I know I have been gone for a while, but I have not abandoned any of my stories. I work full-time as well as go to school full-time. However, I have been getting a little free time lately and have started to work on my stories again. I hope to update them soon. Thanks everyone for the encouragement!

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” - Robert Heinlein

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you push the wrong button you'll be disconnected.

There are about 6,602,2224,175 people in the world, so when you tell someone they are one in a million you are saying that there are over 6,000 people just like them.

The Flushing toliet was invented by Sir John Harington in 1596.

The 1918 spanish flu originated in Kansas not Spain.

Most dust particals in your house are made up of dead skin.

On average 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. (lesson don't chew on your pen)

A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey.

Nothing is to small to know, and nothing is to big to attempt.

If you are losing tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't speak for a year and a half! - Gracie Allen

Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power - Eric Hoffer

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. - John Ruskin

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abe Lincoln

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abe Lincoln

Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?

Even on the road to hell flowers can make you smile.

Only dead fish swim with the stream.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Take my advice I never use it.

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Al Einstein

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Al Einstein

"Only those who risk going to far can possibly find out how for one can go."- T.S. Elliot

"Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it." - Ben Franklin

If all the world's a stage, then I want to operate the trap door.

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth just leaves you with a bunch of toothless blind people.-- Tony, NCIS

My name is Anthony Dinozzo. My friends call me Tony which spelled back words is Y Not.-- Tony, NCIS

Everything matters! - Marshal, In Plain Sight

When stuck between two evils I go with the one I've never tried before.

A brave man dies one death but a coward dies a thousand.

If common sense was common nearly everyone would have it

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in your garage makes
you a car.

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ' Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

The Old Italian Firefighters

One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!"

Anyone notice that Obama's campaign slogon "Yes we can!" Is very similar to Bob the Builder? -- "Can we fix it? Yes we can!"

My

name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and will always

bless you. I am always with you. I need you to spend 30 minutes of

your time with Me today. Don't pray, just praise. Today I want this

message to go across the world before midnight. Will you help?
Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in

need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Please drop

everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life.

6 truths of life

1- You cannot touch all of your top teeth with your tongue

2- All Idiots, after reading the first truth, will try

3- And discovered that the first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it

4- You're smiling now because you're an idiot

5- You soon will paste it on your profile for other idiots

6- There is still a stupid smile on your face

Repost if you are an idiot like me!