Pen name: screaminheathen69

Age: I no longer wish to discuss it...

Location: Somewhere on our favorite dustspeck in the universe... also known as Illinois.

Profile update 9/27/18: Wow. It's been 6 years since I've posted. Or even written much, really. Real life, who knew? Fact is, I spent 5 years, 8 months and 6 days on dialysis. Fact is, i didn't expect to live much longer, because I was so sick that I had given up and was ready to quit suffering through the torture that is dialysis. Fact is, I had accepted that I was going to die. Not really conducive to a writing state of mind, to be honest.

Fact is, the Universe apparently isn't quite finished with me yet. In May 2015, I met the amazing woman that became my wife on October 8th 2016. Meeting her kept me going just long enough that I was still around to receive my kidney transplant on February 13th, 2017. Not that everything has been sunshine and roses, mind you. Yes, I got my kidney, which is doing it's job quite well, thank you very much, but unfortunately I've spent the year and a half since fighting the horrible side effects of the anti rejection meds.

So very much fun when the meds you have to take to stay alive make you so ill that you sometimes wonder if the transplant was worth it.

So, feeling like crud all the time, money issues, other issues I won't go into here, it all ads up to one long batch of epic writer's block. Also known as just couldn't be bothered. For all the goods that have come into my life the last few years, there always seems to be an equal number of bads. Balance, frankly, is overrated.

Two and a half months ago, my father passed. It was not unexpected, in fact, none of us could believe he lasted as long as he did. I was there holding his hand when he left this world.

It was not peaceful.

It was the most terrible, godawful thing I have ever witnessed, and I don't think I shall ever get past the experience of the last half hour of my dad's life.

I have spent a good chunk of time since then out at mom's, working myself to a frazzle trying to do all the many, many things he couldn't do these last few years. The work that needs done is astonishing, and a sign of how truly ill he had been. My dad was a doer. Always was. I got my work ethic from him. And the thing is, I can understand how he felt, not being able to work, because I was forced onto the bench even before he was.

So, lately, I've been doing a lot of doing. Usually too much, because my health still sucks, so when I get a good day I inevitably over do it. But, slowly, I'm getting to where I can do a bit more, with a bit less backlash. And I keep on pushing my limits, because I have to. Because I let my illness win for far too long. Because my illness has taken so much from me, and I gave up. Some days I still do, to be fair, but I have fewer days ahead than behind, and I'm finally trying to get my ass back in gear. Plus, I became a grandad this year!

And here is one of the places I hope to pick up the pieces. I have so many ideas, always have, but I've been in such a bad headspace for so long, writing just wouldn't come but rarely.

I pledged 6 years ago to finish my in progress stories. I hope to keep that pledge.

Writing the above here may seem out of place, or that I'm looking for sympathy. Mostly, it's just me trying to work through the giant mess in my head. Partly, it's this: Don't let yourself give up. I did. Completely. And it's damned hard to come back from. Please, don't go to that dark place.

End of sermon.

Likes: Well, the Buffyverse, obviously. Big sci-fi nut. Big Doctor Who fan from way back, 4 and 10 are my favorites. Star Trek (With the exception of the Kelvin timeline) and Star Wars were, and are, huge influences in my life. Huge Marvel fan. My favorite authors are Tolkien and Clive Cussler, although I have to admit that Diane Duane and Aaron Allston have probably had more influence on my writing style than anybody else. If you haven't read any of their stuff, you definitely should!

Dislikes: While I'm pretty liberal and open minded, I do tend to get sick of people who feel they have to get in everybody's face about whatever their problem of the week is. Gets old.

Someday maybe I'll stop being irked about the cancellation of excellent shows like BTVS, Angel, Dark Angel, John Doe, Tru Calling, Birds of Prey, Firefly, Farscape, Stargate, Eureka, Warehouse 13, etc., etc. But not yet...

Favorite quotes: "To thee no star be dark, both Heaven and Earth, friend thee forever..."Act I, scene IV, 'The Two Noble Kinsmen' by Fletcher and Shakespeare. Many thanks to Carebear Stare and Hermionette for filling me in on the origin of the quote. I read it somewhere, once upon a time, never had a clue who wrote it. You guys rule!

"Sail forth, steer for the deep waters only, reckless O soul, exploring, I with thee and thou with me. For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go, and we will risk the ship, ourselves, and all." Author: Walt Whitman. Just screams adventure, doesn't it?

"Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth, and danced the skies on laughter silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds, and done a hundred things you have not dreamed of. Wheeled and soared and swung high in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there, I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air... Up, up, the long, delirious, burning blue I've topped the wind swept heights with easy grace where never lark, or even eagle flew. And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod the the high untrespassed sanctity of space, put out my hand, and touched the face of God." 'High Flight' by John Gillespie Magee Jr.

"When you come to the edge of all the Light you have known and are about to step out into the Darkness, Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen... There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." Title and author unknown. If anybody knows, please clue me in.