Disclaimer: Atlantis belongs to men with lots of money, not poor teenagers with only two bucks.
A/N: Tinuviel Undomiel: My sis and I had been wanting to post this idea for a while now, but the site wouldn't ley us type a proper e-mail address, so we had to improvise. When you read this pretend it is done the right way. This fic is going to be pretty wild, so sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show!
A/N Nerwen Aldarion: This fic is going to focus on the pairings my sister and I love so yeah a lot of Shweir and Teyla/Ronon, this chapter not so much of the latter but next chapter I gurantee it.
SPECIAL THANKS: Dr. Dredd, for coming up with Memoranda From the Edge and inspiring this story
Off the Clock
Chapter1: The Zine
Mission to P2X-795
Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard
Our approach to the planet went smoothly, no major problems except for a certain scientists who will remain nameless, cough Rodney cough, who was yakking away behind me. I think today's conversation was about fast food, and how hot Colonel Carter would look in a string bikini.
We were introduced to the natives of the planet. Their leader was a woman named Hydia. She was pretty hot, but she was married. They didn't have anything to offer us, and weren't interested in an alliance, but they let us look around.
The landscape was rocky, with a lot of trees. Rodney was sort of plodding along, Teyla was the spryest, and I succeeded in maintaining my balance most of the time, while the Incredible Hulk, other wise known as Ronon Dex, stomped through all rocks. We were getting ready to turn around and head back, when Rodney fell.
Now Elizabeth, you know me, and you know I would never do anything to hurt Rodney. I didn't know he was behind me. When he turned around his foot tripped over mine and he fell into the creek. I did not, I repeat, did NOT intentionally trip him Is it my fault he has big, clumsy feet?
Mission to P2X-795
Dr. Rodney McKay
It was all Colonel Sheppard's fault!
I guess I should explain first before pressing charges for assault. The mission was going fine. The people didn't seem hostile and the look on John's face when he found out that Hydia girl he was flirting with was married was priceless.
Against my express wishes for my delicate feet, the Colonel decided to have a look around. After wasting three hours of just walking around when we could have done better things such as return to Atlantis for lunch, (I think they were serving pot roast today, there isn't lemon in pot roast is there?) Colonel Kirk/ Stupid decided that we should return home.
I only commented that I had suggested that earlier, but Sheppard seemed annoyed by that. He then stuck out his foot, and made me trip and fall on my face. After checking to be sure my nose was not broken, I then protested how rude and childish that was. Sheppard laughed at my possibly broken face, and suggested I be less clumsy. Clumsy! I am not clumsy!
Meeting Transcript #45
Typist: Major Marcus Lorne
The meeting today was about insubordination in the work place. Otherwise known as, Rodney and John fought again.
DR. WEIR: I understand there was an incident off-world today.
DR. MCKAY: It was hardly an incident.
COLONEL SHEPPARD: It was an accident.
DR. MCKAY: It was NOT an accident. He tripped me on purpose, I fell on my face, and nearly broke my nose and I think I have a loose tooth.
DR. WEIR: Broke your nose?
COLONEL SHEPPARD: He didn't get hurt; he just tripped over my foot.
DR. MCKAY: You stuck it out so I would trip! Can't blame the Colonel if he did trip him on purpose. I've considered accidentally pushing Rodney off a cliff numerous times.
COLONEL SHEPPARD: I didn't trip you.
DR. MCKAY: Did too!
COLONEL SHEPPARD: Did not!
DR. MCKAY: Did too!
COLONEL SHEPPARD: Did not!
DR. MCKAY: Did…!
DR. WEIR: (slams hand on the table) Enough! Now please continue.
COLONEL SHEPPARD: Well after the mission, I went to the Mess Hall for a bite to eat. I should have known something was up because Rodney wasn't there. Anyways, I go back to my room, and my door won't open. Taped next to the door was I may be clumsy, but I can open a door. I went to Rodney's lab to talk to him.
Dr. MCKAY: He did not talk, he yelled. He then broke my chair.
COLONEL SHEPPARD: You locked me out of my room!
DR. MCKAY: You tripped me!
DR. WEIR: Stop it! Colonel you will pay for Dr. McKay's chair. Rodney, unlock Colonel Sheppard's door, and both of you stop bickering!
She looks mad, I sure am glad I'm not the colonel right now.
Meeting Adjourned
FROM: Dr Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Mission Reports.
Due to problems off-world, I am now requiring that all personnel, including natives to the Pegasus Galaxy, to write out reports after each mission. Problems such as who tripped who on P2X-795 can be solved much quicker if all team members tell their side. That will be all.
Dr. Weir
P.S. I would like to see you try and make it up to me Colonel.
TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: My apology
You were right about what you said in your office, I was being childish. I am truly sorry about calling Rodney a Whiney S.O.B. You didn't deserve to hear that even though he is one.
Just to show how nice, and sorry I am, I volunteered to assist Teyla and Ronon with setting up their e-mail. (I'll give Rodney this one, the e-mail thing was good idea)And if that doesn't work, I'll give you my cookie at lunch.
Forgive me?
John
TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: My Apology
Thank you for the apology and yes you are forgiven. I think it is very generous of you to help Ronon and Teyla with their computer consoles. Now if you and Rodney will apologize to each other I will be much happier.
Elizabeth
P.S. I may have forgiven you, but your cookie is mine!
-
Journal of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard (The title never gets old)
Rodney and I got in a fight on a mission. After a fight at the meeting Elizabeth held, I walked her back to her office and started ranting about Rodney. I guess I said a few things that she didn't like. I think she said I was immature and then kicked me out of her office.
I made it up to her by volunteering to help Teyla and Ronon with the e-mail system. They've been having trouble with it because they don't understand how it works. So I didn't have the greatest day, but at least Liz isn't mad at me anymore. Now my main mission to figure out how to set up the computers, and keep Elizabeth from stealing my cookie.
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: I can't believe this
The guy tries to kill me and he gets off with just a slap on the wrist meanwhile I'm losing teeth, do you happen to have any experience in dental care?
Rodney
TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re I can't believe this
No Rodney I'm a medical doctor not a dentist and I highly doubt you need to see one. From what I understand Elizabeth gave John a severe tongue lashing, since you have some experience in that area I think you know he received more than just "a slap on the wrist."
What about the Almanac, have you heard anything about it?
Carson
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis.-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re I can't believe this
That is another thing I can't believe, nobody read it. I mean the Atlantis Almanac is a way for people to understand the medical and scientific things geniuses like me have to do in order to ensure this city functions perfectly. And nobody read it!
Rodney
TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
You do realize you are not the only genius on this city Rodney. But I do agree what was wrong with the Almanac that people here found so unappealing?
Radek
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: You're almanac
Carson told me about your almanac and I think I can tell you what your problem is. The thing was boring! Nobody cares about the latest scientific discovery concerning the Ancient database or how Wraith Stunners affect the nervous system. If you want to write something that people will read, you need to find other material.
Laura
TO: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re you're almanac
I think you might be on to something honey, but Rodney is a bit insulted that nobody finds his writing interesting. What do you suggest we write about?
Carson
P.S. Who is Scot and why do you love him?
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re you're almanac
Don't you guys ever socialize? You write about what people are interested in as in what they are talking about. I could help you with this Friday Night Poker is when I get the latest gossip on this city.
Laura
P.S. Carson, scots is the short term for Scottish as in I love you
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: You're girlfriend
What can she possibly help us with? I do not want our Almanac to turn into a gossip magazine! Next she'll be suggesting that I become Dear Abby.
Rodney
TO: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: You're girlfriend
Don't insult my girlfriend, Rodney! Now Laura could you kindly tell us what you have in mind? What is it that people want to read?
Carson
P.S.: Your e-mail address flatters me.
TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: What you need
Well the biggest thing that is going around is when John and Elizabeth are going to get together. Seriously we have a running poll between the girls, now you guys are really close to them. I'm certain that you can think of some time when they were just a little too close if you know what I mean. And I want to hear all the details. ;-)
Laura
TO: Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: John and Elizabeth
Are you insane? What are you talking about them getting together? I spend all of my time with them and I've seen zip, nata, nothing. You girls are all nuts.
Rodney
TO: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: John and Elizabeth
I don't know Rodney. When Sheppard was turning into the bug, Elizabeth was pretty worried. In fact, she hardly left his side. Actually, every time he is in the infirmary, which is a lot, she always sits beside him. Drives me crazy trying to get her to leave so she can get some sleep.
I think Laura is right, there is something there.
Carson
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett:whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: John and Elizabeth
I was there when John returned from the Daedalus. I remember when he got beamed down; she ran up and hugged him. He looked surprise but, dare I say, thrilled. I'm with Laura too.
Radek
TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: You are all insane!
Absolutely, totally and completely INSANE!
I mean just because she hugged him, she always stays by his side, and he is always checking up on her, and she always worries about him when he's off-world, and he freaked out when she was captured and….
When do you want to start this thing?
Rodney
TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Your generosity
I thought you were going to do something kind, and worthwhile, not insult them! I cannot believe you gave Teyla the e-mail address xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net and Ronon conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net. You read Rodney's mission report didn't you?
Elizabeth
TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir:e.weir-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard:football-maniac-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: Your generosity
You've gotta admit it does fit them. I think you should spice up your e-mail a bit. e.weir-atlantis-net is too boring. How about brunette-bombshell-atlantis-net?
John
TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: E-mail
Brunette-bombshell-atlantis-net? I'm not sure if I'm flattered or insulted.
Elizabeth
TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net
FROM: the-zinesters-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Cyberzine
The Zine
Love on Atlantis?
(Attached photo of John Sheppard & Elizabeth Weir)
Word is going around about the relationship between Colonel John Sheppard and Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Are they more than just friends? Do they have feelings for each other? It's a safe bet that something is in the works.
Thanks to the intelligent and handsome Dr. Rodney McKay, it is possible that these feelings have been happening from the beginning. When Sheppard had the iratus bug stuck to his neck, he wanted to tell Dr. Weir something. However, when asked what he meant, he responded with "Take care of each other," obviously not his intended death bed confession. Could the Colonel have meant to admit feelings to Dr. Weir?
During the attack by the Genii on Atlantis, Kolya threatened to kill Dr. Weir out of revenge for his killed men. Thanks to the brilliant Dr. McKay again, it has been noted the Colonel responded by yelling violently at the Genii Commander.
A famous scene that has been circling around the base for some time was when Sheppard returned from his suicide mission alive, Dr. Weir is reported from several witnesses to have thrown her arms around him out of relief.
An interview from Dr. Beckett proves that during Sheppard's transformation into a bug, Dr. Weir was frantic, and rarely left his side. Perhaps this expresses inner turmoil for her lover's likely death?
And the most recent event was when two alien entities took over Weir and Sheppard's bodies forcing a remake of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but not before Weir's entity laid a hot one on Sheppard's mouth. Coincidence? We think not.
The evidence says it all; Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard are hopelessly in love. To bet when you believe this dynamic duo will get together visit out website at www-thezine-net.
TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net
FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: The Zine
I was just wondering if you by any chance received the same strange message that I did. Apparently someone has noticed that Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard seem to care for each other as more than friends. I was just wondering what your thoughts were.
Teyla
P.S. Do you know who Conan and Xena are?
TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net
FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re The Zine
I got the message too, the only thought I had on it was that it was about time.
Ronon
P.S. Whenever I ask Sheppard about who they are he just laughs, so does anyone else I ask.
TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: The Zine.
I'm not sure if you've seen it yet, but if you haven't you should probably read it. Please do not shoot the messenger.
John
TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: I am appalled
Why would someone do this? Why would they think that we…? Oh my god, I did NOT throw my arms around you! I admit I was worried that you had died, but I merely gave you a friendly embrace.
Can you believe this?
Elizabeth
TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: I am appalled
You got to admit, it is creative. Incredibly wrong, but creative. My favorite part was how you were in turmoil for your lover's likely death.
John
TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: Re: I am appalled
My WHAT!
I am going to kill you John Sheppard!
Elizabeth
TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net
FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net
SUBJECT: My death
I wouldn't do that, the zinesters will probably write about it.
John
Diary of Elizabeth Weir
My opinion of my entire expedition team has been changed. After receiving that Cyberzine, I am convinced that I am leading kindergarteners instead of the brightest people from Earth.
This Zine is an abomination, not to mention humiliating to me. People are writing about me saying I have an attraction to Colonel Sheppard. An attraction!
I have one question really: how did they find out?
A/N: So what do you guys think?