Hey, thanks for visiting my profile. You can skip the crap and move on to my stories...basically, move on to more crap, ha.

Favorite book(s): The Book Thief, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Jacob Have I Loved.

Favorite anime: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and Fullmetal Alchemist (I still prefer Brotherhood), Naruto, Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Also, I was just reading the info on the Account page or whatever page you automatically go to in your account when you first log in, and I read:

"Accept Private Messages (PM)

Allows in-site messaging feature to be active so other site members can message you."

I read, "...other site members can message you" and I was like, they can give me a back rub or something?? WHOA. And then I read it again, and...oh. How disappointing.

Too many people make habit out of creating situations that generate tension and hostility.

I'm one of them.

If you think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann--Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-- are made for each other and that, no matter how awesomely awesome Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

Truly stupid things found on other things.

You know you use some of these! Don't Lie!

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Things I have learned from Fanfiction (aka. some things that make me lovehate fanfiction).

1. Sex cures everything, including evilness.

2. The hero always gets the girl (or guy)

3.a. Sometimes the Hero is actually a disguised Heroine. This is pretty much never the other way around.

3.b... unless the hero is the "uke" in which case, bring on the drag.

4.a. People are always more powerful after they have been imprisoned unjustly.

4.b. Even (especially) if they've been starved, tortured, and otherwise kept in conditions that would make the guards at Guantanamo uncomfortable.

5. a. Binding your soul to someone for all eternity (who you do not know well/at all/just met) is not creepy.

5.b. Especially if you can now read your partner's mind whenever you feel like.

6. Stalking is romantic. Kidnapping or imprisoning someone is even more so.

7. Two people who hate each other always secretly love each other and AREN'T the worst idea for a relationship ever.

8. Scars are only disfiguring on the badguys. They make Heroes or Heroines look distinguished.

9.a. Anyone who doesn't like the hero is automatically a bad person.

9.b. This goes double if they're the ex- of the hero's love interest.

9.c. or if they dumped the hero. If this happens then by the end of the fic they are sorry.

10. Dating your student isn't creepy at all so long as they are mature/brilliant.

11. Everyone on a team can be paired with anyone else on that team. In case of odd numbers, (ex-)rivals are also acceptable.

12. The Hero can be randomly related to almost anyone from any canon. Bonus points if they have the same surname.

13. If a (magical) macguffin/inheritance/power exists, it is only a matter of time before the Hero either has it, or has access to someone who does.

14. Heroes do not get nice childhoods. Ever. The only exception is if their parents are brutally killed in front of them.

15. If at first you don't succeed, use timetravel to go back and try try again.

16. There is always homoerotic tension. Especially with rivals.

17. Love is always requited. If it isn't initially, the love interest changes their mind just after the Hero moves on.

18. The most logical way for two men to have a baby is for one of them to get pregnant. Finding a surrogate or adopting is not as romantic.

19. If the hero goes away, when they come back, everything has been put on hold for them.

20.a. The hero's girlfriend/boyfriend may spontaneously develop superpowers to match the hero.

20.b. These superpowers will generally be complimentary, or a variation of the hero's powers.

20.c. If the hero can change into an animal, then the love interest may be able to change into the same species.

21. If the hero is deaf or mute, then everyone can speak sign language, or learn it within a few weeks.

22.a. The Afterlife has a revolving door.

22.b. Unless the character was killed off-screen.

22.c. Or was evil!

22.d. Or had a competing love interest with the hero. (e.g. the wife that the hero's love interest picked up whilst the hero was presumed dead)

23. Pranks and pranksters are funny, not cruel, malicious, bullying or a pain in the neck.

24. Any of the above rules can be broken to serve the Greater Goddess of Angst.

If you see no point in making the bed because you are just going to unmake it, copy and paste this into your profile.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water!

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

When Obama tells his children to clean their rooms, he ends with, "I'm Barack Obama and I approve this message!"

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better!" but best friends will prank call him saying "You will die in seven days!"

42 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. MEOW occasionally.

6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7. SAY -DING at each floor.

8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9. MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.

25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"

34. TELL people that you can see their aura.

35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air.

39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors.

40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.

41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.

42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.

43. WAIT for the lift to be full, and then announce, "I bet you guys are wondering why I gathered all of you here today."

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

9 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 3. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 4. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds" 5. Whenever Stating a Fact, Add 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 6. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 7. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 8. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 9. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."