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PLEASE READ MY EPIC STORIES!!

TEAM ARTEMIS FOWL!!

TEAM CULLEN BOYS!!

"to the well organized mind, death is but the the next great adventure." albus dumbledore

"i bet you'd set the world on fire just to watch it burn." -artemis fowl: the time parodox-

"people who don't believe the impossible are only limited to the possible." -me-

TWILIGHT, ARTEMIS FOWL, HARRY POTTER, THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN, WENNY HAS WINGS

1. I'm not picky. I'm really not. I like most stories, and I'm not very judgemental. I know a good story when I see it. I know a not-so-good story when I see it. And I'm going to tell you the truth about whether I liked it or not. My opinion is, if you don't like a story THEN DON'T READ IT! You don't have to write nasty reviews. Don't you dare think that I'm talking about constructive critsism. I LOVE that! I want to be told the truth! If everyone just says "OMG, this story is awesome," how are you supposed to tell whether it's really good or not?

2. Fanfiction is about writing things that the author would NEVER write!! That's the point! I don't want to hear all the time, 'a bit ooc, but otherwise good.' I know they're out of character! That's the point and fun of it! Making characters do thing that they would never do otherwise. This is fanfiction, not 'let's write the next Artemis Fowl book' day! So, please keep that in mind. ~Holly Marie Fowl~

„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸Taylor Swift ¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ ROCK ON! °º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„

R.I.P.- Albus Dumbledore , Sirius Black, Hedwig, Mad-Eye Moody, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Fred Weasley, Dobby, Colin Creevey, Cedric Diggory, Julius Root, Zoë Nightshade, Bianca di Angelo, Castor (son of Mr. D), Pan, Quintus/Daedalus, Lee Fletcher, and all of the other Demigods who fell fighting for Camp Half-Blood.

They will never be forgotten.

Our Edward,
Who art in Forks,
Hallowed be thy sparkles.
Thy Volvo comes, thy will be fast,
On Earth as it is in the meadow.
Give you this day, our daily blood;
Forgive us our heartbeats,
As we worship Carlisle for giving you life.
Lead us into temptation,
Deliver us to you.
For thine is the vampire,
The music and the hotness,
For ever and ever,
Ed-men

º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸Twilight¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨Team Edward °º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø.

Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
When a Volvo drives through town
I promise to obey traffic laws
Of course for Charlie's sake
And whenever a wolf howls, I promise to remember Jake I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

~ht4eva

26 Things To Do In An Elevator

1. When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Red. How's your day been?"

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15. Swat at flies that don't exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

27. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

28. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

1 Find a globe. Don't have one. Spin it. DON'T HAVE ONE! What does it say? I SAID I DONT HAVE ONE!!

2. Fine a book. Turn to page 56, line 18, word 6. What does it say? "aware"

3. What can you hear right now? The TV

4. Have a conversation with the closest living thing to you other than yourself. Me- Hi!! Brother- um..hi me- how are you bird- go away

5. Turn on T.V. What show is on? Hotel for Dogs

6. Type your name with your elbow. ujewsasaiudfqa (jessica)

7. Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Stop. Open your eyes.What's the first thing you see? blanket

8. If you could meet anyone of your favorite singers,who would it be? Taylor Swift

9. If you could be anybody from Twilight, who would you be? Bella because shes w/ edward

9. What happened last time you were typing on this computer? My sister yelled at me for being on so long..

10. Find the thrid letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell? nnaaehteayls hmmm...intresting

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Vampiress19, LiveForInsanity, Mindreader24-7, Wolfie, Rosalie123456, Jrssica

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, letthemusicplay, -Jessica-Bella, xxDeath's Daughterxx, Pixel Alice, Isabell the Looser, -only-real-men-sparkle-, Wolfie, Jrssica

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "You haveSeven days to live..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run -girl - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move on.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would try to put the fire out on your house

BEST FRIENDS: Would be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen

FRIENDS: will pick you up when your down

BEST FRIENDS: will push you back down and laugh

FRIENDS: ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS: already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: will help you with your drug problem

BEST FRIENDS: are the ones who sold it to you

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! we messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

How To Seem Normal
(Whether this is 'normal' or not depends on your point of veiw, of course...)

not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
not talk to fictional characters in public.
not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public without a scythe.
6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4. Take note of 18 first.
7.Note expressions.
8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9.Floor is slippery when wet.
10.Lake is slippery when dry.
11.Only talk to strangers you know.
12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all!
13.For legal purposes be sure to delete/eat/burn above note. (Do not do these things to computer though)
14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15.Kill them for security purposes. Unless they are mad.
16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17.Make a scene whenever inhumanly possible.
18.The men in white coats are not your friends. Especially if they are from Itex.
19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket and sunglasses.
21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best for drowning in. Try lemonade.
22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. Pyromania rules.
23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24.Always remember, um... um... Damn. Something.
25.Train army of flying monkeys, or kidnap the flock.
26.Goldfish don't like milk. Cats like both.
not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28.Find out who invented the word "antidisestablishmentarianism".
29.People are staring at you.
act crazy.
31.Lies are weird, but not as weird as the truth. Which can be found at the bottom of a duck pond.
not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth. Very sharp. Oww... nasty teeth, baaaaaaaad...
33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.
'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.
36.Never pet a burning dog. Never burn a petting dog. Or do both.
37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.
38.Naked men dig parkas.
39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
know what would look good on you?
41.A meep.
42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless blob.
43.The size of Danny DeVito. Plus fangs.
44.Make an amusing facial expression. Like this. O.o
45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46.Stalking is fun. Do it more. Take a camera.
47.Make a large sign saying, "Bow down in awe of the Holy Winged Splodge". Count how many weird looks you get.
matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49.That way is a sugar high. Alternatively, eat cheese. Then go to sleep
50. Double espressos are good. Apart from when you need to sleep. Then they are bad.
cannot kill the snow.
53.The snow can kill you.
54.Grass can also kill you. Fear the green.
55.The policeman said I can't have his gun... so I bought one and he took it away...
56.Catch person who sold me gun and get a refund. Or kill them. Whichever is better fun.
57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.
58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.
case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
are not a vampire, werewolf, empress, god or anything like that.
61.Pretend to be so around mini people.
not go out with Voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65.Remember to kill HIM...
66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70.Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.
the evidence.
72.But not if it's broken glass.
73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run
not tell children that the flying spaghetti monster is out to get them with his friend, the flying mutant cheese blob.
75.Disregard last note.
76.Note reactions.
77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78.Stock up on ball point pens.
79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
not stick fingers into blender.
82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83.Blood loss is bad.
84.Find way to re-attach fingers.
85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86.Answer every question with a question.
87.Ask people what time they are from.
88.Note reactions.
89.Refer to people as "mortal".
90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94.Kill them.
95.Brutally. By force-feeding them baked beans.
96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination. So give them a copy of your death notes book.
97.Dunk head in boiling water.
98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.
99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Aww, I'd put f and u together

101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I
think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what
happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to “10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen
you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re
taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from
the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello”
upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
“Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any
Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
“Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I
need some tampons!!”

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those
voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice
possible “sex and candy”

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.

59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and
women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch
everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with
various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you
and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is
breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you
do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was
another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME
darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto
the ground screaming and having convulsions.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people
out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of
shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the
boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every
perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another
girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.
“hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy
shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.
“hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples
carts when they don’t realize it!

70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean
in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front
of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the
perfume!!”

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!! I got it!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!
Hey look, there’s another one!!” Then Repeat.

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man.” to
people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your
friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those
electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they
don’t know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for
toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend
that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over
wanting to use it, start barking at them until
they run away crying.

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind
customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your
friend.

80. Excesively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say
“Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of
french fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say
“Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you
say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from
Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like
everyone else your know. You digust me” Then walk away
mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-
like as you can

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.

84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your
“multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should
sound like this: “Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly
good time.(English)” “Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)” Etc.

85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms
and legs around like your having some kind of massive
seizure.

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to
go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then
quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away
as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while
singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.

91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn
around.

92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that
someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over,
start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little
attention” Then run away crying.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don’t look away, just
stay mesmerized.

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in
my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your
hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming
“NO!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO
NO NO NO!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the
eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a
zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t
light the zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a spinkler.

96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I
warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get
my shot gun”. Then walk away.

97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my
god it is!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!” Then kiss him.
Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then
walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.

98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get
paid enough to do this”

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen
my mommy?”

101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

What To Do When Staying At A Hotel

1. Wear the complimentary towels around your neck, and dash through the whole building singing, "Nanana, I'm BATMAN!"

2. Pull the fire alarm in an empty hall. When employees arrive--demanding to know who did it--inform them that it was some idiot with a towel around their neck, then claim it wasn't you.

3. Call room service. When ordering, order everything BUT what's on the menu. When they explain that they can't give it to you, reply, "Whatever. You weren't really my type, anyway."

4. Complain to the front desk that the specialty mints you found on your bathroom counter taste like lavender soap.

5. Purposely make a tremendous amount of noise, and when employees knock on your door to ask you to stop, say, "I was sleeping! God, why'd you have to make all that noise?"

6. Ding the bell on the front desk repeatedly for no apparent reason.

7. Complain that you're homesick and request that they redecorate your room to resemble your home.

8. Ride the elevators continuously. Shout things such as, "This is so much fun!" and "This is the best ride I've ever been on! WOO!"

9. On your last round on the elevators, start crying maniacally. When people ask what's wrong, reply, "I'm a bad girl! I rode without a ticket!"

10. Approach a Mexican/Latino maid. Cock your head to the side, stare at them for a few moments, then say, confused, "Wait...my family thinks I'm in Omaha. Not Mexico...I'm in trouble!"

11. Secretly redecorate the entire hotel room, and when you are approached for it, say, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING BREAKING INTO MY ROOM!" (This includes POSSIBLY painting walls, putting posters and photos up, replacing the furniture, etc.)

12. If you have a balcony room, drop coins on people's heads just for the fun of it.

13. Whenever you pass a hotel employee, scream at the top of your lungs the lyrics to, "Hotel California"...preferably if you are somewhere inland.

14. Attempt to sleep in the hotel lobby. Bring blankets, pillows, etc. and lay yourself out on one of the couches. Don't move until they call security. When the officer arrives, exclaim, "Oh, thank God you're here! This freak won't let me sleep!!"

(i found this AFTER i wrote CullenIM)

YOUR REAL NAME:

Jessica

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle):

Jesizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal):

Sky Blue Lemur

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name and current street name):

Marie Chardon

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

Yellow Lemonade

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):

Ehmogsn

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name):

Ann

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black Mocha

25 Things My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful
parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

List your twelve favorite Artemis Fowl Characters in no particular order:

1. Artemis Fowl II

2. Holly Short

3. Trouble Kelp

4. Julius Root

5. No1

6. Juliet Butler

7. Domovoi Butler

8. Foaly

9. Myles

10. Beckett

11. mulch diggums

12. Opal Koboi

1) Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic before?

no, no i have not

2) Do you think four is hot? How hot?

GOD, NOT

3) What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant?

How in the would would that work?

4) Do you recall any fics about nine?

Yes.

5) Would two and six make a good couple?

not really...

6) Five/Nine or five/ten?

Neither. Both are just wrong in so many ways.

7) What would happen if seven walked in on two and twelve having sex?

he'd probably be scared for life...

8) Make up a summary of a three/ten fanfic.

would he react to the fairy world as his brother did or would this be something entirely new? trouble/beckett

9) Is there any thing as one/eight fluff?

I've seen it before shudders

10) Suggest a title for a seven/twelve hurt/comfort fic

Without the Power

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted four to de-flower one?

christmas party

12) Does anyone on your friends list read three?

probably not

13) Does anyone on your friends list draw or write eleven?

no

14) Would anyone on your friends list write two/four/five?

Gods, I hope not.

15)What might ten scream at a great moment of passion?

simple-toon...

16)If you wrote a song fic about eight, what song would you use?

well i did and foaly sung "miami trick by LMFAO" w/ mulch

17) If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Warning- love triangle :)

18) What would be a good pick up line for ten to use on two?

so ur a girl huh? -beckett to holly

19) "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

Artemis and Butler are in a happy relationship, until Myles runs off with Julius. Holly, brokenhearted has a hot one-night-stand with Mulch Diggums and a brief unhappy affair with Opal, then follows the wise advice of No1 and finds true love with Trouble Kelp. wow...

theres a difference between constructive critisism and flaming. i want advice not insults...