27th June 2011

Today I suppose should be a terrible terrible day for me. Indeed I feel exhausted and like I should be crying. today, well last night really, but it was so late it may as well have been today, I made the decision to end my marriage. I could go in to detail about the myraid of reasonings behind the decision we came to, rather amicably - without shouted words or tears, or accusations. Okay almost no accusations, there is one that he has that will hang in the air for some time I am sure, but I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of it. Life is not always fair or perfect. I love my husband. I suppose I should stop calling him that, seeing as we are officially separated, hopefully for the betterment of our childrens lives. I love him, I do not however think I can effectively build a happy life for myself as his partner, we simply have conflicting values in life that we realized to late. he has however given me my children, for which I am eternally grateful. it's rather surreal. While I do not feel saddened, I feel lost.

So why (the very few of you who might actually be reading this, I'm sure) you ask do I bother telling you all of this? some months ago I began to write a story. Child Without a Name was born of ideas and dreams and pain I couldnt quite escape, so seeking an outlet I found this site, and all of you. That decision has changed my life really. I have a plan, a goal, I am looking into going back to school because I know now, without a doubt that good or not, I love to write. I want to teach, high school english - if you were interested, someday. I do not know if I would have had the courage to actually go out there and try though without all of you. It has been my readers and reviewers who have given me the courage to find my dreams again, dreams that are for me, not just for my kids, or my husband, but for me. So thank you.

I want to promise that I will not be abandoning this, or any story I start, simply because life is tough, and pulling me in all directions. There may be times where updates are slower, but this is my outlet. This is a place I am free to be me. I thank you all for accepting me as I am.

So thats that, I'm back to writing. Take care. enjoy. Live and love and read.

-lil

At 25 I am a stay at home mom with two kids who take up the majority of my time. Some 10 - 15 years ago, when I was just a girl in school a woman released a book about a boy wizard who is destined to be a hero. The world fell in love. My little brother simply devoured all the books, and in his disaster of a room (one that was so dirty we considered alerting the Pentagon to a new possible hiding place for terrorists, because truly, anything could be in there) his collection of hardcover Harry Potter books took a place of honor. I was three years older, and the black sheep of the family. I was a smart girl, who loved to read, and write and act, but I was absolutely anti pop-culture. I hated to be in the mainstream and spent my time trying to convince my peers that if they could only understand Shakespeare was a horny bastard and funny as hell. When ever anyone asked me if I had read or would read the Harry Potter books I tended to laugh, I liked dark murder mysteries, and social commentaries, I was a rather odd child. I saw nothing compelling in a little boy learning spells. As I got older and years passed by people continued to be amazed that the girl who could read through thick paperbacks and textbooks alike in lightning speed had never read what were arguably the most popular books out there. Then came the movies, and still I saw no interest.

Finally one day while visiting family I hadn't seen in a while someone popped in their copy of Sorcerer's Stone and it was either I leave the company of people I loved or I suck it up and watch the silly movie, I managed to make it through Austin Powers, surely I could survive a few hours of the boy wizard. In the end I had to admit it was a good movie. Well made, and an intriguing story, alright, I get it! Still, I made no effort to read the books.

Eventually I married and became a mommy, a little boy. My son is all boy (when he isn’t dancing in my heels, but hey he is four, cut the kid some slack!) and loves dinosaurs and dragons and adventure, so when I saw the Harry Potter movies were on TV one day I saw an escape from the insipid world of Dora. He fell in love. My little boy at three became obsessed with the movies, and I found myself enjoying them more and more as we watched the boy wizard slowly grow into a man. I decided I would have to read the books at some point now, but figured I would put it off until he was a bit older and could sit still long enough to get through a chapter in a sitting with me. It would be family time. Then last year while watching one of the movies with some family my step sister made a comment about how disappointed she was with the movies when compared to the books, how she absolutely hated the sixth movie. She was so adamant about it all and when I asked her what she meant she said "well you know, they took so much out, and things are all changed, and you CANNOT APPARATE ON HOGWARTS GROUNDS!" I was to the point of laughing at how serious she was in her critique of what I considered children’s fiction. She is a grown woman after all, just a few years younger than me, and studying literature. We have many of the same tastes; surely she wasn’t a Harry Potter zealot too! She couldn’t not believe I had never read the books, and so after some arguing about conditions I agreed to read a book for every movie she watched of my choice (she was horribly deficient in her cinema education) for 'Run Lola, Run' I read Sorcerer's Stone, it took me less than a day, I simply couldn’t put it down.

I was hooked. So after a two weeks of broadening her cinema knowledge, adding in 'Seven' 'Labyrinth' 'Silence of the Lambs' and various others from my collection that I could not believe she had never seen I quickly read all seven books, unable to put them down for long. It was a month or so later that I caught her on Fan Fiction, for what must have been the hundredth time and I asked again, "what is the big deal?" So with my curiosity fully peaked, and my need for my brain to take a break from the book I have been working on I went in search of Harry Potter Fan Fiction. I asked her what she liked; she is apparently partial to Harry/Draco stories, and hates Ginny. So I went searching for something that was of interest to me, and in searching was amazed at how many stories I could find labeled SS/HG. I mean really, hero or not, the emotionally stunted greasy potions master, and the young idealist book worm, really? Yet I was intrigued, and quite honestly those that no me well know that I am certainly not drawn to the Brad Pitts of the world, I personally like an older, brooding, misunderstood intellectual. Okay okay I get it! So I hesitantly read my very first fan fic and the chemistry and plot line sucked me in. I have since found that fan fic became a welcome break from the strains of motherhood and the book I am writing. It was fun to escape once the kids were in bed into a world that I recognized, and was familiar and new all at once. It wasn’t until recently when instead of falling asleep at two in the morning my thoughts were not on my book and the research for it, but rather on a little thought, a story idea, a piece of fan fiction that had burrowed into my brain and refused to let anything else infiltrate until it was out on paper.

Thus 'A Child Without A Name' was born. I will admit the story line is one that is incredibly personal to me and like any good work of fiction pulls from real life in certain ways. While my own miscarriage was in no means as traumatic as what is portrayed in my story, it is one aspect of my life I have drawn upon for inspiration for this story. Nine years ago I buried my own 'child without a name' and was subsequently left by the father, my high school sweetheart that I was 'supposed' to marry. It was not until I met my husband and he gave me my beautiful family that I was able to put the memory of the child I had lost to rest, I can only hope that Hermione finds that peace as well.

Thanks for reading.

-me

-- HACKED!!!!! --

Hacked by RandomPonyWriter - 21-10-11 at 5:14 am, Australia.

People of ,

I am completely and utterly in love with our Lily. She's amazingly wonderful, beautiful and talented. Thankyou to all the reviewers out there who have reviewed her stories. She's so amazingly talented and yet, she doesn't believe it. It touches her every time anyone reviews and it makes her happy, so thankyou for helping me make the love of my life start to realise that she is indeed undescribably amazing and talented.

Lil, I love you more than anything in the whole wide world. You make me so happy that I could cry. I'll never let you go, ever.

Marry me?

-- End of hackedness --

Ps. She said yes so she's mine people, all MINE!

-- Er- The hackedness ends here --

Pps. Lil, I LOVE YOU!

-- Hehe, I was never here... --