I got into writing fanfics thanks to the high quality (and sometimes hilarious) works of a number of authors on this site. Perfect Lionheart, robst, Radaslab, and SlytherinNinjaKnight all have great works. I recommend "Partially Kissed Hero," "Harry Crow," and "Not Normal" in particular. As I love their works, I will be including some of the ideas they generated in my stories. This is my way of saying "well done." Appropriate credit will be given in each chapter (where applicable).

I have very little respect for those authors who don't take the time to check their spelling and grammar. There are too many of these on this site. If your writing is unspeakable, I won't read it. For the sake of us all, those who enjoy reading a well-written story, please ensure that your writing conforms to the rules of standard edited English, whether American or British. There are resources out there for it; at your local bookstore, in the education section, and they bear titles like "English Language 2nd Ed.," etc.

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

About me

Favorite Pairings:

Harry/Hermione (Harry Potter)

Harry/Hermione/Luna (Harry Potter)

Neville/Luna (Harry Potter)

Han/Leia (Star Wars)

-I must specify, Expanded Universe Han and Leia; Disney really attached Star Wars to their company with an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.

#DisneyStarWarsIsNotCanon

Jon/Ygritte (Game of Thrones)

Daniel/Vala (Stargate SG-1)

Favorite Books:

Crisis of Empire series (David Drake)

Ender's Game (Orson Scott Card)

-The sequels to this book are quite interesting as well

Harry Potter (JK Rowling)

-It's so fun to look at all the plot holes and think of things to fill them. And other ways to twist things so the good guys actually win. Seriously, who would ever consider child abuse (which the Dursley's treatment of Harry is) is justified (as Dumbledore seems to)!?

Lord of the Rings (JRR Tolkien)

Favorite Movies:

Conan the Barbarian

-Just so funny, and a guilty pleasure

Lord of the Rings

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Star Wars

-Original trilogy, Prequels had great ideas (just flopped on the execution). Disney trilogy is butchering this franchise. Fire Kathleen Kennedy, who seems to think A New Hope is actually spelled Spaceballs!

Favorite TV Shows:

Game of Thrones

-Excellent characters, but let's face it: it's tragedy-porn.

Sherlock

Stargate SG-1/Atlantis

Favorite Games:

Dishonored

Fallout 3

-With Mods (Go Terran Starship Command, the last, best hope for humanity!)

Rachet & Clank, Going Commando, Up Your Arsenal

-If you don't know who Rachet and Clank are, go play the the first three games, they're fun and hilarious in more than a few places

Star Wars: Empire at War & Forces of Corruption

And now, for the popular Harry Potter Rants section:

Principia Magicae: On the Interactions of Magic and Electricity

A common device in Harry Potter fanfics, usually justifying the mostly early modern (late 17th century) technology in the Wizarding World, is that magic and electricity don't mix well. This usually takes the form of magic energy suppressing electricity within a certain radius of the magic. No mention of the fact that the human brain operates on electrical impulses, and thus might be harmed by this anti-electrical field (though some interference there might explain the stupidity of wizard culture...). I think this is not entirely accurate.

Why? Because the Ministry of Magic, Diagon Alley (plus Nocturne Alley), St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, and Platform 9 3/4 are all in freaking London, one of the most densely-populated urban centers in the world! If magic suppressed electricity, those highly-magical locations would all have large, and thus noticeable, blackout areas around (or above) them. The Muggles would get suspicious about why their technology fails in those areas and investigate, thus risking the Statute of Secrecy. Conversely, magic does not appear to be any weaker in London than anywhere else, meaning that there's nothing in the area which would interfere with it. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that magic and electricity do not interact under normal circumstances.

If you want some restriction on technology in the wizarding world, instead say that there is a particular ward that is designed to suppress lightning within its area of effect which stops electrical devices from working. Hogwarts and other free-standing magical structures have them to protect against mundane lightning strikes in a thunderstorm, and the London locations don't need them, since they are shielded by all those much taller Muggle buildings with their fancy lightning rods. Disabling electrical technology is not and never was this ward's original purpose, merely a(n) (un)fortunate side effect. This, of course, opens up a plot to uncover this mostly-ignored magic and design technology to work around it or re-design it to not interfere with electrical circuits.

My own head-canon for this ward was inspired by Perfect Lionheart's take on ancient magical history, as written here. During the Roman conquest of Greece, Roman wizards had a hard time overcoming the magical lighting bolts that the Greek wizard Zeus kept tossing around. So one enterprising Roman enchanter invented a spell that protects an object from lighting. It worked, allowing the Roman battlewizards to complete their victorious campaigns in the cradle of democracy. After the war, somebody thought 'You know, this spell worked wonders on the battlefield, I wonder if it could do other things?' And thus was born, through much perspiration, the anti-lightning ward, designed to protect magical buildings against natural lighting strikes (previously a big problem, hence the reverence for a God of Thunder/Lighting in mundane society).

Over time, the original battlefield purpose for this particular magic faded from memory, but since it was so useful against such a powerful and unpredictable mundane threat, it became standard-issue for magical homes and other free-standing structures all over the world (that interacted with magical Europe). And then the Muggles invented the lightning rod, which did much the same thing, and required no work at all from wizards. General consensus became 'Well, if they're going to protect their buildings with these, and their buildings can protect ours without effort from us, why bother with the now-unnecessary work to cast an anti-lighting ward on all magical buildings in a muggle city?'

On the Subject of Lords in Magical Britannia

Another common device in Harry Potter fan fic is the Lord Potter/Lord Black trope. In a nutshell, 'Harry's the heir to an Ancient and Noble House (or some variant thereof). He's rich and that's how he escapes the abusive Dursleys!'

The concept is not objectionable, at all. We see the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black in book 5, and Wizarding British society separated from mundane Britain in 1689-92, before much of the democratization of political structures in that nation, so it only makes sense that the wizards would retain a more medieval/early modern culture. The much longer wizarding life expectancy (137 years per Pottermore), would only exacerbate that effect. Since Harry does have money (though we don't know how much it is, relatively), it's not inconceivable that his family would claim some noble title, which would translate into the Ancient and Noble House of Potter/variant after the Statute of Secrecy.

What I object to is calling the head of the noble house 'Lord.' The better title is even semi-canon: Warlock. The head of the Wizengamot (magical Parliament) is titled the Chief Warlock, and if there is a Chief Warlock, there must be regular Warlocks for him to Chief over. Hence the legal title should be Warlock Potter, not Lord Potter.

There is space for the title of Lord Potter, however, in the cultural divide between the wizard-raised and the muggle-raised (like Harry). Those raised in the Mundane UK would have grown up with mentions of the House of Lords and noble titles, so they'd probably see the hereditary members of the Wizengamot as Lords, that being how non-elected members of Parliament hold their seats. The wizard-raised would cling to the traditional Warlock title, and disdain the muggleborn and raised for using the 'wrong' title.

Albus Dumbledore, the Twinkling Tyrant of Hogwarts

This is such a common rant, I'll just mention it briefly. Whether through well-hidden genius or "sheer, dumb luck" (thank you McGonagall), JK Rowling has presented us with a arsenal's worth of canon ammunition for the trope of Evil!Dumbledore. The most complete listing I've found is here, courtesy of tkepner.

The more interesting side of this trope is building up Harry and his resources (human and otherwise) to escape Dumbledore's control. And there are a lot of different ways you could accomplish this. The most common way is the Lord!Harry trope, which gives him all the wealth and fully-secure living space needed to raise his own army/ensure his independence. Another common one is the Friendly, Misunderstood Goblins(TM), just waiting for some kindly child to treat them well. I've even seen Harry getting support from the mundane British monarchy/government.

My preferred way, though, is to build him up through his own work. Maybe he sees the Dwarves Lockhart hired to deliver his singing valentines in 2nd year, reads up on their history, then allies with them, roping their expertise in mining, crafting and fighting into his power base. Maybe he learns about some barbaric element of pureblood culture that really sticks in his craw, and he rallies the muggleborns to fight for him and 'civilize' Wizarding Britannia. Maybe he discovers a lost magical art (bonus points if it's true Divination) and learns to wield it to build his power base. That last one ties quite well into the "power he knows not" part of the prophecy.

History of the World (according to Purebloods)

Why do the Purebloods so disdain the mundane-born wizards and witches who enter the magical world? A great many authors, mostly of a generally leftist bent, surmise that it is simple, irrational prejudice, and leave it at that. Given the clearly displayed disregard to muggles in the series (except the Dursleys, who are of course, evil), that's not an unreasonable assumption. They are different, and Mankind in general has difficulty when it comes to in-group/out-group dynamics and attitudes. But of course, these in-group/out-group dynamics developed for a good reason: to preserve the limited resources of a group. 'Person X over there is not part of our group, and he's asking for help? Why should we? He's not helping us. Will he support the group later? Or will he hurt us? Can we trust him?' And if the answer to that last question is 'no,' maybe there's something wrong with the group he comes from. After all, his own group made him what he is, and if we can't trust him, maybe we can't trust them either?

But what about the period prior to the Statute of Secrecy? After all, before that, there was no legal separation between the mundane and magical worlds, and presumably there was widespread interaction of wizards and mundanes. Also, Pounds can be exchanged for Galleons, and we know the British rate: £5=1G. This implies that there at least was trade between magical and mundane, and trade is the greatest weapon against that in-group/out-group trust gap in human history. 'Outsider X is asking for resource A, which we aren't that fond of giving away, but he is offering resource B, which we do like. Maybe we can trust him,' and all that. But of course that trade would come to a screeching halt in 1689 with the International Statute of Secrecy. After that point, it becomes effectively illegal to interact much with mundanes, since that risks them discovering magic, and we can't have that, can we? Thus, only criminals and newbloods (my own term for muggleborns) would interact much with the mundane world, since the first doesn't care about the law by definition and the second can hide better.

So if it's not wholly irrational, and trade cannot overcome it (even if that's just by there not being significant trade), where did it come from? The answer I subscribe to is that every pagan god or goddess in history/mythology was in fact a wizard or witch playing a part, like on a stage. After all, if person X over there can wave his hand and heal an injury, or anything else you can't do, and you don't have a scientific mindset, it's not unreasonable to attribute divine powers to person X. Given the sexual proclivities of the gods, this is also a neat explanation for the existence of muggleborns: some god must have taken a man's shape, and laid with that man's wife, and the child exhibits the divine father's power. And as history teaches us, people who lose power generally don't like that, and will fight to get it back until they can't fight any more. See Jim Crow laws and the KKK after the US Civil War, which took power away from the old slave holders. Purebloods, therefore, are descendants of these ancient gods, and remember the power their 'race' once wielded over all society.

Would they like to get back to that place? Oh, absolutely! But can they? That's less clear. There are after all a lot more mundanes than wizards, and quantity has a quality all its own. So if there's too much risk of defeat in a war of reconquest, what are these disaffected would-be gods to do? Disdain them as beneath notice. If they're worthless, there's no value to ruling them, and the Purebloods can justify leaving them alone without acknowledging them as equal beings.

Hogwarts: the Worst Boarding School in Britain

Hogwarts suffers an absolutely astonishing shortage of staff, both teaching and not. Per canon, there are only 18 faculty and staff members in the castle during the academic year: Albus Dumbledore (Headmaster), Minerva McGonagall (Deputy Head, Head of Gryffindor, Transfiguration), Pomona Sprout (Hufflepuff, Herbology), Filius Flitwick (Ravenclaw, Charms), Severus Snape (Slytherin, Potions), Aurora Sinistra (Astronomy), the late Cuthbert Binns (History), Silvanus Kettleburn (Care of Magical Creatures), Septima Vector (Arithmancy), Bathsheba Babbling (Runes), Sybil Trelawney (Divination), Charity Burbage (Muggle Studies), Rolanda Hooch (Flying, Quidditch referee), Irma Pince (Librarian), Poppy Pompfrey (Medi-witch), Rubeus Hagrid (Groundskeeper), Argus Filch (Caretaker), and whoever is filling the Defense post for that year. Assuming a student population of 1050 students in any given academic year (minimum number of OWL test takers in James Potter's year-150, times 7 years), this results in a teacher to student ratio of 1:87 (rounding down), and underage student to staff ratio of 1:50. And those numbers are generous, in that I’m counting in Harry’s first and second year before Hagrid replaced Kettleburn and given credit for Binns even though he’s dead and doesn’t seem to notice what’s under his own nose unless yelled at.

Worse, all of those faculty members are drastically overworked! Each teacher is required to teach all 5/7 years of students in their one subject. Assuming any chosen student gets 3 classroom hours per subject per week (a quite normal class schedule), and each class has students from only two houses in it (which is what we see in the books, even for electives), each teacher would spend 6 hours teaching in a given week for one year’s worth of classes. Multiply by 7 years (the number of years students can take the core classes), and you get 42 classroom hours per week. But that’s not all that teachers do; they also have to prepare their lessons and grade assignments, including tests. My own experience as a teacher tells me that the average is 1 hour of prep and grading for every hour is the classroom, which doubles the core teacher workload to 84 hours in a week! Since these teachers are also in a boarding school, they must also be available for the equivalent of office hours, but this is minor by comparison, maybe 3 hours per week. Total workload, then is 87 working hours every week! Yikes! It’s not as bad in the elective courses, as only 5 years take those, so the workload is reduced to 63 hours, under the same assumptions.

But that’s not all, several staff members have multiple jobs. Four professors are also heads of house, and one of those is also Deputy Headmistress (McGonagall)! Given what we see in the books, a head of house is supposed to be an advocate for their house’s students, which gets in the way of teaching impartially (Snape, and Sprout in GoF).

McGonagall is really the greatest problem in this regard, though. She holds three positions, and likely has to do some of Dumbledore’s duties on top of that, to cover for his out-of-school political positions (or let them go undone). One would also expect her duties as Deputy (and potentially co-Head, depending on how much DD dumps on her) to require impartiality. That is a direct conflict of interest with being head of Gryffindor, since it blocks her from advocating for her students. Worse, she actually penalizes them more than she does members of other houses for misbehavior (PS, being out after curfew), likely in an effort to avoid even the appearance of improper conduct as Deputy. She is obviously overloaded, and decided that being head of Gryffindor is her least important job, so it’s the one that suffers most.

And let’s not forget the plain old bad staff issue. Snape is a terrorist and a murderer, also called Death Eater, who wouldn’t even be able to live outside of prison in any civilized society, let alone teach children. And in the classroom? He refuses to actually teach, he’s completely unprofessional in his manners, outright abusive to some students (Harry, Neville, etc.) and careless with the health and even lives of his students. He should be in prison for that too. Binns is dead, stuck teaching one single topic in class, and bores his students to sleep. This ensures that no-one learns anything in his classroom, and destroys the enthusiasm for learning history outside it, for most students. Trelawney doesn’t seem able to teach her subject (though that might not be her fault) and seems regularly drunk on school property, given her habit of hiding sherry bottles in the Room of Requirement. Filch actively hates all magicals, and reminisces about torturing them in the name of discipline. None of these people (a rather loose term for some of them) should be around vulnerable children.

How do we solve these problems?

Step 1: Fire Snape, Binns, Trelawney and Filch. Their subjects can only be better for their replacement, particularly Potions, which is needed for two critical professions (Auror and Healer). Filch doesn’t seem to be really needed, since the House Elves do most of the things a Caretaker would be involved in, and Filch can’t do some of them, since he has no magic.

Step 2: Hire more teachers. Each core class should have a minimum of three professors teaching it, two for the electives. This cuts down the workload to a much more reasonable 36 hours in the classroom, preparing lessons, or grading per week at most, and lets the other(s) spend more time helping students during ‘office hours.’ My breakdown would be years 1-3 (intro), 4-5 (OWL), and 6-7 (NEWT), so as to let the teachers with more advanced material spend more time helping with either longer classes or more office hours.

Step 3: Hire more staff members. The UK requires all boarding schools to have a minimum one staff member sleeping in each student dorm (see here, standard 15). And that’s for Muggles. Given that wizards like to believe they’re superior to such mundane people, it wouldn’t be a hard sell to get two per house, a wizard and a witch (for certain issues best avoided in mixed company). These Senior and Junior Heads of House should not be engaged in classroom teaching activities more than 5 hours per week, so that they can reserve their time for student advocacy, special lessons, and resolving in-house issues. The library should have two people manning it, for helping students find things and managing any magical collections (which might be the only real thing the Caretaker is needed for).

Step 4: Segregation of duties. No member of staff should be holding more than 1 position, in or out of the school during the academic year. Having a separate Deputy means that he/she can actually do that job well, which I imagine being similar to a vice principal here in the States. Keeping the Headmaster in the school means he does his job instead of dumping things on the Deputy.

Discourse on the Curriculum of Hogwarts: Force or Farce?

Time for round 2 of the Hoggy-Hogwarts bash! Because the classes themselves have some problems beyond those attributable to the faculty. Let’s take this in alphabetical order, and give each one a grade (Outstanding, Exceeds Expectations, Acceptable, Poor, Dreadful, or Troll). Maybe even contemplate improvements.

Alchemy: Unknown. The subject is not mentioned as taught in any of the books, and we see nothing of the class. It is, per Pottermore, limited to NEWT students, and likely involves changing one thing into another permanently (since Transfiguration seems temporary). Improve by showing, that simple. Bonus points if you incorporate elements of Alchemy as seen in FMA, particularly the rule of equivalent exchange.

Ancient Runes: Unknown, but probably Acceptable. Ancient Runes, per Pottermore, is a mostly theoretical subject, and seems to be used only for translation, which limits its value to people beyond researchers. Hermione has no complaints, but I do.

To improve this course, I’d go with the typical fanon interpretation, which expands its applications to enchanting, curse-breaking, warding (or ward-building), and rituals as well. More practical uses means that more students would benefit, and justify keeping it as an actual class.

Ancient Studies: Unknown. Like Alchemy, this is not a book/movie course, only appearing in the Gameboy Color version of CoS, so we never see a class. Speculated to be akin to anthropology. Again, improve by showing.

Arithmancy: Unknown, but probably Acceptable. Described in Pottermore as the prediction of the future by means of magical numbers. Again, Hermione has no complaints, hence the presumed Acceptable grade, but the subject seems as limited in value as stock market forecasting: important to a very narrow range of people, useless to all others. Not to mention that predicting the future is a more natural fit for Divination.

Much like with Runes, the fanon version is much better, which focuses on Arithmancy as the mathematics of magic. As such, it is useful for gaining a deep understanding of the mechanics of spells and magical effects, and is thus of value to enchanters, healers, curse-breakers, and spell-crafters, basically anyone making new magical things or dissecting those that are unknown.

Astronomy: Poor. Nothing seems to be wrong with the material, save what might be contradicted by advancements in mundane astronomy, but I don’t understand why this is a core class. It teaches no magic, and no otherwise-valuable information. What little it might would be adequately covered by other classes, like Herbology (for the effects on plants), Divination (for predicting/interpreting the future), and rituals (for their mystical effects on such practices). About the only explanation for its existence that I can think of was first conceived by the Youtube channel Supercarlinbrothers, which is to inspire wizards to give their kids ‘properly magical’ star names, instead of ‘dirty muggle’ names.

Care of Magical Creatures: Poor-Acceptable. We don’t see Kettleburn’s teaching material, but Hagrid wasn’t horrible (just a bit lopsided in focus), and Grubbly-Plank was decidedly competent. Even Hagrid’s focus on dangerous beasts could be justified, given the injuries Kettleburn retired with. I’d give a solid Acceptable if Grubbly-Plank replaced Kettleburn, instead of Hagrid, since she seemed to have a more age and level-appropriate syllabus of creatures.

My recommendations are to stick with the gentler creatures in the beginning, and cover more dangerous ones in later years, as the students gain the experience (and magical strength) to handle them safely.

Charms: Outstanding. No problems with the material, and Flitwick strikes me as an excellent and inspiring teacher

Defense Against the Dark Arts: Dreadful-Outstanding. Given that this teaching post is a revolving door, the grade really depends on the professor, and I would trend lower, since the constant turnover would result in somewhat disjointed instruction. Important material, but not the best teachers.

Improve this one by breaking the curse, so you can end the yearly turnover, and end the disjointed teaching. Then maybe break the material down into divisions. Vance McGill’s breakdown (do a search in the page for "division") is a good starting point: 2 years of Dark Creatures, 1 year of Hexes and Curses, 2 years of Dueling, 2 years of Battle Magic (his name was Battle Strategy).

Divination: Dreadful. What we see does not justify this being an open course at all. The current understanding is that you either have the talent or you don’t, and may revolve around recognizing that a prediction has been made. If you don’t have the Inner Eye, the class is useless to you, and the subject would be better handled as private tuition for those who actually have it.

If Divination encompasses all magic dealing with knowledge (of things beyond your space and/or time) and the mind (seems the best place for Occlumency as a regular subject), then it makes sense that it would be an open elective. Anyone could learn it, but the knowledge of this truth has been lost. Maybe there was a horrible catastrophe (natural or not) that left all the educated diviners dead and destroyed the books on the subject. Maybe a development in another area of magic severely limited the reach of Divination, like in 0800-Rent-A-Hero, where ward lines block farsight/scrying (a very useful part of this art). Or maybe all the corrupt politicians (but I repeat myself) didn’t like having their secrets exposed to any Tom, Dean or Harry who peered into a crystal ball and seized their first chance to destroy the art. And yes, that is an invitation to world-build away…

Herbology: Acceptable to Exceeds Expectations as far as it goes, but I don’t understand why it’s a core class. Not everyone is going to have the time or inclination to raise magical plants later in life, since most will have other jobs. As such, the number of people for whom the knowledge is valuable is small. The portion that would be useful for most people, about harvesting them and all the attendant nuances could be covered in Potions, where those ingredients will be used.

Make this an elective. The people who are interested, for whatever reason, will take it, and those who don’t value it can put the time into more important (to them) classes.

History of Magic: Troll. The grade here is mostly due to the fact that the professor (Binns) is stuck on teaching one single topic, the Goblin Rebellions. That might be an important part of magical history (wars usually are), but they’re not the sole topic of importance. Get rid of him and actually cover the rest of wizarding history, and it would jump to Acceptable. Also, cover the Grindlewald and Voldemort wars, and the other events between and around them.

Muggle Studies: Dreadful. Professor Burbage seems to understand that mundanes are human beings, not much different, fundamentally, to wizards, but the material leaves much to be desired. The only Hogwarts students/graduates who seem to be able to navigate and blend into the mundane world are those raised in it, given what wizards wear when trying to ‘dress muggle.’ Arthur Weasley, whose Ministry job likely has him interacting with mundanes on a semi-regular basis a least, has less understanding of the mundane world than a 6-year old muggle.

A common joke in fanfic is that Muggle Studies should be called Muggle History, because it is a hundred years out of date. So the obvious solution is to force the Mundane Studies professors to live mundane during the summer months, so they can catch up, give hiring preference for those raised in the mundane world, and update the books to cover things that happened much more recently.

Potions: Troll. Any class in which things can explode in your face should really begin with a module on safety procedures. That should be followed by instruction on proper ingredient preparation and brewing techniques, to ensure that students are less likely to make mistakes, dangerous or not. The required books for the class should start there as well, for completeness. Bonus points if the materials include ingredient reaction tables or some variant thereof, so students can see in advance which things react explosively or poisonously or whatever with which other ingredients.

Transfiguration: Exceeds Expectations-Outstanding. No problems with the material, save perhaps some of the exact specificity of some spells. Though that may be necessary to practice this art safely, so maybe that’s unavoidable. Whatever her faults, McGonagall is a good teacher, who seems to know her subject and be able to teach it effectively.

Classes that should be taught but aren’t:

Introduction to the Wizarding World: One of the things that’s grown on me the older I get and the more I think about the books is that the wizarding world of Harry Potter is its own world. There are different magical nations, each with their own currency, political structures and traditions. Even fashions, since everybody wears robes in the wizarding world. I would expect wizards to have different rules of etiquette, different traditions, and different laws compared to the mundane world. Knowing that, entering the wizarding world should be like emigrating to another country, and involve learning about the cultural practices, manners, and other such things. But there seems to be no provision for this; indeed, the subject is only obliquely acknowledged, and only on one specific issue!

This lack might even help explain why purebloods and other wizard-raised are so dismissive of muggleborns; the newcomers are immigrants who choose to blunder around, obeying a wholly different set of societal norms, and expecting the wizards to conform to mundane culture. They may make that choice out of woefully incomplete information, but still! I’ll bet quite a few have acted quite rudely by wizarding standards without even knowing it. Having a class to teach these differences would probably do much to eliminate the sometimes quite violent anti-newblood sentiment in the magical world.

I’ll add more to this list as I think of them.

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