High school classmates Bella, Edward, Mike, and Tyler are invited to a basketball clinic in Seattle for 2 weeks. Bella is sharing a hotel room with the guys. Between truth or dare, streaking, jealousy, and a growing attraction between Edward and Bella ... what could possibly go wrong? ExB. AH.

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Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are best friends. They've went through everything together. Divorcing Parents, Psychotic teachers, Bitter Break-ups, and now something that neither ever thought would happen...Parent hood! Full Summary Inside ExB

All Human. One day in gym class, Forks High learns that Bella Swan can kick. The football team needs a kicker. The result of that: Bella makes the football team. The problem: None of the guys want a girl on their team. ExB

Bella Swan is a 17 year old high school student, who finds out she's pregnant with Edward Cullen's baby. How will they both cope with this change in life, and will they grow as a couple? All Human BellaXEdward

What will the Swan 'sisters', Bella, Rosalie and Alice, think of the new hotties across the hall? Can these girls handle all that has been thrust upon them? *wink, wink* A/H, **BACK FROM HIATUS**

Bella is a witness in peril. Emmett Cullen is the deputy assigned to protect her. When the witness protection program isn't safe, Emmett asks Bella to pose as his brother Edward's fiancée until the trial. AU, AH, ExB.

All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.

Bella is rich and moving to Forks, what will happen?

Edward moves into the last available room on-campus, a co-ed suite with Bella. Feelings arise, but neither are in a position to return them. After traumatic events will they be able to let their friendship to grow into more. AU/AH *DARK THEMES* rated M

Edward never came back after New Moon. Bella, who is now a vampire changed by Laurent, never got over Edward. Edward also never got over Bella. One day, Bella gets a new co worker the same day Edward starts his new job. Coincadence?

Edward is a high-class piano teacher at the age of 16. What happens when a 13 year old girl with brown hair and chocolate brown eyes becomes one of his students? All Human/BxE Complete! Over 200,000 hits!

What happens when a self-proclaimed 'queen bee' by the name of Jessica Stanley tries to squeeze herself into a non-existent space between Edward and Bella?

All human. Best friends - Alice, Rosalie and Bella go to boarding school. It's a modern arts school. When three mysterious brothers come to the school they can't resist. BxE AxJ RxE... Eventually. ON HIATUS!

When Edward realizes he loves Rosalie, and she returns that love, what will happen to Emmett and Bella? How will they deal with this new pain they feel inside? Will things start to heat up in their direction?

Bella's life isn't perfect. She's gone through problems and has dreams. Then she meets Edward, and everything starts to fall into place. But will he be around forever? BxE *Under Grammar Check*

Bella is dragged along to see the famous Cullen Brothers in concert and even worse, meet them. Things do not go as she plans when she makes a big entrance and catches a certain superstar's eye. The arrogant superstar finally meets his match.

Bella has been running away from her past since graduating from Forks High School. What happens when an accident brings her back to the small town and she meets a doctor who is just as lonely as she is? My first Twilight story! ExB Please R/R! AU/AH

Renee is in rehab. Bella must move in with her Dad where she'll be reunited with childhood friends and her 1st crush, Edward. Edward is a rich gorgeous player who never forgot about the girl who got away. It's about life love and complications. AU AH OOC

Sequel to 'Never play Truth or Dare with a vampire' So after the 'accident' they would never play thee game again, until one Extremly boring day in the sun, that's when they go crazy!

Edward Cullen is a foreign exchange student from London who comes to live with the Swans for a whole year. Bella Swan couldn’t be anymore upset over the fact that a boy has to share a room with her. Could her feelings toward him ever change? OOC.

After what happened, I never spoke again. People thought I was mute, no longer communicating with the world. The world that scarred me, breeding the evil that made me unpure. But that didn't stop him from talking to me. He would talk, I would listen. BxE

Bella and Rose are emo sisters and after renee their mom gets in a coma they move in with thier emo bro jasper and a abusiv charlie. then they meet the emo neighbors who are jaspers friends emmett and edward. will love bloom between bella and edward?

Alice dared Bella to go on the reality TV show 'The Bachelor.' Edward Cullen is the sexy Bachelor, that nobody can resist. Friendships will form, and alliances too. But when pregnancies and ex's interfere, what will happen? AU,AH, Canon Pairings. R&R! ;D

Mike Newton will do anything to have Bella be his...

Isabella is abused by her father Charlie When the Cullens and the Hales move into the neighboring houses will they be able to help Bella? Will she seek their help? sorry i suck at summaries! this is my first fanfic!

Bella is abused by her boyfriend Mike Newton. Can Edward help her? M for abuse. Review! ALL HUMAN!

Starting with a lost cell phone, ending with a changed life. Bella’s dealt with unfavorable events and unlikeable people. With his past and urge for revenge, it would be a surprise for her to walk away unharmed and for Edward to be happy with his choices.

Bella Swan is a normal girl,living in a small coastal town.She loves to surf.One day,a new guy E.C moves to town,quickly hitting the surfing crowd.What will their first impressions be of each other?And what has Bella burried deep beneath the surface?

"Help me?" Edward whispered unsurely, pain clearly etched on every plain on his beautiful face as he sobbed and revealed the blue bruises on his arms and legs... read on to find out rated T for possible abuse...ON HIATUS due to a new author...R&R please x

Bella Swan is one of the worlds famous singers. As is Edward Cullen. When a mall mishap happens and they are stuck together will they discover that there is true love out there? That you just have to wait and find it? That its worth waiting for? Review!

AU Edward and Bella, childhood friends, sworn nemesis. All hell breaks loose when the paths of these two clash once more. Two people, two worlds, one emotion to bind them: hate. But opposites just HAPPEN to attract. E/B rewritten When Worlds Collide!

BxE. "I don't understand. You're not like this, I know you. I know you." I kept repeating my words, hoping that he will listen. "You don't know me, Bella. Not anymore." His eyes bore into mine. Where did that boy go, the one I used to know? Where?

Bella was tramatised at the age of 16 and took to self harming. Not even Charlie could control her. So what happens when she meets a mysterious guy who seems to know what shes going through? Rated M just in case. All human

Bella is abused But not by any member of her family - by two girls at school for no visible reason. What will happen when there are 5 new students at the school?

Formerly What Happens in Vegas..Edward and Bella have one wild night together. But is Edward ready to give up his playing ways? What happens when he's cut off from his family and forced to work at the bar owned by Bella's family? AH

Bella goes to boarding school, Alice is her roomate, and Edward is a player. Bella's haunting past causes her not to trust Edward, but what if there is more to him? Will Bella be able to set aside her insecurities and take a chance with Edward? All Human.

Edward left Bella. Eight months later, the cullens don't come home to shy, kluzty Bella, but to overonfident, popular emo Bella. With Charlie dead, no one can set Bella back on track...right?

Edward is the school player. Bella hates players. What happens when Bella comes down to vist her dad. Will Bella change Edwards life? Will Edward stop his playing ways to be with Bella? All human

Bella's 23, a single mother, still mourning the loss of her husband who never even knew she was pregnant. Now a stranger baring a striking resemblance to him is trying to show her that it's okay to live again. BxE AU

Bella, Alice, and Rosalie have a band are are going to compete on a show for a chance at stardom. But, when they met Edward, Jasper, and Emmett, will they focus on love instead of the Contest?

what happens after 65 years of marriage? What do you do when the one you love the most, just doesn't love you back anymore? or is it really that easy? Are they just playing on broken strings, or is it something ells? vampire ExB post BD.

Charlie died when Bella was five. She's been living with the Cullens for 11 years. Events happen, making her want to leave. When she turns 18 will she stay or leave the ones she love behind? All Human. R&R!

Bella's off to college where she meets the player, Edward Cullen, and the nice guy, Vince Craig. They both have their eye on her. Is Edward really a player? Is Vince as nice as he acts? & Who keeps calling her? Drama isn't just meant for high school. AU!

Edward is a foreign exchange student from Britian living with the swans. Bella hates him instantly... will she start to like him? maybe even love? AH

Isabella Swan hates her life. Her mother drinks non-stop and her step father is abusive. Bellas mom decided she should go live with Charlie and have a better life. Like that will happen. ALL-HUMAN Rated M for Rape.

Bella left her high school due to the torment from her peers. She comes back beautiful and with new confidence. How will everyone react? How will the Cullens and Hales react? BxE eventually. AH.

AH. Edward has an adopted child. Now, he's trying to find the 'one' that can love him, and not care if he has a child. But, no one will give him a second look once the find out he has a kid. But, what happen's when Bella comes along?

Bella Swan has always felt like outsider.She keeps people out.What happens when her family moves to Forks in her senior year of high school?Will she give the place and people she meets a chance or count down the days til she can leave? Summary is weak.

Edward is the popular jock that everyone expects him to be. But no one know what's really under the surface. Bella has a happy life, but thinks something is missing. Will the be able to admit to their true feelings, or keep them hidden? ON HIATUS...

Two months after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, but instead of sitting around crying she actually does something about it- R&R- "You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart."

when bella gets the offer to live in the house of the most famous band the cullen brothers she declines but when her mother convinces her says yes.it starts with hatred between bella and edward main singer but can hatred turn into love.my first story try.

Bella Swan, heartbroken, moves from Phoenix to New York. One night the gorgeous Cullen brothers end up in her apartment. Find out what happens after Rose, Alice and Bella share their apartment with Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Summary's crap but gud story :

Bella's a shy. She's friends with Angela and Rachael. Jessica & Lauren are Queen Bees. The Queen Bees get what they want and they want Edward and nobody else can have him. But then the Cullens start talking to Bella. What do Jessica and Lauren do. IM BACK

Edward Cullen is the new geek in school. But what happends when he and Bella become friends but when he gets popular he ditches her for the popular crowd. I know summary sucks but really good please read. ALL HUMAN!

Rose, Alice and Bella, are best friends from Forks. Emmett, Jasper and Edward are famous musicians, in a popular boy band. What happens when they hold an audition for a female singer to join their group in Califonia? AH/AU/A bit OOC

Bella is the hot, but modest girl, and Edward is the celibate player. Ok, something sounds totally wrong about that sentence. That's messed up...hot and modest? Celibate player? Throw Emmett, Alice and Rose in, and you've got hell on your hands. AH BxE

AU/AH Bella is pregnant with her BFFs brother, Edward. Scared, she moves away but, 5 years later, Edward shows up. As Bella falls for him again, she realises that she has to tell him everything... until he introduces his fiancee... NOW COMPLETE

Set in the beginning of new moon right after Bella's birthday part over at the Cullen's. Bella finds out that she is pregnant the day that Edward leaves... Bella\Edward.

A/H A/U. Badboy Edward and Hardcore Bella have a love/hate relationship. He loves her she 'hates' him. what happens when cupid wont give them a break? E/B Em/R J/A rated T for language. truth or dare, band gigs, and bad pick up lines! NOW COMPLETE!

Bella Swan is not a vampire, werewolf, or witch. She’s “something other.” Vamps/Werewolves included. Canon Pairings. Nominated for Indie TwiFic award!

Appearances are quite deceiving. Chapter 10 out! All human. canon couples, ExB, RxEm, JxA

Bella Swan is the new student in Forks High and she finds out that she's not the only one with a secret. Juggling her superstar duties, homework, nosy friends and Edward Cullen, will she be able to survive public school?

Bella went to Florida and became a Badass. Edward became an Emo. Venom complications. Victoria. A reason for Rosalie's bitchiness and pig headedness. Marcus isn't who everyone thinks nor is Angela. How many people in Twilight have witch origins. Magic B/E

3 amazingly beautiful sisters move to California where they attend Jonas High. They have everything they could have asked for, but what happens when they meet the Cullen Brothers? Also known as Jonas High's biggest players.Drama,romance,and lemons!

AH. No one talks to Edward Cullen. He's the weird emo kid with the sexy hair and black skinny jeans. He denies he wears guyliner, but he totally does. Bella is the new girl, and doesn't get why he hates her. Never judge a person by their pencil case...

All Human. What happens when Bella goes off to college to find that she has to share a dorm with a guy? And that guy happens to be Edward Cullen? And she finds a deep attraction instantly? Hmmm...

Bella, a cross country running, basketball playing and all around athlete comes to forks expecting to do what she loves, sports, but what happens when she meets the schools track star, actor and most desirable? first story Read and Review

Bella Never met Jacob. She moped around and became depressed . When Edward returns will she take him back? Or will she find that she cant take life any more and run away? (read at own risk, old story)

It all started with a game of Truth or Dare. Now, the Cullens will remember that summer for the rest of their eternal lives. WARNING This fanfiction includes Edward as a stripper, DETENTION, Jazz being eaten and Bella getting arrested... by Charlie.

Bella,Alice & Rosalie are violent, moody, bad girl best friends in a punk band called "Royally Screwed." Edward,Jasper & Emmett are the new bad boys in school. When they meet, Forks High becomes their battle ground. AU-some human, some not. R&R !

Bella Swans parents die in a car accident and she has to leave with her godparents and her godsister Alice. Bella hates players for 2 reasons 1 is she had her heart broken to one.2 that same player killed her parents.Edward Player.Not good.

Isabella Swan dreams of the boy she has two classes with. But will Edward Cullen ever notice clumsy Bella? This is my first story so please RR. ExB AxJ EmxR Rated T for some older language

Bella can't go on with her relationship with Jasper when she knows he's with Alice, her best friend. When they finally break it off, messages come in. Rated M for lemons and lots of profanity. OOC/AU/AH

Bella Is the only girl that hasn't fallen for Edward, the player.When he makes a move, will she fall for him?

INDEFINATE HIATUS.

Her whole life Bella has been put through torment. What happens to Bella to make her live with the Cullens. With haunting memories, and bratty girls how can Bella survive? How can bella and Edward be together when everything goes wrong? EXB eventually.

AH Edward and Bella have been best friends since birth, but Edward broke her heart on her 13th birthday. 5 years later with both of them attending Harvard in the fall will Bella find it in her heart to forgive him, or will it be heartbreak all over again?

You'll see, Swan. One day you're going to wake up and want me just as bad as I want you." he said with a smirk. "We'll see about that, Cullen." With that she walked off, and he followed with a mischevious smirk.

There are just sometimes I want to scream, but I can't, or else he'll hear me, and I'll get the beating of my life.

When Edward leaves in New Moon, Bella starts experiencing pregnancy symptoms. But they never had sex. How could this be happening? Not like others in this genre. I'm trying to keep it as original as possible, and avoid cliche. Updated 21st July, 09.

When Rose asks Adrian to kiss her, he does. Dimitri see them, and leaves. Rose is devasted, but gradually feels better. After four months Dimitri returns... RosexAdrian and maybe a little Dimitri in ther too ;D Suck at summarys.I don't own Vampire Academy

Bella Swan is dared to do what she never thought she'd have to, kiss Edward Masen. She loathes Edward, but Edward seems to be taken to her. For the right reasons? AH/AU a little OOC

Bella was raped when she was living with her mom. But this rapist isn't just another drunk guy, its Edward Cullen. What happen when Bella goes lives with her dad, and Edward knows Bella is the girl he almost killed that night he when crazy! Edward & Bella

it has been 100 years since edward left bella victoria changed her she is now Raven lead singer of Toxic Rave the #1 band on the charts when they move back to forks to discover the cullens there will bella reveal herself to them?

Bella is Emo but she loves singing. her family is very very rich. what will happen when they move to the small town of Forks? will Bella still take her pain out on herself? will she meet another person like her? BETTER SUMARY INSIDE!

Edward and Bella were always good friends. Edward moves away when they are 12. 5 years later he comes back to a completely different Bella. Why does she wear that oversized hoodie? Why does she get called Emo-girl? ABUSE WARNING. All Human.

Victoria changed Bella and now she is in a band called paramore with her coven, what if she ran into the Cullens at her concerts can you say DRAMA ISLAND. Rated t cause im paranoid I know its been done but Plz read.

AH. Edward Bella and Alice are inseperable best friends but this is the story of how E&B become so much more. Chapters based on songs from song writer taylor swifts new album, fearless. even if you dont like taylor swift, the story might surprise you.

Edward is a nerd but when noticed by Bella the hottest girl in school. They fall for each other. But what does fate have in mind?

Tampons, lingerie, red rover, cart races, and Batman. Throw in some embarrassment, humiliation and a geeky worker named Winston. Buckle your seat belts everyone; you're in for a fun night at Wal-Mart.

Bella has been abused by Charlie since she was 4.Her brother and mother are dead.Charlie takes her to the woods to kill her, but Edward saves her. What will happen? rated t-m .*note* she doesn't live in Forks with Charlie he takes her to Forks to kill her

Edward leaves Bella for someone else, who is it? Can they become friends again? Jasper saves Bella from emotional breakdown, but it turn into something more.What crazy things can the Cullens get up to? How can Carlisle and Esme get them out of trouble?

I guess you could say we're you're average teenagers. Alice and I were so different yet one thing kept us the same. She could see the future and I could see ghosts. All Human.

Bella hates Edward. He's a snobby, popular playboy. But when she finally thinks she's getting rid of him during the summer, he suprises her by showing up at the same summer camp she's going to. Will they fall in love? FIND OUT!

What could happen when the school's hottest girl and the so-called "student" become an item? only bad. Secrets get spilled, and trouble creeps up. people get hurt, and hearts get smashed. How will this end? RosexAdrian. Rated M for chapter 11 ONLY!

Bella Swan is chosen to star in the latest movie with superstar Edward Cullen who's used to having girls fall at his feet. She's sassy and smart and sees him as an egotistical player. Can they learn to work together? T to be safe. Sum sucks, better inside

Name; Bella Swan. Age; 17. Condition; Pregnant. Status; Heartbroken. See how Bella deals with her pregnancy and facing the man who wanted nothing to do with her. Watch as the the events unfold and change everyones lives. For good. 1st story. Sum. Inside.

Bella is abused by Charlie. What happens when the Cullens move to Forks? rated for language, abuse, and possible rape. R&R!

Edward and Emmett bet that Edward can't get Bella. Edward is a total player and Bella hates him. But when she starts to fall into his trap and Edward starts to see what an amazing girl she is, will his bet come in the way?

Bella and her mother move back to Bella's childhood home after the death of her father. she re-meets old friend Jasper and his bad-boy adopted brother Edward.when she feels the pull towards the Forks troublemaker will she resist his dangerous charm? R&R

Edward left Bella. She soon finds herself pregnant with his baby. She's not going to tell him but soon finds the Cullens are back. What will she do? 1st time writer, plz R&R. During New Moon.

Bella Swan is left in a coma after a fateful plane crash that killed almost every single passenger. Her heartbeats are numbered, and she wonders if she'll ever see her family again. But is there some else who can make her wake up? AH/AU.

Bella swan is an anorexic emo whos parents send to rehab. when she meets Alice emmett rosalie edward and jasper there will she make true friends and maybe even bloom feelings for edward? EXB JXA EMXR

Beautiful and confident Bella Swan and her best friend super hottie Jasper Whitlock moves to Forks, Washington for a change of scenery. She meets school player, the gorgeous Edward Cullen. But Bella knows how to hold her ground. AH AU BxE AxJ EmxR rated T

When the Cullens left in New Moon the wolves were too late to save Bella from Laruent and she's a vampire. What happens when she goes back to Forks High school with Jake and they aren't the only "new" kids? Better summary inside. HIATUS

AH.Edward is a player. Bella and Edward are best friends. Edward hurts Bella. without knowing. he will do whatever it takes to fix it. ExB Changed pen name. for those who know me as loonytical.

Bella is coordinated, hot, and tough. Edward is the most popular guy at Forks High and he's also a player, but he's starting to change his path. Really strange connections! Starts off human and then changes! Please R&R Thank you!

Alice Bella and Rosalie are half-sisters who move in with charlie.will sparks fly when the boys move in too? and what happens when they get attacked by three gorgeous 'people' *All Human- to start with*

AU. All human. Bella Swan lives with her two sisters, Alice and Rosalie in Forks, Washington with their dad, Charlie. Her world is turned upside down when she meets a certain boy who her father definitely would not approve of. BXE. DISCONTINUED

Post-Breaking Dawn: This is Renesmee's first Halloween. In fact it is everyone's save Bella and Jacob first Halloween. Trick-or-Treating with the Cullens, what could possibly go wrong?

When Edward left Bella, Bella turned into a emo. She has other conflicts in life then she gets changed. What happens when she runs into another Cullen? Will she go back to them? First Fan Fiction! I do not own Twilight! Steph Meyer does!

Bella and her best friend Rose are outsiders at their school. What happens when the totally hot new kid come? All Human Bella and Edward

A/U:ALL HUMAN! what happens when Edward Cullen, the shcool player, takes an interest in social pariah Bella Swan? Secrets arise in an odd afair and Bella gets pregnant. will Edward give up his ways to be with Bella through this? better than it sounds. ExB

Leaving her past, Bella moves to Forks one summer and finds that her father has turned the house into a boarding house! There she meets five extraordinary people, including one boy who makes the unexpected happen. AU, All Human. Full Summary Inside.

So Edward Cullen is THE player at forks high school. But what happens when he falls for Bella...And she doesn't fall for him...

When a school burns down Forks high is forced to take in new kids. Can star basketball player Bella share the spotlight? What happens when a perfect boy takes interest in her? He seems to be a player on&off the court. First fanfic. R&R please?

Based off the music video Womanizer.Edward, Jasper, and Emmett are the head players and sports captains.Rose, Bella, and Alice are the new beauties.Will they play the players or get played themselves?

All Human. Bella starts school at Washington University. Guess who she meets? No one other than the Cullens and Hales ofcourse. What will happen when Bella finds out Edward's secret? BxE All Human! Review please.

I started sobbing, breaking down in tears, Edward came towards me trying to comfort me. “I hate you!” I shrieked. “Get away from me!” Edward accuses Bella of loving Emmet. Bella breaks up with Edward and a relationship with Emmet begins.

AH,Bella’s been hurt in the past,when she encounters the player Edward Cullen, she is dared to make him fall for her,then dump him.Bella is out for revenge and will do anything to make Edward pay.But is Edward just as broken? and will love get in the way?

Sequel to BC:HELLO&GOODBYE. Bella, Rose, Alice & Serena are now the popular group, "Toxique". Four years later, she and Edward are reunited. Will they pick up from where they left off? Or will more drama ruin their relationship? AH/OOC. Suck@Summaries.

Bella gets stranded in a small town during a record storm. She meets Edward whom she is immediately attracted to and befriends, but why is it that everyone in the town seems to treat him like some sort of monster? Can she help him find peace again?

Bella's pregnant with Edward's baby. What will they do? What about the rest of the Cullens? Sumary sucks, but great story!

After 5 years apart, 6 best friends are re-united. What feelings will be revealed when they are forced to live together at basketball camp for 6 months? BXE, AXJ, EMXR...first story:

Edward's the hot new kid at a school where Bella is the it-girl. What will happen? Will they together become queen and king bee? BxE and all regular pairings. All HUMAN.

Bella&Rose go to an academy in BeverlyHills. Bella encounters drama w/the schools witch over Edward Cullen when she wants nothing to do w/them. With all this drama&heartbreaks will she make the right choices? Full summary inside. AH/OOC ExB, AxJ, EmxR

Edward is a player. Bella has had a hard knock life and is the lead singer of the band Flyleaf. Put these two togather and you have a hell of a story! ALL HUMAN. T for now.

Isabella Swan has been crushing on her best friend's brother, Edward Cullen, for a while and at the same time she can't stand him. Her online friend has been there for her through it all, but what happens when his identity is revealed? All Human, ExB

In an English class with all the Cullens and Bella plus others, The teacher gets called out sick. So they start a game of truth or dare. Will the CUllens secret still be a secret by the end? read and Reveiw! BxE AxJ EmxR MxJ AxB - All usual couples,

ALL HUMAN Edward and Bella have been bestfriends for four years. What happens when he gets a new girlfriend and Bella starts to realize her true feelings for him? wow, I know this sounds pretty cheezy but it's better than it sounds

Bella goes to live with Renee. They live in Lancaster, PA. She meets Alice and Rose and become great friends.Edward is the school player and captain of the football team.He likes her will he be able to change his ways and will she fall for him.ALL HUMAN!

Emmett's left alone to watch Bella and decides to attempt to tell her about 'The Birds and The Bees', emphasis on the word attempt.

Bella is the richest girl in NYC. When her parents think she is too wild, she is sent to Forks where she meets the boy of her dreams: Edward. Can the girl who has everything and everyone get the one guy who doesn't want her? ExB. I update every 10 reviews

How does Bella get unglued from Edward? Find out and prepare to laugh! Complete for now...maybe I'll come up with more hilarity.