "dreams" of a place where he can see his friends in the real world, but when he gets there, he finds he can do a lot more. Surprisingly better than I thought it'd be. Also, it was the 300th story posted in the fandom. Booyah suckahs! Also, this is my second most favorited one-shot, which I think it fully deserves to be.

I Fail At Flock Hunting - A fic that spanned 2 and 3 quarter years of procrastination, this is by far my favorite multi-chapter fic by me, and probably my favorite fic by me period. When I first started it, there was masses of 'capture' fics, where the author would take one of the Flockies hostage and talk to them for laughs, often in script format (Large examples of these are Iggy's Ramblings by Aleria14, Me, Max & A Dog Kennel by tgypwya, and any story by Saint Fang of Boredom). I don't see them as often now, considering all I see are FAX fics *shiver, but they were actually pretty good. But, since they were everywhere, I wanted to parody it. So started this, a story about a manic fan of the Flock trying to keep a Flockie. This was so much fun to write, and its earned about 1,000 hits, so yay! :D

Mourning Over A Love That Never Was - Another Hayate The Combat Butler one-shot, this one a lot more depressing. I guess it was pretty good, but I wouldn't suggest it for those Nagi/Hayate fans, unless you want to read an angsty one-shot about how Nagi reacts to Hayate rejecting her completely. ...Well maybe not that bad, but it's definitely not pro-Nagi/Hayate. This is my only one-shot to get 100 hits in one month! Thanks everyone!

Izumi's Morning - Since it had been forever since I actually posted a one-shot, I decided to do one about Izumi's morning, and how perverted she really is. Or isn't, since it's not even told by her. Just a fun little piece I did to do. I have no idea how well it's done (since I'm posting this right after I posted the actual story), but I can tell you one thing: It's the most perverted story I have done ever. Though I can assure there's much much much much much worse on this site, even discluding rated 'M' stories.

Some Pairings Are Only Worth A Drabble: I'm giving this one an unofficial ending, because I'm out of ideas for it and it's been over a month and a half since the last update. I might do a closing drabble, but I probably won't. But, hey, it's by far my most popular story, taking up about a third of all the hits on my stories. And if you're looking for the best ones through it, I'll give you my top ten:
10. Chapter 3: Shiori and Mecha Butler 13 in For Science (I'm biased towards Shiori, but this I consider a funny look into how I think Shiori's mind works. And it's one of the original three I wrote.)
9. Chapter 41: Yukiji and Gilbert in The Spirits Of Christmas (Feels very true to character for Yukiji and (to me at least) superior to their normal one-shot. In plus, I need at least one Christmas special up here.)
8. Chapter 12: Miki and Hinagiku in Consolation (I just reaally liked how I used Miki here, based off of the hinted small crush Hata gives us. Feels very true to character (again).)
7. Chapter 8: Hayate and Chiharu in Massage's Messages (This one is what I consider to be one of the two fan favorites, and, while I'm not all that crazy about it, I'm still obliged to show you guys it.)
6. Chapter 4: Hinagiku and Hayate in The Side She Fell For (This... was funny to write. I burst out laughing when I first came up with it. Maybe I'm biased towards my earlier work, or maybe it was just better.)
5. Chapter 10: Hayate and Britney in Manga Break (If you hadn't noticed, every 10 chapters I wrote a Britney drabble. Why? Because I loved this one so much. It was fun to take a break from reality and go to crappy manga form.)
4. Chapter 26: Hayate and Aika in Precautions (This one came on a whim, but I liked it a lot. Because, come on, this would be pretty funny if it was canon (and also heart wrenching, making millions of fanboys and fangirls hunt down poor Hata.).)
3. Chapter 24: Shiori and Maria in Little President (Yes, I am very biased towards Shiori, how'd you guess? She was a fun character to play with, but there were a couple of hints in canon that showed Shiori liked playing with Maria, possibly in this way. And also, it's just funny.)
2. Chapter 18: Ruka and Ayumu in Practice (Because it is just too damn cute. This one's a little more friendshippy, but it's still one of my favorites by far.)
1. Chapter 36: Chiharu and Sakuya in Job, Duty, Desire (I remember this week clearly: I was not coming up with any good crack pairings when I just decided 'Screw it, I'll go with one of my favorite pairings!'. I'm glad I did. This one takes on a more serious tone, but I love it. This is the other considered fan favorite, because FanFiction is in love with Chiharu. I'll forgive for this one.)

Dead Stories: If you really want to see them (you don't, though; they're like the Star Wars Christmas Special...) you can PM me. I have them saved on my computer for nostalgia reasons.

Total Drama Redo - My first story on the site, and the only one outside of the MR fandom (for a while, that is). I saw a lot of remakes using other peoples characters and tried it out for myself. It did minorly well, but I just didn't have enough consistent effort to keep it alive. Oh well. It will be deleted from the site, but I'm keeping this blurb here forever.

Gazzy's Story - Okay, I'll admit it. I made it pretty much for the sake of Project PULL. I didn't have enough time to cultivate the idea and it turned into a cool story (bro...) but too many problems to continue. I might become a necromancer for this one, if I ever get around to it. It will be deleted from the site, but I'm keeping this blurb here forever. (Yay copy and paste)

Stories To Come

I've lost nearly all my work, and what I have stored isn't really enough to spark me yet. But here's what's on the table. Just know that a lot of these won't come for a while because 1) I have a lot of college work that takes up about ~80 hours a week, and 2) I'm no longer up to date on Hayate. I'm trying to remedy this, though.

Hayate The Combat Butler

Nishisawa's Favor (Romance/Humor) One-shot
It's a calm night at the apartment, and Nishisawa Ayumu is determined to take advantage of it by going on a date with Hayate. That's pretty much all the plot to it. Just a fun little fic to do while working on Drabbles, since this is unrestricted.
(Progress: I have the preview on DeviantArt in my journals, so I'm likely to come back to this one.)

Is This Remorse? (Family/Hurt/Comfort) One-shot
When you think of the parents Ayasaki, you don't think very kind thoughts. But what if I told you about the night they gave their son away. At first, sure they were the same parents, but what happened when the truth finally seeps in, that they had sold their son to pay off their debts. This is that.
(Progress: I still really want to do it, but I lost the grasp on the characters that I once .)

The Segawa's Butler (Humor/Drama) Chapter Fic
A simple change I make to the Hayate series. Nagi sees right through Hayate's attempt to kidnap her, leaving him to freeze in the park. But when two strangers find the poor boy seemingly dead and take him in, Hayate finds himself in the mansion of the Segawas, taking Kotetsu's role as the butler of the house. Now old background characters take the main stage, and new relations form between old characters. Who knew that one simple change could affect the world so much! I plan to update this story in arcs, so that when I finish one arc, I submit it to a beta and, after going over it with them, release chapters weekly or bi-weekly, depending on how long it takes to produce the arcs.
(Progress: Again, I have the preview on DeviantArt. This isn't coming for a long while.)

The World God Only Knows

Sora's Mind (Drama/Humor) One-shot
In honor of me finally starting the anime despite reading the manga religiously for quite a while (better than I expected, though the voices don't match up in my head), I decided to write a non-romantic one-shot in the fandom (although it is romantic-ish). Basically, since Keima went on a huge rant about how the heroine is never bad, it's always the game, I want to show how Sora might feel about her encounters in the crappiest video ever.
(Progress: Unlikely. But I have it saved on Google Docs if I ever want to come back. And luckily, there's nothing for me to catch up on. )

Crossovers

Hakuou High School Hostess Club (Hayate The Combat Butler/Ouran High School Host Club)(Humor/Drama) Three-shot
Miki is sick of hearing her cousin Renge boasting about her high school's marvelous host club. So what does she decide to do? Make her own! Except, Hakuou doesn't have many remarkable guys, so she's forced to do the next best thing: make a hostess club. Now when Renge decides to bring her club with her to Hakuou for a visit, it's time to see who's the handsomest, who's the boldest, who's the cutest, and who's just plain weird.
(Progress: Again, I have the )

Update Schedule

There is no schedule. I have no time for a schedule. If I ever am able to start posting more regularly again, I'll try to fill this in. But until then, no dice.

Order to Come

I'm rereading all of Hayate. Right now I'm beginning my favorite arc (The End of the World). However, that means I still have 300 chapters to go through. With all this time commitment, Hayate stories will come first.

RANDOM FACT OF THE WEEK:

Thinking is bad for you. Rumination, man.

Self-update (for those stalkers out there):

9/28/12

I have a bad habit. For the past two years I have attempted NaNoWriMo. In the past two years, my total words from those 2 stories are probably around 3 or 4 thousand, instead of the 100 thousand I would have if I beat it both times. Heck, it's still incomparable to the 50k I would have from beating it 1 time. And don't get me started on Camp NaNoWriMo, where I think I had 50 words?

No, this is bad.

So how will I solve it?

In National Novel Writing Month, the objective is to write a 50,000 words original story in 30 days (also known as November). Many a person has pointed out that this is equal to 1666 words (and two-thirds, if you're picky) a day for the entire month. Honestly, not too too bad, considering the outcome. As such, I made a plan for October. A horrendous plan that will probably fail, but a plan I will follow through with anyways.

This plan? Write 31 short stories in October. One everyday. Each at least 1666 words long. And I'm going to post everyone to DeviantArt.

Like NaNoWriMo, there won't be any major editing, so a major warning for those reading. Also, I have no idea what the topics will be. I might do something like give myself one-word prompts or set up a scenario, but I'm not sure yet. My biggest goal (besides actually doing it) is for them not to be FanFiction, as I need to come up with my own characters/settings/interactions.

If I do this, all of the NaNoWriMo Practice prompts will be titled as: NNWM P1 Title.

Now that all that's out of the way, what does this mean for my FanFiction? Really, nothing. I've been crap uploading without doing this and I have two chapter/stories almost done for the Hayate fandom, so I'll put those out soon. And Some Pairings Aren't Even Worth A Drabblewill never be affected by this. My commitment to that was made first, and it only takes 15 minutes to do a pairing drabble for that, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

With all that out of the way, horray! I've got this all set! Now all I need to do is balance this with my school and play schedule, as well as fit in some time for homework. Nothing too bad. :D

I'm working hard for you stalkers,
Polodo

P.S. For all of the other updates (if you actually care that much, you giant stalker, you), go to my deviantart account cjpolodo. Shamelessly plugging that thing because I can.

Favorite Things

Top 3 Favorite Book Series: 1. Maximum Ride (Especially the 1st 3, but Angel wasn't bad), 2. Artemis Fowl (even the latest ones, although different, are great), 3. Percy and the Olympians (Good Series) (Discluding the new spin-off, "Heroes of Olympus", mainly because I haven't read them yet. I might not ever.)

Top 3 Favorite Books: 1. Airman (best non-series book I've read) 2. Artemis Fowl (As in the first book) 3. Witchlanders

Top 3 Favorite Games: 1. Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, 2. Super Smash Bros. Full Series, 3. Advance Wars Days of Ruins (It's the one I own :P)

Top 3 Favorite Shows/Cartoons: 1. TDI, 2. Phineas & Ferb, 3. iCarly

Top 3 Bands: I have many admired bands, but if I must choose, it would be: 1. Blue October 2. Fun. 3. Five For Fighting

Top 5 Animes: 1. Angel Beats! 2. The Pet Girl of Sakurasou 3. Kore wa Zombie Desu Ka? 4. Denpa Kyoushi 5. Himouto! Umaru-chan

Top 5 Mangas: 1. Hayate the Combat Butler 2. The World God Only Knows 3. Tonari no Kashiwagi-san 4. Silver Spoon 5. Yotsubato!

...And probably should do this as well:

Favorite Hayate The Combat Butler Pairings: HayatexIzumi - This and the following are what people would call my OTP. I just want them to happen so badly. I really have no reasons for why I like them so much; I just do.

HayatexRuka - Tied with the first for my OTP. Again, no real reason for why I like it so much; maybe it has a special spot because it was what my first foray into HnG was about, but I still liked them together before that... Also, yay, they kissed!

SharnaxFumi - Because duh. In plus, the last Fumi chapter to me hinted at Sharna being a lesbian. This needs to be canon, now.

ChiharuxSakuya - It cracked me up when Chiharu thought of Sakuya in her bucket list, but I still like the idea of them getting together. I would say because I like the ButlerxMaster pairing but...

Least Favorite Hayate The Combat Butler Pairings: HayatexNagi - ...but this one I just can't seem to like. It just doesn't seem... right I guess. I might be the only one who thinks this way (though I doubt it), but I'm quite firm in this.

Favorite Hayate The Combat Butler Friendships: Nagi and Ruka - These two bounce off each other so well, I can't help but love it.

Favorite Other Series Pairings (Fanon Only): SousukexKyoko in Full Metal Panic! - Honestly, I don't know why. I just think it's a pretty awesome pairing. But since I'm pretty lax on that fandom, not really that knowledgeable about a lot of things.

Favorite Quotes

-Real Life-

"Fuck!... No, wait, shit!" Garrett, our musical's pianist. (On this: "Taking baby steps back.")

"Playing it safe is the most popular way to fail." Elliot Smith

-TV Quotes-

"Woah. Is it me, or does the sky look dark and ominous as if it will foreshadow events that will have a negative impact on our lives?" - Phineas in Phineas & Ferb

"Bit of advice: find shorter magic words." - Dr. Light in Teen Titans

"Hey, Toph! Be careful!"
"I am not Toph! I AM MELON LORD! MWAHAHAHAHA!" - Sokka and Toph in Avatar: The Last Airbender

-Movie Quotes-

"STUPID! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Karate Intructor - UHF

"Sometimes, Goliath kicks the crap out of David; thing is, nobody bothers to tell that story." Rosalie's Dad in I Won A Date With Tad Hamilton

"Try Sac Headquarters on the HF."
"That's not the correct procedure."
"Screw the goddamn procedure; I want someone on the phone before I kill 20 million people." Someone and Someone Else in WarGames

-Real Book Quotes-

"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy
Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment

"I vill now vestroy, de Snichar Bahrs!" -Gazzy
Maximum Ride: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know." Foaly
Artemis Fowl

"Smite it with what? Your secret birthmark?"
"Do not mock my birthmark, which I may or may not have!" -Foaly and Orion (Artemis's other personality)
Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex

"Can you do that without them noticing?"
"The kid can fart rainbows." -Jaggard and Dodge
Brain Jack

"An assassin's first murder is himself. He kills the man he was." -Lilla Red Bird/Lilla the Blood-Smeared
Witchlanders

"I try to think of what I can say to comfort him. I don't even know if he wants it. I don't know if I'd want to be comforted, if I'm being honest. If I'm being forced to eat soot, I want to know that somewhere else in the world, someone else has to eat soot as well. I want to know that soot tastes terrible. I don't want to be told that soot's good for my digestion." -Puck
The Scorpio Races

"iBoy... I mean, that's actually pretty good, isn't it?"
"It's better than fuckhead." - Tom and Gram
iBoy

"In this cave you will not age a moment."
"I deserve no such gift."
"It is not a gift." -God's Servant and Dor
The Time Keeper

-Manga Quotes-

"Are you enjoying your game, Katsuragi-kun? What could be more fun than your homeroom teacher's lesson, hmm?"
[beat]
"I have just compared your lesson with all the games that I know. There are 5012 titles that are more entertaining than your lesson. There are 15 titles that are about the same. And there is 1 title that is more boring than the lesson."
"Hmm? And the title of that one is?"
"Could you wait until I reach the save point?" -Yuri Nikaido and Keima. The World God Only Knows

"Reality is a shitty game." Keima. The World God Only Knows

Still, to threaten a demon... what a human..."
"To be threatened by a human... what a demon."
"Shut up!" - Hakua and Keima. The World God Only Knows

"Vintage, which was planning to resurrect Old Hell, was crushed. The chief of the Runaway Spirit Squad was erased. The cast of this little theater has been replaced." Nora. The World God Only Knows (Nora gets some pretty BA lines. I still don't like her, but I won't deny this fact.)

Once upon a time Santa said to me in a dream...
"Hey Santa-san, why didn't you bring a present for me?"
"Well that's because your family is poor."
Unlike the rumors, Santa is quite frank. - Hayate & Santa. Hayate The Combat Butler

"What should I do?! Against such an unexpectedly strong enemy... And this lava, if I fall into that, then... This is bad. If I don't manage to win this, I'll die!
Er... huh? All I came here for was to return a cellphone. So why am I here fighting with my life on the line..."
At least he realizes what's wrong here. - Hayate and Narrator. Hayate The Combat Butler

"Why is this bunny suit being torn out?!"
"Holy crap!! We forgot to mention, but that outfit isn't merely a bunny suit. That bunny suit is made using NASA's new technology in which parts of the outfit will be automatically torn out when somebody loses the match!!"
"I don't care!! Why the heck are those stupid NASA bastards developing such futile high-tech material?!" - Sakuya & Ichijou. Hayate The Combat Butler

"The blue sky and a beautiful murmuring stream. The refreshing wind blowing through the forest...
Hoo.
God I'm bored." Ruka. Hayate The Combat Butler

"I had always approached her in work mode before, so I never really thought about it. But... Ruka-san is a girl, isn't she?"
What did you think she was until now? - Hayate and Narrator. Hayate The Combat Butler

"While he might look like a rebel, he's actually just an idiot that will go straight forward on anything he's made up his mind about." Alise. Magico

"Coffee is made from black cows."
"Ooh. And regular milk with white cows? Then what about strawberry milk? There are no red cows."
"It's blood! Cow blood." - Yotsuba and Daddy. Yotsuba&!

"Wha... what is that!? Is that supposed to be a confession... or a declaration of war?" Kirishima. Kimi no Iru Machi

"School Precepts
Diligence
Cooperation
Irrationality" - Principals office. Silver Spoon

"Chihiro, want to be my fiance?"
"What's that?"
"Not important; just say yes." Wanko and Chihiro. Sankarea

-Anime Quotes-

"I said take it back! Acknowledge my hotness!" - Minami. Baka and Test: Summon the Beasts!

"Personification allows you to turn everything under the sun into a moe character. Take the earth, for example! If you listen closely enough, you can hear, 'I-it's not like I'm rotating for you!' And in a tsundere voice." Keima. The World God Only Knows

"Miyuki-san, do you have any faults at all?"
"I am embarrassed to say, but sometimes, I tend to think things out too much, or just plain space out. Sometimes I slice my finger using a vegetable slicer, or trip over my own feet and fall down, or get one end of my tote bag caught in the train door-"
"Miyuki-san, you don't call those faults. You call them "moe points"." Izumi and Miyuki. Lucky Star

"You. Kicked. A. Demon?! Okay, I kinda respect that about you." Furuichi. Beelzebub

"Did we smash into someone?"
"No, straight through 'em!" -C-ko and A-ko. Project A-ko

"I'm asking how Sugisaki is going! What's he like when he's working for the student council?"
"What he's like... I guess he just sexually harasses us all day."
"That sounds nice..." -Meguru and Mitsune. Seitokai no Ichizon

-Video Game Quotes-

"Boy meets girl. Boy gives girl flower. Boy names girl. ...What's wrong with this world?" Lin. Advance Wars: Days of Ruin

"Do you know what it's like to watch yourself die? ...It is FASCINATING!" Caulder. Advance Wars: Days of Ruin

EXAMINE BLOODY DAGGER
"It's a dagger, with blood on it." Judith

"On your travels, always keep an eye out for treasure chests in unexpected places. Who left them there? Who cares! It's finders keepers in the wild world of adventuring. Think of them as diving gifts from the great Goddess, placed there just for you." 'King of Adventure' Quarterly. Dragon's Quest 8: Path of the Cursed King

-Play Quotes-

"You know, lately I've been thinking-"
"A dangerous habit."
"I know." Gaston and LeFou - Beauty & The Beast

"What's that smell?"
"Subtext, by Calvin Klein." Emmett & Elle - Legally Blonde

"Why are you all so happy?"
"Because our lives suck!" Christmas Eve & Micky - Avenue Q

"Heavenly Father, why do you let bad things happen?
More to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me?" Elder Price - The Book Of Mormon

-Fanfic Quotes-

"The MAX unit considers good clothes anything not blood stained. Please get her out of the habit." - MAX: Owner's Guide and Matinence by Lita Taka. (Maximum Ride)

"When the next postal worker visited later he would be taken aback by a snow sculpture of the unstable girl riding a shark. To have the unstable girl suddenly burst out from the statue yelling out “Izzy shark” would continue to give him nightmares…..3 years later." - 23 Presents by Imagi (TDI)

“A little pain never did anyone harm.” - Izzy in Total Drama Comeback by The Kobold Necromancer (TDI)

“Okay, okay, Perry the Platypus—jeez, you’re so annoying, just shut up already! When I take over the Tri-State Area, I’ll make you...um...almighty overlord of the corner of Third Street and Main. Happy?” - Dr. Doofenshmirtz in Show Me Fifty Times and I'll Believe You by The Illustrious Crackpot (Phineas & Ferb)

"Well, do you want needles in you?
"If they don't have anywhere else to live! Can you imagine being a homeless needle?" - Fang and Iggy in Facts of Life by St. Fang of Boredom (Maximum Ride)

"Without either courage and determination, or a complete disregard for common sense, you cannot hope to change the fate of this mountain. Thankfully, you have plenty of the latter." - Noctowl in The Legend of Eevee: Majerkass's Mask by that one little guy (Legend of Zelda/Pokemon)

"Thank you for restoring me to normal. I am the Great Fairy of Wisdom!"
"Really? Huh. Well if you're so wise can you explain to me why all you Great Fairies look like something out of Termina's red light district?" - Great Fairy and Pichu in The Legend of Eevee: Majerkass's Mask by that one little guy (Legend of Zelda/Pokemon)

"Tell me, did you ever get the feeling that you don't really fit in? That you don't belong with these people?"
"I'm a teenager- what do you think?" - Hooded Man and Tsukune in Mostly Harmless by Jestes (Rosario plus Vampire)

""Oh, no, I couldn't possibly take your money," said the perpetually impoverished manservant, as always acting too damn noble for his own good." - Hayate in HnG Ecchi Garden by EvilFuzzy9 (Hayate The Combat Butler/Hayate no Gotoku) (I really don't like ecchi or hentai or smutty writing, but when it's not focused on that, this story is HILARIOUS!)

"Mister, Pokemon battles aren't to the death. Listen, I've seen things you wouldn't believe. From people who took weeks to beat Brock with just a Rattata to a guy who tortured his charmander until it had enough levels to burn Brock's Onix alive. I've seen the deadened look of those Pokemon. I've seen it all, I've seen far too much. So if I want to talk about my mother fucking shorts, and how much I like them, because they are mother fucking comfy, and easy to wear, you are going to shut the fuck up and listen, do you fucking understand?" - Youngster in Doom by Sir Chris (Pokemon)

"I asked him what he was doing, and he said "why taking a hike of course my good man, would you like to join me? Perhaps we could inspect together, as inspecting friends." YOU SEE? HE KNOWS! HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!" - The Dark Lord's Favorite in Harry Potter and the School Inspection by themask77 (Harry Potter)

- FanFiction Reviews-

P.S. By the way, this review is proof that you have no life. - St. Fang of Boredom flames her own story Africa Goes Awry (Ya, cuz I just randomly read random reviews... That is proof that I have no life.)

Toe-Munchkins?
Uh weird not koole!
I've seen bette stories! - A Flamer of Phobia (no longer existing D:) by Gazillion Pyro Rock (Best Flame Ever! I mean, I want people like them to flame my story!)

I have to admit, I laughed.
I am such a bad person. - 2502701 saying what a lot of people often feel in my story Izumi's Morning

-YouTube-

"It's true what they say... fangirls ruin everything." Tea, Yugioh The Abridged Series

"I guess I gotta applaud Metal for his parenting methods. Guys will stay away from her in fear of having Metal kissing them." - Intern 2, MyMusic (That... was a hilarious episode...)

"The following comments all come from the internet. I'm so sorry." - Your Grammar Sucks #25: The Rap

"Here comes Pufferfish. He has a plan, but it doesn't involve most of his brain." - Day[9] , Day[9] Daily #368 (He has a ton of gems. Most wouldn't fit here, though.)

"You know what this place needs? Big ass nuclear power plant. That way I can have a steady stream of evil villains. It makes sense to me anyway." Kevin (as played by LittleKurbioh), Let's Play REDHAWK

-Other Sources-

"I swear, if they made my life into a movie, no one would believe it."
"Yeah, though mostly because of the poorly-written dialogue and unlikeable main character" -Douche and Average Character, XKCD

"Come now, do you really expect me to do coordinate substitution in my head while strapped to a centrifuge?"
"No, Mister Bond. I expect you to die." -"Bond" & Black Hat, XKCD

"We live in a world where there are actual of robot assassins patrolling the skies. At some point there, we left the present and entered the future." Alt-Text, XKCD

"Man, this emo shit was supposed to be for people who didn't have hats." Black Hat Alt-Text, XKCD

"Maleficent wanted revenge because she didn't get a birthday invitation (That's got to be my favorite. What, you didn't try to kill the daughter of a king when he snubbed you? Clearly you aren't having a sensible reaction)." - Authoress Anonymous in her post "Villainesses (And What Makes Them Fall Short)"

"The chances of it being it one piece were slim to none. The chances of me finding it were slim to none. Fifty coincidences had to coincide to have this happen. I should have bought some lottery tickets." - Bob Russell, "Texas Man Finds Stolen Car 42 Years Later" ABC News

"I'd like to give a special one finger salute to all those who said he'd come apart going supersonic." Joseph Kittinger, "Felix Baungartner Breaks The Sound Barrier During Skydive From A Record 24 Miles Up"

"Sometimes when I express the hatred and fear I feel when I think of spiders, someone will be like "But spiders have families too!!" Like somehow that will make me become sympathetic and understanding toward spiders. But that's exactly the point. Spiders have families and their families are also spiders. We should kill spiders because they have families." Hyperbole and a Half: Spiders Are Scary. It's Okay To Be Afraid Of Them

"Sorry, when is this going to get back to stabbing people?"
"What is it with you and stabbing people?"
"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND NOT STABBING PEOPLE?!" Yatzee and Assassin's Creed 3, Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed 3

"PRIEST SAYS WOMEN ENCOURAGE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FOR NOT COOKING AND CLEANING WELL ENOUGH" - The weirdest headline I have ever read.

"Discard all weapons to defeat without a fight. If you have no weapons, enjoy Combat." - Instructions on "Swat Team" Card, Ani-Mayhem CCG

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading all of this. I really need to get around to cleaning it up, but that's boring and time-consuming, so maybe not.